Promposal (16 page)

“Hmm. I guess I see your point. So I could do something big to win her back.” He tilted his head in thought. “Maybe some kind of massive promposal in front of everyone in school.”

What was it with guys and the overdoing-of-prom stuff? “No, no, no,” I said. “Not big. Small. Simple. Romantic.
Sincere.
Don't
make it about showing off how awesome you are. If you want to pluck at her heartstrings, you have to make her feel like she's the only woman for you. That you can't live without her.”

His face turned serious, and he nodded. “I can't.”

“Then make sure she knows that. Ask her to prom, Tyler. Do it like it's all on the line. Show her how much you love her. But until then, you have to leave her alone. Give her space so she feels what it's like to live without you. Let her have a chance to miss you. It'll make your reunion that much sweeter.”

He gave me a nod of respect. “Thanks. You're pretty good at this, you know.” He grinned.

“I spend a lot of time counseling my friends,” I said with a snort.

Band went fast. Tyler fidgeted in his seat and seemed like he was going to jump up and run after Madison, but I gave him a stern look and shook my head. He got the message and instead waited until class emptied before leaving. Hopefully, the guy would figure things out. He was a little dense at times, but he meant well.

I grabbed my lunch bag and went to the cafeteria. Ethan was standing outside, arms crossed. As always, my heart lurched in my chest. He was supposed to have asked Noah to prom last Monday, but it hadn't happened for some reason. When I'd tried to subtly ask why, he'd told me it was the wrong day, that it hadn't felt right. The new date was going to be this Friday.

Which meant that Ethan was still single, and there was the tiniest bit of hope the promposal wouldn't happen.

“Hey, man,” Ethan said as he gave me a friendly smile.

My pulse fluttered in my throat. “Hey, yourself.” We walked
into the caf and sat at our usual table. Camilla was already there, eating a school burrito. “Forgot your lunch again, did you?” I asked her in a teasing tone.

She gave a miserable nod. “And this thing is heinous. It tastes like the lunch lady made it with her feet.”

“Whereas my sandwich is delicious and nutritious, with no foot flavors in sight.” I took a bite of my turkey sandwich, crafted to perfection with provolone, fresh lettuce, mayo, and mustard.

Her glare aimed at me could melt skin. “Rub it in, jerk.”

“How are you?” Ethan asked her from over my shoulder.

We all knew what he meant. The crap with Benjamin and Zach.

She sighed and put down her fork. Her eyes looked tired, and I gave her a sympathetic smile. “Not too great. My prom date hates me, and the guy I like is pretending I'm not alive. Just another day in paradise.”

I hugged her. “I'm sorry,” I whispered. “I know how it feels.”

“Know how what feels?” Ethan asked from behind me.

Caught up in my sadness for Camilla, I responded without thinking. “To want someone who doesn't want you back.”

And instantly wished I could swallow my words.

Ethan's brows went almost into his hairline. “What? Who do you want?”

I scratched my neck as I tried to buy time to figure out a good answer. My impulsiveness was gonna get me into big trouble one of these days. I didn't know why I'd admitted it, and my heart was about to beat out of my chest. Maybe subconsciously I wanted him to sniff out the truth.

And when he finally did, it was going to ruin us.

“It's not that mall guy, is it?”

I blinked. “Who?”

Camilla elbowed me with a warning look, and my side flared with pain.

Oh. Crap. Right. The guy I'd made up. My fake possible prom date. I rubbed my ribs. “Um, no. It's not him. We're . . . not hanging out anymore.” Yup, it was official—I was an idiot. I'd broken up with a guy who didn't even exist.

“So who is the guy, then?”

Man, he was unrelenting. I stiffened. “I don't really wanna talk about it right now.” I cast an awkward glance at the other end of the table.

Not that they were paying any attention. Niecey and Dwayne were sucking face, and David was busy flirting with Ashley.

“Why not?” Ethan pressed.

My blood pressure spiked. Yeah, it was easy for Ethan to push and push and push for answers, because he didn't know the truth. “Because I said I didn't want to talk about it, okay?”

He stood and grabbed his stuff. His jaw was clenched so tightly I could envision his teeth cracking. “I'm always open with you. I don't think it's too much to expect the same in return.” With that, he left.

My stomach flipped. “That went well.”

“I'm sorry.” Camilla rubbed my upper arm. “I didn't know what to say, so I just stayed quiet.”

I thunked my head on the table. “How am I supposed to fix this? What can I say? If I go talk to him, he's going to want to know who I like. And I feel awful lying to him. Hell, I couldn't even pretend I liked someone who didn't exist.”

“You're going to have to tell him sometime,” she said.

“Yeah, because that worked out so nicely for you.”

Her hand stopped, and I jerked my head up. Saw the flare of hurt and anger in her eyes.

“I'm sorry. That was uncalled for.” Dammit. I was really digging myself in a hole here.

She gave me a stiff nod. “That's fine. I gotta go.” She stood and picked up her lunch tray.

“Camilla, please.” I poured everything I could into my eyes, into my voice. “I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to be a jerk. That came out wrong.”

“I'll try to talk to Ethan,” she finally said. “At least to get him off your back about who you like. But, Joshua, you can't keep this in forever. The longer you hide your secret, the more
that
will end up being the thing that wrecks your friendship. Not the confession itself.”

“I know.” I groaned and dropped my hands in my lap. “Thanks.”

She leaned over, kissed my cheek, then left the cafeteria. And I tried not to stare in envy at the two happy couples sitting at the table. The people who had what I wanted the most.

Real love.

I strummed my guitar and played an old Elvis song I knew by heart. The chords were right, and the rhythm flowed perfectly. But my heart and soul weren't in it. I wasn't feeling it.

I stared at my bedroom walls and sighed as I put the guitar down on the bed. Milkshake jumped in my lap, and I gave her back a few absent strokes. Everything was wrong. I was . . . unsettled. Uneasy. Normally, I'd turn to Camilla and Ethan, but
Camilla was overwhelmed by her own problems, and Ethan
was
the problem.

Dad knocked on my door, then opened it and poked his head in. “I like that song you were playing.”

Normally, I would have teased him about being old, but I didn't have the heart for it today. “Thanks.”

Dad frowned and came in, sitting down beside me. “This isn't good for you, son. I don't like seeing you so unhappy. You're too young to be drowning in misery.”

I sighed, bumped shoulders with him. “I'll get my act together soon, I promise. Did you finally finish writing your new book?”

He nodded and gave me a tired but satisfied smile. “Earlier today.”

“I figured, since you emerged from the cave.”

“Joshua, I'm gonna miss you when you go off to college. Who's gonna bust my chops about not showering or eating too much fast food?” His eyes turned sad for a moment, and he looked away.

My chest tightened. Everything was changing, and for one desperate moment I wished it could go back to the way it was before promposal madness set in, when Camilla and Ethan and I were close and happy. It would be easy to blame the changes in my world on Noah, but the truth was, Ethan was going to fall for someone eventually. I'd been biding my time, just waiting for it to happen.

“I promise to harass you from school,” I said with a forced chuckle. “I'll make you send me pictures of your dinners to prove you're not living on cheeseburgers and frozen pizza.”

He nodded and gave me a mock chuck under the chin. “Hang in there. You'll get through this.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

When he left, I stared at my guitar. The song I'd started for Ethan came to mind. I picked up the guitar and poured my emotions into finishing the song. He might never know the truth about its meaning, but at least I could get this off my chest for the moment. And avoid the massive thing that was lurking in the back of my head.

The fact that I'd made up my mind to tell Ethan on Friday how I felt about him.

I
spent most of  Thursday feeling lousy, a little under the weather. I wasn't sure if I'd caught a spring cold or what, but I had a headache and felt a little achy. Probably had nothing to do with all the drama in my life right now. Sure. I snorted as I popped by my locker on my way to statistics.

Before I entered class, a hand reached out and snagged my sleeve.

I spun around and saw Zach. Great. Just what I needed right now. He and I still hadn't talked since our big fight in the parking lot. I removed my arm from his grasp.

“Sorry,” he said, a deep crease between his brows. “I . . . just wanted to get your attention without yelling.”

A snotty comment popped into my head about how he hadn't bothered being subtle before, but I swallowed it. This wasn't the time to stoke the fires. “What's up?”

“I wanted to talk to you for a second.” He cleared his throat. “I need to apologize for the way I behaved in our conversation. I was upset and acted badly.”

Whoa. My jaw unclenched as I stared. I hadn't expected that. “Um, okay. Well, I'm sorry as well. I shouldn't have gone after you like that, when I was so mad.” It was true; after taking time to mull it over, I realized I really should have calmed down before talking to him. My hotheadedness had started the whole thing.

“So, are we good? And do you still . . . want to go to prom with me? I promise not to hound you about it anymore. You do things on your own schedule. Just let me know what you need from me.”

I gave a quick nod. “Yeah, that sounds good.” No, things weren't fully settled yet between him and me, and I was still upset with the whole Benjamin situation, but it was a step in the right direction. The guy had a crush on me. I couldn't hate on him for that.

Zach and I went inside the classroom. I managed to make my way through statistics, then through the rest of my day until it was time for psychology. The class I used to love had become the class I dreaded most now.

I slid into my desk and kept my focus on my books, my notebook, the grain of my desktop, and the words carved into the corner. Carter was already present and asleep at his desk behind me.

Since Benjamin had turned me down, he and I hadn't communicated. Just awkward, painful silence. I was still mortified he'd talked about me, even if it had been before we'd been paired together. No one likes to feel like they are being laughed at, thought of as a creeper.

It was becoming easier not to think about Benjamin all the time. I certainly didn't allow myself to remember all our conversations, how we'd started getting closer. How we'd kissed.

That path led to madness. And I was done with deluding myself.

Yes, there was a possibility Benjamin had liked me. But not enough.

Stubborn pride kept me sitting in the seat behind him every day, despite my embarrassment. I didn't want him knowing that my feelings were hurt. I was going to pretend like I was totally fine. Like my heart wasn't crushed into tiny pieces.

Mrs. Brandwright was in rare form today. Calling on everyone in class, talking nonstop. She must have chugged coffee beforehand. Her upbeat nature pulled me out of my funk a bit, and I found myself responding.

Class went fast once I stopped moping around and focusing on how crappy I felt—both physically and emotionally. Truth be told, I was getting tired of being so down for days on end. It wasn't like me to stay this bummed this long. I'd never had a guy get to me like this.

I couldn't help it. I snuck a quick look at Benjamin. He was doodling on the sides of his notebook, body hunched over his desk. He rubbed the back of his neck, and I made myself not count the smattering of freckles.

Did he think about me at all?

My phone buzzed. I dug it out of my skirt pocket and peeked at the screen when Mrs. Brandwright had her back turned.

I'm doing it. Tmrw. Will try not to throw up on him.

Wow. I stared in shock at Joshua's message.
I'm proud of you,
I wrote back.
You got this. Lemme know if you need anything.

I put my phone away before I could get busted—Mrs. Brandwright was pretty easygoing, but school policy was to take phones away when they were used in class. It was my lifeline. No way did I want it gone.