Poughkeepsie (49 page)

Blake gave the slightest headshake.
No.

Livia set her jaw. She knew Chris always had his phone in his left jacket pocket. His screams had turned to whimpers. She pulled out the gun and lifted the safety. Cautiously, she inched closer to Chris and reached in his jacket pocket. He grabbed her wrist as soon as she made contact with the phone.

“You shot me. What the hell?” His voice and his grip were weak.

He was just a talking monster in her head. She ignored him. Livia slipped out of his grasp and dialed the phone while sprinting back to Blake. She propped it on her shoulder and put the gun’s safety back on before shoving it back in her pocket. She heard nothing, so she took a closer look at the phone. There was no goddamn signal.

She kneeled at Blake’s side again.

“Hey, handsome. I don’t have a signal. We’re going to have walk a bit. Let’s help you up.” Livia slipped her arm under his and tried to help him sit. He shouted, and Livia laid him down quickly.

“I’m so sorry. Is it that bad?” Frustration curled her fingers.

“Livia, it’s not good.” Blake hardly moved his lips.

His voice was just a hint. Just a whisper. Panic poured into Livia’s system.

“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. I’ll just drag you out.” Livia put down the flashlight.

“Wait. Why don’t
you
go get help?” Blake panted with the effort of his words.

“I can’t leave you here. Beckett’s enemies and Chris’s asshole friends are still out there. I can’t leave you.” She situated herself behind his head.

She heard him suck in a wet gasp as she lifted his shoulders and attempted to pull him out of the clearing. She tried so hard, fighting and straining to tow him. But he was too heavy. She hadn’t moved him at all. Livia gently laid his head on the ground.

“Oh good. You stopped. That hurt.”

Livia grabbed handfuls of her hair. “I’m sorry. That was stupid. You’re not supposed to move someone who’s injured.” Livia took off her jacket and made a little pillow for his head. “I don’t know what to do, Blake. You’re hurt. I can’t move you. The cell phone’s got nothing. I’ve no idea if they heard me over the police radio earlier.” She put her hands on his cheeks.

He kept his eyes closed for longer and longer periods of time, and he offered no answer to her problem. He seemed to be working on staying alive.
Are his lips that blue? Or is it the moon?
Livia knew she’d have to go for help.

“Hey, look, I’m going to run toward the road. I’ll call 911 as soon as I get a signal, and then I’m coming back. Does that sound right? Is that right?” Livia begged and told at the same time.

Blake opened his beautiful green eyes. He tried to smile, but it was just a grimace. “Livia. I love you too. Smile again.”

She hated his words. They were a goodbye. “I can’t smile, I have to run. I have to get help.” She tried to stand and felt the gentle pressure of his hand on her thigh.

“Smile again.” He worked to keep his eyes open.

Livia picked up the hand that had stopped her. She lifted it to her lips and kissed every knuckle. By the time Livia tried to smile, only one of his green eyes was focused on her face. Her forced smile used all the wrong muscles.

“Good enough,” he joked.

“I’m going to be right back. Hang on. All this love is stealing time.” She pulled herself from his side. “Stay right here, Blake. Hang on. Okay? Hang on.”

Livia found the flashlight she’d pummeled Chris with, and it still worked. Chris had stopped making noises altogether—not that Livia cared. She forced herself out of the clearing and to the edge of the woods and begged herself not to turn around. If she saw Blake lying helpless, she wouldn’t be able to leave. A few more steps and the trees enveloped her in their darkness, adding fear of the unseen to everything else she was shouldering. She steeled herself and began to sprint. Twenty steps in, she felt her soul grind to a halt.
Go back.

She couldn’t even argue. She doubled back and stared at Blake’s form. Something was different. He wasn’t there.
No.
She ran to him. Setting her ear to his chest and hushing her own panting, she waited. And waited. She put two fingers on his neck to feel for a beat. She watched for a breath.
No beat. No breath. Nothing.

In theory, she knew just what to do. Her dad always made sure his girls got in on the CPR recertification down at the precinct. It hadn’t even been three months since she’d resuscitated a cold, white CPR dummy. Thirty to two.
Simple.

But this was far from simple. She second- and third-guessed herself.
What if he’s breathing and I can’t see it?
She sat back and looked at her still, beautiful love.
Do it now.

Livia positioned Blake’s head and plugged his nose. She clasped her mouth around his. One breath, two breaths.

The metallic taste of his blood met her lips, joining the blood from her mouth’s wound. She positioned her hands, almost an inverted prayer, and committed herself to the act. Livia pushed her hands straight down from her shoulders, as she’d practiced time after time. The tearing and popping sounds were unexpected, and she powered through a wave of nausea.

“One and two and three and four and five and six…”

Oh, God don’t let me hurt him
.

“…and seven and eight and nine and ten and eleven…”

Am I really doing this? Here? Is this real?

“…and twelve and thirteen and fourteen and fifteen…”

We’re in the middle of nowhere. No one is going to find us. Even the fire has gone out.

“…and sixteen and seventeen and eighteen and nineteen…”

He’s dead. I’m just beating on his body
.

“…and twenty and twenty-one and twenty-two and twenty-three and twenty-four…”

My arms hurt. How can my arms hurt now? Blake. I can’t. I can’t be here without you.

“…and twenty-five and twenty-six and twenty-seven and twenty-eight and twenty-nine and thirty.”

The next step was simple: cover his mouth and fill his lungs with air. Breathe into him with life’s breath. Livia did so, licked her lips, and started compressions again.

“And one and two and three and four and five and six and seven…”

I’ve got to be positive. I have to know he’ll make it.

“…and eight and nine and ten and eleven and twelve and thirteen and fourteen…”

We’re going to grow old together, Blake. We’re going to hold hands and kiss.

“…and fifteen and sixteen and seventeen and eighteen and nineteen…”

I’m giving you all my energy. All this love and hope. It’s going from my heart to yours, through my hands.

“…and twenty and twenty-one and twenty-two and twenty-three…”

Feel it, Blake. Feel it.

“…and twenty-four and twenty-five and twenty-six and twenty-seven…”

I love you so much. I’m going to love you forever. Can you feel that, Blake?

“…and twenty-eight and twenty-nine and thirty.”

Livia leaned down, repositioned Blake’s head, and filled his lungs twice more. As she put her hands on his chest to keep her rhythm, she looked down at his face, at his skin.

“And one and two and three and four and five and six…”

Am I imagining that? Your skin?

“…and seven and eight and nine and ten and eleven…”

Blake! Blake, your skin! It’s just like glass, Blake. You’re really sparkling. I can see it. I can really see it. Your skin is amazing!

Livia’s tears landed on her hard-pumping hands. Nothing would stop her from beating Blake’s heart for him now. Nothing. Not even the sound of people crashing through the woods.

“…and twelve and thirteen and fourteen and fifteen and sixteen and seventeen…”

You’re glistening, Blake. I’ll never stop. I’ll never stop.

40

If I Wanted You to Cry

E
VE
H
AD
A H
ORRIBLE
feeling. She and Beckett had been doing their best to walk quietly in the direction Mouse pointed when they heard the first gunshot. They let go of each other’s hands and broke into a run, weaving through the thick trees. A few minutes later, they heard two more quick pops.

Eve kept herself at a dead run mostly so she could get to the situation, whatever it was, before Beckett did. She couldn’t look at him again and see guilt and horror. Losing Mouse had already been too much. If Blake had been taken from him too…But despite her best effort, the underbrush and haphazard trees were doing an excellent job of slowing her the hell down, and Beckett lumbered close behind.

They should still have been trying to be quiet, but Beckett would go in guns blazing, so she needed to have his back
and
his front. Eve briefly entertained shooting him in the foot or knocking him out, just to keep him safe. He was a charging bull, but after having planned Beckett’s death for years, she would not allow it to happen now.

When they stumbled together into a clearing, even in their panic the blue moonlight made it ethereal, like a fairy ring. But in the center knelt Livia, counting out compressions.

Beckett stopped in his tracks. “No no no no no no.”

Livia looked exhausted. Eve knew the marathon toll CPR took on your arms. As she moved to join her, Eve took fierce pride in the brave beauty of a woman alone in the woods, working her hardest with no help on the horizon. Livia never stopped; she just kept on counting as Eve knelt on the other side of Blake.

“…and fourteen and fifteen and sixteen and seventeen…”

Eve spoke over the precious numbers. “Livia, I’m going to take over compressions and breaths on the next cycle. I know what I’m doing, okay?”

Livia nodded and pushed. “…twenty-nine and thirty.”

Livia placed a hopeful open-mouthed kiss on Blake’s pale lips. Eve set up her arms and continued where Livia had left off.

Her arms suddenly free, Livia stroked Blake’s face and whispered. “I see it, sweetheart. I was right—you’re beautiful when you’re glass.”

Eve kept the steady metronome of artificial heartbeats in her head. They needed to move rapidly.
Blake has a fucking chance. I have to believe that.

Eve shouted to Beckett just before her two breaths. “Beckett, do you hear that? You need to run as fast as you can and flag down those sirens. They sound close. Go, baby. You have to run!”

Beckett seemed energized by having a job and took off faster than she’d ever seen him move. Eve resumed her chest compressions.
Nice and constant. Pump the blood. Keep it moving.
She looked around the clearing. It seemed empty, but there was a pile of something off to one side near the trees.

Livia rubbed Blake’s unresponsive hands and talking of their future. “Blake, we’ll walk in the woods together. We have forever. Just wake up, okay? That’s the deal we’re making right here. You wake up and we get to have forever.”

Eve tried to ignore the words to give Livia privacy. Two more breaths.
Crap, this is hard. How long has Livia been doing this?
“Livia, do you know how many cycles you gave him?” Eve asked when Livia paused.

Livia put Blake’s hand on her cheek. “I’m not sure. I was counting to thirty.” Her eyes never moved from Blake’s still face.

“You did great. Do you know what happened to him? Are there any dangerous people around us?” Eve finished a cycle of compressions and leaned down for Blake’s mouth.

“Blake stepped in front of a bullet for me. It went into his back. I have no idea if we’re safe.” Livia smoothed Blake’s hair.

“Listen, I need you to put pressure on his wound to stop the bleeding,” Eve said. She felt an ache climb up her arms.

Livia took her shirt off and faced in the cold night in her bra. Eve helped lift Blake up a bit so Livia could find the source of the blood. As Eve resumed the cycle, the noise of what had to be Beckett’s Hummer came crashing into the clearing. Headlights bounced around like two tandem falling stars. Beckett’s demanding voice filled the night.

“Right there—that’s my brother. Right fucking there.” The paramedics descended, breaking out bags and tubes and needles.

Eve gave them all the information she could. As they prepared the paddles to shock Blake, Eve pulled Livia away, not sure if she’d realize
Clear!
meant she had to let go of Blake’s hand.

A police officer came and took Livia from Eve’s arms, hugging her hard and kissing the top of her head. “Livia, dear God.”

Livia turned into the man. “Dad, I did CPR. He’s going to make it, right?”