Pursued (33 page)

“I know your parents adopted her but she’s so
ugly
. With those snot-green streaks in her hair and those weird eyes, she looks exactly like a
tseeba
.”
Chainee pouted up at Saber in a way she no doubt thought was fetching.

“What’s ugly is the way you’re acting. All of you.”
Saber gave Lissa’s tormentors a look of disgust.
“You don’t know the pain Lissa has been through—the agony of losing her entire family at once—and you should pray to the Goddess you never do.”

Lissa was even more surprised. Her situation wasn’t discussed much at her new family’s home—her adopted mother considered it distasteful. But to hear Saber talk, he’d thought about it—thought about it a lot. Her eyes burned—obviously he pitied her, the same way he would pity an animal that had been wounded and caught in a trap.
That
was why he had come to her rescue.
That
was why he stared at her sometimes, when he thought she wasn’t looking.

Suddenly it was all too much for Lissa. She was tired of being despised for her difference and pitied for the horrible fate that had befallen her family. Tired of being so alone. And she missed her parents and little Dak and her old way of life terribly.
S
he felt a sob rising in her throat and tried to choke it back down. She couldn’t break down in front of Chainee and Yancee and the rest—that would only prove to them how weak she was. But she couldn’t hold back the tears much longer.

Turning, she ran past Saber, ran away from the taunts and jeers and hatred. She heard ugly laughter from the others, and then Saber called her name, but she ignored him. In a way, his compassion was almost as bad as the cruelty of the others. It made her feel singled out…different…ugly. As ugly as her long blonde hair with its jade-green streaks.

Cut it off. I have to…
cut it off,” she finished aloud, finally coming back to herself. Goddess, what was wrong with her? Why was she naked in the desert and having flashbacks of her miserable childhood? Lissa stared dully at the rainbow sands at her feet, trying to make sense of it all.
Minverna,
she remembered at last.
She killed herself, but not before speaking truth to me. A truth I need to do penance for.

She thought again of her vision of Saber, standing so straight and tall before her. Thought of his broad shoulders and thick, dark hair which was short, but always a little messy from his habit of running his fingers through it. His hands, so large and capable and yet so gentle, too. He wasn’t cruel like the others. He defended her, protected her…

“Moch Daer,”
she whispered brokenly. “Oh, how I miss you.”

But there was no use wishing for the past. Squaring her shoulders, Lissa set herself once more to the task of finding the oasis in the middle of the desert. Only there could she cleanse herself of her shameful lusts and fantasies. Only there could she cut her hair and show her true penance for the sins Minverna had pointed out before she died.

Help me make it, Goddess,
she thought as she trudged on wearily.
It’s so hot and I’m so tired and thirsty. Please help me find it soon…before it’s too late.

“So this is the Deep Blue.” Elise broke the long silence between them at last. “It’s…
amazing
.”

Merrick tried to look at the scene through her eyes and truly, it was. It looked as though someone had drawn a line down the middle of the foliage. A clear demarcation where the dusty, blue-gray jungle suddenly ended and another, deeper, wilder place began. The plants of the Deep Blue were an indigo so pure it almost hurt the eyes to look at it them. Here and there were splashes of deep green or vivid orange or bright yellow—like colored jewels on a blue velvet background—but for the most part it was solid, uninterrupted blue.

“It’s gorgeous,” Elise murmured, sounding awed.

Merrick grunted. “Yeah, and fucking dangerous.” He put down his pack and crouched by the side of the small purple stream they’d been following. Conveniently, it stuck pretty close to the scent trail. “This is where we camp for the night,” he decided. There was no way he was going into the Deep Blue just as the sun was setting. Dusk was the time when the Ancient Ones were most active—far better to start fresh in the morning and hope to get in and out without a problem.

“All right.” Elise looked stiff. Her muscles were probably aching from the long hike, not to mention the strenuous exercise of helping kill the
xenox.
Merrick was sure she was ready for a rest. She cast him a sidelong glance, maybe wondering if he was still mad at her, but didn’t say anything else.

Merrick showed no signs that he knew she was watching him. He was taking things out of his backpack, getting ready to settle for the night. He heard Elise sigh and then she peeled off her soft blue leather boots and put her feet in the stream. The water fizzed slightly around her bare feet and she smiled, as though enjoying the ticklish sensation.

The smile softened the worry lines on her face, making her so beautiful his heart ached. “Something funny?” he murmured, coming up behind her.

Elise jumped away as though he’d burned her. “Oh, uh…” She turned to look at him, her eyes wide and startled. “You scared me,” she said, as though trying to explain her sudden get-away.

What else is new?
Merrick thought. Aloud he said, “Right. You hungry?”

Elise looked at him, as though trying to figure out which meaning of the word he was using. Merrick could feel her anxiety through the bond. Wanting to put her at ease, he held up a dried protein strip.

A look of relief and understanding crossed her face. “Yes. Thanks.” She took the strip from him and looked down at it. “Um, is it okay to wash in the stream? I’m all hot and sticky.”

“Hot and sticky, huh?” Merrick’s voice sounded slightly strangled in his own ears. He couldn’t help himself—her innocent words had evoked a whole set of images he’d been trying to repress. The memory of her spread out on his lap, her thighs open, her head thrown back as he fingered her sweet pussy to orgasm came flooding back, making him hard. Making him want her.

Elise looked at him curiously, no doubt hearing the strain in his voice. When their eyes met, Merrick could feel her body reacting to his. The
hunger
inside her surged to life, turning almost immediately to
lust
. Her nipples peaked and he could tell from the shift in her scent that her little cunt was suddenly creamy and hot and ready. Ready for him to touch her, to taste her…

He wanted to kiss her again, wanted to taste those sweet, pink lips once more, to crush her to him just as he had at the start of their trip. Even more than that, he could feel Elise wanting to be kissed. She craved this—ached for his touch the same way he ached for hers. Merrick leaned toward her…

And she turned suddenly away, a look of misery on her face. “Um, so the bath?” she said, not meeting his eyes. “Okay or not? I mean, are there any poisonous fish or reptiles I should watch out for?”

Merrick let out a sigh and tried to curb his lust. Inside his tight black pants his shaft ached, the mating fist throbbing with need. Even his fangs had joined the chorus, begging to pierce the soft flesh of her neck as he pierced her pussy down below.

“Not in a stream this size, no,” he said at last, forcing himself to regain control. “You go ahead and wash—we can reapply the camouflage later. Just don’t get too close to the Deep Blue. Once you cross over, things get a hell of a lot more dangerous.”

“Will we be all right in there?” she asked, wide eyed. “I mean, how hard do you think this
skrillix
plant is going to be to find? And what does it look like anyway?”

Merrick frowned. “It’s a vine—a creeper about as thick as your wrist. It winds itself around tree trunks and it has other, smaller branches sticking off of the main one.”

Elise looked with dismay at the Deep Blue. “But…there are hundreds of vines and they all look the same. They’re all that deep indigo blue.”

“The
skrillix
has two distinguishing characteristics,” he said, feeling a little like he was giving a lecture. “First: long, curving thorns about as long as your finger.” He held up one of his own fingers to illustrate. “Whatever you do,
don’t
get scratched. They secrete a hallucinogenic compound that’ll make you wish you’d never been born—it’s why the
skrillix
is called the ‘pain vine.’ The Ancient Ones use it as a kind of truth serum sometimes.”

“Wow. Okay, got you.” Elise nodded. “What else?”

“Bright red berries as big as the end of your thumb,” Merrick said. “Those are the key—we need to bring some back with us, still attached to the branch.”

“Why still attached?” she asked. “It seems like it would be much easier to bring back a pocket full of berries than a whole entire branch.”

“It would,” Merrick admitted. “But it’s not possible—they begin to rot the minute they’re picked. The only way to keep them fresh enough to be useful is to keep them on the branch.”

“And do you think the
skrillix
will be hard to find?” she asked, repeating her earlier question.

Merrick frowned. “It's sacred to the Ancient Ones, so they keep a pretty close eye on all of the
skrillix
in their territory.
But
they keep mostly to the center of the Deep Blue. If we’re very lucky, we might just find a stray
skrillix
growing around the perimeter and get back to town without meeting them at all. That would be our best case scenario.”

Elise bit her lip. “What would the worst case be?”

“You don’t wanna know,” Merrick said darkly. “But if we do run into the Ancient Ones, you stick close to me. I’ll protect you.”

“I know you will.” To his surprise, Elise laid one of her hands on his—the first time she’d voluntarily touched him in what seemed like forever. “Thank you, Merrick,” she said softly. “I’m sorry things are…difficult between us. But thank you for keeping me safe.”

He looked at her, searching her deep brown eyes for a long moment. Gods, she was beautiful. Why did she have to be forever out of his reach? “That’s all right, baby,” he growled softly. “I’ll keep you safe for as long as you let me. Wish I could keep you safe forever.”

Elise’s eyes were suspiciously bright. “That’s very sweet of you but…” She broke off, shaking her head.

“But what?” Merrick urged her, wanting to know. Hoping she would talk to him at last.

She blinked rapidly and a single silver tear made its way down her cheek. “If you knew me…really knew me, maybe you wouldn’t feel that way,” she said in a low voice.

“That’s not true,” he said roughly. “I don’t care about your past—I don’t give a fuck what happened
then
as long as you’re here with me
now
.”

She shook her head and at first he was afraid he had pushed too hard, afraid she would start denying anything had happened again. But she didn’t. She simply wiped away the tear and looked at him again.

“I
care about the past,” she said at last in a soft, broken voice. “And you should too.”

Merrick sighed tiredly, feeling a thousand years old. So close and yet she was still pulling away. “All right,” he said. “We’re not going to get anywhere talking about it now—not when we’re both so damn tired. But will you come to me tonight? At least let me hold you and feed the
hunger?”

Elise looked down at her hands. “I
think
that would be all right,” she said in a low voice. “As long as we don’t do anything, you know,
sexual
.”

“I understand.” Merrick said gently. “Nothing you don’t want, baby. I just want to take care of you.”

She looked up again, her eyes so filled with sorrow his heart ached for her. Gods, if only she would open up to him, if only she would
tell
him. He opened his mouth to ask, and then closed it. He didn’t want to push her away again. She’d practically promised to come to him and let him hold her that night. Merrick didn’t want to ruin that so he kept silent.

“Thank you,” she said at last, swiping at her eyes. “Uh, I think I’ll go ahead and wash up now.”

“And I’m going to go scout around for some
yanyan
leaves for us to sleep on.” He pointed a finger at her. “I won’t be gone long and
xenoxes
don’t like water so you should be fine as long as you stick to the stream and stay away from
billibs.
And whatever you do,
don’t
go into the Deep Blue alone.
”
He thought it was important to emphasize that, considering that the Ancient Ones were so active at this time.

“Don’t worry,” Elise said with a shiver. “I’ve learned my lesson. I’ll stay right here—I promise.”

“Good.” He nodded and rose, dusting his hands on his pants. “I’m going to stay in this immediate vicinity. If you get into trouble, just yell for me.”

Elise nodded. “Of course.”

Giving her one last look, Merrick stepped into the foliage and went looking for the leaves to make their bed for the night—a bed he hoped like hell they would share.

* * * * *

Elise sighed after he left. God, it was exhausting how emotionally charged every encounter between them was! She wished she could have expressed how she felt about him—told him about the revelation she’d had after they had killed the
xenox.
But the words had stuck in her throat—it wasn’t fair to do that to him. Wasn’t fair to tell him she loved him in one breath and explain that they could never be together in the next. Because they couldn’t—no matter how she wished they could. It just wasn’t possible.

She thought about the vault, filled with dirty secrets and memories so horrible she couldn’t even bear to remember. Whatever was in there was bad—so bad that if she let it come out into the main part of her brain, she might never be the same again. The AllFather had done that to her—had forced her to relive those ugly times—and it had nearly driven her insane. Only the time she’d spent in the stasis chamber had allowed her to push everything back where it belonged—behind the vault door.
I can’t go through that again,
she told herself.
I can’t. And it isn’t fair to Merrick to tell him how I feel when there’s no hope of us ever being together. I’d be better off just going through with our original plan of dissolving the bond and going back to James.