Punk 57 (29 page)

He relaxes on top of me, his hand still holding the door and his head bent to my shoulder. I stay there, still and quiet.

I don’t even want to look outside to see if anyone noticed. Like I really thought we could stop once we started?

He raises his head finally and looks down at me. I smile small, wishing we were parked in the forest somewhere. Somewhere we could stay all night and do that some more.

His eyebrows pinch together, and he looks like he’s searching for words. “Ryen, I…”

“What?”

But he remains silent.

I touch his face, but he just shakes his head and looks away. “Nothing. It’s fine.”

Fine? A chill brushes across my skin.

What’s fine?

I sit in the front seat, pulling my hair over my shoulder and smoothing it down. After we finished, he climbed in the front and drove us out of the drive-in, while I stayed hidden in the back, getting dressed.

I chew on the corner of my mouth, worry setting in. The truck was definitely moving.

Anyone could’ve seen me climbing in before that, and everyone knows it’s his truck. Not to mention, he’s being quiet now, driving and not even looking at me.

Typical guy. Say all the things you need to get into her pants, but all those strong feelings and hot whispers fade when you get what you want, doesn’t it?

Whatever.

I fasten my seatbelt. The drive-in is behind us and the road ahead dark and empty. “I left my purse in Lyla’s car,” I say more to myself. “I’ll have to make up something for why I left and how I got home.”

“Well, good thing lying’s not hard for you.”

I shoot him a nasty look. But then I see him give me a joking smile, and I immediately relax a little.

Maybe I don’t need to lie at all. Just tell her I let Masen Laurent take me home. What could happen?

I catch sight of the screen on the radio, seeing the name of the song playing from the iPod, and break out in a smile, turning it up.

Masen glances over at me, probably wondering why I look happy. “What?”

I gesture to the radio where Eminem’s “
Without Me”
is playing. “I have a friend. He hates my taste in music,” I tell him. “I sent him this song once. It led to a life-long argument that still hasn’t been settled.”

“He?”

I lean back in my seat. “In elementary school, our teachers set us up as pen pals,” I explain. “When the school year ended, though, we just kept writing, and we haven’t stopped. He lives in Thunder Bay, but we’ve never met.”

Masen stares at the road ahead, his chest rising and falling steadily. He’s not jealous, is he? Misha and I aren’t like that.

“Do you tell him everything?” he asks, still not looking at me.

I narrow my eyes on him. Maybe he suspects Misha is important to me.

Or maybe he wonders if my pen pal is more important than him.

The truth is, Misha is irreplaceable. But even with him, I don’t say everything.

I turn my head to look at the window. “I tell him more than I tell anyone else.”

“Do you lie to him?”

“Yes,” I reply honestly. “He gets the version of me I want to be.”

For some reason, I feel no shame in admitting that to Masen. With my mom, my sister, my teachers, and my friends, I feel like I’m judged. Like there’s something I need to live up to.

Even with Misha, I feel guilt for never putting my money where my mouth is and hoping he never finds out how awful I can be sometimes. I want him to think the best of me.

But with Masen, I almost feel like nothing I could do could make him want me less. Like my imperfections entertain him, my issues complement his issues, and two negatives make a positive, and all that.

“Are you going to write to him and tell him about tonight?”

I turn to him, a slight smile on my face. “Probably. Would you care?”

He shakes his head, watching the road.

“You wouldn’t be jealous?”

“You’ll need your friends,” he replies.

I arch a brow. What the hell does that mean?

He pulls into my driveway and follows the circle around to the front door and stops. I unfasten my seatbelt and glance at his right hand sitting on his lap. Not even a half hour ago that hand was on my ass.

No one knows how this feels.

I close my eyes, feeling lonely now. Why is he being so distant? I’m not dumb enough to think we’re a couple now—I never have unrealistic expectations when it comes to people—but this is awkward. His vibe sucks, like tonight was a mistake or something, and it hurts a little.

Not that I’d ever admit that to him.

“Well…” I sigh, opening the door. “I guess I’ll see you.”

I climb out and slam the door behind me, walking toward my house. I hear another door slam shut, and I turn around to see Masen jogging toward me.

I stop.

He touches my face, coming in close and looking down at me.

“What’s his name?”

“Who?”

He hovers close, his lips an inch from mine. “Your pen pal.”

His breath lingers on my lips, and I open my mouth just a little in anticipation for him. God, he smells good.

“Misha,” I whisper.

He kisses me, his lips sinking into mine as I close my eyes.

“What was that?” he teases, nibbling my lips. “I couldn’t hear you.”

“Misha,” I gasp before diving into him and brushing his tongue with mine. I press my body into his, feeling the bulge in his jeans rubbing me.

He finally pulls away, breathless and turned on again, just like at the drive-in.

“Thank you.” He kisses me one last time on the lips and turns around, heading back to his truck.

What the hell?

I watch, confused again, as he starts the engine and drives away, his taillights glowing in the darkness as he pulls out onto the street.

I know him very little, but after every encounter, I feel like I know him less.

I didn’t see Masen all weekend. Saturday came and went. My friends and I spent all day on the football field, orientating the incoming freshman cheerleaders for the next school year, and Sunday I was locked in my room, playing music, doing homework, and writing Misha.

Three letters.

Two of them were just full of boring, stupid crap, and the third—the one about Masen—I crumpled up and threw away. I’m not sure why. I don’t even know why I wrote it in the first place.

Walking down the hallway at school Monday morning, I stop at my locker and start to key in the combination, but I see black writing on the front, and I stop.

Anything to not need you,

Anything to not fall for you,

Anything to look at a girl who’s not you,

But baby, there’s nothing but you.

I smile.
Masen.

At least I hope he’s the culprit. My cheeks warm, hating how happy that just made me. Why does it feel so good to know he was thinking about me this weekend when he snuck in to write it?

I try to force away the grin, but it pulls at me still as I open my locker and stuff in my bag, taking out what I need for the morning.

I walk to Art and enter the room, immediately shooting my eyes over to his seat and relieved to see him sitting there. I don’t know why, but I’m afraid any moment could be the last I see him.

He talks to Manny seated next to him, and as usual, he either doesn’t notice me or acts like he doesn’t.

I walk up to my table and turn to set my materials down, but someone bumps into me, and I lurch forward.

“Sorry,” a deep voice says, and something is shoved into my hand.

I straighten and turn my head, seeing Masen brush past me and head to the front of the room, smirking back at me as he tosses his gum into the trash can.

I curl my fingers around the small piece of paper and sit down, acting like nothing happened. He returns and takes his seat again, resuming his conversation with Manny.

I hold the paper in my lap and look down, unfolding it and reading it.

I can’t wait to kiss you.

Tingles spread underneath my skin, and I stuff the paper into my pocket, trying to appear like romantic crap like that doesn’t do it for me. Nope. Not at all.

And I totally didn’t replay the drive-in in my head a thousand times this weekend, remembering how awesome his kisses really are.

But then I look up and see Trey walking into the classroom.

My stomach sinks. I was looking forward to having Masen close, but Trey’s the rain on the parade again. I should just cut him loose.

“I think you really like art,” I say as he pulls out the chair next to me. “People will start talking.”

“They’ll forgive me when they find out I only sit here to look down your shirt.” He rests a hand on my chair behind me and lets his eyes fall to my loose T-shirt. He can’t see down the top, but a sliver of my belly is showing at the bottom, right above my tight jeans. “You’re a nice view.”

“Yeah, okay—”

But I stop, hearing a scratching sound. I turn my head, seeing Masen rotate a protractor in one hand, the sharp needle digging into the wooden table and slowly slicing a circle as he grinds it. I dart my eyes up to his face, seeing that he’s focused ahead, but when I look back down, I notice the black finish of the table is now marred, revealing the tan wood underneath.

I feel a smile pull at my lips. He’s not happy.

Good.
If he wants me to find a new prom date, then he can man up and ask me.

“Well, then,” I continue, pushing the envelope and looking to Trey but talking loud enough for Masen to hear. “You should see my prom dress. You’re going to love it.”

“Can’t wait.” He grins back.

I open my sketch book and continue working on my project while Ms. Till starts drifting around the room to check on students and how they’re coming along.

“Hey, Manny.” I hear Trey call in a whisper. “You won’t have your guard dog in P.E. today.”

I hood my eyes, agitated. Manny remains still, shrinking almost entirely from view on Masen’s other side.