“Have fun, you two.” Her grin is wide . . . too wide. I scrunch my brows at her, wondering what in the heck she knows that I don’t.
Levi grabs onto my elbow and tugs me forward. “Are you coming?”
“Oh, I’m sure I’ll be coming at some point, but probably not tonight. It’s a little too soon, don’t you think?” Levi stumbles in front of me and I slam into his back. Then he keeps walking right out of the bar and across the parking lot. “Did you trip back there, or did my witty commentary cause you to lose your balance?”
He chuckles, shooting me a quick glance out of the corner of his eye. “Since when are you the witty one out of the two of us?”
“Since I’ve got your panties in a bunch.”
“What?” He laughs, continuing down the path that leads to the riverfront. “Where the hell did that come from?”
I shrug my shoulders, looking down at the sidewalk. “Mason said your panties have been in a bunch since I came home.” I look up to find Levi watching me.
“Is that so?”
I nod emphatically. “Yup. I think you need to pick that wedgie so we can get on with things.”
“Damn, you’re feisty tonight,” he says, stopping in a grassy spot. He looks up at the sky and then takes a few more steps forward. “This’ll do.”
I look up, trying to figure out what he was looking at, but all I see is the top of the Arch and a blanket of brightly lit stars against a black canvas. Street lights are scattered haphazardly along the walking path, but it’s the soft glow of the moon that gives the evening a dreamy feel. A warm breeze floats through the air and I catch a familiar scent.
“Is that what I think it is?” Levi is sitting on the ground, pulling containers out of the bag. When he has them all situated, he pats the grass next to him and I take a seat, folding my legs underneath me.
“It is,” he says, handing me one of the Styrofoam containers and a fork. “It’s still your favorite, right?” he asks, and there’s a cloud of doubt slipping across his face.
I think about telling him ‘no’ just to get a rise out of him, but I can’t. He’s obviously gone through a lot of trouble putting this all together—whatever this is—and I don’t want to ruin it. Things felt good last night when we parted ways, and then again today, but I wasn’t sure how they would be tonight once we were alone. I had hoped that we could move past the wall between us, and I think we finally have. Why else would he bring me out here for a picnic featuring my all-time favorite food?
“Are you kidding? Of course it’s my favorite.” Popping off the lid, I close my eyes and inhale the scent of the delicious food. Beef Pepper Steak has always been my favorite, and no one—and I mean,
no one
—can make it the way Levi does. I grab a fork, stab the sauced meat and then pause before the juicy goodness hits my mouth. “Wait. You made this, right?”
Levi’s face shines brightly, a wide grin splitting his lips. “What would you say if I told you Mason made it?”
I scowl, dropping the fork into the container. “Levi Beckford, that is not funny,” I pout, staring at my food like it’s growing mold. “Did Mason make this?”
Shrugging his shoulder, Levi stabs a pepper and pops it into his mouth. “Guess you’re going to have to try it to find out.” Putting the container down, I grab another one and peek inside. Mashed potatoes. Okay, there is no way Mason could’ve screwed up mashed potatoes. Right?
Just as I’m about to dig into the potatoes, they’re ripped from my hand. “What are you doing? Try the damn Pepper Steak.” Levi scoops up a heap from his bowl and lifts it to my mouth. I stare at him numbly, unable to move because the memories are crashing into me like waves on a rocky shore. Levi used to feed me all the time. To anyone else we probably looked like idiots, but it was nothing for the two of us to feed each other an entire meal. And here he is, feeding me. “Lane?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you going to try it?” I mentally snap myself back to reality and lean forward as Levi raises the fork a little more. My lips slip around the plastic cutlery and my eyes instantly roll back in my head.
Hea-ven!
“Oh my god, that’s amazing,” I mumble around the food in mouth, desperately trying to ignore the growing wave of nausea in the pit of my stomach. I close my eyes and attempt to savor the flavor, knowing full well that Levi was the one who made me this meal. “Mmmmm,” I groan, slowly opening my eyes as I swallow. Levi’s watching me, lips parted, eyes glossed over, and if I’m not mistaken, his breathing is a little faster and a tad bit heavier.
I take a deep breath in through my nose, willing the churning in my stomach to stop. I have my nausea medicine in my purse, but I’m not sure Levi and I are ready for that conversation quite yet. My hope is that he can get to know me again, that he will trust me again and maybe even love me again. But I don’t want any of that to be out of pity; I want it to happen naturally. “Levi?”
“Yeah?”
“Do I have some food on my mouth?”
“No. Why?” he asks, his eyes still trained on my mouth. My tongue darts out, licking a slow path across my bottom lip, and he swallows hard.
“Because you’re staring at my mouth.”
“Sorry. I, uh . . .” He shakes his head and looks away sheepishly.
“It’s okay.” I wave him off nonchalantly, taking another small bite despite the uneasy feeling in my stomach. “My lips are plump and juicy, and most guys stare at them, so don’t even think twice about it.”
A laugh rips from his throat as he tears a chunk off of his bun, tossing it at my head. I don’t react in time and it smacks me in the forehead. “That wasn’t nice,” I pout. Levi pulls a napkin out of the bag and I playfully yank it from his hand, causing him to chuckle. I wipe the garlic butter off and Levi goes back to eating his food.
There is nothing more that I want than to devour the rest of my dinner, but my stomach disagrees wholeheartedly “Can you hand me a water?” Slipping my hand into my purse, I twist the cap of the pill bottle, slide one out and grab the opened bottle of water that Levi has waiting for me.
“What’s that?” he asks, nodding at my purse.
I should probably tell him—put it all out there and let things fall where they may. But I can’t. I want to see where tonight goes, and I need to tell him when I feel the time is right.
“Tylenol,” I answer, tossing the tiny white pill into my mouth, I chase it with a swig of water and hope that it takes effect quick enough for me to eat a few more bites.
“Headache?”
“Just a little one.” Levi nods and we fall I watch as he devours everything in his container, along with half of the mashed potatoes and two of the rolls. I manage to eat a little more of my Pepper Steak and half a roll, but it’s not nearly as much as I usually eat.
“Aren’t you going to finish that?” He looks confused, peering down at my container. Shaking my head, I hand it to him.
“Nope. I’m full. It was absolutely delicious. Please, finish it.” I take a long drink of my water and nod for him to eat.
He frowns but shoves the delicious food into his mouth. Lying back on the grass, I tuck my hands behind my head and look up at the stars. It’s a clear night. No fog, no smog, and a million stars in the sky.
“So, how have things been since you’ve been home?” How the hell do I answer that? I can’t very well say, ‘
To tell you the truth, with all the chemo and everything, it’s majorly sucked.
’ Instead, I go with the response I’ve gotten used to telling people.
“Good. Things have been good. Luke is happy I’m home, and Benny spends so much time at my house that I’m not sure he even knows what his house looks like anymore.” I can hear Levi cleaning up our mess, but I don’t move to help him, deciding to stay here in my bubble of perfection—a blanket of darkness above me with the man I love beside me.
“I always thought he had a thing for you.”
Say what?
I prop myself up on my elbows and look at Levi curiously. “You’re kidding, right?” He shakes his head, eyebrows raised. “You’re crazy. Benny has always been like another brother to me, and he’d probably break your neck just for thinking that.”
“You’re probably right,” he laughs, jumping up to toss our trash into a nearby can. My eyes linger on his butt and when he turns around to walk back, I look back up at the stars.
“How is the job going? Do you enjoy working here?” Levi plops down next to me and I watch as he leans back casually, looking up at the sky.
“What are you doing?” I certainly wasn’t expecting stargazing to be on the evening’s menu.
He points to the stars and draws a line. “I’m finding constellations. Look, just found Orion’s belt.”
“That one doesn’t count,” I laugh, lying back down beside him. “It’s the easiest one up there. You have to go for the tougher ones.”
“Okay, first one to find Corona Borealis wins.”
“Challenge accepted. Wait”—I look over at him—“what does the winner get?”
“What would you want?” He looks at me skeptically, and I can only imagine what’s running through his head.
“I don’t know. I’d have to think about it.”
“Alright,” he says with a nod, turning back toward the sky. “Winner gets whatever they want . . . within reason.” He stresses the ‘within reason’ with a cock of the eyebrow and I wink at him.
“Deal. Are you ready?”
“Already started, darlin’.”
“What?” I gasp. “You got a head start. That’s not fair!” Levi laughs and I can’t help but laugh right along with him. The minutes pass by, or maybe hours . . . hell, I don’t know. All I know is that this is the happiest I’ve been in as long as I can remember, and I’d lie here forever if I could somehow get away with it.
I’ve peeked over at Levi a couple of times and each time he’s got a big ol’ grin on his face. He has one arm tucked behind his head and the other draped across his stomach. My hand itches to reach across and touch him—hold his hand, maybe—but in no way do I want to risk setting us back. “I missed this,” I whisper, my gaze shifting back to the stars. I don’t see Levi look over at me, but I know he is. The weight of his eyes is heavy. “And not just the clear skies. I missed being here . . . I missed home.” I pause. “I missed you. You’re what I missed most.” I feel his body move beside me and when I look over, he’s lying on his side, facing me, with his hand propping up his head.
“Was California everything you wanted it to be?” he asks. He doesn’t look or sound angry, and I wonder momentarily if he’s been able to let go of the past or if he’s simply choosing to move on. I’m not really sure there is a difference between the two, but I’d like to think there is. I’d like to think that any person, if the will is there, could let go of something, even if it was something that impacted their life the way that my leaving impacted Levi.
“At first, it was horrible. I hated it. I wanted nothing more than to come home, and not just because of you. Although you were a big part of it. I missed Luke and I missed working at the restaurant. I missed my friends, the few that I had. I just missed everything.”
“Then what changed?” he asked.
“I’m not sure,” I sigh. “A lot of things, I guess. I knew I didn’t have you anymore. I’d made sure of that with our last phone conversation. And then I met Mia. That’s probably what changed. I met Mia.”
“Tell me about her.”
Looking over at him, I smile, genuinely happy that he’s interested in what I’ve been doing. “She’s amazing. The best friend a girl could ever ask for. She’s loyal and strong and she’s funny as all get out. She’s feisty and brave, and I think that’s what drew me to her the most—her bravery. She challenged me to try new things and meet new people. She pushed me out of my comfort zone.”
“She sounds great,” he replies. I can feel his warm breath fanning across the side of my face when I look back to the sky. “She seemed nice when I met her.”
I nod. “She’s fantastic. I’m a little bummed she’s going home soon.”
“How soon? I thought maybe she moved here with you.”
“I’m not sure.” I shrug. “She just told me tonight that her dad wants her back home. She works for him, so this was only temporary.” My eyes start to gloss over just thinking about Mia leaving. She’s been my rock for the past several years, and now I’ll only have her via phone and e-mail. “It’s all good though. I’ve got lots to keep me busy.”
“Oh yeah, like what?”
My eyes catch on a formation and I sit up, squinting, trying to figure out if I found it. I look at Levi and smile. “There, it’s right there.” Closing one eye—because everyone knows that helps you see better—I point to the stars and trace my finger around Corona Borealis.
“No way.” Levi sits up and leans toward me so the sides of our heads are touching. “Well, I’ll be damned.” We both turn to look at each other at the same time and our noses nearly touch. His smile slowly fades as his eyes drop to my mouth. The air around us grows thick and my heart hammers inside my chest. I want so badly to grab the back of his neck and yank him to me, but I refrain, knowing this is a step that he needs to take.
To my dismay, he clears his throat and backs up, putting space between the two of us. “Um . . . so . . . what do you want?”
“What do you mean, what do I want?” I ask, still too caught up in the moment to fully comprehend what he’s talking about.
“You won. So you get to pick your prize.”
“Hmmm.” I flop back down on the ground and tap my bottom lip with my finger. What do I want? “Nothing. I don’t want anything.” I look to the sky and then back to Levi. He lowers himself to the ground and looks over at me.
“Nothing?”
“Nope. This is perfect.” Our eyes stay locked for several seconds, but the connection is too intense and I have to look away or I’ll physically melt. “I’m just glad we got to spend some time together, just you and me. It’s been really nice, Levi. So this is it. You’ve already given me what I want.” I take a deep satisfying breath, chancing a quick glance back at him. He’s grinning from ear to ear, and I swear that his smile alone could light up the darkest of nights. His features have softened, his eyes are sparkling with happiness, and I’m glad it’s directed at me.
“Okay.” His warm voice evaporates into the evening air and I sigh, knowing that right now, in this very second, everything has changed. We seem to have found our footing again and some sort of peace, and I can only hope that it will grow from here.