Raising Rain (20 page)

“I don't know how Bebe ever got caught up in all of that,” Jude said, shaking her head in disgust. “She used to have a good head on her shoulders.”

Rain clicked the guide button and continued to scroll through movie channels. “Bebe's church isn't like that, Mom. It's very simple and down-to-earth. And her pastor doesn't yell. He doesn't even wear a suit.”

“So, she has you going to church with her, I see. Better hold on to your wallet.”

“Oh, mom, I only go a couple times a year, and they don't beg me for money, either.” Rain settled on
The Philadelphia Story
, even though it was almost over. “You like Katharine Hepburn, don't you?”

“Not in this role. She's a dizzy female who goes back to her abusive husband.”

“But it's Cary Grant. Who could blame her?” She glanced over at Jude who had narrowed her eyes at her. “Just kidding.”

Jude sank back into the couch, propped her feet up on the coffee table, and rested her head back against the cushion. She closed her eyes.

“Did William happen to mention where he was off to this time?” she asked.

Rain looked away from a very young, very smitten Jimmy Stewart. “No, where?”

Jude smirked, and opened her eyes long enough to say, “Groceries. Again.” She closed her eyes, draping her hand across her brow.

“So, what is that supposed to mean? ‘Groceries again.' You need groceries every week, don't you?”

Jude looked at her as though she were dense. “No. We don't cook. He brings home takeout every night. So why does he need to go to the store?”

“Oh, I don't know. For deodorant. Shampoo. Jack Daniels?”

Jude slowly tucked her legs beneath her and inclined her head toward Rain. “He's not at the store,” she stated.

Rain tossed the remote onto the cushion between them. “Okay, I'll bite. Where is he?”

“How do I know?” she said with a shrug. “But I do know that wherever he is, Valerie is with him.”

Valerie again. Rain rubbed her temple. “She's just a coworker, Mom.
What makes you think he's with another woman?”

“It's a very common occurrence when a spouse is terminally ill.”

“You're worrying yourself over nothing. And you're not his spouse. If he hasn't left you by now, he's not going to.”

Jude folded her arms across her chest and lifted her chin. “She's talking William into cheating you out of your inheritance. I know it. I owned the house before we met. I'm really thinking of leaving everything to you and cutting William out of my will entirely.”

“Don't you dare,” Rain said, pointing her finger at her mother. “He's been very good to you for a long time.” Rain held up her hand when Jude tried to interrupt. “You know what? I don't want to hear anything negative you have to say about him.”

Jude sat back and pouted. Finally, she said, “You don't know everything.”

“Unless he's plotting your demise, I'd like to keep it that way.”

After a period of silence, Jude looked at her sidelong, and asked, “Have you heard from Hayden lately?”

“He came by for the rest of his stuff. We didn't talk much. We haven't discussed the house yet, either, but I imagine we'll have to sell it.”

“You were smart to stay and make him move out. It will be harder for him to get full possession.”

“Who said anything about him getting full possession? We're two reasonable people and I'm sure we can both be fair.”

Jude lifted her eyebrow at Katharine Hepburn's inebriated character giving a silly musical giggle. “Don't be a fool. I've seen some very reasonable people take their partners for all they're worth.”

“Hayden's not like that.”

Jude shook her head. “He's a man, Rain. He thinks he deserves it, and he thinks he can easily take it. You can bet his friends are giving him that advice.” Jude shifted and winced briefly before continuing. “I've seen a string of men just like that over the past thirty years. Men who promise one thing and deliver another. And in every one of those relationships, the women started out with stars in their eyes.”

Jude had seen too many nasty divorces, and from what Rain could
gather, had too much baggage from her adolescence to see men in a positive light. Simply put, she was too jaded to give any man the benefit of the doubt. But what if she was right?

Rather than arguing with her mother, Rain considered her words. She trusted Hayden, but Jude had seen a lot of amicable divorces turn ugly. Perhaps, just as a precaution, she should go to the bank on Monday and remove his name from her account.

She looked up to find her mother watching her.

“I can help you with it, if you want,” Jude said.

“With what?”

“Taking the house, of course.”

“Mom! Please drop it.” Rain immediately felt remorse for being harsh with her sick mother, and softened her tone. “If I need help, I'll call you, okay?”

Jude sighed heavily. “Better not wait too long.”

Rain looked at her in alarm, but Jude added, clear-eyed, “You don't want him to get a jump on you.”

Rain grabbed the TV remote and started flipping through the channels again. “Oh, look.
Project Runway
.”

“Give it back,” Jude told her. Rain passed it over and Jude began to cruise the stations, dropping the subject of Rain's house.

“Looking for anything in particular?” Rain asked.

“There was a cancer special. William didn't record it like I asked him to.”

Rain knew that William was normally very conscientious, and probably had a good reason for neglecting to record it.

Rain was just irritated enough with her mother that she decided to test the paternal waters. “Mind if I check something on your computer?”

“Go ahead,” Jude said, without glancing up from her search.

Rain went into the office and logged on to the computer. The browser menu pulled down to reveal the alumni website her mother had recently visited.

“Mom,” Rain called from the office. “What's this alumni website? It says San Angelo State University alumni.”

There was silence from the couch.

“Were you looking somebody up?” Rain continued.

The silence continued until Rain thought her mother was going to pretend she didn't hear her, even though she was only in the next room. Finally, her mother said, “No. None of your business.”

Rain grinned to herself and took time to check her own e-mail since she had to pretend that she had a purpose for being on the computer. She soon emerged from the office and offered to refill her mother's glass. Jude kept her focus on the channels as she scrolled through the same shows that Rain had just perused, and said she didn't need anything.

Rain decided to take a direct approach, and see if she could read anything in Jude's body language that might connect the answer to the alumni website. She sat down and curled up on the leather sofa across from her mother, hugging a small chenille throw pillow that was lying there.

“So, Mom, there's something I've wanted to ask you about for a while.”

Jude gave her a weary look. “If you waited until now to ask, it must be messy.”

“Maybe not. You might not even know the answer.”

“Well, that would be too easy.” Jude settled on a news station and tossed the remote aside. She looked Rain in the eye. “Shoot.”

Rain glanced away from her mother's direct gaze. Did she really want to know the answer?

“Well?”

Rain took a deep breath, and spit it out. “My dad. I want to know about my dad.”

Jude looked incredulous. “What dad?”

“Exactly. Do I have one or not?
Did
I have one or not.”

Jude rolled her eyes. “You didn't have one. You didn't need one. Toni, Mare, Bebe, and I—we were enough.”

Rain was confused. “Are you saying I was a test-tube baby? Was there a guy or not?”

“Yes, of course there was a guy and no, you were not a test-tube
baby. Babies were never made in test tubes.”

Rain felt her irritation rise, but now that she had opened the channel, she had to keep going. “So, what happened with him? Or did you all just decide that I didn't need a father?”

Jude waved her hand dismissively. “He was nobody.
I
decided you didn't need a father. The others had nothing to do with it. It just worked out that we were able to arrange our schedules and share the duties of raising you. Sort of like a commune. Those were very popular in the early seventies.”

“But did you know who my fath—my biological father—was?”

Jude drummed her finger. “Not necessarily. You were the product of an art happening and a skipped birth control pill.” She frowned. “I think. There was one other guy I remember. But he wasn't important.”

“An art happening?”

“An artist brought his exhibit to the school and they recruited students to pose wearing only body paint.” Jude gave a small, wicked grin and quickly sobered. “But as I said, it may not have been him at all. You don't exactly ooze with artistic talent.”

“Tell me it's not the same art teacher that Mare—”

Jude looked affronted. “Of course not. That man was a sleaze who used his position at the college to prey on impressionable young students.”

“Oh, so this ‘happening' artist wasn't a sleaze who preyed on young students. Gosh, I'm so relieved,” Rain said sarcastically.

Jude sighed. “Rain, it wasn't a big deal. It was a time of great liberation and freedom. It was very commonplace, and even more so after abortion became legal.” She looked pointedly at Rain. “We've had this discussion before.”

Rain studied the nap on the pillow, framing her last question. Somehow, it seemed important. “Did the others know who he was?” she asked.

She shrugged. “They might have known him, but they didn't know who he was, any more than I did.” Jude rubbed her eyes. Rain could tell that she was clearly tiring of the discussion. “What difference does it make? Why on earth is this so important now?” Rain could almost
see the lightbulb go on. Jude's eyes grew big. “You're thinking of having a baby.”

Rain put on her best disgusted face. “By myself? Am I crazy?”

Jude continued to study her, so she kept talking while squirming internally.

“Okay, so maybe Hayden and I had discussions about it, maybe even disagreements. But it's a moot point now. You can't very easily have a child without a father.”

“Well, you can, but it's expensive and you never know what you're going to get.”

“Exactly.”

“And besides, your eggs are probably too old by now.”

Rain was silent. She had tried to keep that fear at bay in the deep places of her desire for a child.

“You're what, thirty-seven? You never know. There are always donor eggs, but that, of course, is another expense. You could end up with a mutt.”

Rain couldn't maintain her poker face. “But Bebe had her boys when she was my age.”

“Yes. Well.” Jude lifted her eyebrows, as though she were leaving things unsaid. “Anything's possible.”

William came in just then, and Rain started gathering her things.

Her mother asked, “Are you sure you don't want to keep the house for yourself? The money might come in handy.”

“I'll let you know.” Rain noticed that William glanced over at that remark. She would have to call him later and assure him they weren't talking about Jude's house.

Bebe hugged them both and left, not even realizing until she was on the freeway heading home she hadn't gotten an answer to her alumni site question.

B
ebe was pleasantly surprised when Rain called late Saturday night to ask which church service they were going to attend the next morning. Bebe told her they were going to the early one, and Rain wanted to take them out for brunch afterward for Bebe's birthday.

Bebe's birthday on the day before had been quiet, since Neil got called out for a horse that slid off a trail into a ravine, and both of the boys were away. Dylan called her to say Happy Birthday, but of course, she didn't hear from Scott. Her mother sent her a check for twenty-five dollars, and Neil gave her a gift certificate to Nordstrom. Neil's heart was in the right place, but she wasn't the Nordstrom's type. She didn't have a thing to wear to even shop there.

They met up with Rain outside the church on Sunday and went in together to sit near the back. Bebe wondered what Rain thought about the music and whether the sermon on forgiveness struck a chord with her in regard to her mother. The pastor read from Psalm 147: “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Bebe sneaked a glance at Rain, hoping that she would seek healing for the circumstances in her life.

Halfway through the service, Neil was paged about complications with the horse and had to leave. They met him later after the service at a Mexican restaurant where Rain picked at her fish tacos and boxed up the rest to go. Bebe wondered whether the sermon had touched a need or whether something else had left Rain with little to say. She asked Bebe to meet her for coffee one morning that week.