Putting Boys on the Ledge (18 page)

"Want to just hang here, against the wall, for a few minutes while you decide?" he suggested.

I nodded. "Fine."

He gave me a slight nod, then dropped my hands and moved to the wall beside me, leaning against it, his arm pressing against my shoulder. Like he was being supportive.

We stood like that for a while. I watched the people, thought about Theo still leaning against me, not saying anything jerky or anything. Just hanging.

No one came up and bothered us. No one pointed at me like I stood out as being the only fourteen-year-old in the place.

"How are you feeling?" Theo asked.

"Okay."

"Want to dance?"

I looked at the dance floor. It was a slow song. "No."

"Why not?" He moved to stand in front of me again, but he didn't take my hands or anything. "I won't try anything."

"I just don't want to," I muttered, but my heart was racing, and I was having trouble breathing.

"You ever slow danced with a guy before?"

I lifted my chin. "None of your business."

He shrugged, but there was that challenge thing blazing in his eyes again. "One dance."

"Why?"

"Education."

I almost laughed. "What kind of a line is that? You use that on all your dates?" Not that we were on a date, or anything.

"The Homework Club." He didn't address the date remark.

I narrowed my eyes. He had my attention now. "What about it?"

"You can't run it the way you want to."

I lifted my chin. "Yes, I can."

"I brought you here so you can see what it's like to have fun. So you can see why your approach is too hardcore. My friends know how much fun a coed environment can really be. You need to play on that, instead of denying it."

"Since when did you become a philosopher?"

"Since you threatened to get me kicked off the lacrosse team. No way am I going to let that happen. And if the only way I'm going to get to play lacrosse is to get this club of yours to work, then that's what I'm going to do."

"Oh." That's all tonight was about. His desire to keep playing lacrosse. Which was fine. The only reason I was here was for The Homework Club. So why did I feel so disappointed? I didn't even like him, remember?

"So..." He took my left hand. "In order for you to understand what changes need to be made to The Homework Club, you have to see how the other side lives." He winked. "The side that likes to actually enjoy life."

I eyed him. "Sounds like another line to me."

He snorted. "I wouldn't waste a line on you."

"What does that mean?" That I wasn't worth it? That he had so little interest in me that he wouldn't want to risk me to succumbing to his charms?

He grinned. "Because you'd probably kick me in the nuts if I tried a cheap line on you."

I burst out laughing at his response, and suddenly my tension went away. This was the Theo I knew. He would never hurt me. I might be a pain in his side, but I was his little sister's best friend, and that made me safe. "Probably," I teased. "You're a womanizing jerk."

"See? I knew you'd give me grief." He grabbed my other hand and started walking backward, pulling me with him. "One dance. For research's sake."

One dance. For The Homework Club. I took a deep breath. "Fine."

A nice smile lit up his face, and he dropped one hand and turned to lead me out on the dance floor.

Where his arms would soon be around me.

It's Allie's turn now!

Tad and I went for a midnight swim to cool off my bee stings again. We swam out pretty far, and then Tad stopped and treaded water. "Can you float on your back?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Do it, and look at the sky."

I glanced up and realized the black sky was dotted with more stars than I'd ever seen in my entire life. I immediately rolled onto my back and puffed up my chest so I didn't sink. The dark night stretched endlessly above my head, a blackness illuminated with glittering diamonds as far as I could see. Millions and millions of dots of light. It was incredible, daunting, and the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen in my life. I felt tiny, but at the same time, I felt drawn into the magnificence of the sky, as if it were a part of me, and I was a part of it. "It's incredible," I whispered.

"I know. I could stay out for hours," Tad said, floating so close that his shoulder brushed into mine. "Did you see that?" Tad asked.

"See what?" I was too busy thinking about the tingling in my arm from touching Tad to be paying attention to anything else.

He pointed off to the right, his hand coming across my field of vision. "The shooting star. Off toward shore."

"No, darn it. I've never seen one." I turned so I could study the sky over the land. "What am I looking for?"

"A streak of light." Tad bumped against my leg. "Sorry."

"No problem." Really. It was no problem. I was beginning to be fond of him touching me, though it had only been to tackle me into the water in a bee rescue and to hold ice on my arm. I wondered what it would be like if he held my hand, just to hold it.

I saw a streak of light and shrieked. "Was that one?"

"Yeah. Cool, huh?"

"Incredible." The most incredible thing I'd ever seen. It was like the universe was lighting up just for us.

We stayed floating forever, and I saw eight shooting stars. It was, quite possibly, the most amazing night I had ever had.

* * *

"One shooting star for each bee sting," Tad said later as we were slogging through the water back to shore.

"Don't remind me." I hugged my arms against the shivers that had finally set in. We'd floated for so long that the night had cooled off and the water had felt cold.

"Want to sit for a minute?" He nodded at a flat rock on the shore.

My stomach jiggled, and suddenly I wasn't cold anymore. "Definitely."

He spread out his towel and we sat next to each other. Not touching. Normally, I'd have no qualms about leaning against him and giving him some broad hints, but I didn't. I had no idea what he was thinking about me. Or why I was having guy/girl thoughts about him.

So we simply sat in silence for a while, listening to the water lapping at the shore.

"Can I ask you something, Allie?" he said.

"Of course." I crossed my fingers behind my back and hoped it was something good.

"What happened with Rand last night?"

Rand? Wow. It felt like an eternity had passed since then. I picked up a stick and began picking the bark off it. "We had a difference of opinion."

"I'd like to hear about it."

He didn't demand. He didn't judge. He simply asked nicely, and that was one of things I liked about him. He respected me, and he showed it. I angled my head so I could look at him, but he was staring across the lake. His face was lit by the moon, so his skin was a bluish, grayish, glowing color. "Why do you want to know?"

"Because."

Because he liked me and wanted to know whether Rand was out of the picture? I could only hope. On the chance my wish might come true, it was worth it to tell Tad what had happened. "He wanted to kiss me, and I didn't want to."

His neck tensed, but he still didn't look at me. "Why not?"

"Um ..." I chewed my lower lip while I tried to figure out how to explain something I wasn't sure I even understood.

"I thought you liked him." Tad still didn't look at me.

"I did. Or I thought I did." I'd been wrong.

"What changed?" He stole a sideways glance at me, then focused on the horizon again.

I rubbed my chin. "I'm not sure. I guess... well... I'm tired of people ditching me."

"What makes you think he would have ditched you?"

I rolled my eyes. "Give me a break. I'm the queen of short relationships. I look for that kind of guy, and Rand is the perfect specimen. No attention span, which is exactly what I wanted."

Tad finally gave up the pretense of not listening and turned to look at me. "So, if he's perfect, why'd you dunk him? Playing hard to get?"

"No." I pursed my lips. "I'm just sick of being ditched. I don't want to play that game anymore." There. I'd said it. I'd put the truth out there. And you know what? It wasn't so hard, and it didn't feel so scary.

We were quiet for a moment, letting my confession linger in the night.

"Who ditched you?" Tad finally asked.

I hugged my knees to my chest. "My dad."

He made a noise of sympathy. "What happened? Divorce?"

"Well, yeah, but that's not the problem. He took off for California, and I haven't spent very much time with him in six years. I was supposed to go out and stay with him for the summer and get to know the woman he's going to marry, but then he called the night before I was supposed to leave and disinvited me." I bit my lip. Jerk.

Tad sighed. "That sucks."

I couldn't help but laugh at his emphatic tone. "I know." Then I sobered. "Most people think it's cool that I have no parental supervision. My friends tell me all the time how lucky I am that my mom is never home and no one cares if I stay out all night."

"It has its advantages," Tad said. "But it sucks to be ditched by your parents." He paused, then gently elbowed me. "You want parental supervision? Then come hang at my house." He grinned. "My family loves you."

Warmth settled in my belly. "Really?" I mean, that made me feel great that his family loved me, because they were amazing… but what about him? How did he feel about me?

"Yep. You heard them. My mom already has you on her list of potential superstars that she has to mold into greatness.”

Greatness? There was the possibility of greatness in my future? I remembered how excited Tad's mom had been about my voice, and how awesome that had felt. "Maybe I will come over to your place."

He nodded… and then I wasn't sure what to say next. It was just him, just me, sitting side by side on a towel in our bathing suits. Moonlight on the lake, a warm breeze, wet hair. It was completely romantic, and I suddenly wanted him to kiss me. Not some older guy. Not some college kid. I wanted Tad, so much it actually kind of hurt. So... what now?

Tad cleared his throat. "Ready to head up to camp?"

Oh… disappointment surged through me. I'd been thinking about kissing him, and he'd been thinking that it was time to go back? "Sure." I tried not to sound bummed.

Tad hopped down and took my hand to help me jump off, but then he let go once I was on the ground. He walked me to my tent, then sort of stood there for a minute. "So, um, tomorrow we head back."

Yeah… to the farm. "Back to real life."

He nodded. "Back to carrots and tomatoes."

My stomach turned to sludge at the thought. What if he returned to the old Tad? "Tad?"

He was watching me closely. "What?"

"Are you going to be mean again on Monday?"

He lifted a brow. "What are you talking about?"

"Well, you were pretty impatient with me when we were at work. Nothing like how you've been up here." Gah. How pathetic did I sound? I was a major loser. As if whether Tad was nice or not could affect me. But it did. I wanted him to keep being like this.

His hand went toward my arm, but he dropped it before he actually touched me. "I thought you were different from how you really are. I misjudged you."

I relaxed a little bit. That wasn't exactly an apology, but it was close. "You did?"

He nodded. "We'll be cool."

Cool? What did that mean? Why didn't he just grab me and kiss me and tell me he was so glad I wasn't interested in Rand because he couldn't live without me?

He touched my shoulder. "See you in the morning.

"In the morning." Yeah, that was so romantic.

Then he turned away and walked off to his tent. Gave me a little wave, then disappeared through the flaps.

Never had I wanted a boy to kiss me more, and never had I felt more at a loss for how to let him know. Or maybe he did know, and he didn't care. Or maybe he did know and the thought repulsed him. Was there any chance that he did want to kiss me and didn't have the courage?

For the first time in my life, I needed my friends' advice on boys. Badly.

It's Natalie's turn now!

I leaned over and rested my chin on Matt's shoulder, trying to support him. He might be only my fake boyfriend, but I wasn't about to leave him dangling in front of my friends. They thought we were really going out, and I had to treat Matt the way he'd deserve to be treated if he was really my boyfriend. Matt was already uncomfortable with the fake boyfriend thing, and I'd made it worse by making him come out with my friends.

Matt glanced at me, which meant his face was about a quarter of an inch from mine, seeing as how I was still using his shoulder for a pillow. I'd meant it as an expression of solidarity, but now I was sort of enjoying it. It felt good. I don't know why, but it did. So I smiled at him.