Authors: Winifred Holtby
Ah, but she'd fight for her rights. She'd fight to succeed.
No one could take her work away from her. No one could
take away the company that she had built up - she — she —
she alone. Neither principalities nor powers could rob her of her right to work. Eleanor must stay. Father Mortimer would make her stay. He was her friend. She loved him. Perfect love casteth out fear.
'Milk pudding for supper
again?'
cried Caroline. 'I shall have a letter to the papers written about it. What do we pay rates for?'
The routine
of supper, washing, thermometers and bed-
making rolled round on its accustomed circle. The lights
were lowered. The stir in the ward sank to a subdued rust
ling as the night probationer went about her work.
The ward was a deep tank filled with greenish water. Caroline lay drowning in it. She was drowning in fear and
pain and loneliness. Nobody cared. Eleanor was leaving
her. Father Mortimer was leaving her. The company - she
had the company.
She dreamed that all her directors resigned one after the
other, and woke up with a gasping start to remember that
her dream was true.
She had to begin all over again - from a pauper's bed in an infirmary. She had undertaken the Lord's work, and the
Lord was testing her. But how could she sing the Lord's
song in a strange land?
Could she draw Leviathan with a hook, when she must
send out quite six thousand circulars? And Mrs. Hales
would spy upon her will, but death, where is thy victory?
She would summon Johnson for
embezzlement of funds, for
shall not the judge of all the earth do right? 'Nurse, Nurse, can't I have a sleeping-draught?' she called. 'If I don't sleep
I shall never get through all the important business that I
must
deal with to-morrow. For women of the lower classes,
sleep does not matter so much, but I always say that Mr.
Lloyd George would never have got through all his
important
work during the war, beating the Germans for us, if he had
not
slept.'
'Hush, hush now. You mustn't be a naughty old thing.
Disturbing the ward,' the night probationer admonished
her.
'Stow it, you old bitch. Can't you let a girl get her beauty
sleep?' grunted the factory girl from the next bed.
Caroline wondered if by any chance she had been killed
in her accident, and lay in Hell already.
But next morning, things were better. The sunlight fell
on the glass jars of daffodils crowded together on the white
enamelled table in the centre of the ward. It moved like
clear water across the whitewashed ceiling and the green-painted walls. And after dinner, Eleanor came, still in her
old tweed coat, but carrying a bunch of primroses and a
basket of fruit.
'Did you see Mrs. Hales about my rooms? You know, I've
been thinking things over and if I am really to stay ill for a
long
time, I think you'd better pack up my things and per
haps you could store them in y
our
club. There's always
plenty of room at those girls' clubs, and then Mrs. Hales
would let the room. Did you bring my letters?'
'Yes. I've them all here, from Lucretia Road and the
office too.'
'You look very pale, child. It's all these late nights, I
expect.'
'I'm all right. Look here, Cousin Caroline. First of all I want to tell you that I went to see Brooks and Hugh last
night and told them I couldn't sail with them. Of course they were rather annoyed, but I can still get that job at
Perrin's next month, and perhaps go to the States later.'
'Well, I'm very glad you've decided to do the sensible
thing, because of course it was the only possible thing to do.
As it happens I
can't
do without you at the moment. I
should like to, but I can't. Now about the letters.'
They went over the correspondence together. Two Nonconformist ministers and an elementary school teacher de
clared their interests in the company. A gentleman who
signed himself Widdall Plumer wanted particulars of the
Tona Perfecta Film. The Hoxted Branch of the Women's
Co-operative Guild asked Miss Denton-Smyth to give one of
their Thursday afternoon talks on 'Purer Cinemas.'
'You see,' cried Caroline. 'You see, what it is. It's just
beginning to catch on. The leaven is just beginning to work,
to leaven the whole lump. Oh, don't you see why you can't
desert me now? These chances may never come again. Now,
what other letters are there?'
'There's one here with the Marshington post-mark. Shall
I read it?'
'Please, dear - only come closer. I don't want everyone to
hear. You've no idea how she' - a nod to the right - 'and
she'-a nod to the left-'try to spy into my business.'
Eleanor pulled her chair closer and began to read:
my dear caroline
[the letter ran],
Robert and I are of course very sorry indeed to hear of
your accident, and hope that you are getting on nicely and
that the pain is not too bad. We are very glad indeed to hear that you have been sensible enough to stay in the infirmary,
where I believe the nursing is always good as well as costing
so much less. Of course this will no doubt mean an end to
all your outside activities, which I dare say you will realize now is all to the good. I hope now that you will be sensible
and apply for an Old Age Pension, which I am sure you deserve. As Eleanor is in London and looking after you, I
expect she will be able to inquire about the proper steps.
Neithe
r Robert nor I can come up to Town at present, as
Robert has had sciatica, and I am very busy with the spring
cleaning.
Times have not been good with the business, and now
that there is this General Election coming on and some say that the Socialists may get in, and I hardly know what will
happen then. We cannot of course help you much, as the
calls on our purse are so heavy just now, but Robert sends
you two pounds, which I am having changed into postal
orders, and perhaps when you are convalescent, you could
come to stay for a week or two. The girls are both well.
Our love to Eleanor and all good wishes for a prompt
recovery,
Your affectionate cousin,
enid smith.
'Rather a swine, isn't she?' asked Eleanor. 'I'd rather like
you to make a fortune just to spite her.'
'Eleanor! Really. You must not talk like this, and I'm
sure she means to be kind really, though of course she does
not understand my position at all. Did the two pounds
arrive?'
'Yes. The postal orders are here. I'll change them for
you.'
'You'd better write and thank her for them.' Eleanor be
gan to scribble shorthand notes on her block. 'Tell her,' continued Caroline, beginning to enjoy herself. 'Tell her
about Mr. Plumer, and the two clergymen, and the Bishop of
Kensington-Gore. Tell her I hope to get compensation from the motor-car for my injuries. Tell her I am already advanc
ing my plans for the Christian Cinema Company.
'You know, I sometimes think that what is wrong with
Enid is that she is a little
jealous.
Of course, I know she's
comfortably off and has a home and children and all that,
but what I feel is, she's never really
seen
life. She's always kept to the dull
old
sort of things. When you come to think
of it, Eleanor, I've had a very remarkable life, really wonder
ful. I've been a pioneer in so
many
different ways - I mean, long before you knew me, I'd been fighting for progress in
education and religion and diet and die Press and now the
cinema, of course generally working in the
background,
but
then I
liked
to be the power behind the throne,
and then
think of the interesting personalities I've met. I'm sure
when I lie here hour after hour I sometimes go over my
adventures, and you know if anyone ever wrote them down
I'm sure half of them would not be believed, for truth is
stranger than fiction, I always think. That's probably one
of the things I shall do when I grow old - write my auto
biography. Just think what a lot I shall have to say, I mean,
take only one adventure. Take the Christian Cinema Com
pany and all the personalities interested in it - Mr. St. Denis with his aristocratic connections and his lovely wife. You don't meet a couple like them every day, do you? And then
Mr. Macafee. Well, he may become one of the really
greatest inventors of the day, mayn't he? And if you really look at it in that light, I did discover him and as you might say the Christian Cinema Company did give him his first
chance,
didn't it? And then Mr. Isenbaum, of course Jews
are
rather a race apart, and I know he was less interested
than some of us in the company, and I still don't know really
why he ever came in or why he went out again, but I always
felt that if one could know
everything,
there was something
rather romantic about that man, and I suppose I shall know
some day when the secrets of all hearts are revealed. And
then Mr. Guerdon, who was at
least
a Quaker, though rather
weaker than usual, I sometimes felt, Quaker and soda, I
believe Mr. Johnson used to call him. And of course though Mr. Johnson
may
have been a crook, but I always think you haven't really
lived
until you've been done by a few crooks,
have you? I mean, I don't suppose poor Enid ever met a
crook in her life, leading that dull sheltered existence in the
provinces. Well, you just write to her and make her a bit more jealous, Eleanor. Tell her that the C.C.C. is going to
sweep England.
Tell her Yorkshire isn't done yet!'
§5
Caroline's outburst invigorated her. By reassuring Enid,
she convinced herself. After all, she had had a remarkable
career.
The days that followed gave her ample opportunity for
recollection. They passed in dream-like and not wholly un
pleasant order. Eleanor came and went, bringing fruit and fresh butter and the caramels and Harrogate toffee that
Caroline loved; she took down letters and reported progress, and acted as substitute for Caroline at three conferences and
two deputations. She still looked tired and white, and be
came suddenly silent if America was mentioned, but she was
a useful if ungracious visitor.