Authors: Nicole Jordan
Maura ignored his levity. “Where are your medical supplies?”
“Our housekeeper has a store of salves and bandages in her office.”
Maura asked the footman on duty in the hall to fetch a basin of warm water from the kitchens. Then she accompanied Ash to the housekeeper’s office, where she proceeded to gather the supplies she would need to patch up his injuries.
Once the basin was delivered and the footman dismissed, she ordered Ash to sit down in a wooden chair while she worked. She cleaned his wounds with soap and water and applied basilicum ointment, ministrations which he bore without protest. When she dabbed a damp cloth at the deep cut above his eyebrow, however, he winced reflexively.
“I’m sorry to hurt you,” she apologized sincerely.
“It is no matter. My chest pains me more, to be truthful.”
“From the blows you took to your torso? Let me see.”
After a slight hesitation, Ash opened his coat and waistcoat, then gingerly raised his shirt to bare his chest.
Seeing that his ribs were covered with brown and purple splotches, Maura bit her lower lip in sympathy.
“I will survive,” Ash claimed, watching her. “I’ve suffered much worse brawling with Jack and Quinn during our salad days.”
“Is that how you knew to defend yourself from those brutes’ vicious blows? Your childhood bouts of fisticuffs?”
“That and various sparring matches at Gentleman Jackson’s.” He meant the boxing salon run by a former national champion, Maura knew.
She used a gentle touch to probe Ash’s ribs. “I don’t believe anything is broken. I could make up a warm poultice and wrap your chest, or I could just apply some liniment to ease the pain and bruising.”
“The liniment will do. I am not an invalid.”
Maura complied, carefully smoothing a pungent yellow ointment over the discolorations and rubbing it into his skin.
“Thank you, love,” Ash said, easing his shirt down again. “That does indeed feel better.”
Knowing there was nothing more to be done for him, Maura washed and dried her hands, then busied herself returning the supplies to the closet shelf, drawing out the moment as she tried to gather her courage.
Realizing she was purposely delaying, she cleared her throat and began in a small voice. “Ash, I have been thinking.”
“Yes?”
“I believe it is time for me to return home to Suffolk.”
At his lack of response, she glanced over her shoulder with trepidation. He had raised an eyebrow, as if waiting for further explanation.
“You see … Gandy has his hands full with the spring foaling and badly needs my help. And I ought to bring Emperor home as well.”
“Of course,” Ash said in an even tone.
“I don’t wish to seem ungrateful,” Maura added in a rush, “by disappearing the instant my problems are settled, but there is no reason for me to remain here.” She took a deep breath to brace herself. “There is no reason to continue our charade, either.”
Ash’s gaze stayed fixed on her. “No reason?” he repeated slowly. “You mean you want to end our betrothal?”
What she wanted was entirely beside the point, Maura thought despairingly. “Yes.” There, she had said it. She had provided him the excuse to back out if he wished to.
“You seem to be in a hurry,” Ash remarked at last. “Why such haste?”
“I am in no hurry,” she lied. “I just no longer need the protection of your name, now that you have dealt with Deering.”
His gaze was unusually penetrating, yet Maura couldn’t read his enigmatic expression.
“You never wanted to wed me in the first place,” she reminded him. “You only proposed a temporary arrangement as a means to protect me.”
“True.”
At his brusque reply, the pain that stabbed her was sharp and piercing. Maura suddenly felt as if she couldn’t breathe.
Ash’s next comment was not any more comforting, either. “If there should be a child … you know that will change things. You will have to wed me then.”
She nodded, although the ache in her throat wouldn’t let her speak. Ash was saying he would be willing to marry her if she was with child, but he was offering her no professions of love or even affection. His expression was starkly solemn, devoid of all emotion.
She wanted him to say something—anything—to prevent her from leaving, but his grave silence drew out.
“Very well,” he said finally. “When do you plan to leave?”
She had her answer, Maura realized, feeling the pain intensify. If he loved her, he would not let her go so readily.
Blindly she turned back to the supplies and finished arranging them neatly on the shelf. She was crying inside, but she wouldn’t let him see it. “Today. This afternoon,” she whispered past the ache in her throat.
“You are welcome to stay here longer if you wish.”
“I know.” Clamping her teeth together to hold back a sob, Maura pasted a smile on her lips as she faced him again.
Ash had risen from his chair and was frowning now. In fact his expression was almost a scowl as he said in that same gruff tone, “You will use my traveling chaise to convey you home.”
“There is no need to trouble yourself,” Maura managed. “I have my gig here in London.”
“I am not letting you travel all that way on your own. Not until I’m certain Deering is gone from England and there is no further risk of his retaliating.”
In answer, Maura nodded mutely and headed for the door.
As she passed him, Ash stepped closer. “Maura …”
When he reached out a hand, though, she flinched and quickly moved around him. If he touched her now, she would be lost.
She made it out to the corridor by putting one foot in front of the other, but her eyes were so blurred she could barely see.
She would leave for home immediately, Maura vowed. It might be cowardly to flee from Ash so abruptly, but staying would make it even harder for her to tear herself away in a week or two weeks or a month from now, when she fell even more desperately in love with him.
She felt too deeply for him already, that was the agonizing truth.
She would not tell Katharine about her departure this time either, for Kate would only argue and try to convince her to reconsider, and then Maura would break down and sob out her pathetic feelings of unrequited love.
Yes, she could remain here in London for a time, gathering memories of Ash and his family to solace her in the interminable years ahead, when she would be all alone. But living here under the same roof with him would be impossible. Seeing him each and every day but unable to be with him, to touch him, to love him, would be excruciating.
She would have no right to do any of those things. Nor would she be his lover any longer. If she wanted to claim a few moments of illicit passion with Ash, she would have to resort to slinking about his house, stealing into his chamber at night to avoid his servants, deceiving his family and her friends. It was far preferable to remove herself from temptation.
When she made it to her bedchamber, it was all
Maura could do to control her tears. Dashing at her streaming eyes, she retrieved her valise from under the bed, then began searching her drawers and wardrobe for the barest necessities required for the drive home, haphazardly tossing garments into the case.
She had learned long ago that it was useless to long for things she could never have, Maura reprimanded herself. She had to accept that tormenting fact now, even though her heart was breaking.
Two hours later, Ash was in his study, sprawled indecorously on his leather sofa, when Katharine came storming in. “I cannot believe you let Maura go!” she declared.
He pried one eye open to shoot her a baleful glare. “What would you have me do? Lock her in the cellar so she could not escape?”
“Yes! If that was the only way to keep her here.”
“Go away and leave me in peace, Kate,” Ash muttered.
He had already downed the better part of a liberal brandy, and when he raised the glass to his lips again, Kate took notice. “What are you doing, imbibing such potent spirits in the middle of the day? Is it because Maura left you?”
“Your powers of perception are unparalleled.”
Disregarding his testy sarcasm, Kate furrowed her brow. “I don’t understand. I thought things were going swimmingly between the two of you. You vanquished her hateful foe and restored her father’s honor. That should have made Maura welcome your suit.” Her gaze narrowed on Ash. “What did you do to make her flee, Ash?”
“Nothing that I’m aware of.”
“Did you cry off from your engagement?”
“No. Maura was the one to cry off.”
Katharine looked bewildered. “Why? Did she give you a reason?”
“She only said that there was no point in continuing the charade of our betrothal and that she had to return home to Suffolk to see to the spring foals.”
“And you just let her walk out? What did you say to her in return?”
Ash didn’t reply at once. He had no intention of revealing his warning to Maura—that if there was a child, she would have to marry him. Instead, he admitted to his second edict. “I insisted that for her protection, she take my chaise home rather than her gig.”
Katharine lifted her gaze to the ceiling, muttering “Men!” in a disgusted tone. Then more calmly: “I see I gave you far more credit than you deserve, Ash. Don’t you have the remotest inkling about romance? You know how to seduce any woman who catches your eye, but you make a mull of genuine courtship. I’ll wager my life that Maura wanted you to propose for real. She loves you, I know she does.”
His gaze narrowing on his sister, Ash slowly levered himself to a sitting position. “Did she tell you so?”
“No, not in so many words. Maura is not one to share her feelings, even with me. But I know it in my bones.”
“Your bones are hardly the best judge of her feelings.”
“And
you
are?” Kate put her hands on her hips. “Speaking of feelings, how do you feel about
her
, Ash? Do you love her?”
He no longer had difficulty answering that question. He loved Maura deeply. The fear he’d felt this morning at seeing her life threatened had relentlessly driven that truth home to him. “Yes, I love her.”
His sister exhaled in relief. “Then why the devil did you let her go? She is your ideal match. Surely you see that by now.”
He’d come to the same conclusion this morning when Maura had fought by his side, defending him with her bare hands regardless of the peril she faced. Or perhaps his revelation had come last night, when he’d held her in his arms and joined their bodies, moving inside her in perfect rhythm.
If Maura wasn’t his consummate match, then he didn’t have one on this earth. She fit him as no other woman had or could.
Ash stared down at the last of the golden brandy in his glass as he pondered his inexorable transformation. He hadn’t truly believed he would ever know true love—or more accurately, that he would ever
allow
himself to feel love. He’d never wanted to risk that kind of pain. After losing his parents, he’d held himself emotionally distant from outsiders, never letting any woman close enough to touch his heart. He had never expected to live up to his family’s celebrated legacy and find his one true mate. Yet he couldn’t be a dispassionate, uninvolved bystander any longer. Not with Maura.
Loving her felt profoundly right, and he yearned for her love in return.
Absently Ash gulped a mouthful of brandy. He felt the burn all down his tight chest into his rioting stomach, yet he was more keenly aware of the hot fear that
had gnawed at him since Maura had broken off their engagement and declared her intention of returning home. In that moment, he had frozen solid with fear. His mind and heart and body had simply shut down, Ash remembered.
The only response he could think of just then was to clutch at straws. His pronouncement about Maura possibly carrying his child was a desperate way to bind her to him—and the very least romantic declaration he could have made. It was no wonder she had taken his reaction as evidence that he cared nothing for her.
On the other hand … despite Kate’s avowals, he had difficulty believing that Maura loved him. Oh, she was grateful to him, Ash knew. She had told him so on more than one occasion. The irony was that he’d done his level best to earn her gratitude over the past sennight, but he feared gratitude was all he had.
He looked up to find Kate watching him closely, waiting for his answer.
“Whatever my feelings for her,” he finally said, “I doubt Maura believes herself to be my match. She feels indebted to me, nothing more. That isn’t love. I don’t want her accepting my hand in marriage because of a misplaced sense of obligation. I want more than that.”
“Then why didn’t you tell her so? In fact, why don’t you tell her so now? What are you waiting for?”
What indeed? Ash wondered. Was it fear keeping him here, planted on his sofa, trying to drown his desolate thoughts with expensive liquor?
“You must go after her, Ash,” Katharine prodded when he was silent.
“I will. Just not for a while yet.”
“How long is a while?”
“A day or two. A week at most.”
Exhaling in relief, Kate smiled in approval. “Excellent.” Moving closer, she bent down to kiss his cheek. “If there is anything I can do to help you—”
“You’ve done more than enough as it is,” Ash said dryly.
“I know.” Her smile turned self-satisfied. “Thanks to me, you had the opportunity to test if Maura was your legendary lover. But it is up to
you
to make her love you.”
Ash didn’t dispute his sister’s observation and in fact scarcely noticed when she left the room. He did know one thing, though. He couldn’t force Maura’s love. He had to
earn
it. He might have gained her respect this past week, but winning her heart was a much more immense challenge.…
His gaze narrowed as he focused on the dilemma he faced. Maura had to come to him of her own free will, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t do his damnedest to influence her feelings. She belonged to him—he would just have to make her see it.
However, he would give her a little time to adjust to the significant changes in her life, chiefly to gain some distance from her anguish over her late father. Ash wanted to make a fresh start with Maura. He also had to make certain that her nemesis was out of her life for good. Deering might have poisoned her feelings for any man.…