PORN STARS... More Than Just Moans (11 page)

I went back in the warehouse and noticed Rob and Derek talking off to the side, and I saw Tyree pacing around the stage shaking his head as if he was debating rather he should do it or not. I’m not a punk but I felt so bad that I wished we weren’t alone at that moment. I also felt uncomfortable seeing that I was still in just a towel, hey at least I wasn’t hard anymore.

“Are you okay?” I asked

“What do you think?”

“I can’t say I know what’s going through your mind right now, because I don’t. I came here with the intentions of becoming a porn star. I will say this though, I love it, and because of porn, I’m living the life. I’m traveling to places I never thought I would, my Range Rover is paid for, my condo is paid for, I got money in the bank, I can buy anything I want, and I can do anything I want without having to worry about money. I know you’re going through a lot right now, and down on your luck but all of that can change. You can have all of this and more, but you’re gonna have to be a gay for pay actor.”

“I just don’t know if I can do it.”

At that point, Breeze walked back in with two glasses filled with ice, a half filled bottle of Grey Goose vodka, and two Red Bulls. He said the Red Bulls gave it flavor, which it did. He also suggested that I have a drink as well. I let Tyree mix his first and then I followed. We both sat there enjoying our drinks quietly while Breeze looked over the photos again to see which ones he would use to promote Tyree. I’m not a lush so I was feeling tipsy by the time I finished my drink. Tyree decided to have another even though he looked like he was feeling good as well. I kept staring at Tyree and became hard, and there was no hiding it. My dick was starting to come out of the towel, so I had to keep adjusting myself. Breeze came back over and told Tyree that he had some business to attend to a little later and needed to wrap things up. He pulled out five thousand dollars and placed in on the table in front of Tyree. He informed him that if he didn’t want a contract he didn’t have to sign one, but if he wanted the money he had to do at least one sex scene that may or may not ever get used, or seen by anyone. After a brief moment Tyree asked, “So you’re saying there’s a chance no one will see this, and I don’t have to kiss him, or get fucked?

“That’s correct! So what’s it going to be?” Breeze replied.

“FUCK!!!!” Tyree yelled out at loud as he could which caused his voice to echo throughout the warehouse. He put his head down, and then he looked back up at Breeze.

“I can’t believe I’m about to say this, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to go through with it, but if I don’t do it I’ll have to use the money I have left to fly back home tomorrow, or I’m going to be out on the streets. I don’t have anyone here to depend on. To be honest I really don’t have anything back in Detroit either except drama, and a father who is a police officer that’s ashamed of me because of my past, so I need that money.” He put his head back down again and said, “Fuck it, tell me what to do.”

Chapter 5

“
I didn’t ask you to be my personal shopper.”

“I don’t want to dye my hair Breeze. I have had it this way since high school and it works for me.”

This was my first time seeing Breeze since our sexcapade back at his house and I wasn’t too happy. We had talked the whole week and he tried desperately to make me understand why I had to change the way I looked.

“You could stay the same if we were going to market you as the girl next door but that’s not who you really are. You are a sex kitten who has just found her wild side.”

“So are you saying that I’m not sexy or interesting this way? It turned you on, didn’t it?”

I was offended. It’s never easy hearing that you are not good enough the way you are.

“If it was up to me, I would leave you like you are now, but we are selling sex and the bedroom fantasies of our fans. You are not a housewife who just has to worry about turning her husband on; you are turning on and fucking the whole world. You have to fulfill their sexual appetites.”

We went back and forth on the issue all week and it still wasn’t resolved. I wasn’t going to change my mind about it, even though I did give in a little.

“You’re at the best salon in LA. Just sit back and let them work their magic. I guarantee you that you will love the end results.”

I gritted my teeth hoping that “go fuck yourself” didn’t come flying out. I was pissed that I was deemed by him as unsellable the way I was, but there wasn’t much I could do. I had signed my life away and now I just had to grin and endure it.

Seven hours, a bleach and dye job later, my dark brown hair was parted down the middle and platinum blonde. I could see it hanging down on my shoulders as the gay white hair stylist cut it in layers. I dreaded the moment he would turn me around. I didn’t want to see the porn monster that I had become. And as the make-up artist went to work on my face, I flashed back to my mother. I remember her sitting in the styling chair at the studio where her show used to be filmed. I thought that she was the biggest star on earth. People jumped to attention whenever she was around and treated her as if she were a queen on the throne. When they were done, I would walk over to her and ask if she was still my mommy because she looked so different.

“Oh, honey, what’s on the outside doesn’t change your heart or who you are. I will be your mother no matter how different I look on the outside. My heart will always belong to you, now breeze mommy’s face with two sweet kisses.”

She would say as I air kissed each side of her face. Once she was done, she would give herself one last look, and then blow a kiss to herself in the mirror. When she walked on the set, she represented a sex filled goddess. When her scene was done, it was as if all of the men’s eyes were on her. She had a way of walking that my father used to say stopped traffic. I embedded that walk and her style in my mind, and the more I thought about it, I realized that, that was the persona that I was going to try to take on. Although I didn’t think that her words were true, I knew that the lust that men had for her was undeniably true. I may have ignored it in my regular life, but I knew that it would help me in the adult movie world.

“Wait, don’t turn her around yet. I want her to put these on first.”

Breeze handed me a bag that was filled with what looked like stripper clothes and shoes. I must have looked at the bag funny because he felt that he had to convince me.

“Don’t give me shit about this too. I got them from a high end store named
The Kitty’s Kat
. It caters to the stylish porn stars and stripper.”

“I didn’t say that I wasn’t going to put them on, it’s just that---.”

“It’s just what? This is what you’re going to wear most of the time when you’re working anyway. Look, I didn’t have to do this. I have gone out of my way for you and I expect you to appreciate it.”

For the first time since meeting him, I could see the frustration in his eyes. He was going out of his way for me and I was acting childish. In a way, he was right. We all do change for our jobs in some way shape or form. We never are who we really are at work.

“That fire engine red with the side cut outs will look banging on you now that your hair is platinum blonde. When you come out I’ll have Charlie change your lipstick to match,” said the hair stylist.

I didn’t put up much of a fight from then on. I just got up and went into the bathroom to change. Breeze even got me a G-string so that I didn’t have a panty line, not that there was much room for anything else. After I came out Charlie removed and applied my new lip color and I was ready for the big reveal. I closed my eyes as I awaited the okay from Breeze to look.

“Go ahead and take a look Jazzy. You are stunning.”

I slowly opened my eyes and damn near fell out. Who was this person that I was looking at? She looked nothing like the old me. It was as if my eyes were playing tricks on me. I looked at myself and I looked good. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of myself. It was like night and day.

“You look great, baby, all you’re missing is this,” he said as he wrapped a three carat diamond necklace that had round stones from one end to the other.

“Oh, my God Breeze, it’s so pretty and sparkly,” I said as the chain mesmerized me. All of the good jewelry I owned was the stuff I had gotten from my mother as a child. That’s one thing that the alcohol never took from her. She always had a good eye when it came to jewelry. To this day, she has at least three jewelry boxes filled with only the best of jewels.

“Damn, Jazzy, if I knew you were going to be this happy with just the necklace, I wouldn’t have gotten you the rest.”

Breeze then pulled out and opened a jewelry box that held the matching ring, earrings, and bracelet to the necklace that he had just given me.

“Are you fucking with me or are these things really mine?” Everything just seemed too good to be true.

“Wait, this is not coming out of my future pay is it?” I had heard stories before. There were plenty of people in the music biz that were handed what they thought were gifts only to find out that they would end up having to pay for these items.

“I wasn’t going to say anything but since you asked, yeah, they will come out of future earnings.”

“Take it back. I didn’t ask you to be my personal shopper,” I said, hurt and pissed. Here I was thinking that he had brought me a gift because he liked me. Boy, did I feel dumb, and the expression on everyone’s face had let me know that I wasn’t too far from it.

“Calm down, girl, it was just a joke. Nothing will be taken out of your future royalties. I just wanted to give you a little gift.”

The sad part about that day is that he really was going to make me pay for it if I didn’t throw such a fit. I let him put everything back on me and continued to look at myself.

“Are you happy that I made you do this?”

“It’s so different; I’m going to have to get used to it, but, yes, I like it.”

“What are you doing tonight, feel like hanging out?”

I had to think about it. If Tanya got wind of Breeze and I living it up on the town, I’m sure both of us would have hell to pay, and I have never really been a home wrecker. But those two things were my only roadblocks. When I stood there and weighed my options, the good things that would come out of getting closer to Breeze outweighed the bad.

“So what’s on the agenda?”

A smile like no other spread across his face. He was sure that I was going to turn him down, but I loved what I saw when I looked in the mirror and I wanted to show myself off.

“First, we’ll go to dinner at a sexy new spot that I just found and then, well let’s just play it by ear.”

That was fine with me. He hadn’t given me any reasons to distrust him so I was ready for whatever.

I felt like the super star that I came out to L.A. to be when we pulled up to the restaurant. Breeze seemed to know everyone and they all seemed to have tons of respect for him.

“Damn, Breezy, you always have something sexy on your arm. I can’t wait to see what this one can do. When’s her movie coming out?”

I had to remind myself that because I was with him and dressed like a stripper, people would know what I was. It felt strange, disgusting, and excited all at once. I looked around and noticed a lot of eyes on me. I tugged at my dress and couldn’t stop. Maybe if I tried in vain to make it longer people would look away.

“Stop fidgeting with your clothes. Try to relax; people are looking at you because you look good, Jazzy. Try and enjoy it,” Breeze said to relax and enjoy things so much that he should have coined the phrase. He was acting as if I grew up in the same over exposed world that he did. Shit, I still hadn’t wrapped my head around what lead me there. But I still did what I could to please him that night. I spoke when spoken to and smiled and laughed when the situation called for it. I couldn’t understand what was going on. I felt so good about myself in the hair salon, but now I just felt like I looked like an out of place kid who everyone could tell was playing dress-up.