"And Wick! You couldn't contain your jealousy, could you? You couldn't stand the thought of a townie having the same connections as you. So what did you do? You got him expelled. You ruined his chance at a good education, of making something of himself. Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me if you tried to find some bogus reason to get me kicked out now that I've wounded your bloated pride. Although I sincerely doubt that anybody can do that to you. You selfish, spoiled jerk. I was liking it so much more when we were silent. When things weren't forced. Why did you have to speak?"
"You really believe this about me?" Darcy's voice was soft. "You certainly have made up your mind, haven't you?"
"Since the first moment I met you. You have been nothing but conceited and standoffish. I tried to make an effort for Jane's sake, but since that isn't an issue any longer, thanks to you, I don't have any reason to hide my feelings."
"No, no, you certainly aren't hiding anything." Darcy leaned against a tree. "Well, I've heard enough. I'm sorry for offending you with my proposal -- that isn't what I intended to do. I'm ..." He seemed lost for a moment. Then he stood up purposely and nodded at me. "Well, thanks for your time. Have a good night." He hurriedly walked toward Pemberley.
I rushed to my room, feeling outraged. I found a note from Jane on my computer screen, saying she was in the common room.
How could I have possibly attracted someone like Will Darcy? Not only that, but I had absolutely no idea that all this time he'd been flirting with me.
I fell to the floor, exhausted from everything -- school, work, practice, and now this.
The dam finally burst. I had, once again, reached my breaking point.
I locked the door and broke down in tears.
I
DIDN'T HAVE THE STRENGTH TO TELL JANE WHAT HAPPENED.
Not only could I not bear to repeat my conversation with Darcy, I didn't want to bring up my theory that Darcy was responsible for Charles's distance.
I decided to take a sick day that Monday and stayed in bed catching up on work. When I went to e-mail my Hoboken friends, I was shocked to find an e-mail from Darcy that he'd sent late the previous night.
Dear Lizzie,
Please know that I'm not stupid enough to make the same mistake twice. I'm not going to repeat myself here. But after thinking about what you said, I can understand why you have so much contempt for me. However, in fairness to us both, I think there are a few things you should know.
First, I want to apologize about how I treated you when we first met. I was rude to you at the party and, you were right, it was because you were a scholarship student. I spent the semester in London running away from some issues I had and it was really hard coming back. I think I might have taken it out on you. But then I got to know you and I was horrified by the assumptions that I had made about you. You are really an incredible person and I admire how brave you are (and I will admit you are the first person I've met at Pemberley or Longbourn who hasn't been impressed by my family's money, which made me like you even more). I hoped that your opinion of me would change if you gave me a second chance. I tried to figure out a way to make amends, but, obviously, it was all in vain. So if you take anything away from this letter, I hope it is that I am truly sorry for how I treated you.
Second, I am not directly responsible for what has happened with Charles and Jane. However, I am certainly at fault for not
stepping in. I fully admit to that. I will also admit to being indirectly responsible. In fact, we both are. I believe the person responsible wanted to keep Jane away because this person also wanted to keep
you
away. As much as you were shocked by my revelation tonight, my feelings for you have been clear to those around me for quite some time. (I wanted to preface this all with "please don't think me conceited," but we both already know your feelings on that subject.) I should have straightened that situation out as well, and I have recently been inspired to clear the air with this person. Although I hope to spare her feelings more than mine were spared tonight. I plan to fix my errors, and while I know that Jane has been hurt, I hope that she can forgive Charles for being such an idiot.
I also wanted to clear up something my cousin said that I believe you misunderstood. The friend I talked out of going to the prom wasn't Charles. It was Colin. He was adamant about asking you again, but I convinced him otherwise. My selfish motives were clearly at play.
Lastly, the accusation that I got Wick kicked out of Pemberley because of my own jealousy couldn't be further from the truth. I don't like to speak about this, since it was a very painful time for my family, but I feel that I need to defend myself against whatever lies Wick may have told you.
George Wickham and I were good friends. We instantly clicked when we met, and we started spending a lot of time together. He was close with my whole family, including my fourteen-year-old sister, Georgiana. I always had him home on break, and my parents even gave him money for his school supplies and took him on vacation with us. I was happy that my father was going to help him with an internship at his law firm last summer. And, selfishly, I was happy to have him stay with us. He was like the brother I'd never had.
But Wick also liked to play as hard as he worked. Granted, I had a lot of fun hanging out with him, but he crossed the line when he got Georgie involved.
My sister means everything to me. You will never find a sweeter, more caring person. My parents were gone one weekend and I came home to find empty liquor bottles around the house. I walked in on Wick trying to take advantage of my sister, whom he had gotten drunk. Fortunately, I got home before anything else could've happened, but I will never forgive myself for putting my sister in that situation.
I kicked him out of our house, and my father withdrew his internship. But Wick knew our security codes and we, stupidly, didn't think to change them. He broke into our house and stole
jewelry, cash, and some family items. We had the security footage to prove it.
That's why he got kicked out of Pemberley. In truth, he's lucky we didn't press charges for the robbery. We should have, but we didn't want to have to go through a trial and have it all come out in the press. He violated my trust, my family's trust, and, most reprehensible of all, he tried to take advantage of a young girl's innocent affections.
As you once reminded me, I did accuse you of having a problem with people with money. And I will admit to having a problem with people without it. But it was only because of Wick. I have never told anybody this, but what happened with Wick was the reason why I went to London last semester. I needed to get away from campus, and from the guilt I had about bringing someone like him into my family. So my guard was up when I returned to campus, and I wasn't ready to allow myself to be close to anybody new. It was very unfair of me to lump you in with someone like him, and again, for that I'm very sorry.
I don't expect this to really change anything between us. But I couldn't sleep without at least giving you my side of the story.
I truly do wish you the best with everything,
Will Darcy
I stared at the screen in a desperate attempt to comprehend everything Darcy had said. I reread his e-mail several times.
At first, I didn't believe anything --
couldn't
believe it. Then I thought some more about Jane and Charles. Even though Lydia had embarrassed Jane, it would make sense for Caroline to feel jealous about me when I was the only person Darcy had danced with the whole evening. The idea that Caroline knew Darcy's feelings for me seemed so surreal. So it was me she was trying to keep away, not Jane. I didn't know if I should have felt relieved or guilty about that.
I still kept reading the part about Wick. I thought:
Why should I believe Darcy?
Then I reflected on Wick's behavior. Yes, he was charming and warm, but he never seemed interested in hanging out with me unless I was at work ... and giving him free drinks.
And he
had
told me that we had to take advantage of our situation.
But this seemed so ... extreme.
How well did I know Wick? And how well did I know Darcy?
I reread Darcy's last couple paragraphs and a knot formed in my stomach.
Darcy had a wall around him, just like me. But unlike me, Darcy's feelings had changed after he got to know me. He'd built
some doors into the wall, while I'd held on to my prejudices the entire time.
Yes, he'd been cold to me when we first met, but ever since, he'd been making an attempt to get to know me, when I couldn't see past my own narrow-mindedness. He walked me home from work, he even tried to buy me a book, and all I did was be cold to him. He wasn't perfect. He would say the wrong things sometimes. But if he was a guy from Hoboken, I would have looked past it ... or at least forgiven him. But since Darcy was rich, I couldn't.
I'd taken Wick at his word because he was a scholarship kid like me. But never once had I thought it was odd that he'd gotten kicked out of school without a proper explanation. Because I sympathized. Because I feared the same thing would happen to me. I'd assumed we were in the same boat, when really he was the shark swimming beneath it.
All this time I'd berated Darcy for his pride, but
I
was the one who'd been blinded by my own stubbornness.
What kind of person did that make me?
I
SPENT THE FOLLOWING WEEK IN A CONFUSED DAZE. IT WAS as if I was viewing my life through foggy lenses. I practically memorized Darcy's e-mail. I printed it out and kept it with my books, so I could pull it out and consult it if there was a word I'd forgotten, or a phrase that I wasn't completely sure of.
A swirl of conflicting emotions surfaced. One moment, I'd be furious at his prom invitation -- his arrogance, his poor choice of words. Then I'd think about what his family had gone through because of Wick. But then I'd remember that he'd idly sat by and
done nothing while Caroline had sabotaged Jane's relationship with Charles.
The worst was being at work. Anytime I heard the door open, I swung around, expecting to see him. But he never showed up.
I didn't know what I would've said to him if I'd seen him. I'd started to reply to his e-mail several times, but I didn't know what to say.
I thought it might be easier if he was actually in front of me. But I wouldn't blame him if he never wanted to speak to me again.
Friday night at the Java Junction was incredibly busy. Students were flocking in to get their caffeine fix to study for the following week's midterms.
I found myself almost desperate to see Darcy. I convinced myself that I would know what to do when I saw him. But as the hours ticked away, he was nowhere to be found.
To make matters worse, I had two surprising visitors.
Lydia ... with Wick.
Lydia practically skipped to the counter, Wick only a few paces away. "Hey, Lizzie," she said, "get me the usual and whatever he wants."
I hadn't seen Wick since receiving Darcy's e-mail. I concentrated on making their drinks and replayed in my head everything
Darcy had written. Then I revisited my conversations with Wick. There was a part of me that knew something wasn't adding up right.
"Here you go," I said, handing them their order and ringing it up.
Lydia was clawing through the chocolate snacks near the register. "I don't even want to deal with my exams, ya know? I mean, like, how can anybody concentrate when the weather is getting better? And I'm, like, so ready for break. Even though we're going to be stuck in the city. Hey!" She grabbed Wick's arm. "You should totally come visit me in New York. I'm so going to need you to save me."
Wick raised his eyebrow at me, and for a brief moment I smiled. Despite my better judgment.
"What are you doing for the break?" he asked me.
"I'm going to be home with my parents."
Lydia, bored by the conversation, went over to add even more sugar to her chocolate drink.
"I'll be sure to let you know if I'm in the city."
I didn't respond.
"You know, I tried to stop by here the last couple of weeks, but a certain person was always here."
"You mean Will?"
"Ick." Lydia scrunched her face up in disgust. "That guy is, like, always so serious. What's his problem?"
Wick laughed. "Where do you want us to start? Right, Lizzie?"
I paused for a moment before asking, "Did you know his parents' house was robbed last year?"
I studied Wick's reaction. His face held still, but it seemed like it was forced, as if he had to control himself from revealing something. The truth, perhaps.
"So, you two are becoming close?" he finally replied.
I shrugged. "Not really. We've just been talking. It's been ... illuminating."
"I'm sure it has." He turned to Lydia. "Let's get out of here."
Lydia grabbed Wick's arm and started heading toward the door.
"Uh, Lydia, can you give Jane a message for me?" I called out to her.
Wick remained at the door while Lydia approached the counter. "Can't you just call her?"
"My cell phone is broken," I lied.
"Not surprising. That thing is, like, so old."
Lydia looked at me with bored eyes, so I plunged right in. "Um, why are you hanging out with Wick?" I whispered.
"I called him."
"How did you get his number?"
"The day you introduced me. I've been talking to him, and then when I found out he's single again --"
"What?"
"Yeah." Lydia played with her straw and started looking around. Her attention span was sporadic at best. "I don't know, he dumped Sylvia, whatever. He could never have feelings for someone as vile as her."
"I think you should be careful -- he's three years older than you."
"I know, right? How cool is that?"
"Lydia ..."
"Do you have a message for Jane or not?"