Please Don't Tell My Parents I Blew Up the Moon (29 page)

I was having so much fun, I must have kept talking for an hour. I knew I’d never be a teacher. I wandered all over the place. Miss Punchcard stood still while I lectured for that whole time.

It did come to an end. I was saying, “So, check it out, they found a grave at Troy with a mummy who had bulletproof skin and bones, but his left foot cut off. That had to be Achilles. He wasn’t even the only superhuman body―”

All at once, Miss Punchcard came to life. “Miss Bad Penny, take your seat. It is time for Algebra.” Then she turned and started writing on the paperboard. (3x2 + 4x + 9) – (2x2 + 10x + 1) = 0. The answer to the first half was x2 -6x +8, obviously. -6 would be -2 + -4, and -2 x -4 is 8, so this was really (x - 2)(x - 4) = 0. X was either 2 or 4. I could do that problem in my head, and just had. It was still advanced stuff for this age group, especially since I might be the oldest student in the room. Jupiter kids were smart.

Tesla’s Nonexistent Cousin, just think about it. There were ten other mad scientist kids besides me in this room. What a huge percentage of the population! I guess if mad scientists founded a society, genetics would keep happening. Regular people sure hadn’t colonized Jupiter.

This still wasn’t advanced enough for me. If I could pick up where I’d left off in Geometry, that might even be fun. I had other things to do, like steal a vat of charged aetherial fluid.

I stood up, and clapped both hands on the desk, getting Ray, Remmy, and Claire’s attention. Everyone’s, really, but I only cared about Ray and Remmy and Claire. “That’s enough sightseeing. Miss Punchcard, it’s time for me to go take my mechanic’s test.”

The automaton stood there clicking for a few seconds, then answered, “Miss Bad Penny, you do not have a mechanic’s test scheduled. Lying to a teacher has cost you lunch privileges. Attempting to skip class has cost you dinner privileges. Sit back down immediately, or there will be further punishments.”

All the Jupiter kids shrank down in their seats, not even looking directly at me. Ray and Claire didn’t care, of course, but it was Remmy who stood up first. “I know what the trouble is, Miss Punchcard. You wouldn’t have gotten the message through the normal system, because she’s from Earth. I’ll show you the schedule request.”

Remmy’s hand went to the biggest pocket of her pants, and as she walked up to the automaton teacher she pulled out her oversized wrench. It didn’t see the obvious threat coming, and instead watched Remmy take a wadded up sheet of paper out of a different pocket.

Hooking the wrench into the back of Miss Punchcard’s head, Remmy levered the casing off. It had time to say, “Miss Remi―” before Remmy yanked a lever out of the churning mass of gears inside.

All of that spinning inside the automaton’s head stopped. It stood there, completely motionless. I gave Remmy a few admiring claps, then announced with considerable satisfaction, “Inscrutable Machine? We’re out of here.”

And just for the fun of it, I walked over to the door, turned to look at the rest of the kids, and told them all, “Class dismissed.”

The reaction was all I could have hoped for. Kids erupted from their chairs, a dozen talking at once so that I couldn’t make out anything they said. I’d meant to walk out the door, but the first kids to do anything were the mechanics, and they descended on the disabled automaton like vultures. I had to watch that!

I knew a couple of names now, at least. Donovan, who was nearly as skinny as Ray and had messy hair the same mouse brown color as mine, said, “They may have noticed she’s not responding already. We’ll get a service request any minute.”

Gertrude, who was actually kind of pretty except for her blue-white pale skin, responded, “Then it’s a good thing we took initiative and tried to repair her ourselves, right?” She had brown hair, too. A lot of kids had just this same shade of brown hair. In Gertrude’s case, she kept hers tied up in a spiral on the back of her head.

The other mechanic girl from Dorm M pulled out a tiny screwdriver, and the others all grinned at once―evil, wild grins. This girl… Aggie? Was that her name? Aggie said, “Miss Punchcard stopped moving in the middle of a transmission. Obviously, her telegraph arms jammed on the drum. I’ll take a look.” Her itty-bitty screwdriver unfastened four itty-bitty screws, and she lifted out half of the back of the automaton’s head, putting it in the hands of the boy next to her.

The mass of gears caught my eye. It was like looking inside the Machine. No, not quite. The Machine’s innards made no sense. They were much simpler, but did much more complex things. Even from several feet away, I got an itchy feeling like with a dozen years of study I could actually figure out how these automatons worked. Just at a glance, I could see how those hair-thin wires between the gears were the secret to their AI complexity. This mass of gears rearranged itself. The tiniest change altered how the whole thing worked, like the famous butterfly altering storm patterns.

Aaaaaand that was it. That was all I got. Maybe I’d inherited some of Dad’s smarts after all, or maybe my superpower leaked. With years of study, the machine in front of me might really make sense. Right now, I was a monkey who’d figured out pushing the button led to a banana.

The boy holding what looked like a mass of clockwork brains laid it on the table and pulled out his own screwdriver. Pulling his goggles down, he peered at it and started to twist a section loose from the others. “I disagree. I heard no sounds of jamming, and she stopped suddenly. It had to be something in the primary process engine.” He gave his screwdriver a particularly rough jerk, and suddenly gears sprayed all over the teacher’s desk and onto the floor.

He looked up the other mechanics. They all had the tight faces of people trying to hold back laughs. “Oops.”

They lost it. Nine middle-schoolers in goggles laughed hysterically, lurching around, bending over the desk, and clapping each other on the back. I had to at least grin. Remmy’s sabotage would never be discovered in that mess.

Satisfied, I joined the throng in the hall. Most of the mechanics joined me, leaving only the three oldest―or at least tallest―prying open Miss Punchcard’s back for further dissection.

The class stood around, laughing and talking. Nobody from the other schoolrooms came out and did anything.

Gertrude and Aggie threw their arms around me in a quick hug, then drew back so Gertrude could squeeze my hands and gush, “It’s so sweet of you to take the blame for getting us out of school, but you know you’re all in big trouble, right?”

A square-shouldered blond boy from another dorm pulled off his goggles and rolled them around in his hands. “It shouldn’t be too bad for Bad Penny and her friends. The loss of meals will stand, but Miss Punchcard never saw them do anything worse. But Remmy…”

Aggie grimaced, flashing her teeth. Two of them had been covered or replaced with gold. “It depends on what Miss Punchcard had time to notice and transmit. You might be in the clear, but you might… you might be outlawed, Remmy.”

A boy from Dorm M I didn’t know took a half step back. “If she is, we shouldn’t even be talking to her.”

Gertrude gave his arm a slap. “Don’t be a rat, Michael. Besides, we’d get a warning.”

The blond boy took a step closer, and looked between me, Ray, and Claire. “You’re new here, but we can’t… if we help you, we get your punishments ourselves.”

I waved them all off, smiling airily and trying to look too cool to care. “We’ve got a bag full of food and we’re not planning on sticking around.”

Remmy rolled her eyes and head, arms crossed, and voice dripping with sarcasm. “Yeah, and another outlaw in the family’s really going to ruin the Fawkes.
What
will my brothers say?”

Donovan let out a sigh, his shoulders slumping. “I kind of wish I was an outlaw.”

“Donovan!” squeaked Aggie.

Gertrude added her own shocked stare. “Yeah, really, Donovan. Getting out of school early once is fun, but…”

Michael reached out a nervous hand and touched Gertrude’s shoulder, interrupting her. “No, I get it.”

Gertrude and Aggie stared at him. Then Aggie let out a deep breath, slumping. “Oh, right.”

Rubbing the back of his neck, Donovan stared past us at the wall and muttered, “I just wish I was engaged to someone besides Sabrina.”

A girl mechanic I didn’t know gave him a puzzled look, one eyebrow lifted way up. “You’re upset about that? She’s the most beautiful girl in my dorm, and she’s a Jet.” Her expression changed to a suddenly Claire-like leer, and she gave him a nudge with her elbow. “Take it from me, you are one lucky ducky.”

The broad shouldered boy gave her a scowl and a hard stare. “Don’t be so shallow, Lane.”

Her leer melted into a pout. “Yeah, yeah, I get it. Sabrina’s a…”

She let her words trail off.

Gertrude reached out and gave Donovan’s arm a squeeze, right above the elbow. “The automatons are good at this. I bet they’ve predicted she’ll calm down in a couple of years, and by the time you’re married, you’ll be best friends.”

Sticking his hands in his jacket pockets, Donovan gave her an accusing stare. “You say that because you got lucky.”

Gertrude giggled suddenly. With a joyful smile, she reached out and hooked her arm into Michael’s, dragging him up shoulder to shoulder with her. “I sure did. He’s sweet, he’s cute, and he’s in my dorm.”

Michael had a much gentler smile, but he held on to her tight, like he didn’t want to let go.

The broad-shouldered boy suggested, “Maybe when Sabrina doesn’t change, they’ll cancel the engagement.”

Donovan kicked the rug with his boot. Come to think of it, all the mechanics got work boots instead of these silly buttoned-up fashion items the automatons foisted on me. “I doubt it. The engagement happened right after I ranked so high on my test. It’s their stupid breeding program. They want my brains and her looks. I’m stuck with her for the sake of our great-grandchildren.”

Aggie’s mouth pulled tight for a moment, and she confessed, “My fiancé is in dorm K, and he’s about to graduate. He’s four years older than me, and I’ve never met him.”

All eyes were now on her, most of them wide with surprise. Gertrude actually gasped. “You never told me that!”

Aggie shook her head. “I just have to hope the matchmaker knows what it’s doing.”

Rising out of the group funk, Michael looked up and asked me, “So, who are you engaged to?”

“Five will get you fifty Earth is like us. They don’t do arranged marriages,” Remmy piped up. Despite her high voice, she had her hands stuck in her pockets and a contemplative sullen-lipped pout. Something about this was personal. She’d tell us when she felt like it, and until then, I could only pretend I hadn’t noticed.

I jerked a thumb at my accomplice with the super-long pigtails. “She’s right. Even if they did, my friends and I are supervillains.” I reached out and linked arms with Ray and Claire. “And we need to get going, because we have the crime of the century to pull. If we’re not outlaws now, we will be in an hour. Let’s go, gang!”

Behind me, I heard Gertrude say, “We’ve got time before lunch. I’m going to go visit my parents!”

I stepped out of the school hallway with Ray and Claire pressed against me on either side like bookends. They were both grinning entirely too much.

“What?”

Ray answered, and all I could tell from his tone was that he was enjoying this. “It’s just nice to see you among your people.”

What was that supposed to mean, anyway?

y supervillain jumpsuit was hanging in the closet when I got back to my room, and my underwear sat neatly folded in the drawers. We would not have to storm the laundry room just to free me from thirty pounds of bloomers.