“Lucas, please,” I say, feeling a tear slide down my cheek.
He swipes it away. “This is not your fault, you’ve loved Slade since the moment I met you and I’ve always known that deep down. I hoped maybe you would stop, but you haven’t and that’s ok. It’s ok Dash because you can’t choose who you love.”
“I don’t want to lose you Lucas, if I lose you…”
He takes my face in his hands. “You won’t lose me Dash, I will come back and we will be friends. I just need time to get over this.”
“Do you promise?” I say in a small, damaged voice.
He pulls me in for a hug and I wrap my arms around him, letting more tears escape. “I promise,” he whispers.
When we pull back, he stares down at me for the longest moment, just taking in my face.
“Dash,” he begins. “You need to fix this with Slade, whatever it is. He loves you, it radiates off him. You love him too or you wouldn’t have let it go so far. You have to fix what was broken and fix yourself.”
I nod, swallowing. Lucas swipes away one more tear and then he walks past me and gets into his car. I spin around and call out his name. He stops and looks back over his shoulder at me.
“You know I love you Lucas, I always will.”
He forces a smile. “Yeah, I know.”
Then, just like that, he’s gone.
I sit in the kitchen pressing ice to my face for the next few hours. I feel numb, emotions are running wild in my head and I can’t take a breath without it being painful. I don’t understand why my dad let Slade take all the blame. I don’t understand why they never told me. I don’t understand how Slade has lived with such pain, thinking he killed someone. I don’t know anything and it burns.
I hear the door open mid-way through my thoughts and I jerk my head up to see Slade step through. He said he wasn’t coming home tonight so why is he here? I glance at his battered face, and something doesn’t look right. He’s trembling and I’m damn sure that black eye wasn’t there before, Lucas didn’t hit him that hard. I leap off the bench and rush over, stopping in front of him. Holy shit he looks terrible.
“Slade, what…”
I reach out and press a hand on his chest and he winces so loudly I leap back. He leans against the door frame, staring down at me and his expression is pure agony. Something is wrong.
“Slade what happened?”
“Just…just…got bashed on the way home.”
“What?” I cry.
“It’s nothing Dash, a bunch of drunk boys got a few in.”
“Slade, you’re hurt, I can see it.”
“I’ll be ok.”
I grip his shirt before he can react and I lift it up. A soft whimpering sound comes out of my mouth at the fresh, purple bruises covering his beautiful body. I narrow my eyes at the fading ones too. He’s not telling me the truth, I just know it.
“You’re lying to me,” I say in a soft voice.
He looks down at me and I turn my eyes up to meet his.
“I…”
“Who does this Slade?”
“Dash, don’t…”
“Don’t you lie to me Slade or I’ll call an ambulance and make these questions a whole lot worse.”
“No, you can’t do that!”
“THEN TELL ME WHO DID THIS?” I scream.
“Michael,” he whispers.
I feel like someone has slapped me. I knew Michael was an asshole, but I never knew he would hurt his son.
“How long?” I choke out.
“It started about a year after we became friends, he suspected…”
It hits me like a brick and I stumble backwards. I know exactly what he suspected. He suspected Slade and I were getting close, he suspected his son might lose because of me. He beat him to keep him away from me. Oh god, my mother knew, she knew and that’s why she used to help us sneak around. Oh god…she knew.
“My mother knew, didn’t she?”
He shakes his head. “She didn’t know for sure, but yeah, she suspected it.”
“Oh god, Slade…this…this is my fault?”
He grips my face and rasps out, “No!”
“It’s because of our friendship. Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you let me help you?”
“I couldn’t,” he whispers. “I couldn’t tell you because I couldn’t lose you Dash. I knew you would run. I knew you would do it to save me and I couldn’t bear it.”
“It’s why you started fading off in the few months before you left, isn’t it? Why you started becoming so cold towards me?”
“I did that because he was making me leave, he knew things were getting too close between us and so he organized my racing elsewhere. He knew I’d follow, I had no money to stay, racing was my life and I loved it. I was going, I didn’t really have a choice and I knew it would break you, so I figured if you hated me…”
“It wouldn’t hurt so much,” I finish for him.
“I know that was a stupid move, Dash, I really do. I was trying to protect you.”
“It’s why you treated me so badly when we saw each other at that race, isn’t it?”
“It killed me Dash, but he warned me so…hard…and I mean that quite literally. When I came back this time and I tried to be an asshole, I could see the pain on your face and it broke me, I couldn’t keep doing it, I couldn’t keep hurting you.”
“He found out, tonight, didn’t he?”
“No, he was just mad I ran after you. This,” he says, pointing to his body, “is a warning.”
“You need to report him
Slade, he can’t do this to you!”
“I’m a grown fucking man,” he snarls. “How bad is it going to look to walk in and say my daddy still beats me?”
“You think it’ll make you look weak, because you’re not a child?” I whisper, shocked.
“Of course it will, I still let my father beat me.”
“Your father is a big man and he’s using your weaknesses to get to you. He knows you won’t give up racing, he knows you love it and so he’s doing whatever he can to use that against you.”
“He knows that without him, I have no place in that racing world.” Slade says, his voice broken.
“That’s crap Slade, and you know it. You’re talented…”
“I know what I am Dash, I also know if I don’t do it his way, my career is over. He’ll make sure of it.”
“Slade…you can’t live like this…”
He looks over at me with pained eyes. “I have no choice.”
“You have to report him!”
“If I report him, I will lose everything. Racing is my life Dash, it’s everything to me.”
“Is it worth this?” I say, gently running a hand down his chest.
“Yeah, it is.”
“Slade…”
“If you say anything Dash, I’ll never forgive you.”
“Why don’t you fight back?”
He looks away. “Because I’m scared if I fight back, he’ll do something far worse than beat me.”
“You think your own father would…kill you?”
“I don’t think he’d mean to, but Dash, when he loses it…he loses it. If I fight back, it’ll only make that reaction worse.”
I take his hands. “Oh Slade.”
He reaches out and strokes my eye. “Are you ok?”
“Don’t worry about me, come on, let me help you.”
He lets me lead him into the kitchen and slowly remove his shirt. He has bruises all over his chest, his stomach, even as low as his belly button. They’re ugly, purple and painful. I feel my eyes
fill with tears as I reach out and stroke the soft, beautiful skin that is damaged by hate. Hate from his own father. When I lift my face to look back up at him, his eyes are glassy and red.
It’s the first time since Slade has been
back, that I see the boy I loved so deeply. I reach up and cup his cheek, then I bring his face down to mine and I kiss him so softly it’s barely a touch. He makes a pained sound and puts a hand up to tangle in my hair. Our lips slide together gently and I can feel the warmth of his tears mingling with my own and sliding down my cheeks.
I take his face with both hands now, bringing his forehead down to mine. We stand like that, me just holding him as tears slide down his cheeks.
Broken, painful tears. He presses his lips to mine again, but this time the kiss becomes heated. Our mouths move together in a desperate dance that has us both panting. Tongues softly combine, groans fill both our ears. Slade forces himself to pull back and looks down at me.
“We can’t…”
I nod, stroking his cheek. “I know.”
“But…I want to Dash, I want to so badly.”
I look him right in the eye. “I want to as well.”
His eyes search my face as though he’s looking for the punch line.
“You want to?”
“With every soul crushing part of me, I want you Slade Devaroe and I always have.”
His breathing becomes deep and he pulls me closer, even though it causes him to wince.
“Dash, my life has been so dull without you.
Without your laughter. Without your beautiful face. Tell me we can fix this, tell me you’ll be mine?”
I cup his cheek and whisper, “We already are, and I already am.”
I wake early the next morning and shift carefully as the hard body beside mine groans and rolls. I spent the night with Slade, I guess you could say we’re a couple now…right? I don’t know, but I do know I want to help him and I’ll do anything to make him happy again. I also know he makes my heart do things no one else has ever made it do and that is enough to make me want to fight for him. For us.
I stare down at his bruised back and stroke my fingers over his soft skin, poor
Slade, he doesn’t deserve to be beaten by his own father. I can’t imagine how it feels, to be twenty-three and still running. He should have his own life now, but instead he hides in his father’s shadow because he’s so afraid of losing the one thing he’s worked so hard to be amazing at. Knowing Michael, he would drag Slade’s career into the dirt. The man has serious problems.
I straighten my shirt when I step out of bed and smile down at Slade who is breathing deeply and peacefully.
We didn’t have sex last night, but sleeping with him, feeling his arms around me, it was nice. I tiptoe from the room and into the kitchen. After fumbling for the light, I finally manage to flick it on. I squint as it burns my eyes and continue to fumble for the coffee. When I get it on and it’s brewing, I slide onto the bench and wait.
I touch my puffy eye and wince. It feels warm and tender under my fingertips. I think about Lucas and I hope he’s ok, I’ll text him later to check on him but I get the feeling he doesn’t want my contact, not for a while anyway. I let my thoughts drift over to Michael. I try to think back when we were younger, and I wonder how I didn’t know. Though, there was that one time I saw him and Slade fighting. It did get pretty heated.
“You are off your game, Slade!” Michael yells.
I’m crouching behind some old shipping containers on the side of the track. When the race was over, I was coming to see Slade but Michael beat me to it. Not wanting to be seen, I duck down and peer around the containers instead.
“I’m trying dad, I really am.”
Michael grips Slade's arm and Slade winces. “Trying is not good
enough, you have to BE the best. I don’t want trying Slade, I want winning.”
“You don’t think I want to win?” Slade snaps,
then winces again as Michael steps closer.
“No, I think you’re too busy concentrating on other things.”
“I’m not, it was one race!”
“
Hear me son, you WILL start picking up your game, or you’ll pay. You will NOT embarrass my name!”
Slade puts his head down and winces again as Michael shoves him backwards, letting go of his arm. “Sorry dad.”
Michael spins and storms off, and I quickly rush out from behind the containers. Slade sees me and his eyes brighten.
“Slade, are you ok?”
“Sure Dashy, I’m fine.”
“Did he hurt you?”
Slade looks away for a moment, then turns back to me with a fake smile on his face. “No, come on, let’s go get some ice-cream.”
“Hey…”
I snap my head up and the thought trails off into the back of my mind. I smile at Slade walking into the kitchen, shirtless. I admire his beauty, even underneath the bruises, Slade’s body is beautiful. It’s taut, lean and very appealing to the female eye. His wide chest narrows down to a beautiful set of abs, which slide down into his pants with that perfect ‘V’. He’s truly breathtaking.
“Hey,” I say, quietly.
“How’d you sleep?”
I shrug.
“Ok, you?”
He walks over and strokes my puffy eye. “Ok.”
“I have to go and see him today Slade.”
Slade nods, knowing I’m talking about my father. “Yeah, I know.”
“I don’t know what I’ll say to him.”
“Just tell the truth Dash, tell him how you feel and be honest.”
I nod, biting my lip. Slade leans in and runs his tongue along it and I shiver.