Just when I think I should do something to get his attention before my wild imagination gets totally out of hand, he turns back to me. His brows are pulled down and his lips are forming a scowl. I offer him the backpack. He shakes his head then points to the ladder.
It’s time to descend.
My knees feel like they’re made of rubber and it’s a long climb down. The sun is high in the sky, daylight is burning. I don’t know what Beast has planned for the day, but I hope it’s to stop by my pod before we return to his ship.
We both straighten our clothes and get ourselves together. Physically, I feel relaxed, like something tight inside me has uncoiled. If anything, Beast seems even more wound up. I feel a little bad that it doesn’t seem like he got any relief from all of our kissing. If anything, the aura around him seems even more intense now.
Beast starts down first and I climb after him. Going down is so much worse than going up. I don’t know how many times I feel like the rung isn’t where it’s supposed to be. Every time my foot fails to connect, it feels like my stomach dropped out. More than once I feel like I’m about to splat against the ground.
When we finally reach the bottom, I find myself looking up of all things. I almost can’t believe I ever made it up all the way up there, that I stayed all night there.
That Beast did those amazing things to me up there, in a tree.
Then I look back down and see all the carnage that remains. The things that Beast killed still litter the ground. I don’t know what they are, some strange scaly creatures who look like they were cooked up in a freaky nightmare. Beast is impatient, so I don’t get to better examine them. He grabs me by the hand and we pick our way around the bodies, being careful not to step on them. When it’s all clear, when the guts and blood no longer soak the ground, he rushes me through the forest.
I’m so turned around after everything that happened, I have no clue where we’re going.
Mercifully, Beast gives me a moment to find a tree and take care of my business. Then we’re off again, rushing through the forest as if time itself is running out.
Once my bladder is empty, it’s like I have more room for thoughts. I start to imagine what it would be like to take Beast home with me. I can just picture the look on Vrillum’s face. I can just imagine the look on my father’s. It would almost make this entire ordeal worth it.
Almost.
I feel like shouting
hallelujah
when we reach the break in the trees and I can see my pod right where I left it.
I’m anxious to see if I have any messages. My paces picks up, I almost rush past him.
I don’t know why, after last night, that I have hope again that I’ll somehow be able to make contact with back home. I guess to me my escape pod represents hope.
Ever since I’ve hooked up with Beast, my situation just keeps getting better and better. He’s like the best thing that happened to me since I crashed. You know, besides all the wanting to own me stuff. He’s like my hunky purple lucky charm. If I hadn’t been so afraid of him in the beginning, this whole ordeal wouldn’t have sucked so bad. When I think about it, he’s done so much for me. He’s fed me, sheltered me, and protected me. I want to return the favor by getting us a rescue off of here. After all, two heads are better than one.
My pod is much the same as I left it. I try to rush in, but Beast holds me back. He insists on entering first.
The pod is so small, there’s nowhere to hide. If there was anything lurking inside, we would easily spot it. After Beast steps in, and does a quick inspection, there’s not much room left for me. The space feels so much smaller with him filling it. It didn’t feel nearly as small when it was just me. There’s also a smell I don’t remember, a distinct dirty princess funk I must have been accustomed to. I don’t know how I stayed cooped up inside of here for so long.
Beast bends over my dashboard, checking it out. I let him examine it while I squeeze past and check on what I left behind in my storage box.
Right away I can see that something got in the box. Whatever it was got to the meat stick I left and gnawed it up into tiny splintered pieces. None of the rations bars seem to have been touched, however. Even the local wildlife knows it’s not really food.
Beast pushes a button and the walls go up.
“Do you know how to work it?” I ask, turning to face him.
With the walls up, it feels even more cramped in here. His head nearly touches the ceiling, his shoulders span across the space between the seat and the dashboard. I’m trapped between the wall and the lock box.
Beast shrugs and pushes another button. The siren starts to blare. Ugh. Thankfully he quickly pushes that button again, turning it off. Unfortunately, my ears are ringing now.
Beast continues to experiment with the buttons. He learns how to turn the surveillance system on, even learns how to project his grunts and growls. He figures out how to raise and lower the small section of wall so that it functions like a door and he even manages to flash on and off the inside lights.
The only thing he manages to do that I never did is adjust the climate control.
“Beast?” I ask as he experiments with the climate control.
It gets sweltering hot and sweat breaks out on my brow.
I still get the feeling he’s upset with me. I still feel like somehow I’ve made him mad, and the way he’s ignoring me just reinforces it.
He holds the button down and the temperature becomes more manageable.
“Beast?” I have to repeat. “Will you turn around and look at me for a moment?”
He turns his face to look at me though it seems like he’s slow and reluctant to do so.
“Do you think you could figure out how to send out a distress signal?”
His eyes harden and I feel like the weight of them are pushing me down. I almost back off. I almost say
nevermind
. I can see it. I can see it in his eyes that he’s telling me not to go there. I should back off now, but we’ve come so far. I know I can make him understand.
My mouth goes dry and I have to clear my throat. Then I lift my chin in the air and pull my shoulders back.
“If we can get a message to my father, asking for a rescue….”
I don’t get to finish. As if he’s possessed, as if he’s the very space demon I feared him to be, he growls and pounds the console with his fist. The panel of buttons cracks.
I recognized the warning just a moment ago, I knew he was telling me to back off. I just couldn’t have expected this reaction. He’s beyond mad.
I gasp in complete shock. Is this really happening?
He didn’t just do that… he wouldn’t…
But Beast isn’t done. He pounds the panel of buttons again, shattering it where his fist connects.
“What are you doing?!” I cry out.
He turns his back on me. I gasp again, this time in outrage. He starts to tear the buttons off. Bits of plastic go flying, bouncing off the walls, bouncing off Beast, and clattering to the floor.
“Stop!” I scream at him.
But he keeps on going.
He’s destroying it. He’s destroying my only hope of ever getting home. Even if there’s no way to send a distress signal, I know there’s a UPS hardwired in the system. If he destroys it unless someone is already en route to this location, I’ll never be rescued. I’ll never walk on my home planet again.
Beast ignores me. He grabs the side of the dashboard. I watch in horror as his alien strong hands crunch into it, his fingers just sinking into the edges. Then he yanks back, ripping the entire dashboard out.
The siren goes off, the lights flash, and half the walls fall down.
Beast starts beating the screen, starts beating all the parts that are jutting out and every little bit that is left of the dashboard.
I’m pelted with pieces of plastic, pieces of metal, and multicolored buttons. I have to crouch down and shield myself with my hands.
“Stop!” I cry out. When that doesn’t work, I try pleading nicely, “Please stop! Please!”
It goes on and on. Each crash, each crunch is like a punch to my soul.
Beast continues to beat my pod, continues to growl, tear, pummel, and punch until the siren chokes out.
I cower and protect myself. He’s so enraged, I have no idea if he’ll turn on me and start pummeling me as well.
When it’s all done, when I only hear him panting and huffing, I dare a peek up. His shoulders are bent forward, and he’s leaning against the wall, spent.
Shakily, I get to my feet. Through the blur of my tears, I take stock of the destruction. It’s all gone, all of it. He smashed it all to bits. My hopes and dreams are scattered everywhere. I’ll never be able to repair them.
I was foolish to believe that he would help me. I was so naïve and stupid to put any of my hope in him. How could I have thought he would help me get home?
How could I have believed he’s any more than the Beast I dubbed him?
“I hate you,” just pops out of my mouth and the next thing I know, I’m saying it again and again.
“I hate you!” I scream and bend over, grabbing up pieces. “I hate you!” I start throwing the broken remains of my console at his head.
“I’ll never forgive you for this!”
He pushes away from the wall and makes a grab for me. If I wasn’t trapped in such a small space, I might have been able to escape him.
He grabs my wrist and squeezes, the jagged piece of plastic I was holding falls from my hand.
“Mine,” he growls.
With my other hand, I reach up and slap him across his big purple face.
“Never!” I scream at him.
I’ll never be his. I’ll never forgive him. I’ll never forget this.
Beast doesn’t even flinch. His face darkens where I slapped him, so I know I hit him hard enough to leave a mark, but he appears to be completely unfazed by it.
He captures my other hand and holds me as if it was nothing to him. I’m just a puny human, what am I next to the strength of the mighty alien?
I do the only thing I can do. I drift closer to him. The space between his brows wrinkles with confusion.
I lift my knee and jam it as hard as I can into his big purple nuts.
Beast’s eyes glaze over and his grip relaxes around my wrists, but not enough to let me get away. There’s more than physical pain twisting his features. For a split second, I could swear he looks like some hurt, demon puppy dog, staring at me with its wide, vulnerable eyes, not understanding why I just kicked it.
So I knee him again.
This time he lets go. Clutching his groin, he doubles over in pain, coughing and gagging. I know I have only seconds, if that, before he recovers. I grab on to the half raised wall beside me then throw myself over it.
I land hard on my knees against the solid ground. The sting that bites my knees gives me pause. I waste precious seconds blinking back tears while I struggle to my feet. Once I have my feet beneath me, though, I run as if the Devil himself is on my heels.
Don’t look back.
There’s nowhere to run but to the trees. Thanks to Beast, my pod was rolled and positioned until it was completely surrounded by them. There isn’t even a path that I can follow.
I swerve through the forest, my body fueled only by sheer desperation. I’ve only covered a couple of spans when Beast’s roar blasts behind me.
I’m not going to make it.
My lungs are already laboring, burning with every breath. My legs feel impossibly heavy as if they’re made of lead. My knees are screaming as they pump with every step. Still, I give it my all. I have nothing left.
I push through the pain. Mentally, I urge my body on. Spots flash in front of my eyes. My nose stings as if I snorted water. I can’t give up even knowing I don’t have a chance. I just can’t.
Ominously, the sky grows darker as the trees thicken, growing closer and closer together. Beast rumbles behind me. I can feel his vibrations through the ground.
Just knowing that he’s right behind me gives me a boost but it’s not enough. I cry out as he grabs me and my feet leave the ground.
If only I was bigger, stronger, smarter…
I screech, slap, and kick my legs. I refuse to make it easy for him.
His breath puffs hotly in my ear. The bulges in his arms flex. He’s squeezing the air out of me.
If only I wasn’t me.
The spots flashing in front of my eyes grow brighter until they begin to burst.
I feel myself slipping away, his darkness is pulling at me.
Beast whispers softly into my ear. In my current, delusional state, it almost sounds as if he’s apologizing to me.
His darkness swallows me up.
Is he sorry?
***
I wake up, I’m bouncing. My head aches. I can’t see straight. Everything is blurry and upside down.
Something hard keeps jamming me in the stomach. It takes me too long to realize its Beast’s shoulder. He’s carrying me again.
Maybe it’s the rhythm of the bouncing, or maybe it’s because I feel exhausted and broken, but at some point, I end up falling asleep again.
The next time I wake up, I’m alone, tucked in the covers of his soft bed.
Was it all just a bad dream?
It wouldn’t be my first.
Ripping the covers back, I swing my legs over the edge of the bed.
It wasn’t a dream. My shirt is torn, exposing my ribs, and I’m wearing the black pants. I check my belt, it’s still there, but the knife is missing from the sheath at my hip.
Dammit.
I bend over and bury my face in my hands. My head is throbbing, my eyes are swelling with unshed tears. This sucks so bad. I don’t know what I’m going to do.
How could he do this to me? I still, after everything, am having a hard time wrapping my brain around Beast’s betrayal. I thought we were really getting somewhere, that we were making progress. I felt like I was finally beginning to understand him, and I was even feeling more open, more accepting of the thought that perhaps being with him, being his, wouldn’t be so bad…
Why? Why?
Just keeps looping in my head. I can’t make any sense of it.
What did I do?
He’s fed me, sheltered me, washed me, and even bled for me… Silly me, I was beginning to think he really cared. I was even feeling guilty for not returning the favors.
Maybe that’s it. Maybe it’s because I did nothing for him but take everything he had to give. Was him destroying my pod his way of punishing me? Did he just get so fed up with me, he had to take from me the only thing I had?
Now I’m trapped here, with him, forever. The realization sends a cold shiver down my spine. I need him. I need his food, shelter, and supplies. I can’t leave him, no matter how much I want to. I know what’s out there and I have no way to protect myself from it. I’m not foolish to think I can somehow survive on my own.
What am I going to do?