Rage to Adore (23 page)

His redheaded witch drank it all, sucking him dry. But as
she took she also gave, the pleasure he received through her kiss binding her
to him, the threads of their connection tying knots around his heart. She never
stopped kissing him, even after he was spent, her lips moved over his skin as
if trying to memorize every inch of him by touch.

Featherlight kisses to his pecs, fingers running up his
arms, breasts pressed tight to his chest. He ached to touch her back. The
restraints chafed and all he could do was watch and breathe in the sight and
scent of her. It was such sweet agony. Such blessed torture. However long he
survived he would never forget. She was pressing her lips to his eyes, his
cheeks, his nose and then finally, finally those precious lips slanted across
his mouth again and her tongue found his. Her touch was electric. Energy
vibrated between them and she deepened the kiss so that it almost felt as if
they were inside one another.

Jaro gave himself up to her kiss, raging at fate for
bringing her to him with the promise of what could have been. He knew he was
lost but she could still be saved. He felt her moan in the back of her throat
as he pulled back from her. “You have to go. Get out of the palace. Get to
Bellor and Cassi. Just…just be careful with Lorcan.”

Opening her eyes, she gave him one last look. “I’ll do what
I have to do.” It was only after she’d gone and the heat that sizzled in his
veins had cooled and his heart had steadied to a regular beat that he realized
she hadn’t made him that promise. She hadn’t agreed to leave.

Envy

The darkness was all encompassing. Tani had gone and with
her all color, all light had fled. The dampness of the cell wall chilled Jaro’s
bones, ice settling in his flesh spreading frost that would serve to numb his
senses and leave him anesthetized. He couldn’t fall into that trap. He needed
heat to survive. Flame in his soul.

Jaro began to stoke the fires of his hate, pouring fuel on
his rage. Why would fate let him have a taste of such beauty only to rip it
away forever out of reach? He’d always felt anger, fury at circumstance and
held on to vengeance, but had he ever had hope? Perhaps that’s why fate had
sent her to him. Maybe fate wasn’t such a bitch after all. All his previous
plans to get revenge on Phenex ended with his own death because killing Phenex
meant that he would die two minutes later. He hadn’t cared before. But now. Now
he did care. Maybe he should try to survive, forget about revenge. He knew he
didn’t deserve her but maybe, just maybe he could…

He felt his mind drifting…back to Red. His redheaded witch was
gone but she was still in his head. His eyes closed. She was kissing his mouth,
her hand caressing his chest. She pressed closer and he could feel the warmth
of her skin, the hard pearls of her nipples…

Suddenly he was drenched from head to toe. The shock of
freezing ice water dragging him out of the dream he’d been having. Jaro opened
his eyes to be confronted with his second visitor of the night. It was a shock
to stare into gray eyes similar to his own set in a face that echoed the one he
saw on those rare occasions he chanced to look in a mirror.

“Hello, little brother.” The hostility in Lorcan’s tone cut
deep, although why it continued to slice into him Jaro couldn’t fathom. He
should have learned by now that when it came to his family they held nothing
but contempt for him. And hate. Lorcan’s expression could not be clearer. He
hated Jaro and Jaro still didn’t know why. He’d never understood why his older
brother hated him so much.

“What do you want?”

“To see how the mighty have fallen,” replied Lorcan. “Although
in your case I’m not sure mighty applies. Oh, everyone thinks you’re this
mighty warrior, gladiator, but I know better. You’re nothing, Jaro. You never
were and you never will be.”

“What did I ever do to you for you to hate me so much?” Jaro
had to ask, had to know.

“You ask me that?” Lorcan’s tone now was incredulous. “You
really have no idea?”

Jaro shook his head, narrowing his eyes at the manic
expression on Lorcan’s face.

“You keep taking things from me!” Lorcan shouted, fists
clenching. One fist suddenly made contact with Jaro’s gut. He was winded but
otherwise okay. He’d had worse. Lorcan on the other hand was shaking his hand
in pain. Jaro’s abs were solid rock and his brother had just learned that
lesson.

Lorcan drew himself up in spite of the pain. “It’s a bad
habit you should have grown out of by now, brother.” He spat out the word with
distaste. “First, you took my father—he always loved you more than me, I could
see it in his eyes. But I had Mother. She loved me best but you, you were
jealous; you had to get her attention. You began to spend more time with her,
bringing her flowers from the garden, gifts from those trips you took with
Father. You tried to take her from me!” He was shouting again, his voice so
full of bitterness and envy that Jaro found it hard to breathe. What planet did
his brother live on if he thought that? Half-remembered images of happier times
with his mother flashed into his head. Of course he had spent time with her.
She was his mother! But Lorcan had been there too. His brother’s accusations sounded
almost deranged. They made no sense.

Lorcan continued his rant. “She loved me more at first, then
because you were cold to her, she began to cry that you didn’t love her as much
as you loved Father. She kept on and on and on about it until I was sick of
hearing your name. Then you started to suck up to her and she couldn’t get
enough of you. And Father, he was always so strict with me he never let me have
the things I wanted. It began to annoy me, so do you know what I did?” His eyes
flashed with unconcealed enjoyment. “I can see that you don’t. Mother was cross
at first because of the debts but then when she realized we could get rid of
you as well, you and your annoying morality she was very grateful to me.”

“What are you saying, Lorcan?” Jaro could hardly bear to
believe what he thought Lorcan meant.

“Really, little brother. Do I need to spell it out for you?”
Lorcan smiled silkily, charm to the fore.

“But you cried,” whispered Jaro. “You cried for a week.”

“Hmm. I did. I must admit to feeling some regret. After all,
he was my father. But he made it so easy. I’d always take him a drink just
before supper, especially after he’d been working in the garden all afternoon.”

Jaro could hardly believe the words that fell from his lips,
even as he spoke them. He had thought his mother capable but not his brother. “You
poisoned him.”

“I did.” Lorcan’s response was unapologetic. “And you should
have died by now, Jaro— Why won’t you die? I would have killed you myself but
apparently I can’t if I want your essence to revert to me. Why are you the true
Esseni and I just a shadow? I don’t understand why Chaos would do this.”

His brother was raving! For some reason, Lorcan thought that
he was the shadow, not Jaro. He had probably convinced himself that was true
just so he could add another thing to his list to be jealous of Jaro for. How
he wished it was true.

“Perhaps it was Gaia.”

“She must be a crazy bitch then. Look at you. You are
worthless. A barghesti! I don’t believe it. Why would you be both those things
and I nothing?” He spat as if the words tasted as bitter as he felt. “And even
the girl seems to like you. Not just her but others too. You never had to work
hard with them. And even my so-called son likes you!”

“The son you refuse to acknowledge.”

“He’s no son of mine and never will be.”

Jaro blew out a breath. “Why are you here, brother? What do
you want from me?”

“I want you dead, Jaro. I want the redhead and I want your
essence. I will have the power that you are too worthless to wield. That’s what
I want.” Lorcan was standing right in front of him, gray eyes locked onto
silver but Jaro refused to be the first to look away.

“You can’t always get what you want.”

“Would you like to bet on it?” Lorcan smirked. “I’m not the
one in chains, forced to fight like an animal. Oh, hang on though, you are an
animal. A dog! Well, let’s see if you can survive in the pits as a barghesti. I
think Phenex has big plans for you.”

“That’s no surprise.”

Lorcan smirked at him. “And the redhead will be there
watching. She’s a feisty bitch. I like it when they fight back and I can’t wait
to see what she tastes like.” His smug grin couldn’t fail to push Jaro’s
buttons.

“Keep away from her!” Jaro growled, his barghesti bucking
under the surface, seething for release.

Lorcan’s laugh was harsh. “You don’t tell me what to do.
With what Phenex has planned for you I doubt you’ll last more than a week. Phenex
might think to use the girl, but Mother and I have other plans that don’t
involve him. Ultimately your essence will be mine and so will the girl. To do
with as I please.”

Jaro bared his teeth and struggled against the restraints.
Lorcan turned away, his last words as he disappeared into the darkness of the
night full of vile promise. “And I can think of lots of ways she will please me
before I give her to Choronzon.”

Jaro’s blood ran cold. He knew he shouldn’t be surprised
that Lorcan would sell her to the Discordant leader, knowing that would be her
death warrant, but he had hoped that his brother retained a small shred of
decency. That hope faded like so many of his hopes had in the past. His brother
was psychotic. He had to get free. He hadn’t thought it was in him to hurt his
brother even after everything that had gone before, but now, he wasn’t so sure.
To protect Tani, there was nothing he would not do.

* * * * *

Sitri was ever watchful. Tani could feel her sharp eyes laser
into her wherever she went. She had avoided a repeat visit to Jaro’s cell,
resigned to the fact that it would do neither of them any good. For the last
three days she had contented herself by observing his training sessions in
Phenex’s arena. These small glimpses gave her reassurance, soothed her fears
and increased her resolve in working toward his liberation. It hurt her to see
how he was treated like an animal and forced to train at the whim of his
master. Twice a day Jaro was brought into the training arena for sparring bouts
where he was pitted against some of Phenex’s most brutal fighters. They fought
with the promise of freedom if they won. Jaro fought for survival. Despite
their efforts Jaro always proved the strongest and in those moments of respite
after the bout, Tani did her best to reach out to him with her compassion. She
didn’t know if he felt it but it was all she could do.

They hadn’t let him change into his barghesti form yet, the
warloki explaining to Phenex that they would need complicated shielding spells
to protect the spectators during a fight and that those types of shielding took
an enormous amount of power. It was better that they hold back and keep their
energy in reserve for the actual fights. Maintaining the current suppression
spell was hard enough. Phenex had agreed grudgingly but was impatient. He
wanted to see Jaro fight in his barghesti form but he wasn’t stupid.

While watching the training, Tani had kept her eyes open for
the Eunomi presence that Borealis had promised her would be close. She hadn’t
been able to make contact with Cassi or Tyr personally to fill them in but had
faith they had some means of watching out for her. She suspected one of the
ladies who waited on Sitri was a Eunomi sympathizer but had been unable to speak
with her privately as Phenex had decided to restrict Tani’s movements by locking
her room at night. She wondered if this was a result of her nighttime visit to
the dungeons.

She knew Phenex was biding his time before coming to her and
had no doubt he intended to come to her soon but for the moment he seemed
content to wait and placate Sitri with preparations for her birthday
festivities. This event was apparently celebrated every year with dancing and a
series of fights Sitri presided over. Phenex seemed willing to indulge his
mistress, giving her an element of control he gave no one else. Tani wondered
what hold Jaro’s mother had over Phenex and whether it was a result of some
dark warloki spell rather than true affection. She had her suspicions.
Particularly when Sitri started being nice to her, making overtures of
friendship and offering advice in regard to clothing and hairstyles. It didn’t
take long for her to realize the approving looks Phenex gave Sitri when she
made these gestures was more probably the reason for her sudden change of
attitude.

So Tani too bided her time. She focused on finding a way to
free Jaro and if that meant courting the favor of the mother who had abandoned
him, she would do it. But she would do it knowing that a careless word or
glance in the wrong direction might be playing into Sitri and Lorcan’s hands
and could put both her and Jaro in even more grave danger. Danger that began
with a capital D. She knew it was only a matter of time before the Discordants
became aware of the existence of two Esseni on this planet and with that
knowledge would come Choronzon or one of his trusted commanders. They would
come for her and her worst nightmares would be realized. Tani could only hope
that before that day arrived she would have achieved her aims that focused on the
man who held her heart. She prayed to Gaia she had the strength to hold true to
her Eunomi vows.

Compassion

For three days Jaro trained in the arena. The warloki kept
the suppression spell constant and when not fighting he was locked in a cell.
This gave Jaro plenty of time to consider his options and he’d come to the same
conclusion no matter how many times he played out a variety of scenarios.
Phenex had to die. Not just because Jaro desired vengeance or because Phenex
was a cruel despot, but because he needed Tani to be safe. He was relying on
the Eunomi and Tyr Bellor to make sure she escaped this rock and for some
reason he trusted Bellor with her safety. Tani hadn’t been back to see him and
for that he was profoundly grateful. It was better they had no contact. She
gave him hope, made him wish for things that could never be. To carry out his
plans he needed to steel himself against her.

Late that night when he heard footsteps shuffling outside
his door, his heart leapt with both hope and fear that she had come to visit
him again. But the voice that rang through the darkness was one that he had
thought to never hear again.

“I can help you, Jaro.” Dulcet tones so familiar and long
reviled. He hadn’t heard them in an age. He had seen her many times over the
years but she’d never spoken to him. But still, he had never forgotten the
sound of her voice. Once he had loved it. Hearing his mother’s laughter had
been the greatest moment of his day. Now it conjured more nightmares than long-forgotten
treasured moments. Those were as dust and ashes. Lorcan had shown his true
colors. He had no doubt his mother would too.

Jaro knew it would hurt to look at her but he could not
ignore the tiny particle in his brain that hoped for some small expression of
regret on her part. He opened his eyes slowly. “I can help you,” she repeated,
standing in front of him, her blue eyes burning with an expression he couldn’t
read.

He choked back a laugh, failing to hide the overwhelming
bitterness of her past betrayal. “
You
can help
me
?”

“Jaro.” His name falling from her lips sounded rusty and all
kinds of wrong. “I’m so sorry for all of this. Please believe me; I never
wanted this to happen.”

He shook his head. “You did this to me. You could have saved
me. Why are you here now when you’ve ignored me for so many years?”

Her expression changed to one of sorrow. “I have no right to
ask. I know that but I need your help.”

“I helped you before. I think I’ve learned my lesson.”

“It’s not for me. It’s for your brother.”

“And why would I help him?”

“Because he is a part of you. I know you love your brother
and you’ve always helped him before. And that’s what you do, Jaro, you save
people. I’ve watched you from afar. Even though I had no way of helping you, I’m
so proud of you…”

“Proud of me? The vile slave! You’ve only ever watched me
with disgust!”

“No, no!” She shook her head. “You’ve got it all wrong. I
had to pretend. To protect you. Phenex, he forced me by threatening to kill
you. Don’t you realize that’s why you’ve survived this long? It’s because of
me. I have sacrificed so much for you.”

Jaro’s head was spinning. She had sacrificed? She had
protected? How could he believe what she said? It was too unbelievable
considering everything he’d been through. “And Lorcan? My father? You know what
he did?”

She wrung her hands and Jaro watched, fascinated, as a lone
tear trickled down her pale cheek. His mother was so beautiful she could bring
a man to his knees. “I didn’t know, not until after,” she whispered. His gut
clenched. Somehow he wanted to believe. Believe that she was as she appeared.
But how could he? If she was as innocent as she said, what did that make
Lorcan?

“What is it you think I can do?”

“I think you can save him.”

Jaro had to laugh at the irony. “How do you expect a lowly
slave to save him? I can’t even save myself.”

“I know the truth of what he is,” she said, “and so do you.
But I fear he will choose the wrong path. He is not as strong as you, but you
could help him. Speak to that girl. She has power over him. Intercede on his
behalf.” Jaro didn’t pretend not to understand what she was asking. He had no
doubt his mother knew Lorcan was an Esseni and what Tani was to him.

“Why do you think I can help?”

“You are his brother and I know the truth—that you saved her
from Belial. I know that even though you were angry with her, she visited you
here. I know she trusts you. You need to trust me, Jaro. I have told Phenex
nothing of this.” Her reasoning was simple. She made it sound so easy but in
truth it would be the hardest thing he’d ever done. How could he persuade Tani
that Lorcan could be trusted when he knew in his heart that was a lie? Did his
mother really believe Tani had some power over Lorcan, that her words would
sway him from his chosen path?

“I can get you to her,” his mother said. He knew he was lost
then, if it meant he would see Tani again. He would warn her rather than speak
on Lorcan’s behalf but his mother didn’t need to know that.

“I will try to do as you ask,” he said. His mother smiled and
gave him a key.

* * * * *

Lorcan swallowed the last dregs of mead, the bitter brew
unable to quench the thirst that raged in his throat or quell the nausea that
churned in his gut. No matter how hard he tried he could not block out the
words of the red-haired bitch. How dare she repulse him in favor of his
brother? Her words ate into his flesh, burrowing into his bones, building fires
that flamed angry and hot. It was wrong, so wrong. He was the one who should be
worshipped. He was the one who should have power. He would take what should
have belonged to him all along.

Throwing back his chair, Lorcan left the Alpha Beta Club,
staggering into the dark alley. His brain was fuzzy from imbibing too much
alcohol but he knew he was doing the right thing. His mother had told him to
wait, to play it cool and give Tani a chance to come to him. But it was taking
too long. He had neither the inclination nor the patience. He would take what
was his by force as he had always done and prove to the Discordants and Choronzon
that he was a power to be feared, and in doing so he would prove to his mother
that she had made the right choice all those years ago.