Pucked (45 page)

Charlene nods. “Here I thought Alex was pulling out the big guns with the interview! Everyone’s going to be talking about this!”

As we make our way to the after-party event, my nerves kick into high gear. As awesome and embarrassing as it is to be on the receiving end of a public profession of love, Alex and I still need to talk.

Tonight’s party is a private affair, but the venue is still packed. The crowd is in a celebratory mood courtesy of the win. I accept a tall glass of champagne and sugary shooters, more as a means to manage the nerves than anything else. By the time the Hawks arrive, I’m tipsy.

Alex finds me immediately. “I can’t tell you how glad I am you’re here. It makes the win so much better,” he says. His lips brush my cheek, but he doesn’t make another move to kiss me. “I have so much I want to say.”

While a conversation is coming, it will have to wait until later, when he’s not the center of attention and in celebration mode. His teammates and his family swarm him, but he keeps a tight hold on my hand. It’s difficult because so many people want to bask in his glow tonight. I can sense how divided he is by the way he constantly reaches for me, making sure I haven’t disappeared.

An hour into the party Alex switches to water and stops accepting drinks. I follow suit, aware we should be sober for our inevitable talk.

We find Charlene at a table with Darren. Buck and Sunny are cozied up together as well, along with both sets of parents. I look to Alex to gauge his reaction to the way Buck’s arm is casually slung across the back of Sunny’s chair. Surprisingly, he doesn’t seem worried. Although, I suppose in the past month, Buck has made it abundantly clear to the media hounds that he’s off the market.

Robbie stands as soon as he sees me, his smile broad as he opens his arms and welcomes me with a hug. “It’s very good to see you again, Violet.”

“
You, too.”

He smiles down at me. “I’m sorry my son was a dipshit.”

Alex’s dad is the best. I don’t think he sugar-coats anything. “Me, too, but I think we’re going to try to work it out.”

“
I’m happy to hear that.”

Daisy stands when Robbie releases me. She runs her hands down my arms, her smile soft. She leans in and air kisses my cheek. “He’s been miserable without you.”

It’s Daisy’s version of an apology, and I accept it. “I’ve been miserable without him, too.”

We join the table; it’s cramped and Alex has to put his arm around me so both of us can fit on the bench. The closeness is welcome, as are his whispered words of apology every time he leans in to kiss my cheek.

When the party starts to wind down, Alex makes a call for a car to pick us up. We say our good-byes and leave the bar. Once we’re in the car, Alex gives the driver his address but holds up a hand and turns to me. “I know it’s late and we have a lot to talk about, but I would really love for you to come home with me. I’ll understand if you’d rather I take you back to your apartment.”

The idea of going home holds no appeal, now that I’m here with him. I’d rather figure out how we move forward from this. “I’ll come back to your place.”

The tinted glass divider whirs up, separating us from the eyes and ears of the driver.

Alex takes my face in his hands. “It’s been so shitty without you.”

I put my hands on his chest when he goes in for a kiss. I’m aching for his touch, and my beave definitely wants to hug the monster cock. Unfortunately, if I allow the kissing to continue, I won’t be capable of coherent thought, let alone words. Plus, we’re not actually alone.

“
I think we should talk.” I’m all breathy and clinging to his shoulders. It’s hardly convincing.

“
You’re right.” His lips are still on mine. “We definitely need to talk.” He softens his kisses as though he’s preparing to stop. I fail to push away. Instead, I suck on his bottom lip, so he maintains a slow mouth fuck. I underestimated how much of an impact he has on me
—
physically
and emotionally. After a couple minutes where I don’t make an effort to pull away, Alex shifts until I’m lying on the back seat.

“
Wait!” I cry.

He releases me immediately, and I sit up and move back a few inches so we’re no longer touching anywhere. This helps with the whole perspective and control issue. While the interview explained a lot, it’s not a replacement for a real discussion.

“
I can’t do this yet.” I adjust my shirt
and try to get my breathing under control.

He runs a rough hand through his hair and scratches his beard. God, it’s sexy. “I know. You’re right. It’s just been so long since I’ve touched you. I’m sorry.”

My stomach drops into my toes. We’re doing this right now. I’ve never done the “we need to talk” without it ending in a breakup.

“
What are you sorry for?” Beyond an apology, I want the explanation I never got. Or never let him give me.

“
For saying you were just a friend when I should’ve said I’m in love with you. For listening to my stupid-ass agent, who I fired, by the way. For blindsiding you and not telling you how I felt about you sooner.”

It’s a decent list. I want so badly to forgive him and move on, but he ripped my heart out and high-sticked it into the dumpster. “Do you understand how much you hurt me?”

He turns, facing me, and takes my hands. “I know, and I’m sorry. As soon as I said it, I wanted to take it back, but I couldn’t. I didn’t know how to fix it once it was done. You wouldn’t talk to me.”

“
Can you blame me?”

“
No. What I did was awful.” His knee bounces nervously. “I know an apology is just words if it isn’t followed by action. I just want a chance to show you
that I love you. There’s a huge void in my life, and you’re the only person who can fill it.”

“
How do I know you mean any of this? How do I know this isn’t part of some publicity stunt to help boost your reputation?” It’s a reasonable, if not slightly neurotic, question.

“
Come on, Violet. You know me better than that.”

“
Do I? I’m not sure if that’s true. One minute you were asking me to move in with you, and the next you tell the media we’re just friends. How does that even work, Alex?”

There’s no denying how I felt about him before he did what he did, and those feelings are definitely still there. However there are so many sticky webs to weave through, and I don’t want to end up tangled in them.

“
I should’ve been upfront with you about Dick and the endorsements. None of it felt right, but I was under so much pressure. It’s a terrible excuse. I know that. I’m not justifying why I said what I said. I’m just trying to explain so you’ll understand and maybe find a way to forgive me.” He sighs. “You’re here right now, so I hope you want to work this out, too. Unless you’re just here for . . .”

“
Here for what?”

“
This.” He motions below his waist.

It’s the first time I’ve ever seen Alex look truly insecure. As a famous hockey player, women must want to use him for sex all the time. Meaningless sex could make a person feel lonely and resentful after a while.

I give him a small, sad smile, gesturing to the front of his pants. “That may have been how we ended up together in the first place. But it’s not why I came home with you.”

He looks relieved. “Do you think you can forgive me?”

Avoidance was so much easier in some ways. “I think so.”

“
Then talk to me, please. Tell me what you need.”

What he did was hurtful, but at the same time, I’ve made this harder on myself by postponing a conversation. Instead of confronting him, I shut him out. If I want to be with Alex, I have to let him in, at least a little.

“
There’s a big difference between being evasive with the media and flat out denying anything was going on between us. I need to know you’re never going to do something like this to me again.” I can’t stop the tears from leaking out of the corners of my eyes. Sometimes being an emotional girl sucks.

“
I made some bad decisions, Violet. I compromised your integrity with the locker room sex, and I created a lot of issues for my team because I kept my relationship with you from Butterson. I did a piss-poor job of managing the situation.” Alex cups my face in his palms
and brushes away my tears. I’m shocked to find his hands are shaking. “I’ll do whatever I have to do to make it up to you. Please don’t cut me out of your life again.”

He’s so earnest in his plea. I have two options here. I can take a leap of faith and put my heart back on the line for this man, or I can walk. As terrifying as it is, I’d rather take a chance on him than wonder if we could’ve made it work if I’d been a little braver.

I take a deep, steadying breath. “Just don’t do something like that ever again and I won’t have to.”

“
I won’t. I promise.” The car comes to a stop as he moves to kiss me, and the intercom in the ceiling crackles.

“
We’ve arrived, Mr. Waters.”

Alex closes his eyes and exhales on an annoyed sigh. Releasing his hold on me, he reaches over and opens the door and Jeeves offers me his hand. I accept it, feeling a little unsteady after such an intense conversation. Alex thanks him, and guides me up the steps to his house.

Once we’re inside, things become awkward again. He shoves his hands in his pockets and offers me a drink.

“
I’m not thirsty right now.”

“
Neither am I.”

He scratches his beard. “Do you want to talk some more?”

I shake my head. “I don’t think so.”

“
We could play Scrabble.”

Right. Because that’s what I want to do right now.

“
Maybe another time.” I step closer, and my chest almost grazes his stomach through the inconvenient layers of his suit. His eyes drop to my cleavage. I wore a V-neck
tonight for a reason. “Are you going to kiss me?”

He swallows. “Do you want me to?”

“
I think it would be a good idea.”

“
Me, too.”

He’s tentative until I press into him, bringing us together. Then he cups the back of my head with his palm and lays one on me. It’s all tongue and teeth and aggression.

We stand in his foyer for a good ten minutes, mouth fucking with abandon. It’s the same, but it’s different. So much has changed between us since the last time we were together.

But he’s still Alex, and I’m still Violet. He’s already got his hand inside my shirt. At the same time, he’s trying to shed his suit jacket and carry me to the stairs. In a rare moment of ungracefulness, he trips on the first step and we land in a heap. The intensity of the moment broken, I laugh against his lips.

He pushes up on his arms, his eyes are wild, chest heaving. “Do you want me to stop? Should I stop? Am I moving too fast?”

I shake my head and pull him back down by his tie. “Don’t stop kissing me.”

“
Fucking hell, I’ve missed you so much.”

With an arm around my waist, Alex drags me up the stairs while keeping his mouth fused to mine. The coordination to do this is astounding. I keep bumping my elbows on the stairs along the way. The only reason my head is safe is because Alex is cupping the back of it. He pauses at the top of the landing, apparently unable to wait until we’re in the privacy and comfort of his bedroom.

His tie is tossed aside, followed by my shirt. Alex moves on to his shirt, flicking the buttons open. In the meantime, I struggle uselessly with the clasp of my bra, incapable of getting it open despite having done this every damn day for the past ten plus years.

My chest is in Alex’s face, so he slides two fingers into the front of my bra between my boobs. Then he yanks, hard. One strap ricochets off the railing.

“
What the hell?” I ask because, well, what the hell? This is a brand new bra.

“
I’ll buy you another one. I wanted it off.” His mouth descends over one glass-cuttingly hard nipple, and his palm covers the free one.

He groans, and squeezes, and gropes, and sucks, and groans some more. I throw my head back and bang it on the railing when he uses his teeth.

Alex looks up. “You okay?”

I moan in response.

“
God, you’re sexy,” he says around my nipple, hard-pressed to give up making out with it, I suppose.

“
You know what’s sexy?” My voice comes out raspy and low. I’m working on sounding sexified, not like I have emphysema.

“
Mmm?”

“
You, half-naked.”

“
You think?” He stands and pulls me up with him.

“
You know what’s even sexier?” I ask as he picks me up and carries me down the hall.

“
You naked?”

“
No. You naked.”

As soon as he sets me down on the bed, I frantically unbuckle his belt and yank his pants off.