Raised By Wolves 2 - Matelots (95 page)

“I meant every word, though,” he said.

He had the look about him that he had always assumed when he wished to convince me of a thing.

“I know,” I said, though I could not truly believe that, either. “And I thank you. But, Alonso, it can change nothing now. I am with Gaston, and will be for the rest of our probably short and surely misbegotten lives.”

He shook his head slightly and spoke with incredulity. “Uly, these pirates, they live like animals.”

I smirked. “And this from a man who has not witnessed us in our true element.” I sobered. “Si, we do, yet I have found truer friends here than anywhere else I have traveled.”

“And truer love?” he asked wistfully.

“Alonso,” I sighed. “We have much to discuss… later.” I thought of one thing I could say to begin to explain the situation to him. “Gaston does not favor men, and yet he has chosen to be with me in the eyes of all.”This gave him pause, and his eyes went to Gaston with curiosity until the others returned.

They had a great number of bottles, which we distributed among us and some of our men. Then Striker sent in more men to roll out two hogsheads of wine. We proceeded in a large party, back around the harbor, to the second fort we had captured.

“What did he say?” Gaston asked quietly as we walked.

I regarded him curiously. The jealous anger seemed to have dissipated. He was quite calm again. His eyes met mine, and I found little of the Horse in them. I sighed with relief.

Still I did not wish to tell the truth: that I felt Alonso still harbored hope I would return to him. I found it too odd to contemplate, much less discuss with Gaston. Yet I did not wish to lie to him, either.

“There is much he does not understand,” I said. “He knows little of the Brethren and how we live. He will have difficulty contemplating our love, as the depth of it is such an alien thing to a man such as he – or rather a man who has been forced to live his life hiding his desires in shadow. I will need to speak with him. Or perhaps not need, but… I wish to speak with him and settle things between us. I do not wish to upset you, though.”

Gaston nodded. “Now that I have seen him… I both understand and cannot comprehend how you were with him. I suppose he is fine enough to look upon, and he is quite skilled with a blade. And he seems to have his wits about him. Yet…”

When he did not finish I spoke. “I did not love him as I do you. You know that. Else I could not have left him, as I surely can never leave you. And, if I had met you first, I never would have entertained him. He was the best I could manage at the time.”

“Does he still love you?” he asked.

I could not suppress my sigh, and so I was forced to speak the truth behind it. “I believe so.”

“Good,” Gaston smirked. “I am sure you are the best he ever experienced, and now you are mine.”

That last had been very much the Horse, and I struggled to keep the alarm from my face. He saw it anyway. His eyes narrowed, and I envisioned his hackles rising, as a dog’s does when it smells fear.

“Your shadow is flickering about quite a bit today, my love,” I murmured.

He studied me, and the suspicion left; so did the Horse. He nodded soberly. “True. I am sorry.”

“Non, do not worry overmuch,” I said gently. “Just do not be angry with me for being… concerned.”

“Or afraid,” he said soberly. “I understand. I am very… mercurial today, oui.” He frowned in thought. “I feel I exercise some control over it, though.”

“I have seen evidence of that, oui,” I agreed.

“I love you,” he said.

“And I you.” I smiled reassuringly. “Thank you for saying it.”

He smiled. “Do not let go, Will, though I flicker about like a wraith.”

“I will not,” I promised, “though you might be very hard to hold.”

Julio and Davey were waiting outside the gates when we arrived.

They looked grim.

“Has there been a retort?” Striker asked.

They shook their heads as one.

“Well, someone should go into that thicket and speak to him, then,”

Striker said.

He looked at me. I looked at Pete and found him looking at me.

“Yar Better,” Pete said.

“Nay, you are,” I said.

Striker swore. “You both go.”

Pete and I left our muskets and the bottles we carried, save one, with our matelots. We slipped into the section of brush where we had left Otter and Liam. We found Otter laid out in the quiet repose of the dead. Liam sat cross-legged next to him, a pistol in his lap, his eyes red and puffy and his face wistful. He smiled sadly at us and holstered the weapon in his baldric.

“I thought I might,” he said. “But I knew if I didna’ by the time someone showed then I wouldna’.”

I sat next to him and handed him the bottle. Pete sat nearby with obvious relief.

“We are glad to hear it,” I said. “Though I can only guess how this pains you, it would be a damn shame to lose you both.”

“That’s what ’e said,” Liam sighed and took a long pull on the bottle.

He handed it back and shook his head sadly. “I do na’ know how I’ll live without ’im, but it seems I must learn.”

He touched his dead matelot’s arm. Then he pulled his hand away and shook himself.

“So, did we win?” he asked with a weak attempt at his usual good cheer.

“Aye,” we said in unison.

“Good,” he sighed, “because I would give ’im a burial like ’e asked, and that would be hard if we still be fightin’ the Spaniards.”

“How does… did… he wish to be buried?” I asked.

“’E wants to be burned on a boat. Does not want the worms or the sharks to have ’im.”

Pete and I nodded.

“There are a number of boats in this harbor,” I said. “When?”

“Tonight,” he said with a thoughtful nod. “Good to ’ave it done afore ’e starts ta stink. I could na’ bear rememberin’ ’im as stinkin’.”

“I’llGet ABoat,” Pete said and left us.

Liam held out his hand and I gave him the bottle. “I need be drunk,”

he sighed after another long pull. “Otherwise I will na’ sleep. I have na’

slept alone in a long time.”

“I am sure you could sleep with others tonight.” I was also sure he would sleep well with the laudanum in him and only a little additional wine.

He shook his head. “Nay. Then I’ll just be confused when I wake, an’

it’ll hurt that much more. Best I learn ta live with it right quick.”

Gaston joined us, and one look told me he was now under the sway of the Child. My heart and gut constricted in unison. He circled about Otter’s body with reverent awe, and knelt on the other side of Liam, who he embraced.

Liam returned it and then regarded me with curiosity. “He be well?”

“Well… nay,” I grimaced. “Death affects him deeply at times.”

“I seen that. Don’t let ’im touch Otter,” Liam said very seriously. His hand went to the pommel of a pistol.

I nodded quickly. “Gaston, come sit with me.”

He crawled around Liam to join me without question.

“Why he be fascinated with the dead?” Liam asked, with a little more ease now that I was between my matelot and his matelot’s body.

“His mother died when he was young, in childbirth, and it had a profound effect upon him,” I said.

Liam nodded sympathetically. “Me mother died birthin’ me. Me father married me wet nurse. I thought she was me mother fur a long time. Then she died birthin’ me half sister. She had seven afore that. I was thirteen when she went.”

“Don’ want no wife, an’ no bairns,” he continued. His hand strayed to the body again. His breath was ragged. “’E wants me ta find another.

Says I’ll be happy. ’E knows me better than I know meself. But… It won’t be ’im. It’ll be odd. An’ I never been with another man.”

I could not say the time-honored platitudes about allowing himself time to grieve. Instead, I asked, “Would you take another man?”

He shook his head with a bemused grin. “Don’ rightly know. I did na’ favor men in me youth. I did na’ fall in love with this bugger. ’E had never been with a man either, but ’e had entertained the notion.

So… our lives bein’ livin’ shite in that army, an’ me na’ wishin’ ta die without… well, at least once. So we put foot on the trail to see where it led. I don’t regret it none. Don’ know if I’d walk it again, though. But I canna’ stand bein’ alone.”

“You are a good man,” I said. “You should not have to be alone if you do not wish it. I am damn sorry you lost him.”

“Thank ye,” he sighed.

He handed me the bottle, of which there was very little left. I had drunk none of it. I wondered how much laudanum Gaston had given him.Gaston captured Liam’s hand while it was still between us. He squeezed it, and gave Liam a beatific smile.

“Love is heavy,” he said haltingly in English, “but it gives life purpose.”

Liam nodded and cocked his head. “I do na’ know ’bout that. It made me life lighter.”

His gaze flicked to me, and I smiled reassuringly.

“That is better, then,” Gaston said with a thoughtful frown. “I am heavy. Will must carry us both quite often.”

I wished to refute him, but my throat was choked with sudden tears.

Liam’s eyes were on mine and appeared as moist.

He smiled sadly. “Now don’t you be startin’, you’ll get me goin’ again.

We be needin’ another bottle.”

Gaston released him and kissed me on the temple. Then he stood, and presumably went to fetch another bottle, though I could not be sure.

“How often he get like that?” Liam asked once Gaston was gone.

I tried to compose myself. “Not often. Primarily after battles, when there is so much death.”

“An’ how… Do ya get any warnin’ afore he goes the other way?” Liam asked carefully.

“None.” I smiled.

Liam shook his head with mirth. “Damn, Will, Cork were right, ya be a fool. Is love na’ strange?”

“Oh, aye,” I said.

“We all worry ’bout ya,” he said with sudden sobriety.

My smile deepened. “I am not sure if that is good or bad.”

He grinned again. “Me, neither.”

When Gaston returned, the others accompanied him. A steady trickle of men came to Liam and offered condolences. I retreated with Gaston. I wished to check on Alonso, but I was very leery of his seeing my matelot in his present condition. I did spy him, standing near the shore with Julio and Davey guarding him. Julio appeared to be conversing with him. I was concerned about that, as well, but there was little to be done for it.

Or was there? I led Gaston away from the others until we were alone in the trees. He embraced me once we stopped. I held him and tried to let my worries fade away. It did not work, but I felt better for the attempt. I released him and took his face between my hands.

“You know I love you when are thus, oui?” I asked.

He nodded.

I kissed him lightly. “And you know I understand why you are this way at this moment, oui?”

He nodded again.

“However,” I said gently, “it would be better if you were not as you are now, until such time as we can be alone again at our leisure this night.”

He nodded once more, and the innocence receded from his face.

He kissed my palm and then pushed my hands away to step into my arms again. His kiss was thorough and compelling. I did not wish it to end, and pulled him back every time he sought to break it off. He finally pulled his mouth from mine and trailed his teeth down the side of my throat. I gasped and he bit. I held his head again and savored the mixed pain and pleasure of his marking me.

“There,” he said with a devil’s grin when he finished, “now he will know you belong to someone.”

I was amused. “Thank you for not killing him, yet.”

“The Horse does not want him dead,” he said with mischief.

“Truly? What does the Horse want?” I asked.

He took a quick breath and his grin slipped away, as did his eyes.

“Do not…”

I put fingers to his lips. “Do not dissemble now, please. You are doing so well today, with the battle, and Otter’s death, and Alonso even, and yet I would know if…”

His fingers were on my lips and he nodded. “You would know if I will wreak havoc yet.”

I grinned. “Precisely.”

He met my eyes solidly and took another deep breath. “The Horse wishes to take pleasure with you while he watches.”

I was not terribly surprised. I did not flinch from his gaze. “I would be amenable under certain circumstances.”

This surprised him. “Those being?”

“That the flavor of the night is such that we would not be alone amongst the Brethren in engaging in those activities: essentially, that our lovemaking not appear to be staged for his benefit alone,” I said.

He smiled and a great deal of tension fled him. “You do not take issue with his seeing?”

I grinned. “Non, when I think on all the times he publicly shunned me in the name of propriety – well, let us say I wish to wave a thing or two under his nose as well. And if it should please you and lessen your damnable jealousy, then it is icing upon a cake I already wished to eat.”

He lightly kissed my lips. “Then we will see how the night progresses.”

We returned to the others. Striker and Pete had found a fine flyboat, and men were busy dousing it in lamp oil and bringing extra timber to stack about the body.

Alonso appeared very relieved to see me. He was still with Julio and Davey, standing apart from the others. Gaston and I joined them.

“How are you?” I inquired of Alonso in Castilian.

“I have needs, but they can wait a little,” he replied in kind.

“Good,” I said. “There will be festivities all about, once this is completed. Not that they have not already started.”

I smirked and looked at all the drinking men watching the funeral preparations. Liam was obviously drunk and drugged beyond pain already. He was stumbling about helping Cudro and Pete get Otter’s body situated on the boat. And they were passing a bottle.

I thought we should join them soon, so as not to appear unsociable; but I thought we might wait a little, until the preparations were complete.

Alonso interrupted my musings. “Do they bury all their dead so?”

“No. We do not,” I said. “It depends on the circumstances, and how well-loved a man is, and what his last wishes were. Otter and his matelot, Liam, were well-liked. And usually we bury our dead in the ground or at sea. Otter asked for neither.”