Queen Of My Nightmare (Uncharted Secrets, Book 2): Endless Horizon Pirate Stories (13 page)

The years breezed by without the help of the servants I couldn’t seem to keep, and chasing Sterling around as I did I was never able to regain the weight on my body that Mason missed so dearly. Though I never learned to cook, I kept the house clean and was sure to keep myself presentable on the outside. But inside I was a mess. My plan to keep Mason satisfied in the bedroom resulted in two more pregnancies that both failed before my belly grew large, and with my one surviving child calling on me day and night, my thoughts of fleeing this island had left me completely. No one had found us out yet, and if we left, they might.

Mason offered to take us to England more than once, but after all my body and mind had been through the last few years, my fears of the world had only intensified. Anything could happen out there. Rape, murder, kidnapping. No. I couldn’t bear the terrors of the world with this precious young child to care for. Here, we were safe. And here we would stay.

Every morning Mason awoke me with a goodbye kiss on my cheek. Though I usually stayed awake afterwards, the sound of rain lightly pattering on the roof seemed to sing me back to sleep. My rest had been so sparse that dreamland was no longer mine to explore, but on this misty morning, I dreamt of being back at sea. I saw the swells of the ocean, I felt the wind that was filling the sails, and I clearly remembered what it was like to be strong and proud. The time was brief, but it was wonderful being free, and memories of the power I once possessed would never escape me.

“Mother. Mother. Wake up.” A small hand shook my arm.

I opened my eyes to see the walls of my room, and the sound of thunder roaring in the distance assured me as to why Sterling’s cute little face was so close to mine. Thunder scared the hell out of him.

“Come here, my love.” I welcomed him into my bed. Holding him close, I tickled his nose with my favorite quill and hummed to him until he fell back to sleep. Stroking his light brown hair, I giggled. He wanted to grow it long like Mason’s and it was already a thick, wild mess with streaks of blond coloring the ends. While he breathed on my chest, I eyed his handsome little face. He mostly looked like Mason. Green eyes, bold nose, and golden skin, but he smiled just like me. It was a beautiful thing seeing the both of us in this little person that we made, but every time I admired his features or his colorful personality, I worried about his future.

Though our house was adorable and the view was serene, being stuck here on the bluff was no life for him. There were a few times when Mason took him to the harbor against my wishes, and a couple of times he played with the two children who lived along the road to town—only because he begged me—but for the most part, I kept him well sheltered. As far as I was concerned, this cute little house and all the living, breathing creatures dwelling within its walls were all we’d ever see of the world. And it was all my fault. He would forever suffer because I was his mother. The guilt this put on my heart was so immense that I felt as if I carried a weighted chain around every day.

With his little heart beating against my chest, I wondered what his life would be like without me in it. Though I told myself it was terrible to think such things, the answer was always the same. His life would be better.

X

Mason returned from work around the usual time this evening, but when Sterling greeted him at the door, I was stunned to see that Mason had a lady with him. She was a pretty young brunette who couldn’t have been more than fifteen. As Mason knelt down to hug his son, I pointed at her while barking at him like an angry dog, “Who the hell is this?”

His eyes widened with agitated shock. Holding Sterling in his arms, he stood up. “This is Marla, she’s going to be helping you around the house.”

“I don’t need any help. Especially not from her.” I crossed my arms over my chest.

He rolled his eyes and set Sterling down. “Go get your quill and your parchment ready to take on our walk, all right? I’ll come get you when I’m ready.”

Sterling ran off to his room, and though Marla was twiddling her fingers, looking embarrassed as could be, I had no interest in making her feel welcome. Fanning my hand at her, I rudely ordered, “You. Go on and wait outside. We have some things to discuss without you around.”

She quickly stepped outside.

With his face in his hands, Mason rumbled, “You can’t treat people like that, Hannah. What’s the matter with you?”

“Me?” I shrieked. “What the hell’s the matter with you bringing that saucy little thing home to help me out? I can only imagine the things you’d like her to
help
with.”

With his teeth clenched he hissed, “Belay that nonsense.”

“Nonsense? Look! She’s everything you wish I was. Plump in the hips and full in the breasts.”

“I’m not even going to go on about how I only love you, because you already know that, but I will tell you that I’m not looking at her in any way you need to worry about. She’s a damn kid, Hannah.”

“I was but a kid when you first got me in your bed.” I pointed my nose in the air.

“And so was I!” he shouted. “Now, I’m a grown, tired, old man, trying to help my wife, to no avail. Again. I just thought if I got someone younger maybe you could make friends. I know you’re never going to leave this damned house, though I wish you would. I’m not going to force you to, so I think it would be good for you to have some kind of social life. I hate seeing you all sad and tired.”

“I am not sad and tired,” I lied.

“You aren’t fooling me, woman. I watched my sister Lace fall apart the same way.” He put his hands on my cheeks and forced me to look at him. “I am not going to let you give up like she did, Hannah. I know you’ve been through a lot, and I understand your losses better than anyone because they were my losses, too, but we have Sterling and we have each other, and I just want you to be all right with us.

If you don’t want the damned help, I’ll take her back, but I think you should give it a chance.”

Calmed by his heartfelt consideration and moved by his heartbroken memory of his sister, I instantly felt like an arse for being so rude. “All right. She can stay. Though I can’t promise that I will make friends with her, I can promise that I will murder her if I ever catch you two alone.”

He laughed. “Fair enough, my little Viking. Now, I’m going to go on my walk with Sterling. He’s been making a map of the shore as we walk it. He’s getting good with his letters as he traces my writing, and his maps will rival yours afore long.” He winked at me.

After gathering Sterling and his supplies, he then reintroduced Marla and me before he went on his way.

The moment the door shut behind them, I looked at Marla and nodded my head towards the kitchen. “I suppose you can start by making dinner. I am terrible at cooking.”

While she got to work, I stepped out on the porch.

With the pink and orange colors of sunset painting the evening sky, I watched Sterling and Mason walk the dirt road together. Sterling was showing Mason the little map he had been making. Even from this distance, I could tell that Mason was entirely intrigued by the things Sterling was telling him. Yes, I fed our son and bathed him and held him when he cried, but our time together was never like his with Mason. I was more like his servant, but Mason was his friend.

Sterling loved his father like I loved my father. Tears filled my eyes as I remembered what it was like walking the shores of this island with him. Those were the best days of my life. Then, I knew no pain and my heart had never been broken. The world was still a wonderful place and there was nothing to fear. Sterling was living that life right now, with his father.

As I watched their silhouettes stroll the beach below, I was so thankful that Sterling had Mason to show him how wonderful life could be, because I would never be able to.

Chapter 13

The One Left Uncharted

M
arl
a
wasn’t half bad to have around. She cooked, she cleaned, and she took care of Sterling whenever I wasn’t feeling well. Which was often. Though I refused to make friends with her, I considered the effort it took to be civil to be my socialization for the day. When Mason would come home, she would retire to her little room in the back, so I hadn’t yet had to murder her either.

The best part of having her around was the fact that she would stay with Sterling when I started going on walks like Mason suggested. With my hair tied up in a colorful cloth and my daggers neatly stashed, I started out by strolling the dirt path outside our house, but eventually built up the courage to venture to the beach. The sound of the ocean drowned out my nattering thoughts, and the mindless activity soothed my weary soul. This time alone helped to rebuild the sanity I was losing.

One day, I strolled a bit too far. Though I knew it would be troublesome to do so, I came upon that tree. The big canopy tree that I had spent my first day with Thomas under. The memories flooded my mind, nearly knocking me over in the current. Weak in the knees, I let myself fall. Running my hands through the damp sand, I wondered how the earth could stay so still. This spot looked just like it did that day. Roots firmly grounded, green leaves growing strong, and the ocean tide lapping at the shore in a timeless manner. Everything appeared just as it did that very day, but so much had changed in me. That girl who sat here with Thomas lived no longer. I knew not who I was now, but I was certain that I was not her.

Though I left that mythical spot with a heavy heart, I continued to return there day after day, almost enjoying the emotional torment.

X

“Keep your hat on, mate.” Mason put Sterling’s hat on his little head. I had been telling him to keep it on all along the walk, but as usual, he kept defying my orders.

“I don’t like it,” Sterling huffed in the same bratty tone he often used with me.

Mason knelt down and looked in his eyes. “I didn’t ask if you liked it. I’m telling you as a command that you’ll be wearing it. And I promise you’ll like it much better than you’d like getting all burnt up in the sun. Plus, if you keep defying your mother’s orders, I’ll have to pop you in that sour mouth and you’ll like that least of all.”

The little boy who talked back to me all day simply nodded at his father.

“How about a salute for your captain?” Mason smiled.

Sterling offered a cute little salute, and then happily ran up ahead of us, without again removing his hat.

“You make parenting look easy,” I told Mason, wrapping my arm around his. With no shirt on to shield him from the rays, his golden skin was extra warm in the sunlight.

From under the shade of his cavalier hat, he winked at me. “Running the buccaneers how I did reminds me of what I have to do to keep that boy in line. I want him to grow up to be a good man, and that takes discipline.”

“It’s gotten easier for me since you brought Marla home. Thank you for the helper.”

“Thank you for accepting the help. You look healthier since she came along.”

He had no idea that I had been worrying myself ill all week visiting that stupid tree, but not wanting to trouble him, I simply teased, “It is because she cooks edible food.”

“You’re good at a lot of things, Hannah, but cooking isn’t one of them.” He bit at my neck. “But now there is more of you for me to eat.”

I laughed, too. While he grabbed my arse that had regained some size since I’d been eating more, I said, “But you, you are good at everything you do.”

“Ah, but I can’t draw. And I can’t navigate for shit,” he mumbled as he kissed my cheek.

“You make up for the lack with what you are doing now.” I hugged him back, but our sensual moment was interrupted when Sterling pulled on my skirts. “I want to go in the ocean, Mother.”

“No, son, it’s dangerous,” I answered, but Mason picked him up.

“Ah, he needs to learn to swim, eventually.” While holding the little white boy in his big, suntanned arms, Mason removed Sterling’s hat and shirt and handed everything to me.

Watching him carry Sterling out into the aqua water against my wishes, I heard him say, “Knowing how to flap your fins will keep you out of The Locker.”

So, like a flower in the garden, I stood planted at the root and watched them playing in the water. Their relationship was like a story I was reading or a performance I was watching from the audience. Here, on the outside looking in, I smiled at them. They would be all right no matter where I was or how I felt.

X

When Mason left me with his goodbye kiss, I thought that I would stay in bed and relive the memories of the night we shared. But another memory called. The tree.

Abandoning my morning routine with Sterling, I left him with Marla so I could go on my way. I grabbed two oranges off the tree Mason had planted for me as I passed through the yard, and eyed the horizon with a hopeful heart.

Peeling my first orange, I strolled the shoreline and enjoyed the beauty of the day. The clouds were puffy and the sun shone bright between them as they moved along, lighting the white sand with a majestic glow. Everything was so serene along the shore, and the sound of the ocean soothed my weary heart, bonding me closer to my solitude.

Walking slowly and methodically, I thought about when I used to navigate the seas. The world seemed so much bigger then, because I was seeing it, yet so much smaller because I had some control over it. From where I stood, I knew the gigantic world was carrying on outside my tiny parameters, but I had no control over any of it. Now, I just watched it roll by like a prisoner in my own mind.

Finally reaching the canopy of the tree, I inhaled the scent of wet earth. Losing myself in the breeze which lifted my skirts and blew my braids about, I twirled around like I’d done on my first visit here. Without a thought in my mind or a feeling in my heart, I enjoyed the mystic solitude. Here, no one needed me. No one expected a thing from me, and I could do as I pleased without a care in the world.

I heard someone call my name.

Instantly snapping out of my fantasy, I brandished my dagger, ready to stab someone to death. Turning towards the voice with my weapon drawn, my heart seemed to stop beating completely. In shock, I dropped the knife, and my useless heart hit the bottom of my gut like an anchor punching the bottom of the sea.

It was Thomas.

Had I lost my mind entirely? I knew I was losing it, but seeing a ghost in broad daylight was just too much.

“Hannah,” he cried as he walked closer.

Frozen stiff with fear, I could not bring myself to respond. He was dressed as fine as ever, and he wore a hat similar to the one he’d worn on the day we met, but he had grown. He was taller and his face was manlier. There wasn’t a lick of boy left in his presence.
Did ghosts age?
I wondered. I had never thought of that. And mustaches and goatees, did ghosts grow those? He didn’t have facial hair when he was murdered before my eyes.

“It’s me, Thomas.” He came so close I finally gathered the nerve to move. Leaping away from him, I snapped, “Get away from me, ghost.”

He chuckled. “I am not a ghost. I am alive, just like you. Oh, Hannah, I came to this tree to remember that beautiful day we spent here.” He held his hat over his heart, showing me his well-groomed, short brown hair. “I never wanted to believe that you were dead, but I was beginning to think I would never see you again. Now, here you are, and you are as lovely as ever.”

Too stunned by this strange encounter, I couldn’t speak or think.

“I’ve been searching the seas for you, Hannah. I have sailed from port to port, calling out your name, asking every mother’s son if they had seen you, but no one knew a thing. No one had heard of Hannah Remington or Hannah Wilshire. Not a soul could recall your ocean blue eyes, and not one single person had seen your beautiful blonde hair. Where have you been, my love, and how did you end up back here?”

The years that had passed flashed through my mind. First, I remembered my days with Lucifer and his wretched band of demons. Next, I saw myself hiding in the cabin of
Sunrise
, where Mason kept me stowed away tight. Even Shark was not allowed to stay and talk with me. Then, at La Vie en Rose, Mason never told Adaline my full name. At the West Wind Inn, the only person I saw besides him was Pauline, and she simply called me Madam. Then I recalled all those months as Midnight, hiding my name, my hair, and my gender. Now here we were on this cursed island where Mason Bentley had forced me against my will…

He had been keeping me prisoner all along! Feeling faint, I dropped to my knees then sat in the sand, staring at it, trying not to vomit. It couldn’t be. No. No. It couldn’t be true. Mason loved me. He did. He was the only person who loved me…Maybe that was the way he wanted it. Perhaps this was his plan all along. To keep me locked up in his bird cage where he could put all of his pirate babies in me…Babies…My babies…Between the ones I had lost and the one who lived, it was Sterling’s spirit which haunted me the most.

With a powerful memory of his beautiful green eyes staring deep into mine, I lost my grip on reality. Spiraling off into a lucid daydream where I was surrounded by his laughter, taunted by his cries, overjoyed by his sweet little kisses, and suffocated by the way he tugged on my dress when he needed me, it all became too much to bear. Heaving over in the sand, I threw up.

What a way to make up for lost time with my ghost of a husband. Wiping my mouth, I answered his question with a gurgling heave, “I have been a prisoner.”

“Oh, you poor dear.” He sat beside me.

Without a thought for his concerns over my well-being, I began peeling my other orange. The citrus flavor would remove the taste of bile from my mouth. But then I thought of the orange tree Mason planted for me. It was small, like Sterling. They were growing together. In my cute little prison cell. So it seemed the tasty treat that had always made me so happy would now also make me sad.

“Have you been imprisoned all this time?” Thomas asked, his voice reminding me that I was not alone. Looking towards the sound and taking in the sight of my long lost husband, I jumped like a crazy lady.

“It’s all right, my love.” He reached for my cheek. I let him touch it. His hand was soft and warm. He was real.

“I am fine.” I shook my head. “A buccaneer rescued me from my original captors, and though he has treated me well, I belong to him, now.”

“Belong to him?” Thomas squinted.

“For now.” I shook my head as if it was of no consequence. “Tell me, Thomas, why have you come back? When did you get here?”

“I have been here for a week. Not finding you anywhere else, I finally came home to ask my family if they had heard of your whereabouts.”

I began to panic. “They cannot know I am here. They will kill me. They will burn me alive like the witch they think I am.”

“Don’t worry, they have no idea you are here, and I will never tell them. But I did hear that stupid witch story. I am so sorry they said those terrible things about you, my love.” Lowering his head, he shook it in shame. “This is all my fault.”

“Oh, it is not your fault. But I understand how you feel. I have been blaming myself for your death all along. I thought you were dead.” Remembering the painful memories I had been suffering from, I reached for his face. “Are you sure you are not dead? I saw them stab you.”

He looked at me like I had lost my mind. “I am certainly not dead. They did stab me, and I think they thought I had died so they left, but I woke up alive. Yet, when I found that you were gone, I wished they had killed me.”

“This is insane.” I slapped my forehead. “I have been slowly losing my mind all of these years, but I am sure this is the craziest thing yet.”

“It’s not crazy, it is real and now we can be together, my dear. This is wonderful.”

Together? Could we be? This was what I always wanted. In fact, I wanted it more than anything. He was my husband. My first love. My true love. And all this time he had been looking for me. All this time I thought I had no one in the world, but the one who meant the most to me had been seeking me out all along. But Mason hid me from him. Perhaps he even knew Thomas was here, now. So much anger rose in my gut towards the man who had been keeping me hidden on the bluff, that when Thomas kissed me on the mouth I didn’t even try to stop him.