Radiance (Brotherhood of the Blade Trilogy #3) (20 page)

“
I am scared of telling you something.”

“
We’re long past that. Aren’t we?”

“
We should be…I’m worried about delaying my personal life any longer.”

“
What do you want to do?”
Was she breaking up with me?

“
Don’t look so scared.” She paused. “Before it’s too late, before I get too old, I want to get off birth control and have a baby.”

“
A baby?” My mouth went dry.

“
Oui
, a sweet little bad-ass. One that we make together. Genetically, half you and half me. Hopefully, he or she will be a better skier than you. But with your sense of humor, something I admit I often lack, what a happy family life we could have together.”

I chuckled. “Is this the happy drugs talking?”

“No. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. Haven’t you?”

“
No! I mean…” I took a couple of breaths, trying to put things into words that wouldn’t upset her. “Ambra, I think of you and me in terms of
us
. For me, that’s been enough.
You’ve
been enough. I’ve never extrapolated to thoughts of making a baby with you.”

“
You miss Kristin. That’s why. You already have a child and she’s not with you.” Her voice was so deflated.

Suddenly, my stomach hurt. I was afraid to say the wrong thing, a thing that could tear us apart. And yet, the truth was critical.

“Kristin’s absence is a hole in my heart. But this is about you and me. What you propose is beyond touching. I am honored. I am also a little ashamed that I had no idea you’ve been contemplating starting a family with me.”

“
We’ve never lied to each other. I don’t want to start now. So, stop being overly nice and let’s talk about this in practical terms.”

I nodded, knowing that the way that Ambra often got things accomplished was to create conflict. It was in her nature and I accepted it, even often admired it. “The truth is, I don’t want to try and replace Kristin with another child. It wouldn’t be fair to the baby, or to you. And what would happen to your vampire hunting?”

“I could take up silversmithing of the weapons and just stay at the castle with our child—not go on hunts.”

“
Really? You, of all people, could give up vampire hunting?”

“
I guess not, but maybe we could take turns hunting vampires and watching our child? It would be a very modern parenting arrangement.”

“
I don’t like that plan as we would hardly see each other.”

She frowned.

“Ambra, I’m struggling with this idealistic image you have of how it could be if we just added a baby. Is it because you want with me what Megan had?”

“
Is that so wrong?”

“
I want you to be happy, Ambra, but what kind of life would that be for our child? I mean, if we had one, he or she would have both parents as vampire hunters.”

She chewed her bottom lip. “What you aren’t saying is for me to imagine two vampire hunters who go out on a mission and they both get killed. And the kids become orphans.”

“I didn’t say that, but I just did hear you say ‘kids.’ Not one kid, but plural kids.”

“
I do have an idealistic vision. Sometimes, it keeps me going when things aren’t perfect between us.”

I sighed. “Without you in the field next to me, I would have already gotten killed. I wouldn’t last one week with you out on maternity leave.”

“True.” She let go of my hand. “I don’t know what to do. The years for me to safely have a child are slipping away.”

“
You’re angry?”

“
No. Just…frustrated. How do you Americans say it? We are Mars and Venus?”

“
That’s how we say it. But make no mistake about this. If I lose you as a vampire hunting partner, it could be the end for me. Literally.”

I took her hand again and we laced our fingers together. “I wish I could give you the fairy tale ending you crave.”

“I’m not that much of a sentimentalist.”

“
The hell you’re not. You’re a woman with all of the needs, desires, and qualities that make you just as vulnerable as you are formidable.”

“
Formidable? Thank you for that.” She looked into my eyes and said, “Your brother Rudolph and Gabrielle were so much in love. You should have seen them together, seen how they looked at each other. They were looking forward to a life together as a family before she fell during a vampire hunt and lost the baby. And then, he was killed. You know the rest.”

“
Ambra? We are so good together as we
are
. What if we change us and wreck our dynamic?” I gulped. “I sure don’t want history to repeat itself, like what happened to Rudolph and Gabby.”

“
Neither do I, but…” Her voice trailed off and she looked at me expectantly.

“
What am I missing?”

“
It’s my birthday,” she said quietly.

“
Oh, I’m such an idiot.”

“
No, you aren’t. How would you know, since I never told you when it was?”

“
I’ve known you for a while now and you have certainly celebrated my birthday. I never even asked you.” I paused. “How old are you, Ambra?”

“
None of your business,” she said.

“
My heart is truly full of you. But I can’t ever go through this again, not losing a child.”

“
Of all the things to fear…a little baby.”

“
Are you pregnant?” I asked.

“
Non
.”

“
It would change us forever.” I gathered the emotion that threatened to spill over into dangerous territory. “You are the most glorious, amazing, and important person in my life. But the loss of Kristin—and it seems that it has finally come to that—is just so painful that I don’t know if I can be a proper father again. Would I hover over our poor child, 24/7, scared to death that something would happen to him or her, too?”

“
Probably.”

“
I don’t want to break what we are to each other and what we are to the world. Unless we both leave this lifestyle and start somewhere fresh and new, with no vampire hunting for either of us…Ambra, I think we have to take making babies off the table.”

“
Leave the castle? The Brothers and Sisters? Switzerland?” she said, incredulous.

“
We could. Money isn’t so much of an issue as it once was. I have good savings.”

“
As do I. We are paid well for the risks we take. But the Brotherhood of the Blade and Sisterhood of the Scythe would cease to exist without our support, knowledge and training. If we no longer hunt vampires, innocent people will die and some will become vampires themselves.”

“
Yes,” I said. “But I would give it all up for you. Is that what you want me to say? That I’ll go to work as an optical engineer and inventor? That we’ll have a little house with a white picket fence and a fluffy dog? And you’ll have the babies and I’ll bring home the paycheck? And we’ll take turns changing diapers and rocking the crying baby to sleep at 4 a.m.?”

“
You would do all that for me?” she asked, her eyes huge.

I nodded firmly, scared that she would want that. “I would. But if we do this, we walk away from vampire hunting and in doing so, we leave the best parts of what we are far behind us.”

“Then what?” Tears sprang to her eyes as I brushed the silky blonde hair from her forehead.

“
What do you want?” I asked. “We are about to turn on a fulcrum, as vampire hunter partners, and as lovers. Do you want to take a leap of faith, just you, me and future baby Olympic skier?”

She laughed. “Knowing that you would do all that for me is enough,” she finally choked out.

“Is it
really
?” I was worried because Ambra was really the only human being I could count on in every way. Well, and Samantha Moon, who wasn’t really human anymore.

“
It will have to be enough, won’t it?” she said. “We have to keep the world safe from evil vampires. If this job was easy, and anyone else could do it, I would kidnap you and drag you to Tahiti and we’d live on love and coconuts for the rest of our natural lives.”

I breathed a huge sigh of relief. She wasn’t going to press the issue
.
I shot one last thought at her. “Hey, do you want to get married anyway?”

“
Rand. That’s not how you ask.
Or when
.”

“
You’re right.”

“
Ask me to marry you again after
you find Kristin.”

“
I will. I promise.” I smiled, though my heart was breaking. Perhaps I had broken hers, too.

Miraculously, she grinned sleepily and said, “I’ll hold you to it.” That was Ambra’s way of saying she forgave me. She did not forgive easily. Perhaps that was her only character flaw.

“Happy birthday.” I kissed her forehead and held her hand while she cried a little bit and then fell asleep. She looked so vulnerable, wrapped in white gauze bandages on her forearms and thighs. She had kicked off the covers because the weight of them hurt her burns.

When I slipped out of the hospital room, Mikhail was sitting in a chair right outside her door, drinking a chocolate milkshake and eating an In-and-Out burger and fries.

“Where is everyone?”

“
Denny’s. And then they’re going to switch off with Jade and Nariko so they can go get the famous pancake puppies. Of course, someone has to keep Corbin on a leash until moon set.”

I nodded. “What are you doing here?”.

“Keeping the first watch over Ambra.” He patted his boot with his blade in it.

“
I’ll join you,” I said, pulling up a plastic chair and stealing a couple of his French fries.

“
No. Not necessary. When you came out of that room, there was an unmistakable purpose in your step. You were going somewhere.”

“
Yes, I was.”

“
You go. I’ve got this.”

“
Thanks, Mikhail. Don’t let anything happen to her.”

“
Over my dead body,” he said.

That was good enough for me.

Chapter Twenty-one

I hopped on a bus and rode until I spotted a familiar landmark. I got off the bus in front of one of L.A.’s most iconic places and stood outside it, just inhaling the greasy, sugary scent that had sometimes even pervaded my dreams in Switzerland. Right now, I was practically drooling.

Just before I went inside, I called Samantha Moon.

“Hello, Rand. I see by my phone app that you’re in my neck of the woods. Relatively speaking.”

“
I am. I hope it’s all right to call you at 11:45 p.m. I don’t want to disturb your children this late.”

“
Tammy and Anthony are spending the night at Mary Lou’s with their cousins and I’m just catching up on my DVR’ed episodes of
Judge Judy
. Same old, same old.”

“
I’m envious of your normal life,” I said.

She laughed at the irony. “So, Rand Sebastian, how did the mission go?”

“The team hunt was successful. We took out Nero, the vampire responsible for killing my brother and my wife…and for kidnapping Kristin. We killed some others with the help of our werewolf, but in today’s dust-up, Ambra got burns from Nero. He tried to set her on fire with brandy and a lit candle.”

“
What!”

“
Yeah. She’s in the hospital for observation, and on an antibiotic drip for twenty-four hours. He messed up her perfect skin on her forearms and thighs.”

“
Nero was an absolute psychopath. Any leads on Kristin?”

“
The quest for Kristin is officially at a standstill. She had previously been at the utility shed that you staked out but she was long gone by the time we got there. She drew a tessellation artwork on an interior wall of that utility shed.”

“
Oh, my gosh. I should have gone in instead of just watching the place.”

“
That would have been dangerous, Sam. I wouldn’t put you in that position. You’re a detective, not a vampire hunter.”

“
I’m sorry. If I had known, I would have grabbed her, no matter what it took.”

“
I know. I thought she would be held captive in the vampires’ nest that we busted up, but she wasn’t. I was completely shocked.”

“
Maybe she’s near there.”

“
I don’t think so.” I paused. “Sam, I’m losing my edge as a vampire hunter and as a man because Kristin slipped away from me.”

“
Rand, I’m not going to say I’m sorry because that implies you are giving up on finding her.”