Pushing the Limits (18 page)

He may not have heard me call to him in the cafeteria, but I knew for sure he heard me in the hallway. I barely had the energy to run after him as the three of them headed to the lockers on the lower level. Clutching the railing for support, I dragged myself down the stairs. “Noah, please.”

They kept walking, but he glanced quickly over his shoulder then stopped dead in his tracks. He dropped his books and
doubled back toward me, catching me as I stumbled down the last step. “What happened? You look like hell.”

Weak kitten? Try comatose jellyfish. My legs gave and Noah helped me sink to the floor. He sat beside me, one strong hand stroking my face. “You’re scaring the shit out of me.”

“Peterson. Tyler and Jacob’s foster parents are Carrie and Joe Peterson. I’m sorry. Mrs. Collins walked back in before I could get any more information.” I rested my hot face against the cool cinder-block wall. Oh—that felt so good.

“No apologies. I could kiss you right now.” Judging by the look in his chocolate-brown eyes, he meant it.

“Don’t. I think I’m gonna puke.” I loved the way his lips turned up—part mischievous smile, part man of mystery.

“Noah,” Isaiah called out. He and Beth waited at the other end of the hall.

His hand fell from my face and I inhaled air. We weren’t friends anymore. Why did that hurt my heart? “Go ahead. I’m fine.”

“I’ll be there in a few.” His eyes never strayed from me. “You got into your file then?”

“Never got a crack at it. I went for yours first.”

Noah ran a hand over his face. “Why? Why did you read mine first?”

“It was closer.” Because I needed to do this—for him. “Besides, I had a flash from that night. Not much, but it was enough to scare the crap out of me.” And add fuel to my nightmares for weeks. Who needed more than three hours of sleep a night? Not me.

The bell rang, dismissing lunch. Noah stood and helped me to my feet. “Come on, I’ll get you to class.”

I held on to his warm hand simply because I wanted to. “I’m
going home. My mind’s a little fried. Mrs. Collins called Ashley to tell her that I’m on my way and she’ll probably go postal if I don’t show soon. I didn’t know I’d have to chase you the length of a football field.”

He squeezed my hand. “Yeah. Sorry. I was … being a dick.”

At least he admitted it. I let go of him and pushed open the side door. “It’s okay. Tell me on Monday what I missed in class.”

NOAH

“Make sure you talk about me. I want your brothers to know who I am when they come and live with you.” Beth became lost in a cloud as steam hissed and rose from the iron. She methodically slid the iron over the arms of my white button-down shirt.

“Will do.” I continued to scrub polish on the pair of black boots I’d found at the Goodwill. They fit, but were scratched to hell.

Isaiah flew down the stairs to the basement, swiped one of the boots and a rag, and joined me on the couch. “Why do you do this, man? They’re your brothers. They don’t give a shit if you show up in a pair of ripped jeans and an old T-shirt.”

“It’s not for them. It’s for my social worker and that stuck-up couple. Everything I do and say is judged. I need them to see me as an upstanding citizen.” To trust me to take care of the two most important people in my life.

“So …” Isaiah exchanged a glance with Beth. “What’s going on with you and Echo?”

The iron gurgled when Beth set it on the ironing board. She inspected the shirt for missed wrinkles before handing it to me. “What happened to business only? You know, hands and emotions off of Echo.”

I shrugged on the shirt. The warmth from the ironing eased some of the tension in my neck. “Still the plan.”

Beth plopped next to Isaiah, resting her head against him. “Then what the hell was yesterday?”

I had a hard time accepting a rubbing from the king and queen of denial. Isaiah and Beth lived in a strange world where emotions were left unsaid, yet the two gravitated together like a couple. My gut told me that one of these days I’d find them naked in bed. “Echo snuck a peek at my file and found my brothers’ foster parents’ last name. I may not be able to give her a relationship, but I can’t turn away friendship. Only a real friend would stick themselves out like that.”

“Or a girl who’s into you,” mumbled Beth.

I shoved the boots onto my feet and laced them up. Did I have more than one shot? My past told me no, but miracles had occurred since Echo had entered my life. “What would you guys do if I did bring Echo around?”

Beth grunted in disgust. “Buy some glue for when she shatters you. Look at everything you’ve done for the girl and where is she going to be tonight? At the dance with King Luke, not you.”

The image of that ape with his arm draped over her caused my blood to spew lava. I shoved the emotion down. My only concern was my brothers and if I didn’t get my ass moving, I’d be late. “See you tonight.”

Beth yelled after me, “Tell them that their aunt Beth loves them.”

I walked past Dale and Shirley eating lunch without either of them acknowledging my existence. When Tyler and Jacob moved in with me, life would never be like that. We’d talk all the damn time. I’d know everything going on in their lives. Outside, the February air nipped at my freshly shaved face.

“Hey,” Isaiah called from the house, following after me. He pulled at his earring before he spoke. “Look, man, I get it. We don’t do attachments. We depend on something or someone and the system rips it away from us. But Echo’s not the system, man. She’s a girl who looked like shit yesterday and chased you down when we all decided you should play the dick instead of being her friend.”

I ran my hand through my hair and then shook it back over my eyes. “Beth’s right.”

“Beth can’t see this one clearly. You ever tell Beth I told you this and I’ll kick your ass. Luke screwed her over the summer before her sophomore year. She honestly believed that asshole loved her. She was a virgin, man. He never called, texted, nothing. Me and you, we’re bad shit, too, but at least we’re up front. No girl expects a cuddle or a call from us.”

If I never had a reason to kick Luke’s ass before, which I did, I had one now. Beth was my sister, regardless of blood. “What’s this got to do with Echo?”

“Those popular pricks—they’re Beth’s equivalent of the system. We’ve got social workers and judges making our life hell. Luke and Grace—that’s her hell. Echo and Luke were legend when Beth and I were freshmen. Beth honestly believes Echo is just like Luke.”

“But she isn’t,” I said, climbing into my car. The need to defend Echo against any attack rocked my system.

The defeated set of Isaiah’s jaw told me he’d already walked
that road with Beth. He headed toward the house. “You know, you look like you’re going to a dance, man.” I flipped him off and backed out of the drive.

TO MY SURPRISE, MRS. COLLINS was sitting at the table in the visiting room wearing a knee-length black sequined dress. I hated being on the same continent as this woman, but today? Didn’t care. In five minutes I’d see my brothers. “‘Sup, Mrs. Collins.”

She gave a hearty laugh. “I feel honored. I never thought you’d grant me the privilege of your patented ‘sup greeting.”

“Maybe you’ve never been to one of these things, but they aren’t that formal. Check this out.” I opened my bag and pulled out a box. “I loved this game as a kid. Me and my dad used to play it over and over again.” I’d always chosen black and he’d let me drop my round piece into the slot first. Whoever got four in a row won. I won more often than my dad.

“Thanks for the tip. I’m heading to the dance after this. Will you be escorting some lucky young lady?” Mrs. Collins did that thing where she appeared as harmless as a puppy while she asked a question that could bite me in the ass if I answered wrong.

“Sorry. No dance for me.”

“Hmm, pity.” She drummed her fingers against the table. “What happened to that girl you loaned your jacket to last month?”

Damn, I’d backed myself into that one. I stared at the door, praying my brothers would come barreling in to save me. “She’s got a date.”

“She’s missing out.”

I clasped my hands between my knees. The uncomfortable silence building between Mrs. Collins and me took hell to a
whole new level. Echo’s foot would have dug a hole to China by now. Echo, the girl embedded in my brain.

The second hand on the clock over the door ticked loudly. Where were my brothers? “Why are you here?”

Her eyebrows lifted as she smiled. “We talked about this, Noah. As your clinical social worker, I’m involved in every aspect of your life. That includes your brothers.”

“Noah!” Jacob’s scream from the hallway pierced my heart. I jumped up to find him, but Mrs. Collins blocked my path.

“No.” She pressed her manicured hand against my chest. “Trust me, he’s fine.”

A good foot taller than her, I purposely towered over her. “In case you haven’t caught on, I don’t trust you. Now get out of my way, before I remove you.”

Shocking me, she kept her hand on my chest. “He had a basketball tournament this morning and fell asleep on the way here. Joe put him on a couch in another room to let him sleep. Jacob doesn’t sleep well and Carrie and Joe didn’t have the heart to wake him. I promise you will have your two hours.”

I glanced at the door and back to Mrs. Collins. “You’ve got thirty seconds to explain before I bust past you and the door.” She took a deep breath, wasting my time. “One …”

“How well do you think a child would sleep if he suffered something traumatic?”

Her words stopped me short and Echo’s issues pushed forward in my mind. “Are you saying he has night terrors?”

“I’m not saying that, but I know a child who does, and I’ll tell you that in three years that child has never slept through the night.”

I closed my eyes. So many things were wrong with this picture. “Why was I never told?”

“Because it’s private information. Besides, Jacob wants you to view him the way he sees you—as strong, as a hero.”

The last part of her statement blew my mind, but I couldn’t focus on that, not when Jacob needed me. “Private?” I opened my eyes and the only color in the room was red. “I’m his brother.”

Her gaze bored into mine. “That’s right. You’re Jacob’s older brother, not his guardian. You know you’re not allowed private information.” I wasn’t. I lost all rights to my brothers the moment my fist connected with my first foster father’s jaw.

“Noah!” His bloodcurdling scream echoed into the room. Fuck it.

“Please, let Carrie and Joe handle this,” pleaded Mrs. Collins, but I hustled around her and exited the room. Keesha stood in the hallway holding Tyler. What was their excuse for keeping Tyler away? I’d deal with that later.

“Get your butt back in that room, boy. Carrie and Joe have this covered,” Keesha said.

I ignored her completely as I walked past, placing a hand on Tyler’s head for a brief moment. Muffled cries carried out of the room next to mine. I shoved the door open to find Carrie and Joe sitting on the carpet beside Jacob, who thrashed uncontrollably.

Joe’s eyes widened when I entered the room. “What are you doing here?”

Tears soaked Jacob’s cheeks and basketball jersey. His face flushed red, hands clutched tight to his chest, mumbling incoherently. I knelt beside Carrie, inches from my brother. She grabbed hold of my wrist as I went to touch him. “Touching him makes it worse.”

I flicked my arm from her hold and placed my hand on Jacob’s
head, mimicking the way Mom used to stroke mine. “J-bird, it’s me. Noah. Can you wake up for me, buddy?”

His body shook and he moaned, “Noah.”

“You don’t understand, he’s not awake. He doesn’t know you’re really here.” The woman wiped her eyes. “We know what to do. We’re the ones who take care of him. Not you.”

“Looks like you’re doing a fantastic job. Killed any goldfish lately?” I scooped my brother up and sat on the couch with him cradled in my arms. I sang Mom’s favorite song in his ear.

I continued to whisper the song until Jacob’s tears and convulsions faded. Finally, he opened his eyes, awareness more pronounced than confusion. “Noah?”

“Hey, bro.”

TYLER DREW ME PICTURES DURING our visit. Lots and lots of pictures. He smiled and hugged me before he left, but still never said a word. Jacob sat in my lap while we played the game at least a hundred times. When Keesha told us our time was up, it felt like someone had ripped out my heart, cut it into pieces and poured alcohol all over it. Jacob locked his arms around my neck so tightly, he constricted my air passage.

“I’m scared, Noah,” he whispered to me.

“Jacob, it’s time …” started Carrie.

Mrs. Collins shushed her while motioning with her hand for me to continue. My eyes widened and I held him tighter. Dammit. What type of questions did Mrs. Collins ask me? “What are you scared about?”

“What if there’s another fire? You’re not going to be there to save me.”

“I’ll always save you.” Because I would. I’d move heaven and
earth. I’d willingly walk into hell and stay there. I’d give up anything and everything for him.

He sniffed and his body began to shake. I absently rubbed his back. “It’s okay, bro.”

“But if there is another fire …”

Mrs. Collins pointed to Jacob and then to Carrie and her pathetic husband, her meaning clear. I’d rather go back to some of my earlier foster homes than tell him to trust those idiots. “There won’t be another fire.”

Mrs. Collins raised her hands in exasperation, shaking her head. He whispered in my ear, “How do you know?”

I kissed his cheek and whispered back, “I know.”

His voice barely audible, Jacob said, “Please don’t tell anyone.”

“Never.”

“DON’T TELL ANYONE WHAT, NOAH?” Mrs. Collins stared into the two-way mirror, fixing her hair.

“What?” I put on my jacket and grabbed Tyler’s drawings.

“Jacob whispered to you not to tell anyone and you agreed.” She turned and smiled. “I read lips.”

Of course she did. What the fuck didn’t she do? Oh, drive. “You must have misunderstood.”

“No. I didn’t.” She straightened her dress. “What do you think of the dress, too much? I’ve never chaperoned a dance. Not that it matters, I won’t have time to change. Keeping secrets isn’t helping your brother.”