Pride, Prejudice & Secrets (11 page)

“That is simply not possible, Jane. Pride and haughtiness increase over time; they do not disappear completely as if they never existed. You know that is true. No, George Wickham lied to me about Georgiana. And it was not a white lie or a little lie; he deliberately maligned the sweetest young girl you would want to meet.”

“But…” Jane tried to protest, but Mrs. Gardiner well knew her niece’s character and decided it was time for her to intervene.

“Jane, Lizzy is right in this matter,” her aunt said gently, though Jane looked quite unhappy. “I know you find it difficult to think ill of anyone, but you must be realistic. You must remember that I, too, met and talked to Mr. Wickham, and I well recall how convincing he was. If Mr. Wickham could concoct such falsehoods about the sister, does it not make it seem likely he would do the same for the brother? And does that not explain why Lizzy changed her mind?”

“Well, perhaps, but…I…do not know.” Jane’s discomfort was plain to see.

“Jane, Jane, you cannot make them both good,” Elizabeth said in genuine amusement. “Not even you can do that. Now, I ask you: do you think Mr. Darcy is proud and disdainful? Nothing you have said this morning would indicate that.”

“No, not with us, at least. But I never thought Mr. Darcy so deficient in goodness as you used to. Further, I believe he is supposed to be quite agreeable with those of his circle.”

“And we are becoming — or will soon become — part of his circle. Is that what you mean, Jane?” Mrs. Gardiner asked.

Jane only nodded then abruptly said, “But Lizzy, what about Mr. Darcy’s saying you were only tolerable but not handsome enough to tempt him?”

To Jane’s surprise, Elizabeth only laughed lightly. “Jane, in situations such as this, a good memory is unpardonable. I assure you this is the last time I shall ever remember what he said.”

“Lizzy! Do be serious!” Jane said, but Mrs. Gardiner only smiled.

“Now,” Elizabeth said, “shall I carry on with my story, which you have demanded of me, or do you want to continue your attempt to rehabilitate Mr. Wickham’s character? It is a forlorn hope, I assure you. I am not a vindictive person, but I will find it very difficult to forgive Mr. Wickham’s slander of Georgiana.”

Jane was most uncomfortable but made no further protest, and Elizabeth continued her story. “So Mr. Darcy introduced his sister, and I quickly realized her true nature was not what I expected. Instead, she was so shy she could not say anything. I saw her lip start to tremble, but before I could even wonder about that, she was suddenly embracing me and sobbing and saying she was glad to meet me and delighted that we would be sisters.”

Elizabeth paused a moment in thought before she said, “I think she has been a very lonely girl, Jane. She was away at school for some years, which can be difficult. Her brother was not always at home, she had no other brothers or sisters, and both her parents were dead. It must have been a difficult time for her, but you must admit she is the most delightful girl.”

“Yes, she is,” said Mrs. Gardiner. “Very delightful indeed and very polite. She is, in addition, a very handsome young lady on the verge of womanhood.”

“Yes, she is,” said Elizabeth. “Mr. Collins arrived, and I was then able to thank him and tell Mr. Darcy of my cousin’s assistance. You have likely heard of the anger of Mr. Darcy’s aunt; she was of a mind that he would marry her daughter. It appears Mr. Wickham was at least partly deceptive on that point also since Mr. Darcy had no such intention. His aunt tried to force Mr. Collins to eject me from his house on Friday. Her intention seems to have been to send me back to London in her coach, except Mr. Collins defied her. It may well cost him his position, but Mr. Darcy generously pledged his assistance if that transpires. It was an admirable offer, but I also observed his anger at his aunt. It was somewhat formidable. He looked…dangerous, actually.”

“As I believe he was justified, Lizzy.” Mrs. Gardiner looked more than a little icily angry herself. “Mr. Darcy was very reticent to discuss it with my husband, but he did say you might have died if his aunt had gotten her way. It will be a long time, I believe, before he will be able to forgive her.”

“I do not want to be one who causes a rupture in his family, Aunt.”

“The fault is hers, not yours. And you should learn this about men: the good ones take their responsibility to protect their wife and family very seriously indeed. Mr. Darcy does not lower himself in my eyes by his anger with his aunt. And your uncle feels much as I do though he is better at concealing it.”

“I shall have to think on that. It…it is still new to me to think of being protected in such a way.” Then, brightening, she said, “But there is little to tell after that; I fell asleep within a mile, I believe, and did not wake up until we arrived here.”

“And then you slept the rest of the day,” Mrs. Gardiner said with a fond smile. “You were protesting all the way until I installed you in your bed, saying that you had slept in the coach and did not need to return to bed. It is fortunate, indeed, that you do not become ill, Lizzy.”

Elizabeth blushed as Jane laughed delightedly, but any further conversation was halted by the sound of a coach pulling up before the house.

“I do believe Mr. Darcy has come to call in response to my uncle’s note,” Jane said after the noise of iron wheels on cobblestones elicited an outside glance.

Elizabeth felt a sense of trepidation at the thought of the coming meeting, but she also was aware of a conflicting anticipation.
At least I shall soon know what shall become of me,
she thought.
Whether my future is as a wife or as a spinster, I must have this discordance brought to an end — one way or the other!

Darcy’s eyes went to Elizabeth as he was announced, and a single glance confirmed her well-being. Her colour was good, her eyes were bright, and though she appeared somewhat thinner, he thought she had never looked lovelier.

After greeting Mrs. Gardiner and Jane, he turned to Elizabeth, and his voice was softer as he said, “Good morning, Elizabeth. Dare I hope your appearance is an indication you are feeling better?”

“It does, sir,” she said gravely, returning his bow with a curtsey. “Even my aunt allows I may possibly be almost my old self.”

“With reservations, Mr. Darcy, with reservations.” Mrs. Gardiner smiled at her niece fondly. “For a young lady who protested she was quite recovered, she slept away most of the day after you left.”

“But I do feel much better, Aunt. Did I not do justice to my breakfast?”

“Indeed you did, dear, but a single glance in the mirror would affirm your need for several more such meals before you are fully restored.” Elizabeth coloured but gamely recovered, determined to achieve some private discourse with Darcy.

“You are familiar with my habits, Mr. Darcy,” she said, her face serious. “Might I implore you to convince my aunt to allow me to take a turn with you along the streets? Perhaps toward the Bridge if I feel well enough?”

Darcy looked at her closely, aware this was not an idle request. Elizabeth wanted to get out of the house and with him, and he was not averse to that. But, still, she was only a day away from sleeping much of a day. He looked over at Mrs. Gardiner, and her slight smile indicated her thoughts paralleled his.

“Perhaps, if your aunt agrees. She is, of course, much more familiar with your ways than I.”

“I will withhold comment for the moment, Lizzy,” Mrs. Gardiner said. “Let us order some refreshments first. Mrs. Crawford has prepared those small cakes you favour; she is quite determined to fatten you up before you depart for Longbourn.”

“But I feel excellent, Aunt!” Elizabeth said, but her aunt only smiled and rang for the maid.

“I see you did not bring your sister, Mr. Darcy,” Jane said. “I hope she is feeling well?”

“She is indeed, Miss Bennet, and she did appeal to accompany me. But this morning is her time for her dancing master, and I had to be firm.”

“That is too bad. I hoped to see her today.”

“And you shall since she will return with me in the evening. And now,” he said, turning to Mrs. Gardiner, “with Elizabeth so improved, I hope you will allow me to return the favour and host dinner, perhaps tomorrow evening. I should like to be able to show Elizabeth about, and the housekeeper is anxious to solicit her opinions regarding the appointments for her chambers.”

Elizabeth’s eyes were again in her lap as she contemplated Darcy’s words.
My chambers?
she thought.
And I know they will connect with his chambers, as do my parent’s. A week ago, marriage of any variety was absent from my mind, and now I may be on the verge of the closest possible intimacies with this man!

She looked up suddenly, and it struck her forcibly how tall and handsome he was.
He…he is not at all unattractive. If only his manner is what it appears to be! I must be sure. Oh, I am wild to speak privately with him!

She flushed at the sudden image she had, of Darcy entering her chambers, taking her hand, and leading her to her bed, and…and…

Darcy wondered at Elizabeth’s quick glance and her sudden colour, but she did not seem unduly uncomfortable…at least, not when she kept glancing at him through her eyelashes…

“I will speak to my husband, but I cannot think of any conflict,” Mrs. Gardiner said. “I know Elizabeth will be glad to see your sister, and Mr. Gardiner hopes she will agree to play for us tonight. Lizzy has said she is quite accomplished.”

“Georgiana does enjoy music greatly, and she is adept, but she seldom plays for others. She said she felt nervous about exhibiting; her anxieties waned when I volunteered Elizabeth to accompany her. I told her how much I enjoyed hearing your niece play.”

Elizabeth blushed again and lowered her eyes, thinking,
Is that true? I thought he only listened to criticize, much like his aunt. And I know his sister’s play must be greatly superior to my poor abilities. What do I do about this man? He is acting as my aunt described and not at all as I expected.

“You do have a feel for the music, Elizabeth,” Darcy said, recognizing Elizabeth’s discomfort as she stared at her lap. “I know you may think it flattery, but your feeling for the music comes through when you play.”

“Well said, Mr. Darcy!” Jane was always prepared to see her sister praised. “She will always turn away compliments with a jest. I hope you will teach her to accept tribute more gracefully.”

“I shall do my humble best, Miss Bennet. In fact, I shall make a point of it. I shall flatter her at every opportunity until she acknowledges her achievements.”

“Stop it, please.” Elizabeth flushed more deeply as everyone laughed at her discomfiture. “You are making me blush. And I do know how to accept a compliment!”

When no one said anything but only smiled, she could only manage a feeble protest. “But I do! Really!”

“Perhaps we should stop teasing Lizzy, Mr. Darcy,” her aunt said. “I warn you, she is not quite her usual self, else she would have deftly turned the tables on us. I am quite afraid you shall have your hands full with her.”

“Possibly so, Mrs. Gardiner” He gazed speculatively at a still flushing Elizabeth. “But I am rather fond of her. I believe I will attempt to cope with the challenge.”

“I depend on you to be watchful of her, Mr. Darcy.” Mrs. Gardiner carefully wrapped a scarf around Elizabeth’s neck and buttoned her coat to her throat. “She may have talked me into allowing her outside, but I hope you are made of sterner stuff than I appear to be.”

“I have the will of iron where her well-being is concerned” Darcy eyed Elizabeth carefully. “And the weather is cooperative. It is not nearly as windy as yesterday, and you appear to have her properly outfitted.”

“I feel like I have been stuffed into seven layers of clothing.” Elizabeth swung her arms and acted as if she could not even bend them. “I will swelter inside all these sweaters and coats.”

“Nonsense, my dear. And, while you may have carried your point about not needing a chaperone, I believe Mr. Darcy will do quite well as your escort.”

“I assure you, madam, that any miscreant who tries to carry off your niece will meet with a most abrupt end.” Darcy smiled as he flourished his heavy walking stick.

Jane could not repress a giggle at the look on her sister’s face. “I think my aunt is only partially correct, Lizzy,” she said slyly. “It may be more that you will have your hands more full with Mr. Darcy than he with you.”

“Most admirably said, Miss Bennet.” He gave her a bow as he opened the door. “And now, before my future wife begins to swelter, let us hazard the streets. After you, my dear.”

Elizabeth tried to glower at her sister, but Jane only waved gaily as they stepped into the street. “Do take care of her, Mr. Darcy!”

With the door finally closed, he offered his arm, and Elizabeth, after a moment’s hesitation, took it. Her touch was light, but Darcy knew it was still early times for them, and he was not offended.

After walking on for a block or so, she heaved a sigh of relief and drew in a lungful of the brisk spring air. Her step lightened, and her disposition matched it; Darcy looked at her as they walked, marvelling at how her pace increased and she began to look around with more spirit.

“I almost can believe you need the outdoors to be yourself,” he said.

“Oh, yes! I really need time outside the house to feel really alive — even in these city streets.”

“Even with the…ah…aroma?” He gestured at some horse droppings being shovelled into a cart by sweepers.

“It is not as bad as it will be later, Mr. Darcy. And Gracechurch Street is not as bad as many. At least the sweepers patrol constantly.”

“I am not terribly fond of town, you know,” Darcy mused, unconscious of the manner in which he was observed. “As you mentioned, the miasma gets rather overpowering as the temperature rises, which is why I usually leave for Pemberley after the Season. In fact, if it were not for the opportunities to attend the theatre or the occasional concert, I am not sure how much time I would spend here.”

Then he became aware that his comments might be considered as offensive to her relations. “I do not demean your uncle for living here, Elizabeth.”

“I am not ashamed that Uncle Gardiner makes his living in trade, Mr. Darcy.” She tried to conceal her disapproval, for she has indeed taken offense at his words.

“Nor should you be. That was not my intent, though I now see that my words were ill chosen. I was trying to describe my life since you will soon share it. I know I am blessed in my fortune, and my excellent parents taught me good manners and principles. But they also taught me to value my family name above all else, especially when selecting a wife.”

He looked at Elizabeth to see her looking back intently. “But I have concluded that my parents, though good themselves, did not teach rightly. The times are changing, and I have chosen you, of whom they would likely not approve, and I care not. In fact, I am more convinced than ever that I chose rightly, and they were wrong.”

Elizabeth felt her irritation fade at this forthright statement. She knew it could not have been easy for this bewildering man, having been instructed by parents who were so obviously dear, to admit fault in those self-same parents. Even more, she felt uncomfortable at having been so quick to take offence, and she sternly reminded herself to listen more carefully and with her emotions firmly in hand. The decisions she had to make demanded nothing less than her full and considered attention.

He walked on, conscious that Elizabeth’s eyes had not left his face, and after a time, said, “I came to that explicit conclusion when you were ill. I worried for you, and the mere thought of losing you was so terrifying that I realized my parent’s, even society’s, wishes meant nothing. You are very important to me, Elizabeth.”

Even with her doubts, Elizabeth could not help being moved by such sincerity, and her words seemed to burst forth. “Oh, bother. I am as healthy as a horse, Mr. Darcy. You should not worry so.”

“But I could not help myself. I remember my mother when Georgiana was born. I was only twelve, but I visited her that day and remember her happiness.”

His voice dropped as his eyes stared back at a scene from his memory. “And I remember touching her cheek on the very next day before the undertaker came…and her cheek was cold as ice.”

He did not go on, and Elizabeth knew that, whatever deficits this man had, he lost both parents by the time he was Jane’s age, while her own parents were hale and hearty and might live another twenty years.

Impulsively, without even thinking, she said, “You must not worry on that matter, sir. I come of good stock — excellent stock, in fact. My mother is, I admit, quite silly, but she delivered five daughters with no difficulty. In fact, she refused to be confined until just before we were born, and she was up and about within a week.”

She was cheered at seeing the mournful look disappear from Darcy’s face, but then the foolishness of her comment struck her.
Why am I trying to give him encouragement when I am trying to make up my mind? I am supposed to listen and observe — not talk! Keep to your task, you thoughtless imp!

She tried to do so as they continued walking, and she saw they were nearing London Bridge. She wondered how to get Darcy to resume speaking when he did so on his own.

“As I was saying, I do not malign your uncle because he makes his living in trade. His manners and conduct are perfectly polite and gentle, more so than many others whom I could name. For example, Caroline Bingley, whose family’s fortune is only a single generation removed from the very same source as your uncle’s, does not hesitate to peer down at those unfortunates who work for a living. I might have at one time, but…”

He stopped speaking suddenly, and Elizabeth looked up at him as he forced himself back under control.
What did he start to say?
she thought.
Whatever it was, he decided not to say it, probably because he was afraid it would offend me again.

They walked on for a time, and Elizabeth considered what to do. What she had observed already had settled some of her qualms, but she had to
know!

She considered her words carefully and phrased her question as a jest. “What I find so completely mystifying is that you could have ever fallen in love with me. What could have ever set you off in the first place?”

Darcy considered her question silently for a dozen paces, and Elizabeth wondered whether she had somehow offended him. Finally, he said, “It was a gradual progression, Elizabeth. It was not a sudden thing; I cannot fix an hour or a spot when it struck me. I was in the middle before I was aware of it.”