Prized Possessions (51 page)

‘Do you love him?' Lizzie said.

‘Dominic? Yes, I love him.'

‘Are you sure?'

Polly drew herself away a little, not in haste.

She didn't want to have to face such a question and felt aggrieved at her mother's failure to understand that there
was
no answer, no truth, that she could not explain or rationalise how Dominic affected her.

She knew only too well what lay at the back of her mother's concern, a fear that she was marrying not for love but for gain, that she had somehow managed to deny to herself that Dominic was a criminal. Did Mammy imagine that she was still naïve and innocent? How could she possibly explain that part of what she loved in Dominic was just that dangerous contrast between what he was and what he did? She had no desire to change and reform him. On the contrary: she wished to share his life in all its parts, to understand all his complexities and ambiguities, not to have him hide from her.

She said, ‘I might ask you the same thing, Mammy.'

‘Aye, dearest, but it isn't the same thing.'

‘Are you sure that you love Bernard?'

‘Absolutely sure.'

‘You thought that about Daddy too, didn't you?'

Lizzie was quiet for a moment. She sighed. ‘I suppose I did.'

‘But you took a risk, right?'

‘I took a risk, aye.'

‘Well, that's what I'm doing,' Polly said. ‘I'm taking a risk. We're all taking a risk. No, I don't mean just you, just me. I mean Dominic, Dominic and Bernard as well. Do they know what they're getting into when they take
us
on for better or worse? I doubt it.'

‘A fat, middle-aged widow,' Lizzie said, with a wry chuckle.

‘That's not what Bernard thinks, that's not how he sees you.'

‘Nah,' Lizzie said, ‘I know it isn't.'

‘That's the difference between us,' Polly said. ‘I think Dominic knows only too well what he's getting, what I am, what makes me tick.'

‘An' what's that?' Lizzie asked.

‘Ambition,' Polly answered; then, suspecting that she had revealed too much, quickly added, ‘I mean, I want to feel safe. Isn't that what we're all supposed to want these days, to feel safe and protected?'

‘An' loved,' said Lizzie.

‘Yes,' Polly admitted. ‘And loved.'

Polly felt her mother's arms grope for her again and because she was still a dutiful daughter, at least for a little while longer, let herself yield, let herself sink against the softness of her mother's breasts, brow against her mother's cheek. Tomorrow, though, it would be a man that her mammy held in her arms, another man, Bernard, not Daddy.

Come September she too would know what it meant to share that kind of love. She didn't think she knew what love meant: yet she did, of course she did.

She turned her head on the pillow and saw that the blind had lightened and knew that under the pall of brown smoke that hung over Glasgow the June sun had peeped over the horizon, that the time of transition was almost over and that her mother's wedding day was just about to begin.

‘No matter what happens to you,' Lizzie said, very softly, ‘you'll always have me behind you. Now an' always.'

‘I know, Mammy,' Polly said. ‘I know.'

She felt herself yielding, more than she would have wished, guilt and restlessness and uncertainty smoothing away until, soothed and comforted, secure in her mammy's arms, she fell asleep at last.

Also by Jessica Stirling

The Spoiled Earth

The Hiring Fair

The Dark Pasture

The Deep Well at Noon

The Blue Evening Gone

The Gates of Midnight

Treasures on Earth

Creature Comforts

Hearts of Gold

The Good Provider

The Asking Price

The Wise Child

The Welcome Light

A Lantern for the Dark

Shadows on the Shore

The Penny Wedding

The Marrying Kind

The Workhouse Girl

The Island Wife

The Wind from the Hills

The Strawberry Season

as Caroline Crosby

The Haldanes

PRIZED POSSESSIONS
. C
OPYRIGHT
© 1998
BY
J
ESSICA
S
TIRLING
. A
LL RIGHTS RESERVED
. N
O PART OF THIS BOOK MAY BE USED OR REPRODUCED IN ANY MANNER WHATSOEVER WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION EXCEPT IN THE CASE OF BRIEF QUOTATIONS EMBODIED IN CRITICAL ARTICLES OR REVIEWS
. F
OR INFORMATION, ADDRESS
S
T
. M
ARTIN'S
P
RESS
, 175 F
IFTH
A
VENUE
, N
EW
Y
ORK
, N.Y. 10010.

WWW.STMARTINS.COM

ISBN 0-312-28057-2

F
IRST PUBLISHED IN
G
REAT
B
RITAIN BY
H
ODDER AND
S
TOUGHTON

A
DIVISION OF
H
ODDER
H
EADLINE
PLC

F
IRST
U.S. E
DITION
: A
UGUST
2001

eISBN 9781466869738

First eBook edition: March 2014