Promise of Forever (3 page)

He paused and I felt him lift my hand with both of his, bringing it up against his lips as he kissed my fingers tenderly. “Tonight was fun, Clo. You looked beautiful and happy. I couldn’t have wished for a more perfect date, or a more perfect person to go on this date with.”

I could hear the longing and heartache in his voice and it broke my heart.
But this pain is far better than the pain he’d feel if he knew the truth
. 

His words were also painful to hear. It was a reminder of everything that was possible between us if things had been different—if we weren’t who we were. But I was Chloe and he was Jackson. That wasn’t something either one of us could ever change.

I drew in a deep breath and walked back to the doorway of the empty, windowless room.

I turned back and took one last look over my shoulder.

Let me go, Jax, I wished I could say. You deserve a chance to live a happy life—even if I can’t be a part of it. Maybe someday you’ll be able to forget me. And maybe in another lifetime, we’ll find each other again under different circumstances, and fall in love with each other again. But until then, please just let me go.

I stepped back into the stark, white hallway and closed the door behind me. As I stared down the endless corridor before me, I made myself a promise: I would not open any more doors.

CHAPTER
THREE

Jackson

“Tell me a story, Jax,” she said in a soft voice. I could tell she was starting to get tired.

“What kind of story?” I chuckled, picturing how cute she probably looked right now lying on her bed with her cellphone to her ear. We’d been talking on the phone for several hours now, and at some point, we’d both moved from our respective couches to our beds, unwilling to be the one to end our call.

“Mmm, any story...maybe something with a happy ending.” Her voice drifted in and out and I could hear the pull of sleep overcoming her.

I looked over at the alarm clock sitting on my bedside table and realized it was almost two o’clock in the morning. I groaned to myself, wondering why I’d thought an eight a.m. class this semester was going to be a good idea. It was the start of our second semester of our junior year of college. I was starting to get into the slacker mode as my senior year and graduation loomed ahead. I wondered how often I was going to skip this eight a.m. class.

I yawned and realized I was also getting tired. But I didn’t care. Sleep deprivation and some missed classes were worth the trade off—being able to talk to Chloe for hours on end and knowing our friendship was as strong as it’d been in high school. It’d been about a year since our huge fight that morning when she had showed up unexpectedly at my frat house and walked in on me having sex with Amber. After she had driven back to Philadelphia looking upset and hurt, I’d felt guilty about what had happened afterward. But I wasn’t sure why. Chloe and I hadn’t been in a relationship and she’d made it clear to me that she wasn’t interested in me. I wasn’t sure why she was upset and why I’d felt guilty about being with Amber. But, nevertheless, the guilt had stayed with me, and had been made worse by the fact that we hardly talked for the rest of that semester. It wasn’t until summer break when we were both back home in West Chester that we finally made up.

“Okay, you want a story with a happy ending?” I paused and grinned to myself. “Hmmm, what kind of happy ending?” I tried to stifle a snicker.

“Jax, get your head out of the gutter,” she pouted. But she didn’t sound upset. She seemed too tired to even bother faking it. “You’re such a guy sometimes.”

“Well, that’s probably because I am a guy, all the time—I mean, in case you forgot,” I said with amusement.

“Smart-ass,” she shot back. “Fine, I don’t want to hear a story anymore. So no happy endings for either of us.”

“Aww, really? Breaking a guy’s heart here.” My sentence broke into a fit of laughter.

“Sometimes you’re impossible.”

“It’s a part of my charm that you find irresistible.” I couldn’t help but want to flirt with her. Sometimes I found myself forgetting that we were just best friends and nothing else. Sometimes I found myself talking to her like she was my girlfriend. I knew I had to be careful though and not cross the line. I knew she wasn’t interested in me like that and the last thing I wanted was to ruin our friendship and lose her because I had made things uncomfortable between us.

“When did I ever tell you that you were irresistible?” She giggled like I’d just told a joke. “Good one, Jax. I think you must have confused me for another girl that you’re actually interested in.” There was an edge to her voice that I didn’t understand.

I smiled. “You’ve never admitted it out loud, but I know that’s what you’re thinking,” I continued playfully.

“If you say so.”

I was sure that she was rolling her eyes at that very moment, or thinking about rolling her eyes if she was too tired to actually do so.

“Jax?” I heard her yawn.

“Yeah, Clo?” I found myself yawning back.

“Promise me—” She yawned again and her words came out slower. “Promise me we’ll always be good friends like this.”

“I promise, Clo.”

“Good,” she murmured. “I’d miss you too much if we weren’t.”

“Me too.” My words came out like a whisper.

I could hear her breathing getting deeper. “Should we hang up the phone?” I finally asked.

“No...” she murmured. “Let’s stay like this a little longer...I don’t want you to go yet...”

“Okay.” I smiled and whispered, “Me either.”

As I lay there on my bed, feeling the inviting pull of sleep and hearing her soft, deep breathing in my ear, the rest of the world started to drift away around me and all I could feel was her presence. It felt as if the hundreds of miles between us had disappeared and she was there lying next to me in my bed. I closed my eyes and imagined her next to me. She was smiling at me and she looked so beautiful—her soft, pink lips, those rosy cheeks, and her light brown eyes that always had a way of lighting up any room.

“You’re falling asleep,” I said in a low voice. It came out as a statement but I’d meant it as a question.

“No…” I heard her yawn again. “No…. just one more…” She paused and let out a soft sigh. “…minute...and I’ll get up...not time yet...” Then she mumbled something that was completely incoherent and slurred.

“You’re cute even when you’re not making sense,” I whispered into the phone.

She responded with a deep exhale of breath.

As much as I didn’t want to end our call and lose the feeling of her presence, the heaviness of my own lids began to overtake my willpower to stay awake.

“Good night, Clo,” I whispered into the phone. “Sweet dreams.” Sweet dreams of me, I hope, I added to myself. Then I clicked off.

As I drifted off to sleep, I imagined her sleeping peacefully in my arms as I inhaled the sweet smell of her hair. If there comes a day when she’s really falling asleep in my arms, I know I wouldn’t be able to let her go. That was the last thought I had before I fell asleep.

“Honey?” came a soft voice. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I opened my eyes to see Aunt Betty looking down at me.

I looked over to my left and saw Chloe lying motionless on the hospital bed and reality quickly set in. That had been a dream—a
flashback to a moment in time that’d happened almost ten years ago, to a moment in time when Chloe wasn’t lying unconscious in a hospital room.

“Sorry, Aunt Betty, I must have drifted off.”

“Nothing to apologize for, Jackson. You’ve been here since she was brought here yesterday. Maybe you should go home and take a nice relaxing shower and get some sleep. I haven’t seen you leave her side for longer than a few minutes.”

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. “Nah, it’s okay. I took a quick shower here already this morning when Uncle Tom brought over some change of clothes for me and I got a few hours of sleep last night on the bench by the window. I know if I go home and try to sleep, I wouldn’t be able to. I’d rather be here for her.”

“Okay, dear. Do whatever makes you feel at ease with things.”

“Yeah, don’t worry about me.” I got up from the chair and walked to the private bathroom in the corner of the room. I filled a wash pan with some warm water and grabbed a washcloth.

“What are you doing?” Aunt Betty asked as she watched me with curiosity.

“I’m just wiping her face and arms. I thought maybe if she could feel the warm, wet towel on her skin, it might trigger a response from her. Or at the very least, it’d help her feel refreshed and comfortable.”

She nodded with understanding. “I know if she could tell you right now, she’d tell you how much she appreciates everything you’re doing for her.”

I responded with a small, forced smile. “It’s the least I can do right now.”

“Well, Tom’s pulling the car around and we’re going to go home and have some lunch. We’ll be back in the afternoon. Just give us a call if you need us to bring you anything, okay?”

“Thanks. I’ll let you guys know if anything changes here.”

“Thanks, sweetie. Maybe for tonight, we can ask the nurses if they can bring in a cot or something for you to sleep on?” She looked at me with concern. “That bench couldn’t have been comfortable last night.”

“Yeah, maybe. But really, don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay, goodnight, Jackson.”

I nodded and waved goodbye.

When Aunt Betty left, I turned my attention to Chloe and gave her a solemn smile.

“Alone at last, huh?” I joked, wishing desperately that she’d respond with a laugh, or an eye-roll, or even a punch aimed at my chest.

I sighed and reached for the washcloth that was soaking in the wash pan and wrung it out. 

“I’m here to take care of you, Clo,” I said to her as I moved the washcloth gently across her forehead. “I know I should have been around to take care of you during the past nine years. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you. I hope you will forgive me for that.”

I returned the washcloth to the pan, wrung out the excess water, and moved on to her hands. “Clo, you’ll be okay. I know you will. Right now, you just have to work hard to open your eyes and wake up, okay?”

After I finished wiping her down, I reached for Chloe’s hairbrush I’d asked Uncle Tom to bring over this morning and started to brush her beautiful chestnut-brown hair.

Then I had an idea.

“Okay, so you’re not going to like this. You might even hit me for it.” I paused for dramatic effect. “But it must be done.” I held up the brush. “It’s Pippi Longstocking time.” I let out a light chuckle as I divided her hair into two parts and tried to remember the time she’d showed me how to braid a pigtail when we were kids.

She didn’t respond.

I sighed, but tried to stay upbeat. “Don’t be like that and give me the silent treatment.” I started to braid one of the pigtails. “You know I don’t like when you ignore me. Besides, I’ve never told you this, but I think you look really cute with pigtails.” 

When I finished the braid on one side, I moved to the other side of her bed to start on the braid there.

“Okay, in all seriousness, I’m not trying to tease you or make you mad, I just want you to respond to me.” I secured a hair-tie around the end of the braid. “I also just want to make you happy. I remember you’d told me once that your favorite moments with your mom were when she would put your hair in pigtails. Those moments were special for you.”

I sat down on the chair next to her bed and looked at her, waiting for some sign that she could hear me. I’d been talking to her a lot when we were alone during the past two days. I didn’t know what else I could do but to talk to her. It was the only way I could stay sane. It was the only way I could believe things haven’t changed. It was the only way I could feel her still here with me. So I needed to continue to talk to her, continue to believe that she could hear me. 

“So I had a nice dream about you just now,” I continued. “We were still in college and had one of our marathon phone-call sessions. Remember those? When we used to talk on the phone until two or three in the morning? Our ears would be hot and throbbing because we’d have the phone against them for so long.” I chuckled. “Good times, huh? I really miss those times together. Don’t you?”

I leaned in closer to her. “Can you hear me, Clo? If you can hear me, can you try to wake up? Please?” I shut my eyes and tried to push away the thought of her leaving me.

“I just got you back in my life, I can’t lose you now. I promised you when we were kids that I’d always be there for you. But I was an asshole and broke that promise. I fucked up a lot when it came to us, and I know I’ve hurt you time and time again. It’s about time I made it all up to you.”

I reached for her hand and kissed it gently. “Please wake up and let me spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Please be okay. Please live.” My voice shook with emotion as I dropped my head in despair.

Just then, I thought I felt her fingers twitch in my hands. For a brief second, I froze in place, wondering if I had imagined it out of desperation.

“Clo?” I exclaimed excitedly as I stood from my chair. “It’s me. It’s Jackson. Can you hear me?” I squeezed her hand. “Can you feel this?”

I held my breath as I watched her carefully, waiting for another sign of movement from her.

When seconds passed and nothing happened, I started to feel the hope and excitement draining from me. And just as I was beginning to think that maybe I had imagined her fingers moving, her eyes fluttered opened and she looked up at me.

“Jax,” she managed to say in a weak voice.