Prison Ramen: Recipes and Stories from Behind Bars (9 page)

Ingredients

2 packs beef flavor Ramen

1½ cups boiling water

1 jar or pouch (10 ounces) meatballs in tomato sauce

1 onion, chopped

Pinch of garlic powder

1. Crush the Ramen in the wrappers and empty into a bowl. Set aside one of the seasoning packets; save the other for another use.

2. Add the water, cover, and let sit for about 8 minutes.

3. Drain off excess water.

4. Meanwhile, mix the meatballs, onion, seasoning, and garlic powder in a microwavable bowl.

5. Cover and microwave for 3 to 5 minutes, until hot.

6. Pour the mixture over the Ramen.

F
or years, outside my cell window stood a huge fence, twenty feet high, covered with razor-tipped barbed wire. I have no doubt that almost every prisoner thought of hitting that fence at least once. Some guys would do more than think about it. For many of us, doing time became worse than the idea of being dead. Those were the ones that would make a run for the fence, hoping to be shot and killed. This was known as “suicide by escape.”

I saw it in action in a way that just broke my heart. A good friend of mine was waiting for his family on visitation day. It was the best part of his week and they were very reliable. He’d always leave his time with them with a smile on his face and plenty of goodwill for everyone he ran into. One day, they just didn’t show up. He sat there, hour after hour, wondering what the holdup was. They didn’t show up all day and didn’t answer the phone when he called.

Two days later a guard came to escort him to the chapel where the chaplain gave him the bad news. His family had crashed on the highway on their way up to visit him. His wife, kids, and mother-in-law all died in the accident. There were no survivors. With many years to go in his sentence, he literally had nothing to live for.

Rumors quickly spread that he actually made it over the first fence. But by the second fence, two shots from a Mini-14 rifle gave him his freedom . . . to be with his family.

Ingredients

1 pack chicken flavor Ramen

1 cup boiling water

½ cup chopped baby carrots

¼ cup chopped onion

Pinch of garlic powder

½ cup shredded or chopped cooked chicken breast

1 jalapeño chile, chopped

1. Crush the Ramen in the wrapper and empty into a bowl. Add the seasoning.

2. Add the water, stir, cover, and let sit for 8 minutes.

3. Add the carrots, onion, garlic powder, chicken, and jalapeño. Mix well.

4. Cover and let sit until the vegetables are warm.

by Alma Blake, former Correctional Officer

A
s a former CO, I was a curiosity to the women I was incarcerated with. The first person to befriend me was Colombiana, and she resembled my mother. With her heavy accent she told me, “You see all these women? They all have a trade. They all know how to do or make something to help them get by. We all work at something. What can you do?” I didn’t have a response, so she peppered me with questions: “ Can you cook prison style? Can you draw? Can you color, gamble, thread eyebrows, sew?” My silence said it all. I didn’t know how to do any of those things. She offered me a plate of her delicious food and told me, “Don’t worry, Mami, we will find you something to do.” I felt ashamed that even though I had worked for over eight years in a prison, I was the most ignorant inmate. Then Colombiana asked, “Can you read and write?” Almost laughing, I said “Yes!” She gave me a piece of paper and told me to write out a recipe she’d dictate. When she saw my handwriting she smiled at me and said, “I think I just found you a job.” Colombiana was a fine artist and made greeting cards for anyone in need of a birthday or holiday card, but she had terrible handwriting. I became her apprentice and filled in the greetings on the cards. I would not have made it through my time in prison without her help. We developed a friendship that lasts to this day.

Alma Blake
worked as a correctional officer. She served time for an infraction committed while a CO. She now works in a civilian capacity in her hometown of El Paso, TX. She teaches her sons to respect and understand the reasons for the law, with the hope that they may pursue a career in it one day.

Ingredients

2 packs chicken picante flavor Ramen

3 cups boiling water

½ teaspoon crushed red pepper

¼ teaspoon garlic powder

½ teaspoon soy sauce

Tortilla chips

1. Place the Ramen into a bowl without breaking it. Add the seasoning.

2. Add the boiling water, crushed red pepper, garlic powder, and soy sauce.

3. Mix well, and let it sit for 8 minutes.

4. When ready, top it with a handful of tortilla chips.

T
here was a time back in the day when convicts, all dressed in blue, wouldn’t fight one another. Instead we’d stand united, fighting against the cops who would be dressed in green. Those days are long gone. We don’t have the unity we once had.

A riot can occur at the most unexpected times. It seems to me that racial fighting was the main motivation in most of the riots I saw . . . and participated in. Black against white, brown against black, or brown against white. Sometimes, there was even fighting within the races, but it was still about race. For example, you’d have Mexican immigrants fighting in big riots against the Mexican American homeboys. This discourages me because I feel as if the guys I’m fighting against could be my uncles or my brothers.

These stupid riots between us always stem from some type of drug debt or power trip. I’ve been in many riots, but riots against my own race have been the most tragic. Lots of stabbing and fighting to the death. Vicious soldiers out to destroy one another, fighting the wrong enemy.

Ingredients

1 pack picante beef flavor Ramen

1 cup boiling water

1 summer sausage (about 9 ounces), chopped, or 1 can (9 ounces) Vienna sausage, drained and chopped

1 can (about 12 ounces) ready-to-eat roast beef

1 bag (about 4 ounces) pork skins or rinds

½ onion, chopped

3 jalapeño chiles, chopped

¾ cup soy sauce

¾ cup grape jelly

Note:
This was often sold in the commissary as “roast beef dinner with gravy.” If that’s what you find, drain off the gravy.

1. Crush the Ramen in the wrapper and empty into a bowl. Set aside the seasoning packet.

2. Add the water, cover, and let sit for 8 minutes.

3. Drain off excess water.

4. Meanwhile, combine the sausage, roast beef, pork skins, onion, jalapeños, seasoning, soy sauce, and jelly in a microwavable bowl. Mix well.

5. Cover and microwave for about 10 minutes, until hot.

6. Add the Ramen. Mix well.

by Rusty Coones

I
n 1999 I was rounded up in a federal conspiracy case. An attorney was once quoted as saying, “A grand jury could indict a ham sandwich under federal conspiracy laws.” I saw the evidence of that. Eventually, I was sentenced to eight years.

We had our own table where only “our guys” sat. On Sundays they brought out the toasters, but there was always a line waiting to toast bread. So we had a guy who would wait in line for us and toast the bread. We named him the Toastmaster General.

We were always looking for something to break the monotony of doing time. I liked pranking people. I got together with a couple of guys one time and we posted notices on the bulletin boards all over the prison saying it was mattress exchange day. Everyone was required to take his mattress up to the laundry room during yard time before lunch. About a hundred guys lined up at the guard shack, trying to get through the metal detector with their mattresses, until the guards figured out it was a hoax.

Rusty Coones
is the lead guitar player for Attika7, a custom bike builder for Illusion Motorcycles, and a costar on
Sons of Anarchy.

Ingredients

1 pack chicken flavor Ramen

½ cup water

½ cup chopped baked chicken breast

1. Crush the Ramen in the wrapper and empty into a bowl. Add the seasoning.

2. Add the water, stir, cover, and microwave for 3 to 5 minutes, until the Ramen is soft.

3. Add the chicken, stir, re-cover, and microwave for 1 minute more.

I
nmates are separated for a variety of reasons, including what is easy to see (race) and what is much more complex (gang affiliation). There’s a little prison legend about how two Hispanic groups broke apart. A long time ago, it is said that all California Hispanics were united as one in the California Department of Corrections. Northern and Southern California Hispanics stuck together and were powerful in prison and on the streets. Supposedly, one day in the late 1960s all that changed. A Southern Hispanic gang member accused a Northern gang member of stealing his boots. After weeks of mounting tension, a most vicious riot occurred between the Northern and Southern Hispanics. I’m sure there was more to it than those stinking boots, but my experience is that we Hispanics are a prideful lot, and we don’t back down from a disagreement, no matter how ridiculous it is.

To this day, these two sides are worst enemies, both in prison and now on the streets. The only thing other than race they have in common is their stinking, ugly prison boots.

Ingredients

1 pack chili flavor Ramen

1 cup boiling water

1 package (5.7 to 8 ounces) microwavable dirty rice

1 summer sausage (about 9 ounces), chopped, or 1 can (9 ounces) Vienna sausage, drained and chopped

½ cup chopped green beans

½ cup chopped carrots

½ cup chopped onion

Note:
“Dirty rice” is white rice cooked with seasonings. If you can’t find it, any flavored microwavable rice will do.