Practically Perfect (12 page)

ANNA HAD MIXED
feelings about her sister and brother-in-law’s impending visit. On the one hand, she loved them both and hadn’t seen her sister for ages. On the other, she wanted her little house to look its best for them and that was quite difficult to arrange. The floor was still looking wonderful but it was difficult to make the boarded-up end wall look good. Anna was not planning to do the brickwork herself, or the plastering. While she could make some sort of a fist of it, if all her work now had to be inspected by the Dog and Building Police, she wanted it to be right. (This far from snappy but appropriate soubriquet had taken root in her mind and she found it hard to remember that Rob Hunter had a name apart from the DABP.)

‘But they’re not staying the night, are they?’ asked Chloe, giving Anna the coffee she craved. It was the day before they were due to come, and Anna was fussing.

‘No, they’ll probably be rushing back to Yorkshire, but I will give them lunch.’

‘What? Salad?’

‘It’s too cold for salad. Soup, I thought.’

‘You’re going to make soup, with an electric kettle? That’ll be Soup in a Cup, I presume?’

Anna saw her point. ‘I’ve been meaning to buy one of those tabletop stoves. I need something to cook on, anyway, but I just haven’t got round to it. Laura won’t be impressed when I tell her I mostly cook at your house.’

‘She will be if she knows you do it while you babysit, and let me get out a bit. Why don’t you take them to the pub?’

‘I might well do that,’ said Anna, ‘but we couldn’t be long because of Caroline.’

‘Caroline’s all right, isn’t she?’

‘Well, yes, but when I was with you for longer than usual the other day, I came back to find she’d wee’d on the floor. And I know she couldn’t really have needed to go because I took her out before I went. It must have been psychological.’

‘Oh. And you wouldn’t want to come back from the pub with your sister and find a huge pool on the floor.’

‘No.’

Chloe thought for a moment. ‘I know. I’ll pop in and take her out while you’re at the pub.’

God, Chloe, that would be brilliant. Could you really?’

‘Of course.’

‘You’re a star!’

Chloe was also a star when, the following morning, just before the visitation, she bought Anna two huge bunches of daffodils and vases to put them in. So, when Anna waited at the end of the row for Laura and Will to arrive, having been warned by mobile phone, she knew her little house was looking charming. Even if it was mostly a building site.

Laura hardly waited until the van was stationary before she jumped out and embraced Anna, who was just as thrilled to see her. They hugged and laughed and talked over each other while Will observed them with his usual patience.

‘Where do you want these boards then?’ he asked eventually.

‘Oh, sorry, Will!’ Anna hugged him. ‘Let’s get them out, but I should warn you that Caroline, that’s my dog, is frightened of men. You have to speak very quietly. In fact, I may put her in the garden while we unload.’

‘I can’t wait to see her,’ said Laura.

‘Well, grab hold of the end of this plank and your wish will be granted,’ said her husband.

Anna darted down the path and put Caroline into the garden, explaining there would be a certain amount of noise but then she could come in again. There would be a man, she said, but he was very nice.

‘You may not like him quite as much as you liked the DABP, but actually he’s nicer.’

Caroline, apparently understanding every word, looked over her shoulder at Anna, squatted down and produced a puddle the size of the Serpentine.

‘Oh, Anna! It’s to die for!’ Laura squealed as she saw the outside of the house. ‘No wonder you fell in love with it!’

‘I didn’t fall in love … Oh, OK, I did, but you do see why.’

‘I do! Now let’s go inside. This plank weighs a ton.’

Anna opened the door. ‘You go in and wait while I help Will unload the others.’

‘No, no, I’ll come and help. Oh! This is going to be wonderful!’ Then Laura peered through the glass window that was at the top of the current back door. ‘Oh, is that Caroline? She’s enormous!’

‘She’s only the usual greyhound size,’ Anna said protectively. ‘You’ll meet her in a minute. Let’s just get the stuff unloaded.’

‘And while we’re about it,’ said Will, ‘there’s some furniture Laura thought you ought to have.’

Half an hour later, Anna’s house had taken on the appearance of a rather small junk shop.

‘It’s awfully kind of you,’ she said, not sure if she was grateful or annoyed.

‘Getting the bed up the ladder will be a bit tricky,’ Laura acknowledged, ‘but you do need one.’

‘Yes I do.’

‘And that little cooker is perfect.’

‘I was thinking of buying one,’ Anna admitted.

‘How have you been cooking up to now?’ Laura enquired curiously.

‘Look, let’s all sit down on those super armchairs,’ Anna cried, ‘and I’ll get Caroline. Then we can go to the pub.’

Caroline came in from the back garden. ‘Now, Will,’ said Anna. ‘Offer this biscuit. I’m trying to get her happier around men. She won’t hurt you.’

Will offered the biscuit, and Caroline, after a few moments’ thought, delicately took it from his fingers.

‘Well done, darling!’ said Anna.

‘I did think I did rather well,’ admitted Will.

Anna gave him a withering look and Caroline carried her biscuit over to the newly arrived sofa and climbed up.

There was a small, eloquent silence. ‘Oh, Anna! You’re not going to let her get on the furniture, are you?’

Anna took her sister’s arm, burrowed for her keys in her pocket, and escorted her family out of her house, leaving Caroline in possession of the sofa and the biscuit.

‘I’ll sort it out later,’ she said as they went down the lane, ‘and I must admit, if I scrape my leg on the corner of Caroline’s bed again, I’ll take to wearing puttees. At least the sofa won’t attack me.’

A couple of hours later, Anna, Laura and Will came back from the pub and edged their way in. What had seemed to Laura and Will to be a few bits and pieces had eaten up all the floor space in Anna’s cottage like a power-hungry
monster
. Caroline was treating the sofa like a life-raft, and so far no one had had the heart to make her give it up. There was also no room for her on the floor.

‘Right,’ said Will, taking charge in a manly way that was half irritating and half wonderful, ‘we need some muscle.’

Anna thought for a minute. ‘Mike’s home, Chloe’s husband. I could ask him.’

‘It’ll take more than two of us to get that double bed up the ladder,’ said Will. ‘Even though it does come apart.’

‘I’m sure there’s another neighbour Mike can ask,’ said Laura. ‘Come on, let’s go and see Chloe. I want a look at her staircase.’

‘She’s probably terribly busy,’ said Anna, protective of her friend’s lazy Saturday. ‘It’s the weekend, she’ll have the boys home—’

‘Don’t be silly! She’s a good friend of yours.’

Anna knocked tentatively on Chloe’s door. Chloe had expressed a desire to meet Laura, but she had also made it clear that she didn’t want her coming round without plenty of warning.

‘Hi, Chloe.’ Anna spoke quickly and apologetically. ‘I know you haven’t got time for visitors, but I was just wondering if Mike was available to give Will a hand with some furniture? There’s a double bed to go up my ladder.’

Anna was standing firmly in front of the crack of the door that Chloe had opened, so Laura couldn’t see if the house was untidy.

‘We’re painting,’ said Chloe firmly, ‘but you can come in if you don’t mind the mess.’

‘Gosh no,’ said Laura, following Anna into the house. ‘I’ve got boys of my own. But only two,’ she added, impressed at the sight of Bruno, Tom and Harry, all sitting at the kitchen table, wearing plastic aprons, with paint-brushes
in
their hands. They were decorating models made of plaster of Paris. Several sets of dwarves sat around dolefully, looking for Snow White, who had not been made, being female and thus uninteresting.

‘I’m sure Mike would love to heft furniture about,’ said Chloe, pleased that Laura had found her being so creative, and such a good mother. ‘He’s been getting restive – he’s not usually at home so long.’ She called up the stairs: ‘Mike! We need muscle!’

Mike thundered down. He always made Anna think of the wrong-sized doll in the doll’s house: he was too big. But he was a very kind man, and agreed to help immediately.

‘We might need an extra bod,’ said Laura, smiling up at him.

It occurred to Anna that Laura had inherited all their mother’s famed ability to get people to do things for her. Either that or she hadn’t rejected the use of feminine wiles in the way that Anna had.

‘I’ll ask Bill from two doors down. He’s a big lad,’ said Mike, eager to help. ‘I’ll go and see if he’s out of bed yet.’

‘It’s three o’clock in the afternoon!’ said Chloe.

‘Yes, but he likes his kip.’

Anna and Laura didn’t follow Mike. Chloe put the kettle on, Anna joined in the painting, and Laura inspected the staircase. When Laura had perched at the bit of the table not covered with Disney characters, Chloe got out the chocolate-biscuit tin.

The boys, seeing this, eyed Laura anxiously, recognising an authority figure, even if she was dressed in jeans and a sweater.

Chloe selected a biscuit each for them, and then handed the tin to Laura, who took the smallest biscuit and said, ‘My favourite! I wonder what my two are up to?’

Anna took a larger one. ‘What do they do when they’re with their granny?’

‘Cooking, mostly.’

‘I like cooking,’ said the largest boy. ‘We do it at school sometimes.’

‘Yes, but only sweet stuff,’ said Chloe, her mouth full of chocolate. ‘When are they going to learn how to do a Sunday roast, or a nice pasta sauce?’

‘That’s up to us, I’m afraid,’ said Laura. ‘I reckon most education goes on in the home.’

There was a loud crash from next door. Anna winced, thinking of her newly waxed floorboards.

‘They’ll be saying bad words,’ said Tom sagely.

‘Yes,’ agreed Laura, ‘that’s why we’re over here and not helping. We wouldn’t want to be hearing bad words.’

‘I like bad words,’ said Bruno. ‘But Mummy doesn’t,’ he added quickly.

‘That’s right!’ said Chloe. ‘Now, are you going to give Anna that model of Caroline?’

‘When it’s finished. I haven’t done her tail yet. And it’s not really of Caroline.’

Anna inspected the model, which had the long droopy ears and slightly poppy eyes of a King Charles spaniel. ‘It’s got her loving expression, though.’

‘Are you going to curse me for dumping all that furniture on you?’ asked Laura. ‘I knew you hadn’t any, and it didn’t seem much in the van. Now it looks as if you should open a junk shop.’

‘It will look less overcrowded when the bed’s upstairs,’ said Anna cautiously. ‘But as long as you don’t mind me getting rid of anything I haven’t room for.’

‘Of course I don’t mind! I just feel silly for storing it all that time, but you know how it is, you learn to live without things and then you wonder why you ever hung on to them.’

‘You were storing my boards for me,’ Anna said gratefully. ‘I wouldn’t have wanted to get rid of them. They’re like solid gold.’

‘There are plenty of women at the mother-and-toddler group who haven’t got much furniture,’ said Chloe. ‘And I’m sure they’ll be happy to take anything off your hands that you don’t want. And you did need some things, Anna.’

‘You did,’ agreed Laura, and the two of them united in looking at Anna somewhat reproachfully, as if she were about to shun all worldly possessions and live in a cave.

‘I know!’ Anna felt ganged up on. ‘And I never look a gift horse in the mouth. The furniture that I need will be really useful. Just not quite as useful as my boards,’ she added more quietly.

‘I just hope you can make the staircase,’ said Laura, looking at Chloe’s again. ‘It’s very complicated.’

‘It’ll be fine,’ Anna insisted. ‘I’m very lucky I’ve got one to copy. It would be much harder working it all out from scratch.’

To Anna’s relief (she was suffering rather under the strain of two surrogate mothers), the men came back shortly afterwards.

‘Well,’ said Bill. ‘The bed’s upstairs now. Although how you manage with that ladder, I don’t know.’

‘She’s going to build a staircase,’ said Laura.

‘She’s very good at DIY,’ said Chloe.

‘You couldn’t really describe making a staircase as DIY, love,’ said Mike.

‘You know what I mean,’ said Chloe, looking anxiously at Anna to see if she’d caused offence.

‘Well, I will be doing it myself,’ said Anna, sounding more cheerful at the prospect than she felt. ‘Shall we go and see what it all looks like?’

Anna’s heart sank, rather, when she walked through
the
front door and realised how difficult it would be to move about.

Chloe was more positive. ‘Ooh, lots of good stuff here, Anna,’ she said, ‘but you’re not to get rid of anything until you’ve checked with me you don’t really need it. I know your minimalist tendencies.’

‘We put the boards over there,’ said Mike proudly. ‘Like a sort of table. I think they look rather nice.’

When everyone had finished ogling the furniture, and all three boys had been accompanied upstairs to inspect Anna’s new bed, (which conveniently came with a duvet and bedding), Laura declared it was time to go home.

‘I’m sorry to leave you in such chaos, but we don’t want to stretch Granny’s patience too much, or she won’t let me come again.’ Laura hugged Anna. ‘It’s been such fun! And it’s going to be dreamy when you’ve finished it. You won’t want to sell it.’

‘I’ll need to pay you back, Lo – and it’ll still be very small,’ she said.

‘We manage!’ said Chloe defensively.

‘But we haven’t got room for a dog,’ said Bruno, eyeing Caroline, who was staring in through the window as if the woes of the world were her personal responsibility.

‘It’s bound to feel a bit crowded now we’re all in it,’ said Will. ‘And once you’ve got the furniture arranged, it’ll be much more spacious.’

‘We should stay and help—’ began Laura.