Puberty Blues (7 page)

THERE were about fifty people in the canteen line. I rushed up to Sue who was nearly at the serving window.

‘Can you get me four cream buns, two salad sandwiches and a Jupiter Bar?'

‘Oh all right,' she moaned.

I raced off to meet Garry on the lunch seats. ‘Sue's gettin' it for us.' Garry looked over at his best friend Danny, who was gorging a Big Ben meat pie. He was sitting with a garbage bin between his legs to catch the fall-out. As Danny ripped in, big chunks of grey meat oozed out, followed by a stream of blood-red tomato sauce.

‘Deadset, I'm starvin',' said Garry drooling.

‘Oh, there she is.'

Sue was staggering across the quadrangle, laden
down with cream buns, custard tarts, Coca-Cola and lollies.

‘Oh thanks for waitin',' she complained and collapsed on to the bench. ‘You owe me two cents Garry.'

For a while there was silence as we tore into our sandwiches.

‘Oh deadset, there's no lettuce again.'

A school salad sandwich consisted of two slices of wafer-thin, white bread that soaked up the pink beetroot juice like a sponge. Inside, if you were lucky, you'd get a few stray carrot shavings and a dab of margarine. It was hard to see anything else for the beetroot.

‘Well, when am I gunna see ya?' Garry asked me.

‘I don't know. Come back to my place.'

‘It's too far.'

‘Well … whadaya want?' I complained.

‘Oh deadset, I'm not gunna walk all the way.'

‘Well! Meet me behind the library block then.'

‘Okay. Want one?' Garry offered me a eucalyptus ball.

Dodging Mr Berkoff, Sue and I manoeuvred our way back to the second form seats.

That afternoon when the bell rang, I dawdled round behind the library block where Garry was waiting for me.

‘Hi.'

‘Hi.'

From then on we met there every day after school.

We weren't doing anything but the teachers didn't like it.

About two weeks later I was standing in assembly, scoffing jelly beans. Mr Berkoff was out the front raving on as usual. He pointed at some weedy little first former, ‘Get-your-hands-out-of-your-pockets-and-stand-up-straight. I-want-to-see-every-girl-in-white-calf-length-socks-and-every-boy-in-a-tie. Hear-that-Basin? Tracey-Little-second-half-of-lunch-picking-up-paper-duty. Deborah-Vikers-report-to-the-counsellor's-office-at-one-fifteen.'

A black jelly bean wedged itself halfway down my throat. ‘Shit,' I hissed to Sue, ‘must've been sprung nicking off.' Double science dragged on even longer than usual. For once I didn't muck up. I was too busy being nervous.

The one-fifteen bell rang. Down I went to the counsellor's office, my beetroot sandwich untouched. I stood outside her room, frantically trying to scrape off my pink nail polish. Once inside the office, Mrs Yelland closed the door and attacked.

‘I've heard some disturbing news about you, Deborah Vickers.'

I didn't know what I'd done but I was guilty for sure. I imagined expulsion and the Parramatta Girls' Home. Mrs Yelland was known for getting rid of ‘undesirables' at school. Sandra Riley had disappeared last term. Mrs Yelland had made her undress to see if she was wearing the regulation underwear. As well as
having pink undies on, Sandra had love bites all over her. Mrs Yelland decided Sandra was a bad influence.

‘Have you got a boyfriend, Deborah?'

‘Yes.'

‘And do you like him very much?'

‘Yeah.'

‘And do you see each other at school every day?'

‘Yeah.'

‘Then why is it necessary to see him after school?'

She told me I'd made myself Very Conspicuous. She raved on about me being out of bounds and loitering in the school grounds.

‘I was only talkin' to him.'

She reminded me that I'd been in trouble before. She didn't know how my mother could approve of me having boyfriends at thirteen. It was ‘morally dangerous'.
And
she suspected us of being ‘sexual truants'. She said she'd ring my parents about it.

I hadn't been able to eat lunch and now I wouldn't be able to eat tea. The one afternoon I really wanted to see Garry, I had to stand him up and walk home alone. My bag seemed especially heavy as I dodged through the traffic on the highway. It was fuckin' unfair. I stormed home and slammed the door.

‘You're home early,' my mother commented from the kitchen.

‘So?'

I threw down my bag. Pens and books scattered all over the lounge.

‘Has anyone rung?'

‘No, dear.'

‘What's for tea?' I snarled.

‘Chops and peas, dear. All right?'

‘Don't we eat anything else round this joint?'

‘Deborah!'

I slumped down into a chair near the phone and switched on the telly. I glared at the screen. One
Bewitched, The Flintstones,
and
Gilligan's Island
later, I'd wound down.

By the time tea was over and I was finishing my Sara Lee Apricot Danish, I had almost forgotten about Mrs Yelland. I'd stopped jumping every time the phone rang. I even laughed my way through the
Benny Hill Show
. But it all came back to me in bed that night. I couldn't sleep. It just wasn't fair. I hadn't done anything wrong. The pains in my stomach mushroomed. The same pains I'd had in primary school. Doctors had reckoned it was ‘appendicitis', ‘over-eating' or ‘growing pains'.

‘Mum … Mum …
Mum!
'

‘What is it, dear? You going to be sick?'

‘Mum, I've got pains.'

‘Where?'

‘In my stomach. It hurts.'

‘Well try to go to sleep, dear.'

‘It hurts, Mum …'

‘I'll bring you an aspirin. They'll be gone by morning.'

Next day, I slouched over to where the gang was sitting.

‘What'd she say?' my girlfriends clamoured around me.

‘Didja get detention?'

‘Did she yell?'

‘Did she ring ya olds?'

Sue offered me a sip of Coke.

‘What'd she say?'

‘Me and Garry aren't allowed to see each other no more.'

‘Oh deadset?'

‘Small weak act.'

‘How come?'

‘Oh she reckons we're sexual truants.'

Kim burst out laughing. ‘Jeezus,' she said, ‘what a perfect idea!'

My parents never told me if Mrs Yelland rang or not. I was too scared to ask. But I saw Garry more than ever now. Garry meant more to me than anything the olds could do or say. We'd been going round together for three and a half months now. No one knew, but we hadn't rooted. After my vaseline-encrusted, agonising nights with Bruce in the back of the van, I wasn't too anxious to try it again. Because he liked me, Garry didn't hassle me. I'd say no and he'd shut up. But as I didn't want to be a tight-arse, it couldn't go on like this forever.

IT was the Christmas holidays. The best time of the year. We got up very early and drove to Palm Beach with Sue's dad and caught the ferry to Currawong—the Knight's annual holiday resort.

Sue and I searched everywhere for boys.

‘Who's booked in?' I asked Harry, the cranky old caretaker. ‘The Hedges? The Elliots?' They were our Bankie boyfriends from the year before. But no. Just boring old pensioners, fishermen and little kids. Ho hum. We bought our ten-cents worth of lollies. That was our daily bludge from Mr Knight. Sitting on the wharf, munching away on our snakes, jelly babies, cobbers and milk bottles, we discussed our boy-less plight.

‘What'll we do?'

‘Dunno.'

‘We could go over there and check out Palm Beach. There's plenty of guys over there.'

‘How do you know?'

‘Look!' We scanned the horizon for surfboard-loaded panel vans.

‘Maybe we should ring up Danny and Garry.'

‘Oh for sure.'

‘No, deadset.'

‘Who's gunna talk first?'

‘You.'

‘
You!
It's your idea.'

‘What'll I say but?'

‘I dunno. Tell 'em there's good surf at Palm Beach.'

We ate a packet of fizzers to get our guts up, got an advance on our lolly money from Sue's dad, and rang Sydney.

‘Hello Danny? It's me. Yeah me. What … Yeah. We're here. I miss you … Why don't you come up? … Oh yes you can. Boardie is goin' up the coast. Get a lift wiv 'im. What? … Garry will, he will, he said he would last week … Last Friday, oh go on. It's unreal up here. Please?'

Garry thought he could really score this time … He hitch-hiked up that afternoon in a flash. Danny was coming later.

‘Garry!' I rushed up to him. I kissed and hugged him madly.

‘Who's this?' asked the caretaker suspiciously.

‘Me cousin.'

It was good timing. Sue's dad had to go to Sydney for the night.

‘Look after them,' he said to Garry.

Garry nearly dropped dead. ‘
No worries.
'

 

After a measly tea of cheese on toast, we bunged the two single beds together and retired early. Sue very discreetly slept on the lounge in the other room.

This was it. I lay in bed, in my orange and white checked nightie with a frill on the bottom, packin' shit.

Garry opened the cupboard door and stood behind it to get undressed. He did a kind of striptease, throwing his clothes over the door … striped T-shirt, straight-legged Levis … I giggled nervously.

He made a dash for the light, whipped off his scungies and dived into bed. He kissed me and climbed aboard.

I was so scared I could hardly open my legs. I thought of the little room. The back of the panel van. The vaseline. I waited for it to happen all over again. I felt it there, hard between my legs. Pressing. Shoving. I squeezed his hips. There was searing pain and then it was in.

He started moving and after a while, so did I. So this is what it was all about. Throbbing and pulsing and rhythm. It broke warm down my legs. He kept kissing me till we both crashed out.

Hours later, ‘Susan,
Susan
.' It was Harry the
caretaker … he was flashing his torch through the bedroom window. ‘Susan?'

Garry leapt up in his birthday suit and charged into the cupboard. I scrambled out of bed.

‘Is that you Susan?'

‘Yes.'

‘Yews right in there?'

‘Yes.'

‘Your dad just rang and said I was to check on yews. I'm just comin' in for a minute.'

‘Oh … Ah, no … You'd better not … Debbie's asleep. She's not very well. I don't want to wake her up.'

‘Oh, all right.' He paused. ‘You sure everythin's all right?'

I was crouched down, with my chin resting on the window-sill, trying to conceal my little naked body.

‘Yes. Goodnight,' I said, real casual. My feet were freezing off on the icy lino.

As the torch disappeared down the track, Garry emerged from the cupboard.

‘Deadset,' he said, crawling into bed.

‘Phew.'

Hours later, I awoke again, randy as hell. I had to get my guts up.

‘Garry,' I said, poking him in the ribs. ‘
Garry
.'

‘Huh?'

‘Are you tired?'

I rolled over on top of him.

‘Na.'

I had a sitting-up one. I liked that, 'cause it made my boobs seem bigger. The two beds started sliding apart and we nearly fell down the middle.

 

The next morning Danny arrived while we were still in our pyjamas. We all mucked round in the bedroom. I was in a great mood. I lay back, laughing and giggling, chucking a lemon spread. Then Sue noticed. She tried to signal me, pointing all over the place.

‘Sue, whadaya doin'?'

‘Oh, I just saw the ferry out the winda.'

I went for my early morning pee. ‘Sue!' I shrieked from the loo. Sue went to the rescue.

‘Something's happened.'

‘What?'

‘Send the boys away.'

‘How?'

‘I dunno. Tell 'em to go for a swim or something. I've got them.'

‘I know.'

The boys pissed off for a swim. Sue and I examined my underpants. They were coated in thick black blood. There was gallons of it. I thought the world had come to an end.

‘We'll have to sneak down the shop.'

‘Quick, before the boys come back.'

‘What'll I get? Modess?'

‘Er. No. You don't want to walk around with a big slice of white bread in your pants all day.'

‘I can't use Meds. Mum'll
kill
me. Then she'll know I've done it.'

‘Don't tell her.'

We scraped up our ten cent pieces and sneaked down to the shop.

‘What if Harry's serving?'

‘Oh Gord …'

‘We could just point at them.'

Luckily Shirley was behind the counter.

‘A packet of … Meds please.'

‘First time is it dear?'

‘
No
.'

‘You'll be all right.'

We ran all the way back to the hut, read the pamphlet and popped one in.

There was no hot water so we had to run a cold bath.

‘But it says to avoid cold water,' I moaned over the pamphlet.

‘Oh well, it's either this or stink.'

We got into the bath together. I proceeded to outline, in intricate detail, the previous night.

‘… You're kidding? … Did he? Hee, hee, hee.'

‘I can feel it in there,' I interrupted suddenly.

‘You can't.'

‘I can. It's falling out.'

‘Don't be dumb. Go on … What happened next?'

‘And then Harry came to the winda …'

‘Deadset?'

‘Yeah. It was just so embarrassing. Garry had to get in the cupboard.'

Sue had a sudden vision of Garry's albino body, white hair, white eyebrows, white eyelashes …

‘But is he black down there?'

‘Where?'

‘You know, pubes.'

‘Nah. Brown.' We giggled.

Then we heard someone snigger. We freaked. Sue and I scrambled out of the bath and dressed. There, sitting outside the bathroom door, was Garry.

‘How long have
you
been there?' I asked, acting cool.

 

The four of us swam, went for bush walks, pushed each other off the wharf, swung on the swings and flirted.

‘Come on Danny,' said Sue. ‘I'll show ya round.'

They walked off, hand in hand, into the bush.

‘It's perf up here Dan … Look, that's the best hut … there's six bedrooms … You get wallabies round there sometimes at night and—‘

‘Well are you going to?'

‘What?'

‘Will ya?'

‘What?'

‘Root for me.' He put his arm round her waist.

‘When?'

‘When do you wanna?'

‘I don't know.'

‘But will ya?'

‘Yeah.'

‘Well come on.'

‘Where?'

He pointed to the bushes.

It was broad daylight
. They didn't even have a towel. Susan thought of all the sticks prickling her bare bottom and spiders crawling up her legs …

Danny pulled her by the arm.

‘Later,' she said.

 

‘Later' was the middle of the night.

Susan's father was back on the scene so it was a crawling out the window job.

‘Tap. Tap. Tap.' Danny's blonde head appeared at the bedroom window.

‘Tap. Tap.'

There were two in the bed and the little one crawled out.

She slunk over to the window and had a hell of a time climbing out without letting Danny see her underpants.

Sue had stolen the key to the hut next door from Harry. They sneaked into the pitch blackness. They felt their way into the bedroom and on to the bare matterss. They had to be quick, quiet and careful.

Everything was left just as they'd found it … clean and cold.

She climbed back through the window, duty done.

‘Where've you bin?' I shot up in bed.

‘
Nowhere
.' Sue crawled back into the warmth of the bed.

‘Come on. You can tell me. Where'd ja do it?'

Sue rolled over.

‘
Ohhh,
I tell you everything,' I whispered to Sue's back.

‘I did what you and Garry did, didn't I?'

‘Where? … Just then? Tell me? Where's Garry and Danny?'

‘On the beach. Shut up. I wanna go to sleep. I'll tell ya tomorrow.'