PORN STARS... More Than Just Moans (2 page)

If Fabiola or Matthew left any names out,  feel free to add yours here. _______________________________________

Most likely, it was not on purpose.

This is a work of fiction. Jamar and Jazzy live in our minds and on paper. They may go around having unprotected sex with multiple people, but that is not real life. Please WRAP it up! AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases are real. Don’t live in a made up world where you think you can tell if a person has something. Look at everyone as if they have something. Get tested and use protection!

That is what I keep asking myself as I sit across from the person who is here to take my life. Being in this situation forces me to really think about life, my life. I have been Jezebel for so long that I can’t remember my prior existence. There are times that I would catch a glimpse of her but in that same second, she’d go away. I’ve thought about going home, but would that really help? It’s not like I knew who I was when I was there. Plus, I am too afraid to go back and face my past. I left behind so many expectations that going back would only force me to face lost dreams and family disappointments.

I knew before I came here that the streets of L.A. are paved with broken dreams and battered souls, but I really thought that my story would be different. I had the looks, the skills, and the drive to be the actress/director that I wanted to be, but the problem was that there are too many people here with the same qualifications. Being broke, hungry, and ambitious can be a deadly combination in this city and those words summed up the situation that I was in about a year ago. When I left Baltimore, I told my mother that the next time she saw me, it would be on TV. She was a big-time actress back in Puerto Rico in the 70s, and she had everything going for her until she met Jack, Jack Daniel’s that is. I went from living in an eight bedroom house with maids and drivers, to coming to America and dying in a one bedroom apartment in Baltimore.

When I say dying, I don’t mean it in a literal sense, but I was dying emotionally and mentally. The first blow came when my father told us that he wasn’t leaving his native island for a place that he knew nothing about. I tried for weeks to talk him into coming with us but it was no use. It wasn’t until later that I found out that he was just sick of my mother’s ways. After getting fired from the soap opera that she worked on, she turned into a monster. She was drunk 24 hours a day and berating my dad and I became her hobby. She wasn’t the happy woman she had always been, and my father’s heart had become broken and empty. So empty that he fed me to the lion that was my mom and never gave it a second thought. Can I now say that my current location in life is the result of my father’s abandonment and my mother’s drinking? YES. But then, I would also have to say that my own two feet ran to this destination and that I paved my own path.

What do I do now? Do I continue to climb that jilted ladder and fight the winds and turbulence of the porn industry and life? Or, do I climb back down and fight to live? To live past today, and to live a life that isn’t filled with sex, lies, and porn stars?

“Do you really think that I give a shit about what you’re telling me? Well, I don’t. I just want to know what drove you to do what you did today, ‘cause that’s what got you in this predicament, in this chair, tied down, and about to die.”

As the words leave my attacker’s mouth, I feel sick to my stomach. I think about the life I was about to have with the man I truly love and wish that things had turned out differently. I should have known that the seedy world of porn would take me down. However, like most of the others, it sucked me in and blinded me. The attention fed my once lost ego and I don’t think that there is any going back after that. Being the top-selling Latino porn star did not come easily. I thought that being a topnotch starlet meant that you had to suck a lot of dicks, fuck like a pro, and market yourself until you borderline overkill your fans. Boy, was I wrong. The adult industry demands much more than that; it asks for all of you and you must deliver every last drop. Most times, you must even give yourself up and become the person that it has formed you to be. Then, once you have hit that point of no return, you rarely even remember who you were before you became the devil that you are today. Plus, I didn’t know that I would be tied to a chair, bruised, and beaten, all because I chose to save my best friend’s life.

“Now, are you going to tell me what I want to know, or are you going to take it to the grave with you? Either way, you are going to the grave-today.”

I receive another blow to the face and as I relive the last year of my life, I pray that I can find the words, the rights words to save me from this real-life monster.

Chapter 1

“
You’re my little Jezebel.”

“What makes you think that you can do this?”

The sexy man that looked like he was in his early twenties asked me. Not being prepared made his question echo in my head. Could I really do this? I could barely have sex in my private life with the lights on. Yet, there I sat, in front of a man that would want me to suck, fuck, and cum on demand. To make things worse, it may be viewed by millions, well, that’s if you’re lucky.

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think that I was ready, Mr. Breeze.”

The words just flowed out off of my tongue as if I were telling the truth. Although I thought that I had him convinced, I still had to keep my hands under his desk so that he wouldn’t see them shaking.

“Do you have your health papers with you?”

I reached into my purse and handed them to him. I watched his eyes go from the dates on the paper to my STD status.

“Well, it looks like everything is in order. Are you showered, shaved and ready to go?”

“Ready to do what; I didn’t think that I would be doing anything today?” I answered, as I shifted in my seat.

“Oh, you will be filming today; it’s just that it won’t be sold. I am going to have the pleasure of test-driving you myself,” Breeze answered, as he looked over my body. He didn’t do this with everyone, but he liked what he saw and he was very open about that.

Sensing the resistance in my voice, he tried his best to make me see things his way.

“You didn’t think that we were just going to sign you to a big movie deal without knowing if you have what it takes, did you? That’s not how things work here; you can ask any one of our girls.”

I had never really taken the time to really think about it. I just always thought that if you looked good and were clean, you would automatically have the porn doors opened to you.

“Look, Jasmine, this is not an industry for the faint of heart. A lot of girls walk through that door, but they don’t last too long. We, here at Fantasy Pictures, hold our actors to a higher standard. We like to give our customers a feeling of fantasy fulfillment .We want you to love sex. We want your moans and panting to be real. Our customers want you to get wet because you feel good, not because we poured a bottle of lube on your pussy. Well, not unless we get a request to do so,” Breeze laughed, as if what he just said was the funniest things that he had heard in a long time. I kept a straight face.

“It’s all about fun here, Jazzy. We want you to feel it down to the bone. When you cum, it has to be because your body is really exploding. We want your legs shaking and your eyes rolling to the back of your head. And we want it to be real.”

As he went on and on about the joys of really having sex, I started to faze him out. I don’t think that I had ever really enjoyed sex. My friends would always talk about cumming and, so I wouldn’t be left out, I would lie, join them, and talk about how good it was. But the truth of the matter was that I had never had an orgasm in my life. Not even when I masturbated.

“Here’s what I want you to do. I’m going to have Tanya take you upstairs. You can shower and have your hair and makeup done. While doing so, I want you to really think about this. If you show up on stage three, in about two hours, then I’ll know that you’re ready, if not, well, another one that may have been really good, bites the dust.

“Who’s that?” I asked, as I noticed the picture of the older, slightly overweight Italian man on the office wall.

“That’s my father. If I wasn’t here today, I’m sure he would have jumped at the opportunity to take you for that test-drive,” Breeze answered with a smile. I damn near trembled at the thought of what he just said. I’m sure that he could read my thoughts about his father, but I didn’t care. I really wouldn’t have gone through with it if that was the case. I sure was happy that I didn’t put off going there like I had planned. The future would have held one of the worst sexual experiences of my life, or so I thought.

Tanya walked in and was told to take me to the locker room. It was as if her presence was felt before she even walked into the room. She embodied everything that I thought a porn star would be. As I followed her to the locker rooms, I wondered if this is what I was going to become. Once there, Tanya handed me a set of towels, douche, and body wash. As I took them from her, I admired her beauty. She was an Amazon, standing 5’10” without heels. Her hair was platinum and it almost looked natural. Her eyes were blue, while holding a tint of black like the deepest part of the ocean. Her breasts held my attention as I wondered if they were as fake as her lips.

“What did you think of Breeze?” she asked me, as my eyes darted back to hers from her double Ds.

“Oh, he was okay, much nicer than the other guy I met at SLICK Productions.”

“Well, stay away from him, he’s mine. It’s been three years and I almost have a ring on this finger. The last thing I need is for some mixed bitch to come in here and fuck with my shit.”

Tanya held up her left hand showing me an empty ring finger.

“You do know that we are about to—.”

“Yeah, I know, but you mean nothing to him. Just because you’re about to suck his cock doesn’t mean shit. If it doesn’t have to do with work then I don’t want to ever see you near him. Understand?”

While Tanya halfway intimidated me, we were joined by a black girl who stood by the door with her hands on her hips. She let out a healthy laugh once Tanya stopped talking.

“Girl, please, ain’t nobody thinking about Breeze. I am so sick of this tired ass speech that you feel that you have to give all the new girls. Plus, if we really wanted him, you wouldn’t still have him.”

I let out a small chuckle while I watched DeeDee Delight in action. She had a fast tongue and wasn’t afraid to use it. I took a liking to her right away.