Playing the Game (16 page)

He was right.
So
right. I’d worried
about the entire incident for nothing – probably. But then, Jess
and his friends had gotten involved and I didn’t want them in any
sort of trouble.

“
I know,” I said and
voiced my concerns about him and the others.

He chuckled, rolling his eyes. “I told you
not to worry about me. Let them drag my ass in; I’m not too worried
about it.”

Our server returned with our food and we ate
in companionable silence. I chanced a few glances at him from
beneath my lashes and my heart leapt each time. He was unbearably
handsome, especially dressed so casually, and I longed to get out
of the restaurant and have a little time alone with him. The only
problem was- did he feel the same? And if he did, was it just
physical or were there any feelings behind it?

“
Hey,” he said, thought
popping in his head. “Did you ever figure out what Gwen’s problem
was?”

I smiled. I’d spoken to my sister the
previous morning, briefly, and she’d sounded flush with excitement.
She’d asked if she could call me later. She hadn’t yet, but she
would. I hoped it was a good sign.

“
Yeah, but you have to
keep this quiet.”

Curiosity flashed across his face as he
tilted his head. “Sure.”

“
Well, she’s sort of
pregnant,” I said, the excitement at having a niece or nephew
flowing through my veins.

“
Really? That’s cool,” he
said with a soft grin. “She’ll be a good mom.”

“
She was a little nervous
about it and I think she finally told Dane. I can’t wait to hear
what his reaction was.” I paused to take a bite of my
chicken.

“
Hang on,” Jess said,
leaning over the table. “She told you before the baby’s
father?”

I set my fork down carefully. “She wasn’t
sure how she felt about the whole situation. She was nervous about
it.”

“
I guess,” he said,
tearing into his steak. “But if I ever knocked you up, I’d want to
know right away.”

I choked on a green bean. My eyes watered
and I gulped at my drink. Clearing my throat, I glared at his
amused eyes. “You don’t have to worry about that.”

Laughing, he motioned for the waitress. She
scurried over, batting her eyelashes. Anger burned my veins at her
obvious flirtation but Jess ignored her overt attempts and ordered
us each a beer. She nodded and walked away, sulking.

“
Come on, sweetheart. You
mean you wouldn’t want to have my baby?”

His tone was teasing but something else
burned in his eyes. I didn’t know what to think. I swallowed.

“
I don’t think the world
is ready for a miniature Jess Rivers.”

He winked as he settled back into his chair.
“You have a point.”

The waitress returned with our beers and
Jess thanked her, a little too enthusiastically in my opinion,
before sending her on her way. He sipped his beer with ease and
raised a brow when I picked mine up. What the hell? Like he said, I
was of age. I took a long drink and relished the cool liquid
slipping easily down my throat. Approval flickered in his eyes as
he set about finishing his steak. My heart twitched as I picked my
fork up again. I thought for sure he’d bring up the subject of our
supposed relationship. Well, I’d hoped he would. But it didn’t look
that was going to be the case. I was going to have to be the one to
bite the bullet.

I couldn’t stand it any longer. “Jess?”

“
Hmm?” he said, pushing
his plate away. “Something wrong with your food?”

I looked down at my plate. I’d eaten about
half of my chicken and most of my potatoes but my stomach suddenly
felt gorged. I shook my head and slid the plate to him. He grinned,
his eyes soft, and picked up his fork.

“
Um, I wanted to ask you
something,” I said. I had to strike now before my courage
fled.

“
What’s that?” he asked as
he finished off my meal.

“
Well, you said you were
going to think about things while you were on the road.” I bit my
lip. “Did you?”

“
We don’t need to talk
about this right now, Aubrey,” he growled, head bent over my
leftovers.

“
But we do,” I wheedled.
“I can’t take much more.”

He set his fork on the plate and glared at
me. “Much more of what?”

“
Not knowing. I have no
clue what we are to each other,” I said. My heart hammered in my
chest as the words flowed from my mouth. It was out on the table
and now it was his turn to go for the kitty or fold.

“
Ah, Aubrey,” he whined,
closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. “What do you
want me to say? Huh?”

“
How about the truth,
Jess,” I whispered bravely even though fear began to seep into my
body. “I just need to know.”

He sighed, turning his head, watching the
college boys chug beers and laugh. He ran his hand through his hair
before facing me again. “I’ve already explained all this to you. I
told you how unfair it would be.”

“
But you also said you
would think about things while you were on your trip,” I reminded
him.

“
Have you?” he
challenged.

“
I haven’t thought of much
else,” I admitted in a quiet voice.

“
And you think that you
and I are a good idea?” he asked, eyes blazing. “You think it’s
cool that I’ll be on the road constantly, leaving you here to
wonder if I’m hooking up with some strange woman in another
city?”

“
I know you better than
that,” I mumbled.

He scrubbed his face in irritation. “Maybe.
But what about when you win this contest? What about when they sign
you to some huge record deal and you’re out on the road? What
happens when I’m on the east coast and you’re on the west?” I bit
my lip and bowed my head. He exhaled. “Aubrey, do you really think
it would work?”

Battling my tears, I studied the shiny table
surface. “You told me you love me. You told me you’d always love
me.”

He groaned in frustration and reached for my
hand. “Yeah, I did. And I hurt you once before and I’m hurting you
now. Do you think I enjoy that? Do you really think that I’m some
heartless bastard that doesn’t care how you feel? Damn it, Aubrey,
I’m doing what’s best for you.”

“
Well stop trying to take
care of me. People have been doing it all my life and I’m ready to
be a grown up here,” I said, fire torching my veins.

He pointed at me, eyes firm. “I will never
stop trying to take care of you, Aubrey Rose. Never.”

My head spun and it had nothing to do with
the beer. “What are you saying, Jess, huh? Do you want me or
not?”

He studied me, thousands of emotions
flickering in his eyes. He took a deep breath and stared at his
folded hands on the table. “No, Aubrey. I don’t. It has to be
no.”

My heart shattered. I hurried to pick up the
pieces before the pain became too unbearable and the tears began.
Nodding, I turned my head, looking for the waitress so we could pay
the check and escape this hell hole.

“
Aubrey, listen to me for
a second. There are so many things stacked against us besides just
our careers. Your family is number one.”

I jerked my head up, jaw wide open. “What
about my family?”

“
Does your mother know
you’re with me? Would you tell her we were dating? Would you stand
up to her when she objected?” His eyes bored into mine, challenging
me to lie.

I closed my eyes and contemplated his words.
It would be hell dealing with my mother but I was beginning to get
better at it. And Jess was worth it. Right?

“
I didn’t tell her, no.
But I will. And I would stand up to her for you.” My words came out
in a weak whisper and didn’t sound a bit convincing. But my heart
was in so much pain that my lungs refused to work right.

“
Sure, Aubrey,” he mumbled
as he waved for the waitress. He handed her a bill and told her to
keep the change. “Let’s get you home.”

I didn’t argue – just followed him to the
truck. The ride home was done in uncomfortable silence. I kept as
far to my side of the truck as possible to avoid any contact with
him. I urged the truck to hurry me home so I could escape to my
room and fall apart.

When he finally pulled into my drive, he
snatched my arm before I could flee the vehicle.

“
Aubrey,” he said
hoarsely. “Think about what I said. You know I’m right.”

I lifted my chin and stared into his eyes.
“No, Jess. You’re totally wrong. This would have been good, and
deep inside, you know it. Maybe you’re the one who’s afraid.”

I shook his hand off my arm and ran into the
house.

Chapter Thirteen

I ignored my phone for the next couple of
days. Anyone who really needed to contact me had my home phone
number anyway.

I sat in the living room
with my father on Tuesday night, watching the MVP game with not
much interest - Jess wasn’t playing. I did perk up a little when
Troy Neal’s name was announced. He stepped up to the plate as the
commentators gave his batting average and on-base percentage. They
couldn’t help but remark about the steroids scandal that had
plagued him last year. That little tidbit of information totally
caught my attention as I watched Troy take a few practice swings. I
vaguely remembered the whole steroids deal – it was constantly on
television – but I hadn’t really cared at that time. He
didn’t
look
like
he took steroids. And he didn’t seem like the type to take them,
either. Granted, I didn’t know him well, but still.

“
Dad?” I asked in a soft
tone.

He tilted his face toward my voice slightly.
“Yeah?”

“
Troy Neal took
steroids?”

He grunted as Troy fouled off the first
pitch. “Nah, I don’t think so. Last I heard, the people
investigating the whole matter made a big mistake. They exonerated
him and apologized and all that.”

I nodded, watching Troy dig in and then belt
the next pitch to the wall. The outfielder scrambled to get a glove
on it and heaved it toward the cut-off man. Troy trotted happily
into third base as the crowd roared. “Good. He’s a nice guy.”

He turned his head directly to me. “You met
Troy Neal?”

I smirked, amused at his star-struck eyes.
“Yeah. He’s friends with Jess.”

The mention of Jess’s name made the hurt and
depression swirl inside my stomach. I blocked his words from my
mind and tried to concentrate on my father.

“
Wow,” he said, a little
flabbergasted. “And…um…how was your…date…with Jess?”

Damn. Not exactly something I wanted to talk
about at all, especially with my father! I bit my lip and looked at
the TV. “Okay, I guess.”

I knew his eyes were still on me – I could
feel his heavy gaze. I tried to concentrate on the next batter but
bitter, anguished tears were forming in my eyes.

“
Aubrey,” Dad said softly,
too softly. “What’s going on?”

I gave him a nonchalant shrug, eyes still on
the TV. “I don’t know. He says he doesn’t think it’s fair to date
because he’s on the road so much.”

“
Isn’t that why he broke
up with you after high school? Because he was playing ball and
wouldn’t be around?”

I had to give the man credit; he was far
more observant than I ever imagined. “I guess so.”

“
Come here, Aubrey,” he
ordered. I sat on the arm of his recliner. He put an arm around my
waist and gave me a squeeze. “No matter what your mother says about
him, he is a good man. He obviously cares for you or else he
wouldn’t have tried to protect you.”

“
Protect me?” I asked,
stunned. Whose side was he on, anyway? I mean, I know he loved
baseball but I was his daughter; his flesh and blood!

“
Yes. Can’t you see that?”
He didn’t wait for my protest. “You probably wouldn’t, being
female. And I don’t mean that as an insult. I mean, when a man
loves a woman he wants to protect her; take care of her. Always do
what’s best for her. I know a man in love and Jess Rivers has had
that look about him since you dated him in high school. I’m sure it
broke his heart more than it broke yours when he ended things. Now,
that doesn’t mean I condone him breaking your heart, but I
understand and I respect him for trying to spare you.”

I gaped at him, looking like a sad imitation
of a goldfish, I’m sure. The embarrassment of talking about this
sort of thing with my dad sort of took a back seat to the feelings
circulating inside my brain. Was he right? Did Jess love me that
much that he just wanted to protect me? I couldn’t see it, could
I?

No, that couldn’t be true. I mean, when he
had first uttered those three little words to me back in school,
he’d promised me we’d be together forever. He’d told me we’d manage
somehow. And look at us now.

I spoke my next words in a low, even tone.
“No, I don’t think so, Dad. That’s just not Jess. He cares about
two things: baseball and Jess Rivers, that’s all.”

I stood, before the tears came. I didn’t
want my dad to see just how deep Jess’s rejection hurt. But he
turned his attention back to the television as Troy Neal crossed
the plate.

“
I think you’re wrong,
Aubrey.”

I ran up the stairs.

***

I shuffled through the sheet music sprawled
across my bed, contemplating my song for the finale. I had to sing
my heart out if I wanted to get through Wednesday night’s show and
make it to the final three. My mother’s suggestions were piled
neatly on my desk, totally ignored. I didn’t want to be her Barbie
doll – I wanted to be me.