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Dressed in peach-colored, satiny pajamas Magdalena
had bought her last Christmas, Nia stood in front of the mirror in her bathroom, brushing her hair. She and Paulina had talked in her room until midnight. But on her mind now were not the confidences they’d shared but the images of the day. Rafe with Sal, drawing pictures. Rafe with Luke, talking over coffee in the kitchen. Rafe sitting in the family room with Adam. Apparently he’d needed testosterone
in his life after being fussed over by the girls all day. At ten o’clock, he’d announced he was tired and wanted to sleep. She knew the restoring power of slumber, and she also knew it gave the escape mourners required. Nia sighed. Why was life so hard for everybody? She questioned that all the time since Peter’s death and longed for the days when she honestly thought there were Happily Ever
Afters. Damn it.

When she was finished in the bathroom, she glanced over at the adjoining door. Should she check on him? He’d come up here two hours ago. What if he was awake and suffering alone? Middle-of-the-night insomnia was brutal during the grieving process.

Sick of her indecision, she inched open the door and saw him at the window, silhouetted by the streetlamps outside. Her heart
vised in her chest at his bent head and stiffness of his shoulders.

“Rafe?”

He turned. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“I was afraid we woke you. Paulina and I were talking in my room.”

“No. I conked right out and just woke up to the nightmare.”

That oxymoron had been familiar to her, too. “May I come in?”

“Yes.”

She entered the room. Outlines of the contents of Sal’s
walls were visible—one covered with drawings, which he changed periodically and now consisted of his and Rafe’s art and the framed drawing of the three of them that Jonas had done. Others were of the family. Suddenly, she realized Sal had never had
little boy
things displayed.

A big chair where she often read to her son perched in the corner. Going to it, she sat on the edge. “Do you want
to talk?”

“I want to sleep.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“What helped you when you woke up and realized what’d happened?”

“Believe it or not, warm milk and somebody being with me.”

“Ah.”

“Paulina and I slept together for three weeks. Ana, who has a mother complex, moved in with us for months and sometimes slept in the same bed, too.”

“Hmm, any red-blooded man’s fantasy. Three gorgeous
women in bed together.”

Glad he could joke, she touched his arm. “Shall I get you some milk?”

He shook his head no.

Going on instinct only, she stood and took his hand. It was ice-cold. “Come.”

“What? Where?”

“Lie down with me. It’ll help.”

“I’m sorry you know this so well, Nia, that you’ve experienced this crushing pain.”

She led him to the bed. For a brief moment,
the woman inside her surfaced, and she wished they were climbing onto that mattress for something more pleasant. He hadn’t turned the covers back, just taken off his shirt and put sweatpants on. Sliding onto the bed, she slouched into the pillows against the headboard, and he joined her and took her hand again. “I need this. The human contact.” He kissed her knuckles. Despite the circumstances, or
maybe because of them, she shivered.

“I’m glad.” She’d been unable to reach the lawyer before they left his loft. “Did you talk to Jonas’s lawyer?”

“Uh-huh. He’s to be cremated without viewers and his ashes scattered over the lake at his cottage in Upstate New York.” Rafe chuckled. “Jonas also left instructions to have a private memorial at an art gallery. He made arrangements to do so
last year.”

“That’s fitting.”

“Yeah. It’ll be next Monday. He doesn’t want this dragged out.”

“That might be best.”

Leaning in, he touched his head to hers. “I should go home tomorrow.”

“No!” She shook her head. “You can go home after you get back from Upstate.”

“Nia…”

“I insist. Let us help you. I had so many people there for me.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Slide
down.”

He did, and she eased down next to him. As if he’d lain with her a hundred times, his arm went around her and she turned into him. He kept her close and soon his breathing evened out.

When Rafe woke up the next day, he was alone. The room was in shadows, but the clock told him it was 10:00 a.m
.

And Jonas was dead
.

Overwhelming sadness swamped him. He let
it come, let himself feel the loss of the most important person in his life. Finally, he was able to turn his thoughts to someone else.

Nia. Turning, he picked up her pillow and clasped it to him. The scent of her shampoo filled his head. He’d slept because of her. She knew exactly what to do to help him as he floundered through his grief. He’d awakened during the early morning hours, but
finding her with him allowed him to go back to sleep. And gave him enough energy now to get out of bed.

After he took a blessedly hot shower, he felt human again. He threw on jeans and a bulky sweater and headed downstairs. The scent of food rose up to him, and his stomach growled. When he found his way to the heavenly smells, he saw Donuta pulling out a pan from the oven. “Good morning, Donuta.”

Nia’s mom turned after she set the food on the counter. For a moment, he was hit by another, older hurt—the longing to have a mother bake for him, iron his clothes, hold him when he scraped his knee. Jonas had tried to fill that role and had been only partially successful. Apparently, there was no substitute for a mother’s love.

“Rafe.” After he sat down, she crossed to him and tipped up
his chin. “You slept. You needed to.”

Thinking of holding Nia all night, he wondered if Donuta knew how her daughter comforted him. “I did.”

“Okay, this is what I found.” Looking down at the pile she held, Nia came out of the coatroom off the kitchen, carrying jackets and other winter apparel. “Luke’s old boots and a hat and gloves.” She glanced up. “Oh, you’re up. Hi.”

“Hi.” He leaned
against the jamb. “What’s that?”

“We’re going hiking today with Adam and Paulina.”

He glanced out the window. Snow was falling lightly, and it looked cold. “Today?”

“It’ll do us all good.”

“That’s right. You told me once that you wanted to start hiking again.”

“And exercise would be healthy for you.” Her face sobered. “Unless you can’t bear it. I didn’t do anything physical
for days.”

“It won’t matter what I do, Nia. The hurt’ll be there. Hiking might get some tension out, though.” He glanced around. “Where are the boys?”

“Paulina took them to an early movie. I had to force Sal to go. He wanted to wait till you got up.”

“He could have. He isn’t a bother to me, Nia.”

“I know and that’s lovely. But he has to learn some boundaries with you. He’d occupy
all your time.”

“I was that way with Jonas. He was very generous.” Rafe bit the inside of his jaw until it hurt. “Is that, um, coffee? I need some.”

“You also need to eat.” This from Donuta. “I made kolaches, a pastry stuffed with sausage and cheese to fortify all of you for your hike.”

Rafe was surprised by the fact that he ate three of the pastries. Nia laughed at him and consumed
one. Later, he slipped into Luke’s hiking boots. “Ah, they’re a little big.”

“I got some of his extra socks. He leaves stuff here.” She gave Rafe a sideways glance. “It’s hard to fill my big brother’s shoes.”

He gave her what passed for a smile. He heard the front door open, then Adam and Paulina and the kids came bustling in
.

“Hey, Rafe. Sleep okay?” Adam seemed to genuinely like
him.

After darting a glance at Nia, he nodded. “So, we’re all going out?”

“Uh-huh.”

Ben whipped off his coat and tossed it on a chair in the kitchen. “Why can’t we go?”

“This is grown-up time,” Adam told him. “We took you to the movies to be fair. Right, champ?”

He watched Adam. “Yeah, right.” Ben fled the room
.

Tommy went up to Rafe. “Sorry about Jonas. I didn’t know what
to say yesterday.”

“Thanks for the thought, Tom.”

Sal, who’d hovered in the background, moved in closer to Rafe. He hugged him, then left.

Nia and Paulina went to get their coats and turned up in identical teal-blue jackets. Adam snickered. “A little old for dressing alike, aren’t you?”

“We brought these separately.” Paulina grinned. “Neither of us knew what the other got. So we
decided to keep them.”

He tweaked her nose. “You look adorable.” Actually, she looked gorgeous with her hair down and the blue highlighting her complexion.

Adam drove through snow-covered city streets and then got on a highway. Rafe asked, “Where are we going?”

“The Brooklyn-Queens Greenway.”

“I read about that place. It’s hiking and biking trails meant to connect the parks here.”

“It’s huge,” Nia put in. “Twenty-two miles, but Donnie and I had our favorite trails.”

It took a half hour to reach the trailhead. Once they got out on a path, Rafe took in a deep breath. The cold air bit him in the face and chafed his throat, but there was no wind and sun shone down on them. They started slow, down a dirt pathway that was even and free of snow. No one talked much, just
some murmurs about the terrain. The pace picked up and Rafe began to feel restless. He needed aerobic exercise. If Jonas had gotten more…

“Where to, Nia?” Adam asked when they came to the merging of two trails
.

“The left is steeper,” Paulina put in. “The right’s a little easier.”

Still thinking about Jonas, Rafe said, “Would you mind if I took this one alone?”

Nia touched his sleeve.
“Whatever you need, Rafe.”

Adam checked his watch. “Meet back here in fifteen minutes.”

They went one way and he set off on the other. He wasn’t sure why he’d asked to be alone, maybe because wondering if Jonas could have lived longer if he’d exercised brought the grief back in sharp relief. Step, step. The incline increased as did his breathing. Step, Step, step. He began to sweat under
his heavy jacket, and his clothes clung to him. Step, step, step, step… When he reached the top of the incline, he sucked in air, his lungs burning
.

And suddenly it all erupted. Picking up some snow, he made a hard ball and threw it at a clump of trees. He let go of another, and another, until his vision blurred and he lost count. Finally, he sank to his knees, where he spat out every expletive
he knew. Spent now, he sat back on his haunches and let the grief envelop him.

He didn’t know how long he stayed there, but the cold and wet seeped into his jeans and so he struggled to his feet. Pushing back the cuff of his sleeve, he saw he was five minutes late to meet up with the others.

Slowly, he went back down the trail. He wouldn’t swear by it, but his outburst seemed to have helped
.

Nia had insisted Rafe stay until the memorial service on Monday. She’d slept by his side for three nights, held him when he cried, and was glad for whatever physical outlet he’d had on the hike.
Matka
cooked for him, Sal distracted him and Adam and Paulina were simply there if he’d needed to talk or wanted company
.

This morning, he’d gone home to change
into dressy clothes for the service. Now he entered the Mitchell Gallery, so alone it made Nia tear up. She sat in a row two-thirds of the way back, Paulina and Adam next to her, then
Matka
. Behind them, Magdalena, Lizzie, Caterina, Ana and Sofia completed the Ludzecky contingent. And of course, Sal. She wasn’t sure he should come, but he’d thrown a tantrum when she’d suggested he stay at home.
Since he’d never before had an outburst like that, she’d decided to give him his way.

Adam had told her a lot of famous painters and artists in New York were here by invitation. She saw Rafe’s manager, whom she’d met briefly before the service, and his lawyer. Other than that, it was just the Ludzecky family. The press had been banned. Fans of Jonas’s artwork had flocked around the building
but were not allowed in. A police presence had been called up by the mayor.

Rafe came down the center aisle, wearing a herringbone sports coat, a white open-at-the-collar dress shirt and black pants. Nia chided herself for reacting to how he looked, for admiring the sexy presence he carried with him wherever he went. He stopped at their row and looked over at the lot of them. He blinked. “Wow,
thank you all for coming.”

Murmurs of condolences. He ruffled Sal’s hair. “I hope this isn’t too sad for you, buddy.”

“Mommy said we came for you.”

He looked at Nia. Then he extended his hand. “Come sit with me. You and Mommy.”

Nia was surprised, but she willingly slid out of the row with Sal behind her, and with each of them holding his hands, they went down the aisle and sat
in the front. At exactly ten o’clock, Rafe rose and Nia squeezed his arm. It gave him strength. He made his way, albeit stiffly, to the front
.

The crowd settled as soon as he faced them. “Thanks to all of you who came today. You were on the list Jonas made up of who he’d like to attend his funeral. The memorial will be short. And sweet.” Rafe rolled his eyes. “He left detailed instructions
and I’m sure whatever he planned will be right for all of us.”

And final, Nia knew, it would be final and necessary.

Rafe looked out at the group. “Since you all know Jonas well, the following won’t surprise you.” He glanced down at a notepad he carried. “It was Jonas’s wish that we don’t mourn his passing but celebrate his life. His specific requests were threefold.

“One—most of you
know this because it came with the invitation for you to attend today, but in lieu of flowers or donations to the illness that caused his death, he asked you contribute to the scholarship fund he created for budding artists.” Here Rafe looked over at Sal. The boy beamed. “I was one of those, of course, and without him, I’d never be where I am today. And I will pay this forward. These scholarships
will help other young people like I was.