Progress (Progress #1) (21 page)

My eyes widened and my fists ground into the steering wheel again, doing the math in my head. “Seventy pounds in six months, Charlie? What the fuck are you doing to yourself?”

She dropped her chin and squeezed the charms in her palm tightly. “It’s not as bad as you think. I’m not doing it on purpose. It’s just that…”

“What?” I growled. “Speak, dammit!”

“Something happened to me. I can’t explain it. I hadn’t even intended on losing the weight,” she defended. “But I got antsy.” She muddled through her words. “And then I found a CD you left for me in my car and I couldn’t
not
listen to it.”

“What does the CD I gave you have to do with it?”

She shrugged, shriveling into the seat like a scolded little girl. “When I listened to it, all I could do was think about you. And I had so much energy that I had to burn it off. It gave me motivation. I’ve been exercising to it three times a day now for over a month.”

“Jesus,” I whispered, trying to keep my concentration on the road. I scratched my temple and tried to calm my temper. “Have you been eating?”

“Yes.” She sat up straight. “More than I had been before I started exercising.”

“Sleeping?” I asked, grinding my teeth.

She looked down and then out the window. “Not as much as I’d like to be. But I’ve been getting four or five hours a night—”

“Charlie, you can’t do this to yourself. Whatever you think you’re trying to prove to people, it’s not going to do anything. You’re wasting away.”

She laughed. “I am not. You and I both know I still have weight to lose. And I’ve heard the last twenty pounds are the hardest anyway.”

“You’re doing this on purpose, then?”

She shook her head and looked down to her hands that rested in her lap. “Yes and no.”

Her eyes followed the line of my arm, which eventually brought them to my face, but I turned my eyes back to the road.

“I didn’t mean to start, but now that I have, I feel
good
. My feet don’t hurt anymore and I don’t get winded walking up the steps. People don’t stare as much, and the days of quiet laughter and cruel thoughts are fewer and further between—”

“I don’t want you doing this to yourself anymore. You’re six feet tall. You’re supposed to weigh more than the average female,” I interrupted.

She swallowed. “Your concern is sweet, but sorry, it’s not up to you. This is my body and I’ll do with it what I want. I’m not starving myself, and whatever you think it is I’m doing wrong, I’m still considered obese by the technical definition. So if it’s okay with you, I’ll be making the decisions when it comes to this.”

I couldn’t argue. No matter how much I wanted to. She was right: it was her body. I had no claim to it. But I didn’t want her thinking that she had to do this for
them
. My gut told me she still didn’t give enough of a shit about herself to make that her only motivation.

She sighed. “Can we not talk about this anymore? I want this night to be fun. And don’t worry about me. If I get too skinny, then you can intervene. Losing four to five pounds a week isn’t dangerous. It’s pretty standard for someone who has a hundred to lose.”

“You want to lose another thirty pounds?” I asked, my eyes bulging. When she didn’t respond, I added, “Because I’m going to draw the line if you lose your ass.”

She blushed. With her eyes and mouth open, she whispered, “You like my ass?”

I chewed my thumbnail, and my only response was a smirk.

“Awww, Jess. You like my ass.” She erupted into a fit of giggles. “Such…a…charmer.”

“I’ll be pissed,” I added. “I mean it. You get rid of it and you’ll be answering to me, understood?” I laughed.

“Jess, don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”

I didn’t know if I believed her. But I could imagine that the attention she was getting because of the weight loss was a welcome change of pace. From the girls asking how she did it to the guys turning their heads, all of it should’ve been a positive thing. There was no doubt she’d become more confident in the past six months, and that was enough to appease me for the time being.

She was an amazing creature, and she deserved people’s smiles more often than she had gotten them before.

I glanced over and she had a goofy grin on her face. “What?” I asked.

“You look good today. Better than you did last week. How are you feeling?”

I nodded. “Better.”

She exhaled. “Good. I was worried for a while there.”

“Don’t worry about me, Red.” I lit a cigarette. “It’s nothing I’m not used to.”

She gave me a sad smile and cleared her throat. “So, is there anything I need to know about your family? Any dirty little secrets? Is your first cousin in love with your aunt? Or does your uncle parade around naked in the backyard during a full moon with nothing on but black socks and sandals?”

I chuckled. “No.
I
was the biggest gossip in the family when my parents adopted me. My mom, Susie, is a lawyer. Dad’s name is Keith and he’s a trucker. Molly is my sister and Donovan is my brother. Not sure if there’s anything else you need to know.”

“Sounds good. I think I can handle that. Susie, Keith…Molly and Duncan?”

“Donovan.”

“Right. Got it.”

I smiled. “I feel I should warn you, though: you’ll probably get some questions and strange looks.”

She stuck out her bottom lip. “Why?”

“I…um…” I hesitated. “I don’t usually bring women to meet my family. And they’re used to seeing Jake. People are probably going to assume we’re a couple.”

She laughed. “And how would you like me to respond?”

“I don’t care what you tell them.”

She clapped her hands together, sliding them back and forth. “How fun! I get to be
Jesse’s girl
for an evening! Ooo!” She covered her heart and she gave me puppy dog eyes. “Can I stare at you longingly?”

I chewed the inside of my cheek, masking a smile at her enthusiasm. “Only if you let me see your panties.”

She glared and playfully crossed her arms over her chest. “Fine. No staring. You’re no fun.”

I glanced back over at her, looked down at her thighs, and back up again. She narrowed her eyes and I laughed. “Your call.”

Chapter Ten

Jesse

Charlie’s eyes reflected the white lights that draped over the trees as we drove along my uncle’s driveway. The night had settled in, and the full moon was out. Her lips parted slightly before spreading out into a wide smile. “Feels like Christmas,” she said in awe.

The lights framed each window of the four-story home, illuminating the gray brick that surrounded it. The small boathouse in back sat on the shore of Lake Minnetonka, but the lit-up pine trees blocked us from seeing the water. Five canopies were erected along the back of the patio, each one lit with hundreds of small white lights.

“We’re here.”

I got out quickly and rounded the car to open her door.

“It’s so pretty. And big. Holy shit, this house is huge. I’ve heard about the homes on this lake, but I’ve never actually seen one,” she said.

I grabbed her hand and laced my fingers through hers. Her eyes snapped to meet mine, and she looked down at our hands.

“This okay?”

“It’s fine,” she said quickly, turning her head away again.

The murmurs from the crowd grew louder the closer we got, and soft music played while the clinking of champagne glasses and laughter filled the yard. Charlie flinched at the sound.

“Hey.” I squeezed her hand. “You okay?”

She stopped and faced me. “I’m okay. Just residual ghosts.”

“Here?” I was confused. “What do you mean?”

“An unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people.” She smiled. “I’ll be okay, though.”

It killed me to think she’d believe I was leading her to a pack of wolves. I couldn’t say I blamed her, though. “Look, if you’re not comfortable…”

“I’ll be fine, Jess,” she unconvincingly reassured me.

The light in her eyes never faded, and it always amazed me. She tried so hard to trust me even when I didn’t deserve it. I was an asshole, but she still stayed. She wanted to trust someone, and I was the luckiest bastard in the world that she chose me.

“I want to say something, but I…I have words, Charlie. I always have words. But when I first saw you tonight, you stole them from me.”

“Huh?” She laughed. “What’s going on?”

I lowered my voice, staring into her eyes. “I really want to tell you, I do.”

She leaned in, her eyes giving away her concern. “What’s wrong?”

My stomach rolled at the thought of telling her, but I’d been a pussy long enough when it came to this girl. I just needed to put it out there, so there was no question how I felt.

“You’re scaring me, Jess,” she pleaded with a laugh. “Speak, dammit,” she added, her eyes begging me to say it.

“You’re…” I began, but lost my courage.
Fuck it. Start over.
“You’re everything I’ve ever wanted. A friend—”

“Jesse!” my mother called, stopping me. Charlie and I both looked over as Mom jogged toward us.

“Hey,” Charlie whispered. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

I nodded. “I really want to tell you. We’ll talk about it later. Remind me?”

She exhaled with a quick nod just as Mom threw her arms around me.

“Jesse!”

“Hey, Mom,” I chuckled, giving her a squeeze.

“My beautiful boy.”

Charlie stood to the side, giving Mom and me space. I laughed inside at how different the two of them were. Susie was about half the size of Charlie in height, and Mom’s light blond hair was in stark contrast to Charlie’s fiery red.

“Who is this?” Mom stepped forward and extended her hand.

“Mom, this is Charlie.”

“Nice to meet you, Susan.” Charlie smiled.

Mom’s jaw hung open and her head slowly bobbed toward me. “
Charlie?
”

“She’s a
she
,” I grumbled.

“I see that. She’s a she-
she
.”

Charlie narrowed her eyes, not sure what language Ma and I were speaking, and I laughed.

“It’s nice to meet you, Charlie. Please, call me Susie.” Mom elbowed my side. “Jesse didn’t tell me he was bringing a date.”

“You know boys,” Charlie giggled. “So vague.”

“Oh, I like her, Jess.” Mom laughed. “Come on, let’s get you two to the party! The food is delicious, as usual. And the alcohol is free, so drink up.” She walked between Charlie and me, looping her arms through ours and guiding us to the patio. “Dad couldn’t make it tonight—an emergency came up at work. Molly can’t make it either. But Dad wanted me to tell you he says ‘hi,’ and that he still plans on kicking your ass next weekend at the golf tournament.”

I winced. “I forgot about the golf tournament.”

“Well I’m glad I reminded you.” She leaned in to whisper: “She’s so tall.” Then she straightened her posture and spoke loudly. “You know your father and his golf!” Again, Mom lowered her voice and added, “And pretty.”

Charlie giggled, obviously hearing every word, and a faint blush rose to her cheeks.

“Okay, I’ll leave you here.” Mom stopped and swung around to face us. “Have fun, and don’t forget to mingle a little. I’m sure I’ll swing back around later.” She shook Charlie’s hand again. “It was nice to meet you. I hope to see you again soon.” She kissed my cheek and fled to the corner where the drinks were being poured.

“She’s a bit of a social butterfly. You’ll get used to it.”

“She’s sweet,” Charlie said, looking out into the yard and taking in her surroundings.

“Why don’t you find us a seat at one of the tables and I’ll grab you a drink.”

She nodded. “Sounds good.”

“Beer or wine?”

“Whatever you’re having,” she responded, still distracted.

“Hey.” I pulled her close, causing her to jump. I smiled and rubbed my nose against hers. “Relax. These are good people. They won’t hurt you. Promise.”

She pushed out a breath and nodded. “I trust you.”

I exhaled, relaxing my shoulders. Her words were a huge deal. Whether or not she said it because she truly believed it, I wasn’t certain. But I
wanted
to believe it, and that was good enough for me.

I pressed my forehead to hers and smirked. “Finally. Can I see your panties, then?”

Her whole body shook with laughter. “Go get me a drink, flirt.”

I turned toward the bar, but looked back, and saw her laugh all the way to the table.

It was a cool night; the light breeze brought the scent of fall leaves, fresh-cut grass, and the lake. The bartender poured our beers, and I watched Charlie from a distance. She shivered and I shivered with her.

It all starts with one. One person to think they can make a difference. One person to change another person. Soon we’d have infectious laughter, warmth in our bellies, love in our hearts, and God, the joy. She made loving seem easy and finding the good seem easier.

I kept thinking it was a trick—a game—a way for her to take away my dread and replace it with what I thought to be true in my heart all along: Every soul was worth something. Everyone had something to which they could contribute. For every evil that was done in the world, there were three good deeds that happened elsewhere. And maybe I had always just been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Perhaps she’d go on to bigger and better, or perhaps once our time together passed and she’s had enough of my shit, this would all be nothing but a reason to make me smile once in a while. Because those were the moments that make life worth living: warm summers, cold winters, and the person I survived them with.

I loved her.

In that moment. For that time. And for a guy scared shitless of allowing love in, the thought didn’t scare me one bit. Easy.

“Here you go,” the bartender said.

“Right, sorry,” I said, taking the cups from the bar. I left a tip and walked back toward Charlie.

She smiled wide, awaiting my return. I intentionally walked slower just to I could capture the look on her face and keep it my memory forever. Her smile. Her hair. That dress. There was no truer beauty than the woman that was capable of making me believe anything was possible. Even if that meant loving a guy like me.

“So, Jess.” She crossed her arms over the table as I set her beer down.

I sat beside her and waited for her next words.

“You golf?”

I nodded with a laugh and sipped my beer. “I do.”

“Any good?”

I shrugged. “I can hold my own. I don’t play often enough to be great.”

She raised an eyebrow, panning my jeans, and then stared at my chest. “Do you wear those fun pants with mismatched polos, too?”

I laughed. “No. I wear normal clothes.”

“Damn.” Her mouth twisted. “I was having fun with that image.”

“I don’t want to talk about golf. I want to talk about your art. I’ve never seen anyone paint like you do. Do you sell—”

“When did you see my paintings?”

I grimaced. “Oh yeah…we haven’t really talked about that night, have we?”

She flipped her hand over, asking me to clarify. “What night?”

I scratched the back of my neck, flexing my jaw. “The night I slept in your driveway.”

She looked out at the lake, but her stare drew inward. “You saw me?” Her eyes snapped back to mine. “You watched me paint?”

I sighed, raking my hand through my hair. “Does that make you uncomfortable?”

Looking back out at the lake, she let her shoulders relax. “No,” she laughed. “It doesn’t. I think it should, but as long as you weren’t jerking off, I’m okay with it.” She narrowed her eyes, asking me to confirm.

“No!” I laughed. “I wasn’t jerking off.”

“Hey, man!” a voice called from behind me.

Charlie grinned and sipped her beer, looking at the person behind me.

“Oh, hey Donny!” I stood and gave him a half-hug. “This is Charlie. Charlie, this is my brother, Donovan.”

Donny was dressed in a white shirt and jeans. His hair was usually a dark brown, but had lightened a bit with the summer.

Charlie gave him a warm smile and stretched out her hand. “Nice to meet you.”

Looking back and forth between us, Donny shook his head twice and reached for her hand. “Dude. Mom told me Charlie was a guy.”

“Yes,” Charlie chirped. “There’s been some confusion about that tonight. I’m a female. Promise.”

“I
see
that,” he huffed. “A
good-looking
female, to boot. It’s nice to meet you, pretty lady.” He kissed her hand and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at the little brother who took all his lessons from me. “How about ditching my big brother and just coming home with me tonight?” he added, giving her a wink.

Charlie coughed on a mouthful of beer, and I stretched my arm across the back of her chair to give him a friendly warning. There was always something about Donny that made him more dignified when he’d spout my lines. While mine did the trick most of the time, they weren’t quite as charming. He must have practiced them in the mirror until he got them right.

A douchebag in his own right, Donny wasn’t necessarily the best-looking guy, but his wit and intelligence made up for it.

“I was just on my way to the bar when I saw you. Do you need anything?” he asked, draping his jacket over the back of a chair at our table.

“Nah, we’re good. Just sat down,” I said.

“Cool. I’ll be right back.”

Charlie looked to the back of her chair, and seeing my arm draped across it, she leaned forward and fidgeted with a napkin. “May I smoke here?”

I pointed to the ashtray that sat in the middle of the table. “Go ahead. I’ll join you.”

“Your brother is kind of cute,” she said, lighting her cigarette.

I ground my teeth. “You think?”

“Sure. He’s more my type, I think.”

“You have a type now?”

She laughed. “Well,
if
I had one, he’d probably be it.”

I leaned in, setting my arms on the table. “How so?”

She watched him as he stood by the bar, and tilted her head to the side. “He’s got honest eyes.”

“You think
that
guy
is honest? I think your extra-sensory perception is a little out of whack. That guy breaks a heart or two a week,” I said, setting my jaw.

She rubbed her hands over her arms, shivering at my words. Her eyes found mine, but she didn’t turn her head. “Your jealousy is adorable,” she whispered, and faced me to dip her chin. “But I’m onto you, Jesse. I’m starting to read you a little better. Decoding your cryptic messages is almost dull now.”

I stood and walked around the table and grabbed Donny’s jacket. Putting it around her shoulders, I whispered in her ear. “It’s about fucking time.” I lowered my mouth to her ear and breathed out gently. Her shoulders shuddered with the sensation, and my words tickled her skin. “Come home with me tonight, then.”

She gasped. “Jess, I—”