Strong, quick heartbeats pound in my ears. “Afraid of what?”
She’s so near now her whispered words sound like they come from a bullhorn. “Afraid to believe in yourself. Afraid to stand on your own.” Her voice lowers. “Afraid to fall in love in case you end up like your father. Sad, and alone.”
I rear back like she’s slapped me in the face.
“See? You can’t even say a word in your own defense because you know I’m right. Paige needed someone else to look up to. I was there to fill the role.”
My stomach feels like its been hollowed out. I’ve never been one to back down from a fight but her words knocked the stuffing out of me.
“I know you think I’m some evil witch,” she says conversationally, “who’s put a spell over your sister, but that’s not true. I don’t hate you, Charlie. I just love your sister. I want her to have a happy, successful life. I would think you’d want that, too. You’ve made your bed. Maybe you’re even happy with this half-life you’ve made for yourself. I just don’t want you dragging Paige down with you.”
Every word from her lips sounds like a lie, but feels like the truth. I rub a hand over my chest. My heart aches, like it’s bruised.
The high-pitched squeal of the salesgirl startles me. “Are you two ready to see the bride?” She’s dressed head to toe in black just like Amber, only with less blunt instruments attached to her neck.
Paige emerges from the dressing room looking like a woman whose every wish has come true. The dress is simple, elegantly cut with a belt of glittering crystals. She ascends the bridal platform and turns to face her reflection in the triple mirrors. Her skin glows. Looking at her happy face soothes some of the wounds her Maid of Honor just inflicted on me.
Cadence jumps from the tufted couch in a flurry of excitement, as though the last fifteen minutes never happened. “Oh Paige. You look stunning. Absolutely stunning. Don’t you think so,
Charlotte
?”
The use of my given name is a test. Can I play the part of happy sister? Or will I burden the blushing bride with her best friend’s cruel remarks? My smile, which starts forced, transitions quickly to genuine joy as Paige meets my eyes in the mirror.
She turns from side to side, her smile lighting the room. The dress is the same color as Mama’s ivory pillbox. The fabric looks so fragile, I’m afraid to reach out and touch it. A sweetheart neckline frames her petite figure well and the ball gown skirt, draped from the waist in folds of creamy satin, gives her the regal look I know she wanted.
She is stunning. Cadence is right about that. Tears well in my eyes. There’re too many to hold back and they escape, rolling one by one down my cheeks. A mix of happy and sad overtakes me. I grab a tissue from inside my purse and wipe the tears away, but more replace them. “You look so beautiful,” I hiccup.
Paige’s hands flutter beneath crystalline eyes. “Stop it. You’re going to make me cry.” We each sniffle harder, smiling through our tears.
“Now, y’all stop right this instant.” Cadence hands a lilac-colored hankie to Paige, annoyed. “You’ll get mascara all over your front.”
My sister dabs the cotton under each eye then looks soberly at me. “You think she’d like it?”
I take a deep breath, trying to remain steady. “She would love it.”
In the hustle and bustle of wedding plans, it’s easy to tuck away the pain of not having Mama around. As Paige turns from side to side in front of the mirrors, wrapped in the silky-soft gown, Mama’s absence is almost unbearable.
Another salesgirl hands Paige a long tulle veil attached to a sparkly hair comb. She and Cadence secure it against the loose bun at the nape of her neck. I thought she looked bridal when she stepped in front of the mirror, but now…
Cadence pulls out a pink leather journal. She and Paige launch into a hundred plans that don’t involve me. I return to my spot on the white, velvety couch. The knot in my stomach from Cadence’s speech is still there. She makes my skin crawl and my faith in humanity dwindle, but she is right on several accounts.
I’ve spent seventeen years raising my parent’s family. I left college because Paige and Daddy needed me to take care of them. Now she’s getting married and he’s soon to retire. What’ll be left for me? I’ve never really thought about it before but now I think my mother’s passing may’ve done more than rob us of her presence. I’m worried it may’ve robbed me of a future.
Chapter Four
55 Days Until Jolene Propositions the Preacher
The Chop House is teaming with people. Business suits of all colors and sizes mingle with well-cut poly-blend dresses. Thank the Lord I had the good sense to change out of my red t-shirt and jeans before meeting Paige at the bridal salon. I nervously flatten a hand over my blue cotton dress and let my cowboy boots take me to the bar. I’m conscious of being the most underdressed person in the restaurant as I slide onto an empty barstool.
A bald bartender tosses a rag across his shoulder as he comes to greet me. “How you doin’?” His accent lacks the slow drawl of a born Texan. “What can I get for ya?”
“A sweet-tea for the lady. I’ll take a scotch. McLaren’s.”
Alex places a hand against the small of my back and smiles down at me.
I hold up a finger to the bartender. “Make that a vodka sour.”
The bartender winks at Alex.
“What happened to the sweet-tea?” he asks.
I should find it flattering that he remembers my drink order from the first time we met, but it’s been a long day. First Amber, then Alex, then Cadence, now Alex again. I need vodka like I need air.
I shrug.
He smiles and leans against the bar dressed in the same white shirt and navy slacks he wore this morning, only now he’s wearing the matching suit jacket. The imprint of where my fist clutched his shirt is still perceptible. An awkward silence fills the space between us. What do you say to the man you were French kissing in your pantry nine hours ago, especially after not seeing him for two years?
“What’re you doing with yourself these days? Want to fuck me on this bar?”
I think not.
The room is proving to have a shortage of conversation starters. A woman on my right keeps throwing furtive glances in Alex’s direction, but that’s hardly a conversation I want to get into. Besides, he’s not looking at her. He’s looking at me. Devouring me with his lover-boy eyes.
I should’ve asked for a tequila chaser with my drink.
“Thank you…for coming.” His smile brings those dimples to their full power.
After Cadence’s brutal assessment of my life and where it’s not going, having dinner with a man I have no future with seems pretty pointless. “I’m not convinced I should be here.”
“Thanks for using your bad judgment, then.”
The bartender drops our drinks on the counter and Alex hands him a twenty. “Come on.” He offers me his hand. “The table’s ready.”
His hand returns to the small of my back the minute my boots hit the floor. The familiarity of the gesture sets my nerves on edge. A pretty young redhead leads us to a table near the back. Upholstered drum lights give a flattering glow to the other patrons. Alex pulls out a cream leather chair and helps me maneuver it toward the table. Pristine linens and stark white china give the place an upscale vibe. I tuck my boots beneath the table, out of sight.
Alone again. Alex picks up his menu and does a good job ignoring the tension between us. I take a sip from my drink, then another, and another. Being sober didn’t help me last time we were together so this time, I’m not holding back.
“So, how was the dress fitting?”
The sour in my vodka sour kicks up. “Fine.”
“Has Paige already found a dress?”
I take another sip. “Yep.”
He leans across the table. “This is going to be a really long dinner if you’re only going to give one-syllable answers.”
A sharp dressed waiter appears at my side to recite the day’s specials.
I twist the napkin in my lap, grateful for the momentary distraction.
“I’ll be right back, after you’ve had a moment to make your decision.”
Boy, did he just say a mouthful.
Alex fingers the scotch glass in front of him, light flickering behind his eyes. “I heard Cadence joined in. Did you two…get along?”
“No.”
He smiles widely, amused.
“All right.” I sigh, caving. “The shop was a little froufrou. I felt like I was in Aunt Jolene’s living room where everything’s covered in plastic and you’re not supposed to touch anything. Paige looked gorgeous, as always, and Cadence was her usual self.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning she was a complete hag.”
Alex flinches slightly. “Oh come on, she’s not so bad.”
“That’s what people say when they don’t want you to think that something bad is bad. Like questionable roast beef that’s been in the fridge too long.”
“Ouch. I didn’t know there was so much bad blood between you two.”
I tsk quietly and pick up my menu. If he knew her role in ending our one night together prematurely, he might have a different opinion. Anyway, what does he care if Cadence and I don’t get along? She’s part of his inner circle. I can gut and scale a fish in less than two minutes. We’re not exactly members of the same clique.
“She’s…treated me poorly.” I say, looking up and holding Alex’s gaze.
“I’m sorry.”
Cadence’s words still sting a bit, but I don’t need him feeling bad for me. I shake my head. “Doesn’t it make you tired? Always having to apologize for your friends?”
He felt obligated to apologize on behalf of another friend the night we met. A drunken stockbroker whose introduction included some unsavory innuendo. “People are never just black and white.”
“Right. Just rich and poor, I guess.” I don’t know where my animosity is coming from, but I feel angry. I don’t know whether to kiss him or stab him in the heart with my three-pronged fork. Whether it’s for not turning up before now or for showing up on my doorstep this morning, I don’t know. “You know, you really piss me off.”
“I piss you off?”
“That’s right. You piss me off. Waltzing into my bakery and stirring things up. Things were moving along just fine.”
Alex leans forward and narrows his eyes playfully. “Were?”
I groan deep in my throat and cross my arms. “Don’t do that.”
“Don’t do what?”
“Don’t…pretend like you’ve got no idea what I’m talking about.”
“Should I know?”
“And stop asking me questions! It’s infuriating.”
He smiles widely and I’m treated to two impish dimples. “Sorry.”
I’d like to reach across the table and wipe those dimples clean off his face. That I wish I could do so with my tongue only fuels my frustration. “Why’d you want to see me again, really? Because if you’re looking for another one-night stand you could’ve just waited until the reception. Four martinis and your dimples – my panties would’ve evaporated and you could’ve saved yourself an awful lot of trouble.”
“Hell, if I’d known it would be that easy, I would’ve tracked you down a lot sooner.”
I’m done with the games. Right now all I want is closure, and maybe another drink.
Alex looks searchingly at my face. He drags a hand over his mouth before leaning back in his chair. “I don’t know what you want me to say here, Charlie. That I regret not coming after you sooner? That I regret letting you slip away from me? I do. I regret it more than you could possibly know.”
“Then why not do something about it?”
He works his jaw tightly, prolonging his answer. I wait for him to say something, anything, but he remains silent. I push back from the table and stand to leave. Alex practically jumps out of his seat, laying a strong hand on my arm.
“Please, stay.”
“Give me a reason to.”
Whatever internal struggle he’s battling, it’s close to beating him. His brow is crinkled in indecision.
“I haven’t been with anyone, since.”
I wasn’t expecting that. He nods, silently asking me to accept this intimate information as reason enough to stay a while longer. I slowly reclaim my seat and once he’s satisfied I’m not going anywhere, he does the same.
The clatter of cutlery and tinkle of glasses against dinner plates is loud in my ears. I don’t know what to say. I suppose I could tell him that I haven’t been with anyone either but I’m not ready to let go of that card just yet.
“Thank you,” he says.
I incline my head in his direction, feeling exposed and unsure of where this leaves us.
“Were you really able to put it out of your mind?” he asks.
His question shocks me a little. For someone clearly full of secrets, he sure knows how to be blunt. “Sometimes.”
“What about the other times?”
My mouth is dry. I wet each lip with my tongue.
He watches the movement carefully. “Because I think about it all the time.”
“Alex…”
“Can you guess my favorite memory of that night?”
I roll my eyes. “The sex?”
The corner of his mouth twitches. “The conversation. I’ve never met anyone like you.”
“You mean you’ve never met a girl who thinks less than she talks?”
Alex smiles slightly and leans forward. “I
mean
I’ve never met anyone so honest. Someone who just tells it like it is. No pretense, no motives.” His gaze locks, unwavering with my own. “I mean I’ve never met someone so beautiful, and so wholly unaware of her beauty. I mean I’ve never met someone so caring, warm, and generous, who only knows how to give and isn’t worried about what she’ll get in return.”
“Stop it,” I beg.
“I can’t.”
I can’t look away. There’s a need in his stare, a desire so deep and unmistakable I can practically read his thoughts.
Don’t do it, Charlie. Not again…
Our waiter reappears, ready to take the order. “Have you made your decision?”
“Yes.” Alex’s voice is strong, confident.
“Wonderful. What can I get for you?”
A nod, born out of reflex rather than restraint, escapes me.
Alex doesn’t even look up. “The check.”