Put Me Back Together (23 page)

How had this happened? A minute ago I was just sitting beside him on the bed and now suddenly his hand was caressing my hip and I was wishing he would let it move higher up. He leaned over me, feathering kisses across my jaw as he moved to the other side of my neck, and I felt him against my leg, warm and hard. All the fuzziness cleared from my head in an instant as my eyes flew wide open.

“Wait,” I said, gently pushing him away. His eyes, which had been clouded over, cleared just a little as they focused on my face.

He leaned back so we were essentially lying down facing each other, our faces just inches apart.

“Wait?” he said, his hand cupping the side of my face as his thumb slid over my bottom lip. I felt my eyes begin to roll back in my head.

“Stop it!” I snapped, swatting his hand away, and he let it rest on my waist instead, which wasn’t exactly better, but at least I could mostly think clearly.

“Am I stopping for a reason?” he asked, and I saw his dimples make their first appearance of the night. My God, it had been a while since I’d seen them, and they were looking good.

I tried to articulate my thoughts, but the emotions that were rushing around in my body had me all turned around. Why exactly had I asked him to stop? Did I even know?

“What about Taylor?” I asked abruptly, and watched Lucas’s eyes narrow as though he were trying to place her name.”

“Don’t act like you don’t know who she is,” I said with irritation. “Redhead, perfect body, big red lips planted on your cheek whenever she gets the chance.”

“Right, Taylor,” Lucas said, looking amused. “Sounds like you don’t like Taylor’s lips touching me, Hero.”

My temper flaring, I grabbed his arms and wrestled him back until he was pressed against the headboard. “Stop. Calling. Me. Hero,” I said though gritted teeth. He held up his hands in a gesture of innocence. “I promise,” he said seriously. “I will never call you Hero again…unless I want you to press your whole body up against me like that. ‘Cause that was kind of great.”

“Ugh!” I pummeled his arms with my fists and he fended me off until we were both lying on our backs, spent.

“So what’s all this about Taylor?” Lucas said.

“Well, you two are obviously—”

“Obviously?” Lucas said with interest, rising up on his side again.

I sighed, looking up at the ceiling. “I know you said you’re not like that anymore, but I also know your reputation, Lucas,” I said. “You’ve got Taylor and Monica and Jenny and God knows how many other girls waiting in line.”

Lucas made a strange sound and my eyes snapped to his face. Was he actually laughing at me? I stared at him, as he struggled to get himself under control.

“First of all,” he began, his face still red with laughter, “I don’t
have
Jenny. She’s an old family friend. We grew up together, but there’s absolutely nothing going on there. I’m just really fond of the kid.”

“She’s not a kid, she’s the same age as me,” I said, frowning at him.

“Jenny will always be a kid to me,” Lucas said, pressing his finger into the frown line between my eyebrows, trying to smooth it away. “I will never have feelings like that for her, trust me.”

I wanted to bring up the moment I’d seen on the bench, but I didn’t want to invade his privacy or embarrass him. I was willing to concede that maybe I’d misconstrued what I’d seen, though I still didn’t see how. Did Lucas really go around caressing the cheeks of his childhood friends? Then I remembered that she’d been yelling at him that night and for the first time it occurred to me to wonder what she’d been yelling about.

“Monica is in the past, and I mean the distant past,” Lucas went on, “and Taylor…Taylor is the type of girl who’s used to getting what she wants. That’s all I can really say about her.”

“And what she wants is you,” I said, realizing after the words were out of my mouth how pouty they sounded.

“Just because she wants me doesn’t mean she gets me,” Lucas said gently. “I have to want her, too, don’t I?”

“I saw the two of you out together last weekend.”

“Keeping tabs on me, are you?” Lucas said, raising his eyebrows.

I narrowed my eyes at him. “By coincidence we happened to be in the same restaurant Sunday night. And don’t dodge the question.”

“My roommates dragged me out for dinner and Taylor and her friends joined us,” he said. “I admit she was coming on pretty strong that night. She’s not used to hearing the word no, like I said. But I didn’t encourage her and I didn’t go home with her. I didn’t want to.”

“Didn’t you?” I challenged. Taylor was every guy’s fantasy—gorgeous, experienced, and a little naughty. She was everything I knew I could
never
be.

Lucas groaned loudly and then his body was on the move. He braced his body over mine, putting his weight on his forearms, both his hands cupping my face.

Oh, wow.

“What do I have to do to convince you how crazy I am about you, Katie?” he said. His eyes were drawn to my lips and I thought for sure he was going to kiss me, but he held back. I suppressed a whine of disapproval.

My God, he was so beautiful. Looking at him just never got old. A few locks of his hair hung down over his forehead and I pushed them back with my fingers. He hadn’t shaved in a few days and there was a little bit of scruff across his cheeks, which only made him look deliciously disheveled, as if he’d just rolled out of bed, still warm from sleep, and naked, of course—because when I imagined Lucas in bed, and this wasn’t the first time, he was always naked. The very idea made me flush. And he wanted to know why I couldn’t believe he was interested in
me
?

He was still looking at me expectantly, waiting for an answer. “I’m just going to stay here until you’re convinced,” he said, settling in with a smile. Was this supposed to get me talking? If it were up to me, he could stay here all day.

“It’s just…” I picked at the sleeve of his shirt, avoiding his eyes. “These last couple of weeks you’ve been acting like… When we ran into each other in the art studio, you looked at me like… I thought you were sick of me.”

“You rejected me, Katie, in case you forgot,” Lucas reminded me. “What was making me sick was running into you all the time, seeing you in class and knowing I could never have you. Though, I’m beginning to think that’s not exactly true…”

“It’s not true,” I said quickly, a little too quickly.

Real smooth, Archer.

Liking this answer, Lucas eased himself higher until his face was level with mine, but I couldn’t let myself be distracted. I clamped my eyes shut and said, “But why would you want to be with me when you could have any girl you wanted?” I cringed inwardly. This was so humiliating. “You need to make it make sense. Because it doesn’t make sense to me.”

Lucas paused before answering. I sensed that something I’d said was bothering him, but he didn’t want to say what.

“I want to be with you instead of all the other girls because you’re not like all the other girls,” he said.

Thanks. Way to be vague.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “I’m way less outgoing, way less adventurous, way less—”

“If you say beautiful, we’re going to have words, Archer,” Lucas warned.

“Fine,” I said uncomfortably, squirming a little under his body. “So what do you mean, then? How am I different?”

He thought about this for a minute, letting his eyes roam over me. “You don’t expect anything of me,” he answered finally. “And you don’t play games. You’re just you, and when I’m with you, I guess I feel like I can just be me.”

It was a nice thing to say, and flattering, but something still clenched inside me at his words. He thought I was just being myself when I was with him, that I wasn’t playing any games, wearing any masks. But my whole life was a mask. The girl he thought he knew wasn’t me at all. I was glad the Lucas I knew was the real him, that he felt he could be himself with me, but what would he do when he saw the real Katie Archer? Would he still call her Hero? Would he still want to kiss her?

And even if he did, who would he become with her?

What would happen to the grinning, playful Lucas? What would I make him into?

Lowering my eyes, I rolled out from under him and lay on my side with my back to him. Gradually I felt him cuddle up behind me, curling his arm around me so my back was pressed into his front.

“Don’t push me away, Katie,” he whispered. “I want to be with you, only you. I haven’t been with any other girls since last semester.”

“Really?” I said, surprised by how desperately I wanted to believe him. He found my hand and laced my fingers with his.

“When exactly do you think I’ve had the time to chase after other girls? All I do is go to class and work and hang out with you!”

“I don’t know, in class? At work?”

“I’m not as good at multi-tasking as you might think,” he said, and I snickered.

Hugging me closer to him, he pressed his face into my hair and breathed deeply, just as I breathed him in whenever I saw him. It felt strange to be on the other end of it, like we’d suddenly switched lives. I wondered what life as Lucas Matthews would be like. As I thought about certain body parts that I’d definitely like to get a better look at, I was glad my back was turned, because I was suddenly blushing furiously.

“I want to take you out on a date,” Lucas announced, and I half-spun around, a protest ready on my lips. He pressed a finger against them before I could speak. “If I don’t take you out properly, how will you ever believe that I’m serious about you?”

“I believe you, Lucas,” I said lamely. “I’m just not sure…”

I’m not sure I won’t break you into pieces. I’m not sure I deserve you. I’m not sure I won’t ruin your life forever.

“Katie,” Lucas said, pulling at my arm until I turned to face him again, “there’s nothing you could ever tell me that would make me stop wanting you.”

My eyes rose to his as he said this. How did he know that was what I’d been thinking? And how could I tell him that it wasn’t only that I was afraid he would stop wanting me? I was afraid that eventually, when I was done with him, I wouldn’t want him, either.

“What if you’re wrong?” I said sadly.

“I’m not,” he replied simply. “Want me to show you how I know?”

He pushed his face forward, letting his lips come dangerously close to mine. He hadn’t kissed me yet tonight and my body had clearly been yearning for it, because it was as though he’d flipped a switch. Every nerve ending in me flared to life as I felt his bottom lip pressing against mine and I leaned forward to meet him. Then there was a loud knocking on the door and we both froze in place.

“Oh no, it’s Mom!” Lucas whispered. I let out a combination of a laugh and a groan as inwardly I cursed Mariella’s punctuality. Lucas gave me a quick and thoroughly unsatisfying peck on the lips before he launched himself off the bed and helped me up, too.

Looking back at the wrinkled sheets on the mattress, I realized we’d been lying right next to the pile of junk from my purse. Lucas reached forward and pulled his envelope out of the pile. “Didn’t you open this yet?” he asked.

“I didn’t have the chance,” I admitted, my curiosity piqued now. I tried to grab it out of his hands, but he held it out of my reach.

Mariella knocked on the door again.

“Better not keep Mom waiting,” Lucas warned, and we both went down the hall to answer the door.

Mariella was all smiles and thanks as we gathered Ethan’s toys and she carried him back to her apartment. Before she closed her door she gave me a big-eyed look that told me I’d better spill tomorrow, and I shrugged my shoulders at her like I had no idea what she meant.

When I came back to my own apartment, Lucas was clearing the dirty dishes off the coffee table, which was basically the hottest thing I’d ever seen a man do with dishes.

Then he walked over to the door and my heart gave a dispirited
thud
as I realized he was leaving.

“Why didn’t you wear a jacket?” I asked. “It’s freezing out.”

Lucas shrugged. “I guess I forgot it,” he said. “The minute I heard your voice I ran out the door.” He patted his jeans pockets. “I don’t even have my wallet on me.”

I tried not to show how much his words warmed my heart.

“So tomorrow,” he said.

“Tomorrow?” I replied.

“Date night,” he explained. “Say you’ll go with me and I’ll let you have this.” He held up the envelope.

“You already gave it to me; now you’re using it as blackmail?” I protested.

“Wow, I’ve never heard a girl call a date with me blackmail before,” Lucas mused as I tried in vain to snatch at the envelope.

Finally I gave up. “All right, Lucas,” I said. “I will go out with you, just once.”

“Just once with a chance of more?” he asked, lowering the envelope.

“A very small chance,” I said wickedly, grabbing it out of his hands. “And no guarantees!”

Lucas smiled the big smile all guys reserve for the moment when they know they’ve won. He leaned in and whispered in my ear, “You know how I love a challenge, Hero.”

Then he kissed me, pressing me backwards until I was against the door, his tongue probing my mouth with delicious intensity. He kissed me until I felt thoroughly kissed, until I felt breathless. He kissed the breath right out of me.