Pretty Fly for a White Guy: The Complete Series Collection (36 page)

“Of course I do,” I said honestly.

“That’s what I thought. I’m going to speak to him and try to convince him to cancel this whole thing, I’ll give you call tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

Then the call was over. I didn't know what to say or think. I didn’t want to get my hopes up, but I wasn’t ready for Kenneth to get married to someone else. I would feel sorry for Amanda, but Kenneth was supposed to be with me. They weren’t meant for each other in the way that we were. I couldn’t focus on that because I had other things to get done but throughout the day, it kept popping into my head.

I really should not have even bothered thinking about it as by the next morning I discovered the outcome. I woke up to a text from Michael that said, “I couldn’t change his mind. I'm sorry.”

In that moment I knew there was no going back from this and I had to go to the wedding because it was like watching a train wreck. I had to be there to see it for myself. I had to watch him do the unthinkable and I needed to give myself closure. It was time for me to see our book come to a close for good. It sucked that it had to be ended that way.

Of course Patrice and Jasmine agreed to come to the wedding with me. They planned to pick me up, and we would all ride together. I appreciated Jasmine for being with me because she was engaged, and I’m sure that Cedric probably wanted her to go with him. She was being a great friend, even though I’d been acting like a complete brat lately. I had two of the best friends that a woman could ever have.

#Chapter6

“
I’m broken, and I’m just starting to forgive myself for what I did.”

Michael

My heart was breaking as I watched Kenneth at the front of the church with Amanda. She looked stunning in her all white dress. I was doing my best to ignore the slight swell of her belly. Was she pregnant? We’d gone through most of the ceremony and the critical point had finally come in the ceremony. Patrice and Jasmine were holding my hands and giving them a slight squeeze for support.

The Minister asked Amanda if she would take Kenneth to be her husband and she eagerly said yes. My heartbeat sped up, and I felt as if I was going to be sick, and the minister proceeded with a complete disregard for my feelings. He asked Ken the same question and before Kenneth could open his mouth I yelled, “NO!”

Everyone in the church looked at me, and my friends looked at me in shock. I couldn’t believe that I said that out loud. But it was too late to turn back, I pulled my hands from my friends’ grasp and stood to me feet.

“
You should be with me and you know that,” I pleaded.

In that moment I was preparing myself to walk out because I’d ruined his wedding, and him and his bride to be would probably never forgive me. He stared at me, and I didn’t even want to know what was going on in his head.

“Wait,” he exclaimed before I turned to walk out, “You’re right.” He stepped off of the podium and walked quickly towards me. I ignored all of the looks of horror that we were getting from everyone because I no longer cared what they thought. This was my life, and it was incomplete without him.

He scooped me up into his arms and we walked out of the church, the sunshine hit our faces, and I knew that we were making the right decision. It was time for us to finally have our own happily ever after.

Then, I woke up.  My heart was still beating fast as I looked around my bedroom in disappointment. My subconscious had played a horrible trick on me, and I felt like I’d been dropped from a tall building. Life didn’t work out the way that it was playing out in my head. Kenneth was getting married, and there was nothing that I could do about it.

Before my feet touched the floor, my doorbell rang.

I was a little annoyed because I was accustomed to my friend’s calling first, and I was just grumpy. It’s not every day that the love of your life gets married to someone else and you have to sit and watch. Well, no one was really making me, but I felt like it was the right thing to do. I looked out of the window and I saw Michael standing at the door. My heart raced because I knew what he wanted to talk about and maybe he’d gotten Kenneth to change his mind. I did my best not to torture myself with that kind of thinking but it still crossed my mind.

I quickly buzzed him in and he made his way up the stairs. He was dressed in his tuxedo and he looked absolutely amazing. I had to remind myself that he was my ex-boyfriend’s brother and completely off limits. But his suit fit to perfection and it showed off his broad chest and toned physique.

“This should be your uniform,” I joked.

“If that’s your way of telling me that I look nice, thank you,” he said.

“You’re very welcome, and the pleasure is all mine.”

I didn’t know why I had chosen humor because I wasn’t feeling particularly humorous. I was nervous as hell as he stepped into my apartment. He needed to get to talking, so that he could put me out of my misery.

He grinned, “Sorry for showing up at your house without any notice but I wanted to explain what happened with Kenneth. I sent you a text, and you deserved more than that.”

“At this point it really doesn’t matter anymore,” I said.

“But I think that it does,” he interjected.

“Oh yeah?”

“Well I approached him about this ridiculous wedding but I treaded lightly because his pride is off of the charts.”

I took a seat on my couch and motioned for him to have one as well. It was clear that he wanted to talk about what happened with him and his brother. I could see the frustration written all over his face and I wondered if he needed to tell me any of this information at all, or if he just wanted to vent. I wasn’t in the business of being rude, so I decided to listen and I hoped that my heart could take it. It was pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things because my heart was already ripped into pieces and so a few more shreds wouldn’t make much of a difference.

“Believe me, I know. Your brother is one of the most stubborn men that I’ve ever met in my life. When he decides to do something, he does it and he doesn’t care what anyone else thinks. So what happened?” I asked trying to move the conversation along faster. I needed him to get to the point.

“
Well, I asked him if he was in love with Amanda, and I suggested that he at least postpone the wedding,” he said.

“Okay,” I said.

Michael sat back on the couch and ran a hand down his face, “He’s just so fucking thick headed.”

I inwardly rolled my eyes. I needed to start getting dressed before my friend’s arrived or they would talk major shit.

“
I wouldn’t press this issue if I didn’t think that he was making a huge mistake,” he continued.

“But it’s his decision at the end of the day, and he has a right to decide what direction his life goes in.”

“Absolutely, but I truly believe that he’s only going through with this wedding because he doesn’t want to leave Amanda while her father is dying. Ken admitted that the wedding was happening a lot faster than he would have liked, but he doesn’t want to abandon her while she’s going through such a tough time. It’s important to him to help her fulfill her dad’s last wish. He really respects her father and he doesn’t want to upset her family,” he said.

“I understand that, and we have to respect that,” I said with a level of patience that I didn’t even know that I possessed. I had to come to terms with my reality and if I kept living in a dream world then I was never going to be happy. It was time for me and Ken to let each other go because our relationship had run its course. I was hoping that Michael had showed up to tell me that Kenneth wasn’t through with the wedding but he was just there to tell me why Kenneth was going through with it. I didn’t need to hear that. I just wanted some damned peace, was that too much ask?

“Kenneth wants to be there for Amanda, but he’s getting rushed into something he doesn’t want to do, and he’s too chicken shit to admit it,” Michael said, completely ignoring my comment. He was rambling as if I wasn’t even in the room. The entire ordeal was driving him insane and I didn’t understand why.

“Amanda seems like a nice girl. He could make a worse choice in terms of a partner, and I think that they could be happy together. They may not be perfect for one another but they can work. She loves him and he seems to like her,” I said, “Why do you care so much?”

“I don’t talk about my first marriage much, and that’s because it wasn’t one of my better decisions. I’ve made this mistake before and I don’t want him to be doomed to repeat it. That’s my brother, I love him, and I can’t just sit back and watch him throw his life away,” Michael said seriously.

“That’s a bit dramatic don’t you think?” I laughed, “It’s not throwing his life away. They could have a wonderful life together.”

Michael shook his head, “You don’t know what it’s like to be married to someone when you’re in love with someone else. Every day is torture, you don’t want to go home at the end of the day, and it doesn’t matter how nice the woman is. There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think of…” he trailed off and he entered his own thoughts.

My eyes widened and I leaned in towards him. I’d always wondered what his story was and why he wasn’t with anyone. He was a phenomenal catch and I’d hardly ever seen him date anyone seriously. He never talked about women much either.

“Who?” I asked with in a whisper.

“Maggie,” he sighed, “She was the love of my life, but I chose to be with someone else because I was stupid, she also couldn’t have children and I wanted some. I let petty differences get in between us and I chose what was easy and safe. Laura was a nice woman but she wasn’t who I loved. I made the both of us miserable and we ended horribly,” he admitted.

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” I said, “What happened with Maggie?”

“She’s married now with 2 children,” he said sadly, “Apparently the doctors were wrong.”

My heart hurt for him because for the first time ever, he seemed vulnerable. Losing the love of his life had really did a number on him, and I was finally able to see why he cared so much. But, it was time for him to move on with his life and he couldn’t stop his brother from living his life.

“Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear that,” I replied.

“There’s no need for you to apologize. I made my mistakes and I’ve paid for them ten times over. I don’t want Kenneth to experience what it’s like to be married to someone that he doesn’t really love. Having to watch you move on will be one of the worst experiences of his life and it will break him,” he said, “I’m broken, and I’m just starting to forgive myself for what I did.”

I didn’t want to rain on Michael’s already soggy parade but I was happy for Maggie. Knowing that she was able to move on, made me feel better about my own future. I hoped that I would find someone that I could marry and have children with soon. I wanted to know what it felt like to fall in love all over again, and I deserved it. Kenneth would have to watch me move on, and maybe one day he would sit and watch me proclaim my love for someone else and I hoped that it ruined him. It all sounded pretty fucking fair to me.

“I’m sorry about everything that happened to you, I really am. But I think it’s best to just leave it all alone. Amanda is going through a hard time and I wouldn’t feel good ruining her life like this. Kenneth is more than willing to marry her, and we should support his decision. Please, just let it go and know that I’m going to be okay, and Ken is going to be okay. You can’t stop someone from making their own decision. I’m ready to move on with my life, focus on my career, open my heart to finding a love of my own, and to just be happy,” I said seriously.

Michael gave a grieved sigh, “Is that really what you want? Are you really ready to let your chapter with Kenneth close like this? I know how the two of you feel about each other, you’re in love.”

“
Sometimes love just isn’t enough, and that’s really how I feel,” I lied. The truth was that I wanted what happened in my dream to occur. I wanted to yell out that I was in love with him, I wanted him to stop his wedding, and to carry me off the way that he had in my dream. But the likelihood of that happening was slim to none. We were down to the wire and I’d lost.

Michael looked at me as if he didn’t believe me and I did my best to keep a straight face. I didn’t want to show that I didn’t mean a word that I was saying. I was trying to be a big girl but I couldn’t take much more of his scrutiny.

“Stop looking at me like that,” I said, “I mean what I’m saying.”