She looks me straight in the eyes, and I can see the sincerity in them, “I don’t want to be anywhere else.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.
Besides, I’ve missed my roommate.”
I smile, “Me too.”
I use my good arm to place the notepad and pen on the table next to me, and then pull the blanket up to my shoulder. I know I just woke up not long ago, but I’m tired again. My mind once again wanders to Luke, and how it has been hours since I’ve seen him. I wish I could tell him good night and give him a kiss and hug. I don’t want to be clingy girlfriend, but I missed him so much. I thought I would never see him again, and all I want to do is hold him close and never let him go. I also can’t help but feel a little angry – where is he?
“What’s wrong?”
Pyper interrupts my thoughts with her question. I look at her and I realize she was watching my emotions play out over my face while I was thinking of Luke.
“Honestly, I’m feeling a little hurt that Luke isn’t here.
I mean, I wasn’t sure I would ever see him again. I wasn’t sure if I would see any of you again,” I involuntarily shudder at the thought, “I just want to be close to you all right now, I guess. I’m trying not to be selfish, but it’s really hard.”
Pyper sighs and looks away.
The problem with that is I know her as well as she knows me, “What is it? Why do I get the feeling you aren’t telling me something?”
“Because I’m not, but I’m not sure that I’m the one that should tell you.”
“Okay, well now you have to tell me. You can’t say that much and then just stop.”
“Olivia, Luke should be the one to tell you.”
“Pyper, you’re scaring me.”
“I’m sorry, I’m not trying to,” Pyper sighs.
“Okay, I will tell you because he wouldn’t want you to worry, but while you were… gone… Luke’s mom took a turn for the worse.”
“Her cancer?
Is she okay?”
“No, she’s not okay.”
“Is she in the hospital? Is that why he’s not here? Oh no! He should go be with – “
“Olivia, Luke’s mother died.
Her funeral was the same day we found out you were here in the hospital.”
“Oh my God.” I cover my mouth with my hands and tears build in my eyes and then fall down my cheeks.
My heart feels like it drops into my stomach and I feel like I’m going to be sick. I can’t imagine what Luke must be feeling. “Oh my God,” I repeat.
Pyper comes and sits beside me, and hands me a tissue.
“I just think Luke has a lot on his plate right now. The loss of his mom, his grieving father, your return, his anger towards Deacon…my guess is, he passed out for a bit. The emotions and stress of the last couple days probably took him over. He’ll be back. I just wanted you to know what’s going on, so you understand he’s dealing with a lot.”
“I’m so glad that you told me,” I take Pyper’s hand and squeeze it.
“He should be with his dad. He shouldn’t be worrying about me.”
“Olivia, don’t be ridiculous.
There is no place he would rather be. When we got the call about you, there was zero hesitation, except to tell his father what was happening. Even his father understood and pushed him out the door. Choosing you wasn’t even a question.”
I shake my head, trying to wrap my mind around it, “I just can’t believe she passed away that fast.”
“Well, once she found out that it had spread everywhere, she decided to stop the chemotherapy treatments. It took her very quickly after that.”
I wipe the tears off my cheeks as I think about the man I love, and how far we’ve come.
I can’t imagine what it had to feel like for him to be faced with a decision like that. Having to choose to stay at your own mother’s funeral, or to come be with the woman you love who had been kidnapped. As soon as I’m able, I want to visit his mother’s grave and leave her flowers. I know it would mean a lot to Luke too. I can’t imagine what he’s been through these past weeks. Watching his mother begin a journey he knew he wouldn’t be able to follow, all the while waiting to find out if he and I would get to continue ours.
Like a balloon, my heart swells with love in my chest.
I didn’t think it was possible to love him even more.
9.
NOTHING I CAN’T FIX
Luke
W
hen I pulled
out of the hospital, I drove with no destination in mind with the question “
were you abused
” playing over and over in my mind like some sick joke. It was like I thought I could outrun the fears and problems that were chasing me, nipping at my heels, begging me to confront them. They were telling me there was no way in hell I could take the easy way out and simply run from them.
Eventually, I stopped and pulled over to the side of the road, and just sat there. My eyes tried to focus on the miles of pavement before me, but all I could see was Olivia’s face staring back at me.
I saw the eyes I love, and that mouth of hers that curves up at the corners when she’s amused or being sassy. That sexy pout of hers that just begs to be kissed. I saw her body. Curves that I haven’t spent nearly enough time rediscovering, and kissing every inch of. I saw her cute nose that wrinkles when she is thinking hard about something. I saw her heart – a heart that I hold inside my own. A heart that didn’t ask to be hurt and abused and God knows what else that monster did to her. I love her, and I’m a lucky bastard to have her love in return. My love for her is unconditional. I’m certainly not going to let some asshole ruin what we have. I’m not going to let my stupid insecurities ruin it either.
Sitting on the side of that road, I picked up the phone and called my dad.
In no uncertain terms he told me to turn my ass around. He told me the life before us was going to be a bumpy one, but that just means we are no better than anyone else. Love isn’t supposed to always be super easy – if it were, how would we grow to truly appreciate its beauty? How would we know how rare and special a love like we have is if we didn’t have the tough times to make us appreciate it? He promised we would talk more when I returned to town; and I look forward to it. He always knows the right thing to say.
The truth is, I’m just scared.
I’m scared of losing her at the end of all of this chaos. I can’t go through that again. I would not be functional when it was all said and done. No way in hell. Her kidnapping proved that much. I mean, damn, what was I expecting to have happened when that fucker took her? I certainly didn’t think he was feeding her chocolate in bed and discussing feelings and the weather. I knew he would hurt her. I felt it, like an ache in my bones. I just hoped and prayed that maybe he still had some semblance of a soul and conscience.
I decided right then and there that I am going to fix this.
I will get Olivia to talk to me about what happened, and we will deal with it, whatever that takes. I wish like hell that this didn’t happen and I will blame myself for an eternity for not being there, but I can’t change it. I can wish it away all I want, but it’s not going to work.
By the time I was ready to confront reality, it was too late at night to go back to the hospital, and try to explain where I’d been.
I knew Pyper or her parents were with her, so the best thing for me was to turn in and get some rest. It’s been a very stressful few days.
Now, with a new day before me, thinking back through the last couple nights, I feel a little like a pansy.
I acted like a douche and now, I can’t wait to get my ass back to the hospital to see my girl.
I throw my clothes on, and before I know it, I’m back at the hospital, walking through the halls once again on my way to Olivia’s room.
When I get there, I disturb a sleeping Pyper. As soon as she wakes and sees my face, she gives me a small frown and mouths, “Where have you been?”
I whisper, “Later.”
She nods, stretches and walks out of the room with a whispered, “Be back later.”
I turn towards Olivia’s bed and looking at her makes my hands twitch in automatic reaction to the sight of her.
I can never keep my hands to myself when it comes to her. Watching her sleep, her face so peaceful, I can’t help but brush my thumb across the lips that give me such a thrill with each kiss. She can take me from zero to ready for her in a matter of seconds with those beauties. Unexpectedly, she awakens to my touch with a start.
“Luke?”
I don’t use my lips for words. Instead, I place them gently on her forehead. Her head pushes against gently into my lips, as if seeking comfort, and I begin to trail kisses down her nose, then to her cheeks. I even kiss her closed eyelids before placing my lips on hers. I hold her face in my hands and stroke my thumbs over her cheeks, trying to put everything I’m feeling into the simple act of touching her. I don’t want to scare her or make her uncomfortable. Maybe she’s not ready for contact like this, given what’s happened to her, so I start to pull away until her mouth opens under mine, and I realize her small hands are gripping the front of my shirt, pulling me closer to her.
The small noise she makes in the back of her throat is almost my undoing.
I explore her mouth with my tongue and can’t help but tangle my fingers in her hair. My belly is on fire, and I start to feel some movement below my belt. Before things can get out of control, I pull away from her with a smile on my face, and touch my forehead to hers.
“Hi, angel,” she smiles at me, and I feel a heavy feeling in my chest, like my heart just split wide open at the sight.
I will never tire of seeing that smile. “How are you feeling?”
“Amazing, now that you’re here.”
I chuckle because I feel the same way.
I missed her. I still can’t stop touching her. I may have pulled my lips from hers, but other than that, I can’t bring myself to break the connection.
“Where have you been?
I mean, not that I’m trying to be an overbearing, nagging, controlling girlfriend or anything. I just… was worried… and I missed you,” she says almost shyly.
“I’m sorry, love, I just needed to get out of here for a little while.
I got some rest, did some thinking, and now I’m back. I’m really sorry I worried you. I hope you aren’t too pissed at me.” I give her the smirk I know she loves, hoping to charm her a bit. Shameful, I know, but I can’t resist. I know I should feel bad for not telling her the whole truth, but I don’t. I figure I deserve to give myself a damn break. Besides, the space and rest was much needed. She just doesn’t need to know about my freak out. I had feelings to work through, and I did.
“I understand.
I mean, of course you needed rest and a break. I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to suggest you need to be here every minute.”
“You didn’t and besides, there is no place I would rather be.
How are your arm and leg feeling?”
“I’m fine.
In fact, I’m supposed to be released today, just with some extra equipment.” She points to the crutches in the corner of the room.
“Mmmm… that’s going to be hot.”
She laughs, the sound once again making me feel light and happy, which makes me smile too. “You’re crazy. Me hobbling around on crutches will be hot? I don’t think so. I’m going to look like a baby giraffe trying to get her balance, or something.”
“A baby giraffe?”
“Yep,” she says popping the p. It makes me chuckle.
“Oh angel, you could never be anything but hot.” I wiggle my eyebrows at her making her laugh.
But then, her laugh cuts off.
“Luke?”
“Hmm?” Maybe this is it. Maybe she’s going to tell me what happened. I try to smooth my features to hide my anxiety, and hope the only look on my face is open and curious. I notice her hesitation, and squeeze her hand, and give her what I hope is an encouraging smile.
“Last night, Pyper told me about your mom.”
Her words rip through me, making my chest feel tight and leaving me breathless. That is not what I expected her to say. “She shouldn’t have told you about that.” I run a hand through my hair in frustration.
“Yes, she should have!
I’m so sorry, Luke. I can’t even imagine what you’re feeling; what you’re going through. You should be with your dad, not having to worry about m– “
“Stop right there, Livvie.
I will be honest. It has been really tough. Not only have I spent these last few weeks frozen in fear, worried about you, but I also watched my mom disappear before my eyes. I won’t mince words and pretend it hasn’t been hell. But, first of all, Pyper shouldn’t have told you, because you are dealing with enough. Second, I know you. You are going to feel guilty because you think I should be somewhere other than here, and I am telling you right now, don’t even go there. When I got the call…”
I take a second and look directly into her eyes, and for a moment, I lower the façade and let her see the pain in mine.
She squeezes my hand, and I struggle to give her a small smile, and continue after clearing my throat. “When I got the call, it wasn’t even a question as to where I needed to be. Not only does my dad understand, but I know she understood too. She spent the last moments of her time with me telling me not to give up hope. She refused to let me think otherwise. Livvie, she knew how much I love you, and she knew I would have done anything to get you back. Leaving that day, wasn’t even a choice, it was a need - plain and simple.”
“But still, what timing…”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way. I like to think that my mom had a hand in the timing. Her way of making up for her hand in our past.”
“That is a nice thought.”
“Yes it is. Now, any idea when I can bust you out of this joint?” I squeeze her hand reassuringly.
“I think my discharge papers are supposed to come any time.”
“Great. Have you talked to your parents? What are their plans? Are they going to stay with you for a while?”
“They want to.
My mom offered to come to the condo and stay with me for a few weeks if I want her to. I think she was really hoping I would take her up on it, but I didn’t. I told her what I really need is to get my life back to normal. As much as possible, anyway. I love them for being here, and I understand her need to want to stay with me, but it just isn’t necessary. So, I encouraged them to head home after I get back to Chicago. She made me promise that I let her know immediately if I change my mind and need them.”
“I will talk to them too and reassure them that I will be helping take care of you until you are back on your feet.
Quite honestly, until that asshole is found, I don’t intend on letting you out of my sight very often.”
“Luke, you have a business to run, you can’t be with me every second.”
I raise my eyebrows at her in challenge, “Watch me.”
“Luke-“
“Olivia,” I fire back at her, “Look, I get what you are trying to do, and if you’re trying to tell me that you don’t want me there, then say it. Otherwise, I need you to understand that right now, and likely for the foreseeable future, letting you out of my sight is not going to be easy for me.”
“Well, if you insist…” I’m pretty sure that is a mischievous grin I see on that mouth of hers.
“I do.”
“Well, okay then.
Please, just promise me that if something comes up – something at the club, or with your dad - you won’t put your life on hold for me.”
“Angel, you are my life.”
I enunciate each word, wanting to make it clear. Doesn’t she get that? If not, I’m going to make it my mission that she does.
Her eyes fill with tears and she whispers, “And you’re mine.”
I can’t help it. I kiss her again. I hold her head in my hand and run my tongue along the seam of her lips, silently asking for entry. When she gives it to me, it doesn’t take long for things to heat up between us – our kiss is raw; demanding. She’s once again pulling at my shirt and my body is more on the bed than off of it at this point. I pull away again and place my forehead against hers. Our breathing is fast, and I close my eyes to gain control of my hormones.
“Luke, I have a favor to ask you…”
“Anything,” my voice sounds raspy with longing and need.
“It isn’t going to be easy, but do you think you can help me wash my hair and my body?
I just really want to feel…well, clean. Other than Pyper helping me brush my teeth and my hair, I haven’t had a chance to truly freshen up and I think I would feel so much better if I could. I mean, taking that tumble and getting banged up, and then lying here in this bed…”
Oh god, my body is an evil bastard because I’ll be damned if just the thought of her naked doesn’t do things to me.
I swear my cock just twitched, and my breathing that was getting under control, has picked up once again. Somehow, I manage to choke out an “Of course,” but I have no idea how I am going to make it through this. It is going to be pure torture.
She eases the covers off the top of her and I very gently help ease her off the bed, being very careful not to bump anything.
Her body looks so fragile and small. I feel like one wrong move, and I’ll break her. When she stands, she sways on her feet. “Screw that.” I sweep her up into my arms.
“Luke!
I could have made it on crutches, I need to get used to them anyway.”
“I know you could have, but maybe I wanted the chance to hold you in my arms.”
I give her my best mischievous smile and walk us into the bathroom.