Practice Makes Perfect (19 page)

He turned to find Paige standing in the doorway.

She looked like hell. Her clothes—the T-shirt he’d insisted she wear last night and her shorts—were wrinkled. Her hair was a mess. But it was her face that got to him.

If he’d ever seen anybody who’d been wrestling with demons, it was Paige Kendrick. His immediate reaction was to go to her, but he held himself back. She’d been pulling away from him since day one of their relationship, and now he needed her to make the first move.

Circling her waist, Paige said, “Hello, Ian.”

He folded his arms over his chest, but said nothing. “I, um, just stopped at your condo.”

“How nice.”

She raised her chin. “You’re angry.”

“Yeah, angry. And frustrated. And hurt, Paige.”

She glanced at her sister. Something wordless passed between them. “I’ll go check on Jewel,” Jade said.

Ian shook his head. “Don’t bother. I’m leaving.”

“No.” Paige looked...frightened. “Ian, don’t leave. I want to talk to you.”

“Well, you know what, Paige? For once, I don’t want to talk to you. I worried about you for hours this morning. Now that I know you’re all right, I’m out of here.” He pivoted and strode toward the gate.

She raced after him, reaching him just as he was about to open the gate. She grabbed his arm. “Ian, wait. Please, don’t go.”

His back to her, his fists clenched, he looked up at the sky. “I’m going, Paige. And this time I won’t be back.”

“Don’t say that.”

He whirled around. “Look, lady, I don’t know what making love means to you, but it means a hell of a lot to me. You left my bed without a word. You called your sister, not me. You went to see a patient—which is about the only part of this I understand. In any case, my place in your life is very clear. And it’s not enough. I won’t be an afterthought to you.”

“You’re not, Ian. Please, give me a chance to explain.”

“No. I’ve given you plenty of chances.” He grabbed the latch and threw it back. “I can’t do this anymore.” With that, he walked out.

o0o

TWO HOURS LATER, Paige stood on the porch of Ian’s condo, dressed in a purple-and-pink-flowered jumpsuit. Taking a calming breath, she willed her hands to stop shaking. She bit her lip, remembering his visit.

“If you let him go,” Jade had said, “you’re crazy.”

And then Paige had done something she hadn’t done since her parents died. She burst into tears.

Jade had comforted her. She’d held Paige and stroked her hair while she cried. Jade had taken her by the shoulders and given her a firm shake. “You’ve got a decision to make, Paige. You’ve got to let him in. He’s tired of coaxing you. Waiting for you to open up.”

“I know. I’d already decided to tell him everything about my past. But now it’s too late.”

“It’s never too late when a man cares about you.”

Paige had just shaken her head.

“But you’re going to have to fight for him.”

“It’s too late.”

“Nah. Let’s go fix you up with some ammunition.”

Reluctantly Paige had let Jade run a bath for her and help her dress. Though she felt a little better—Jade’s pep talk and fussing had given her courage—she lost her nerve when she arrived at Ian’s condo.

Remembering the conclusions she’d come to this morning, she rang the bell. No answer. Damn. Maybe he was by the river with Scalpel. She saw a path leading around back. Slowly she made her way down it.

They weren’t at the river. Both Ian and Scalpel were on the porch. Ian must have ignored the doorbell. He lazed in a recliner, watching a ball game on TV. In his hand, he held a bottle of beer, which he sipped occasionally. Scalpel sat at his side.

Paige knocked.

Ian looked up. When he saw her, his whole body stiffened, but he said nothing.

Scalpel stood and barked.

“Don’t suppose you could let me in, huh, buddy?”

The dog barked again, then nudged Ian’s hand.

“Sit, boy,” Ian said. “She’s not coming in.”

Scalpel sat.

“Ian, please, this is silly.”

Still, no answer.

“Please, Ian. Just give me ten minutes.”

He actually glanced at his watch, the creep. Rising, he set down his beer, crossed to the door and unlatched the new hook and eye he’d put up high, relatching it when she stepped inside. He crossed back to the chair, sank down and stared at the TV. “I don’t want you here, Paige.”

Determined, she strode across the room and picked up the remote. She flicked off the TV. “Well, considering how many times the reverse has been true, you owe me.”

He seemed surprised. Good. She knew she wasn’t going to get him back by being a doormat.

For the first time he really looked at her. His eyes narrowed. “Jade’s clothes aren’t going to help.”

“Actually this outfit’s mine.”

“Not quite Ms. All Business’s style.”

“It used to be. I used to dress a lot differently.”

He arched a brow.

Clasping her hands behind her back, she focused on her mission. “I went up to Nora and Dan’s cottage this morning. I sat on the dock and thought about things.”

He was weakening, she could tell. Though he checked his watch again and said, “Eight minutes,” there was concern in his eyes.

“I was looking forward to making love with you today. I decided to have one cup of coffee, then wake you up.”

He cocked his head. The concern in his eyes turned to warmth.

“I read the article in the paper about you and your family. Your organization.”

“I gathered that. Though I can’t for the life of me see why that would throw you into such a fit.”

“No, you wouldn’t. Because I’ve withheld from you.”

“Lady, that’s the understatement of the year. I know almost nothing about you. I didn’t even have your goddamned cell-phone number.”

The hurt on his face gave her the strength to go on. “I’m sorry.”

“My mother used to say that sometimes sorry isn’t enough.”

“Maybe an explanation will be.” Taking a deep breath, she crossed to the screen and stared out at the river. After a long moment, her back to him, she said, “I grew up in a dysfunctional home. My parents were hippies—still living in the sixties. They never supervised us, let Jade and me run wild.” She wrapped her arms around her waist. “They were heavily into chugs. We practically raised ourselves.”

“That must have been hard.”

“It was. When I was seventeen, they got busted and were forced to go into rehab in Pennsylvania.”

“What happened to you and Jade?” he asked from where he sat.

She drew another deep breath. She had never shared her past with anyone. “We went to live at the newly built Serenity House.”

“Paige. I didn’t know.”

“It was only supposed to be temporary. My parents were going to be in rehab for sixty days. When they got out, Jade and I were going home.” She paused. “The day they were released, they made a pit stop at their dealer’s. Then, high as kites, they climbed on their motorcycle and sped off. They crashed going eighty miles an hour on a dirt road. Thankfully, they died instantly.”

She heard him move to stand behind her, felt him clasp her arms. “I’m so sorry. You must have been devastated.”

“I was. So was Jade. But there’s...” She had to face him to tell him this. She pivoted.

He took one look at her face and rubbed her arms.

“There was another issue. I was...I was pregnant when I went to Serenity House.” She shook her head, stared over his shoulder. She could still see her laughing mother’s beautiful face. “When I found out I was going to have a child, my parents were delighted. They said I could keep the baby. That the father could live with us. They had that commune-culture mentality. But it never happened that way.”

“I’m so sorry. What did you do?”

“Both Jade and I stayed at Serenity House, and the baby was born there.” She shook her head. “Literally. Dan Whitman delivered her. A month early.” She sighed. “On April sixth. Do you know what day that is?”

“No.”

“It was the day you asked me to be part of the Center. For girls...like I’d been.”

“Oh, honey. If I’d known...”

“I gave her up for adoption.”

A light dawned in his eyes. “This morning, when you saw the article...”

“I freaked. It had been building, anyway.”

“Of course it had. Working at the Center. Finding out I was adopted, meeting Lynne.” He shook his head. “I’m so sorry I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have pushed you so hard to join the Center.”

“No, it’s all right. I’m glad I’m at the Center. I’m fine about the adoption, Ian. It was the right thing to do. Really, I’m adjusted.”

“Was it a closed adoption?”

“Of course. I didn’t want to know about it. I didn’t even know if the baby was a boy or girl until Darcy let it slip when we were talking about my working at the Center.”

“Darcy?”

“She spent a few months at Serenity House, too.”

He hugged her close. Kissed her hair. “I’m so sorry. All this with the Center, with RTK...it must kill you.”

She drew back. “No. No, it doesn’t. I’m all right. It’s just that the article threw me. I don’t know, it just was too much to take in.”

“I can understand that.”

“But I thought a lot about everything this morning. Trust. Intimacy.” She raised her hand to his face. “You. I know I have to trust you. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you this morning, but I’m very cautious, Ian. I had to think it through. Sitting on the dock, I realized I was tired of being alone. Of cutting everybody out. Jade and her situation had already brought that home to me. The article just gave me the final push.”

“It must have hurt. That she kept her baby and you didn’t.”

“No, not that. But her secrecy did. That she could think I’d condemn her because of what she did.”

“Paige, you can admit you hurt about giving up your child.”

“I don’t, Ian. For me, it was the right thing to do. And it’s all in the past.”

“Still—”

Her hands went to his mouth. “Shh. Please, let’s not get into that.” She leaned in closer. “I want to make love. I want to start to build this relationship. With trust.” She smiled. “With you, Ian.”

“Ah, Paige.” He raised his hands to her hair. “That’s one of the best things I’ve ever heard in my life.” He kissed her softly. His lips went lower and grazed the skin above the strapless top. “I lied earlier.”

“About what?”

“This outfit. It does help.” He tugged on the material with his teeth. “You look good enough to eat.”

She smiled. “I think it’s time for that feast, Ian. Please, take me to bed.”

He swept her up into his arms.

Scalpel barked as they left the room.

“What did he say?” she whispered against Ian’s chest.

“He said,
Bon appetit
.”

o0o

WHEN HE REACHED the bedroom, Ian was forced to set Paige on her feet. His hands were shaking badly. What she’d told him had affected him deeply and made him care even more for the complicated, desirable woman in his arms. Gently grasping her shoulders, he leaned down and touched her forehead with his. “Paige,” he whispered softly.

She entwined her arms around his neck and aligned her body with his. “Ian.”

“I--” He cleared his throat. “I feel so much for you.”

“So do I. For you.”

Pulling in a breath, he drew back slightly. Her blue eyes were smoky with desire. Yet shadowing that need was a defenselessness that humbled him and gave him the courage to say, “Making love with you is important to me, honey. What I feel is beyond anything I’ve felt ever before.”

She grasped his hand, kissed it. “For me, too, Ian. I’m shaking inside.”

It took him a couple of tries to unfasten the snap at the back of her jumpsuit. He swore. She giggled.

He struggled for equilibrium. Slowly he slid the top of the suit to her waist. Her strapless lacy half-bra was a delicate pink. When his knuckles grazed the exposed tops of her breasts and raised tiny pinpricks of gooseflesh, she closed her eyes. Sighed. Moaned. Her pleasure was intoxicating. He unhooked the front closure and she spilled into his hands. He caressed her, cradled her, then leaned over and took a breast into his mouth.

“Oh, Ian,” she murmured.

Kneeling, he removed the rest of her clothes, buried his face in her stomach for a few moments, then kissed his way up her body.

Her fingers went to his shirt and disposed of it. “I love your chest,” she said. Then with purposeful intent, she ran her fingers lightly over his abdomen. Slowly and seductively, as if she was savoring every moment, she loosened his belt, released the snap and lowered the zipper of his shorts. When she went down on her knees, his body ricocheted at her bold caresses. “Mmm, Ian,” she whispered against his erection, “you taste so—”

He pulled her up fiercely. “I’m gonna lose control, baby,” he said as he held her tightly, willing his heart to stop racing. When it finally did, he lifted her onto the bed. He fumbled in the nightstand, made quick work of putting on a condom, then covered her body with his. He brushed her cheek with his fingertips.

“More, Ian,” she said raggedly.

“Mmm. Much more.” He nibbled on her chin. His tongue trailed along her jaw. His mouth found her breasts, suckled there again.

Sliding his hand down the front of her body, his fingers tangled in her curls. When he found her wet and hot, he inhaled deeply. “I love how you respond. To me.”

Paige opened her heart to Ian’s words and her body to the insistent probing of his fingers. He rubbed his knuckles against her, and she cried out with the staggering pleasure of the touch. He soothed her with his lips against her cheek. “Let me.”

Let him? She was nearly incoherent with desire, and couldn’t have stopped him if she...Oh, God, his fingers...

“Ian! Ah, Ian...”

But still he prolonged the caress. He kissed her gently, calming her. Once she relaxed, he became insistent again, exploring her, exciting her.

She grew dizzy with the climb, going higher and higher. Her breath caught as if she was scaling a mountain. Unsure of her footing, she gasped, grabbed on to him. His shoulders were slick with sweat, and the rasp she heard was the rapid escalation of his breathing.

“Now, honey.” The words were barely audible. “I have about a minute of sanity left.”