Queermance Anthology, Volume 1 (12 page)

He knew it was transitory, just a "beach romance" for Sean. While he was at work, stuck inside
his cubicle and fencing demands from irate customers, Tully allowed himself to pretend he would have
someone to go home to for longer than that.

****

When Tully came home from work, Sean had dinner ready. It was the first meal they
ate in front of the TV before cuddling on the couch. When they headed into the bedroom, Tully saw
that Sean had even made the bed.

Lying in bed together, with Tully's head in the curve between Sean's shoulder and collarbone,
Sean said, 'I feel like I should tell you, I went into your other room today. The one with all the
posters on the walls.'

Tully tensed. 'Okay.' he said.

'I was wondering…' It was the first time Tully had heard Sean sound anything other than
completely sure of himself. 'What's the movie called
Jaws
about?'

Tully pushed himself up. 'You've never seen
Jaws
before?'

Sean shook his head.

Tully couldn't believe it. 'Well, we've got to fix that!' he said.

'Like we've got to fix that you haven't been outside of Victoria yet?' Sean asked curiously. He
was still lying back against the pillows looking deliciously kissable.

'Exactly,' Tully answered decisively. He bent to sneak another kiss from the man in his bed.
'Only easier to do.' Lifting himself out of the bed, Tully crossed his bedroom utterly naked. He
felt unabashed, even
proud
about the way he looked. When he glanced back at Sean, it was to
see Sean's gaze following every step he took. He wasn't bland, he realised. He was
sexy
.

Tully hid a little smirk at this less-than-humble realisation, and dug out a DVD from the case
next to the bedroom TV. Of course he had a copy of
Jaws
close to hand
.
He had a copy
of every movie pictured on his study walls.

Only later, when Jaws was attacking on screen for the first time, did he realise that Sean had
seen every part of his life in this house, and he hadn't had a problem with any of it.

It wasn't until the end of the second week that Tully started to wonder.

'How long do you usually stick around in a place?' It was Friday night again. Tully had called
home ahead of time to say that he would pick up takeaway, so Sean didn't have to cook. It was the
first time Tully really felt like this thing happening between them was permanent; that they were
falling into habits that wouldn't be so easy to break.

Perhaps Sean felt the same way, because a spark of amusement lit his eyes even as he quipped in
his low voice, 'Why? Getting sick of me already?'

'No.' Tully attempted to glare at the other man, but he knew his glare needed work when he was as
happy as this. 'No. You know that's not what it is.'

Sean set aside his bowl of noodles. 'I have no plans to go elsewhere,' he said.

It was as unequivocally stated as it could be and, for most of that weekend, Tully relaxed into
those words, and let himself believe.

But there was still the matter of Sean disappearing in the night. Tully didn't wake up most
nights in the beginning, but he started to, more and more often. The nights when he woke up and Sean
was gone were the worst. It was the dead of night, when no sound came from the small beach town
except for the soft sound of the ocean itself. In those nights, Tully's worries would rise up to
choke him. He couldn't calm himself, or remember everything that was good between him and Sean,
enough to go back to sleep before Sean returned each night.

Sean must have known this was the case, and yet it kept happening. Tully couldn't understand why
Sean didn't say something about it. In the end, Tully decided he would.

'Where do you go?'

'Hmm?'

'During the night. When you leave the bed. Where do you go?'

Sean couldn't have found another person he was seeing on the side, Tully told himself. What kind
of person would accept an affair that could only happen between the hours of midnight and three
a.m.?

An insidious voice within Tully told him that
he
might have been such a person before Sean
came along.

'I get insomnia,' Sean answered smoothly. 'I don't want to wake you by tossing and turning, so I
go for a walk along the beach. It sorts me out so I can sleep by the time I get back.'

As answers went, it seemed reasonable. Certainly, Tully had never seen anything to refute his
words.

Sean touched Tully's arm. 'I'm sorry I've been waking you anyway.'

'It's okay,' Tully said. He wanted this to be true more than it was. For a little while, he
managed to make himself accept it.

It was a bandaid fix, and Tully should have known himself better than that. Whatever it was Sean
was doing at night, Tully had to see it for himself. If Sean was just walking along the beach as he
said, maybe Tully could join him, since he was awake anyway.

During their fourth week together, Tully donned his tracksuit pants and discarded tee and set out
to follow Sean.

Shadows were his friend. It was two in the morning, and the air was crisp and fresh in his face
as he left the house. Sean was a dark figure ahead of him, and Tully quickened his pace to keep up
with him.

They ended up by the shoreline. Tully paused. It appeared Sean suffered from insomnia exactly as
he'd said. Suddenly, it didn't seem like the greatest idea to step out of his shadows and offer to
join Sean on his walk. How could Sean not see the jealousy and suspicion that had drawn Tully out
this night?

Tully huddled in his tee. The air was frigid and Tully wished he'd worn something warmer. He
thought longingly of the bed at home that might still hold some of their shared body heat before
Tully had left on this ridiculous escapade.

All of a sudden, he felt remarkably silly at the reality of stalking his partner. He almost
turned and soft-footed back to his house right then.

Sean stopped by a small group of rocks and crouched down. Tully didn't understand what he was
seeing, and the curiosity stayed his step a moment longer.

It became apparent only a minute after, when Sean stepped into something he'd picked up. It was
not seaweed or other refuse that the ocean had brought in. They might have been clothes, though
Tully couldn't think of any fabric so iridescent in texture. Tully blinked, rubbed his eyes and
looked out towards the ocean again as Sean crouched down and seemed to shrink into fabric he pulled
over himself.

No. It couldn't be.

But that was when Tully realised he had seen this once before.

****

Tully stumbled home as Sean disappeared far out to sea. He couldn't reconcile what
he'd seen. His… boyfriend - for what other term could he give at this point? - had
just transformed into a seal before his eyes.

Shock overtook his body the second he stepped inside the sanctuary of his home. His body shook
uncontrollably and, for want of anything else to do, he turned on his percolator and pulled his
familiar coffee mug down onto the bench.

He didn't think he was going to get any more sleep tonight.

After a cup and a half of coffee, Tully had calmed down enough to string his thoughts together
semi-cohesively.

Insomnia. That was what Sean had told him. Walking on the beach. Tully had been overreacting in
his fear that Sean might have a secret lover. In truth, this was both better and worse than
that.

How was someone supposed to reconcile that their boyfriend went into the ocean and turned into a
seal every night while you slept?

Tully stared into the remains of his second coffee and tried to think.

'
I've been travelling up and down the east coast.'

'
Ireland. Originally.'

This new knowledge cast a dark pall over everything Sean had ever told him. Tully ran through his
head all the conversations they'd had over the last month, searching for clues.

'
What's the movie called Jaws about?'

'
I like to keep my things in particular places too.'

Things Tully had taken as sweet in the moment took on a more sinister, hidden meaning. He could
understand why Sean had lied to him about this. That didn't excuse it. Now that he knew, he wasn't
sure he could… Tully wasn't sure what he was supposed to do at all.

An idea came to him, sudden and stark. It might have been a warning that it came from the midst
of such messy thoughts, or that it came when he should have been asleep.

Tully set his alarm for an hour earlier than usual, despite feeling sleep would be impossible
after this. He did, though, fitfully. His dreams were full of Sean and seals and sometimes
amalgamations of both, having conversations that he and Tully had previously had over the kitchen
counter, or in bed.

The last one stuck in his mind, making him jolt as the alarm went off, the clock reading 5.45
a.m.

Tully's hand landed hard on it to make it stop ringing.

Sean mumbled something without waking up. He was completely oblivious that his secret was
known.

Tully looked on him for a long moment. He was hardly able to believe that what he had seen last
night hadn't been some intricate dream. Sean's skin seemed so smooth, so
normal
. His dark
eyelashes fanned across the tops of his eyelids. A few strands of hair had fallen over his shoulder.
His hair was dry. Tully's mind spun. Did that mean Tully really
had
imagined everything?

Tully steeled himself to find out.

It was cold on the beach at this time of morning; colder than when he had followed Sean. The wind
was gusting in from the bay. Tully stuffed his hands deep in his pockets.

The landscape was almost completely different by the morning's dim light, but Tully had lived in
Ocean Grove long enough that it would have been embarrassing if he'd been unable to locate the same
landmark by day.

He hurried to the small group of rocks on the shore, glancing occasionally over his shoulder to
make sure no one saw him. A pair of joggers were out early. They were talking to each other, though.
Tully was sure neither of them noticed him.

Tully looked before him. Sure enough, there was the dark grey lump of skin, tucked carefully into
the base of the rocks where no one who wasn't searching for it would find it. He picked it up.
Although it appeared oily to the eye, the skin felt fine and warm to the touch. Soft, downy hair
tickled the palm of his hand.

Tully shoved the skin inside his jacket, paranoid still that someone might see him. A glance at
his watch told him that only if he went now, he would get to the bus stop in time to get to work.

While they rode to work - Tully and the seal skin - Tully wondered what had made him do
it; what had made him take the skin. He hadn't intended to do it until he was down there. Or had he?
Didn't he want to keep more of Sean to himself? Not have Sean leaving him for places unknown?

He would only keep the skin until he had come to terms with it, he told himself, rationalising
his actions. He'd only keep it until he knew what to do with the fact that his boyfriend could turn
himself into a seal by night. Maybe by day, too. Tully realised he hadn't even the faintest idea of
what Sean got up to during the day while he was at work.

****

The work day went by quickly. Tully's heart beat a mile a minute and his awareness
fixed on the seal skin hidden in his locker. Nobody came by his desk and asked about it, nobody even
knew it was there, but Tully was scared it would emit a scent, or a sound, and thus give itself
away.

He was skittish and evasive by the time he got home, sure that Sean would already know of his
theft. But Sean didn't appear to know anything was wrong. He gave Tully a look at his strange
behaviour, then set out dinner as though it was any other night.

'Everything okay?' was all Sean asked.

'Fine,' Tully answered heavily. 'Fine. Just… work.'

Sean nodded once. He seemed to understand.

Tully didn't know if that was better or worse.

They distracted themselves in front of the television until it was time to sleep. Tully found he
could hardly find it in himself to enjoy the movie he'd suggested. They put the percolator on for
one last coffee before bed, the two mugs side-by-side on the bench.

Guilt was a funny thing. It worked through your insides until it didn't matter
why
you'd
done a thing, only that you
had
done it.

As days passed, that was what Tully felt. Sean's seeming lack of awareness notwithstanding, Tully
had committed an act of thievery against a person he suspected he might actually love. It didn't
help that, suddenly, Sean stopped sneaking out of bed at night. It happened with as little remark as
had met his sneaking out.

Still, Tully knew he had to bring the seal skin back.

Tully stood in the kitchen, his stomach stuck in his throat, unable to fathom what words would
explain what he'd done.

'What is it?' Sean asked sympathetically.

Tully looked at their coffee mugs, together on the bench. Full disclosure and honesty were meant
to be the staples of a healthy relationship.

'I have something I need to tell you.'

Sean frowned, but he was as open as Tully had ever seen him, ready to listen. 'Tell me.'

'I did a terrible thing. A dishonest thing.' Tully found he could hardly bear to look Sean in the
eye. He didn't. Instead, he reached for the bag he'd hidden behind the jacket he'd folded over a
dining room chair when he'd come in. 'I followed you to the beach, several days ago.' His gaze
inched up to Sean's, hesitantly. 'I saw your seal skin. The way you sank into it. I saw it all.'

Tully waited for Sean to react. At first, the other man didn't seem moved. He didn't seem angry,
or surprised, or worried, or any of the emotions Tully had expected. He decided to commit to the
full story, extending the bag to Sean.

'I took it,' Tully said. With the admission came a heady rush of relief for no longer needing to
hold onto the terrible truth. 'I'm the reason you haven't been able to find it the last couple of
days. Take it. Please take it.'