Randal Telk and the 396 Steps to Sexual Bliss

AMERICA
’
S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION

Book 17: Randal Telk and the 396 Steps to Sexual Bliss

by

Walter Knight

and

James Boedeker

In
a galaxy far, far away,
th
e
s
even
teenth installment of th
is
perpetually preposterous
military science fiction series
continues
Private Randal Telk’s
travails as his
psychosis hits full bloom
. T
he
Galactic Foreign
Legion
, stationed at planet New Colorado’s New Gobi Desert,
goes on a manhunt
to find and rescue the
fair Elena, Telk
’
s legionnaire bride
, after she is
taken hostage
by the Fist & Claw rebel alliance. The rebels continue to evade capture
, to the consternation of
the battalion
commander
,
Colonel Joey R. Czerinski
,
and the rest of the Legion.

Meanwhile, Private Telk falls deeper into the alternate reality of his psychotic delusions involving the super-hot Yolanda and his amazing 396 Steps to Sexual Bliss, providing
w
orld-famous science
-
fiction writer Private Knight
with more fantasy
fodder for his books
.
Time traveler and tank commander
Captain Patton gives some sage advice about adapting and surviving, and Telk does his best to take it to heart as he tries to stay focused on finding his wife. However, it is an old Legion foe who provides the last bit of help Telk needs to push forward and rescue Elena. The question is, can
Telk
remain lucid long enough to get the job done before the terrorists kill
Elena
?

America’s Galactic Foreign Legion
has
really gone off the reservation this time as the way-out
wackiness continues
to get even weirder
.

go to Table of Contents

AMERICA
’
S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION

Book 17: Randal Telk and the 396 Steps to Sexual Bliss

by

Walter Knight

and

James Boedeker

Licensed and Produced through

Penumbra Publishing

http://PenumbraPublishing.com

ELECTRONIC EDITION

EBOOK ISBN/EAN-13:
978-1-938758-08-9

Copyright 2012 Walter Knight and James Boedeker

All rights reserved

Also available in PRINT ISBN/EAN-13:
978-1-938758-09-6

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, planets, asteroids, alien species, evil empires, galaxies far, far way, or future events and incidents, are the product of the author
’
s imagination, or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons or aliens, living or dead, events or locales including those on Mars and New Colorado, is entirely coincidental.

Licensing Note: This ebook is licensed and sold for your personal enjoyment. Under copyright law, you may not resell, give away, or share copies of this book. You may purchase additional copies of this book for other individuals or direct them to purchase their own copies. If you are reading this book but did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, out of respect for the author
’
s effort and right to earn income from the work, please contact the publisher or retailer to purchase a legal copy.

~BOOKS BY THE AUTHORS~

Books by Walter Knight:

America
’
s Galactic Foreign Legion series

Book 1: Feeling Lucky

Book 2: Reenlistment

Book 3: Silent Invasion

Book 4: Demilitarized Zone

Book 5: Insurgency

Book 6: Culture War

Book 7: Enemies

Book 8: Allies

Book 9: Scorpions

Book 10: Peacekeepers

Book 11: Cemetery City

Book 12: The Ark

Book 13: Salesman from Mars

Book 14: Embassy War

Book 15: Lieutenant Columbus

Vampire in the Outfield

(AGFL Book 18 coming soon!)

Books by Walter Knight and James Boedeker:

AGFL Book 16: Galactic Disney

AGFL Book 17: Randal Telk

Books by James Boedeker:

Death Spiral series:

Death Spiral

Death Spiral Book 2: Jai Dee

(Book 3 coming soon!)

~AUTHOR ACKNOWLEDGEMENT~

I dedicate
America
’
s Galactic Foreign Legion – Book 1
7
:
Randal Telk
to
American hero Norman Schwar
zko
p
f.

A special thank you goes out to Penumbra Publishing editor Patricia Morrison
. Also I thank my loving family – Barb, Leslie, Kathy, and Michael. They are everything
.

AMERICA
’
S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION

Book 17: Randal Telk and the 396 Steps to Sexual Bliss

by

Walter Knight

and

James Boedeker

Chapter 1

I am Colonel Joey R. Czerinski, commander of United States Galactic Federation Foreign Legion garrison at New Gobi City, planet of New Colorado. To the north are the spiders of the Arthropodan Empire, our tenuous allies in the war on terrorism against the Fist and Claw, a separatist terrorist organization of both humans and aliens operating on both sides of the D
emilitarized
Z
one
. Terrorist attacks are becoming more frequent. Today, General Daly, Governor of the American half of New Colorado, called me to outline a new strategy in the war on terrorism.

“
Jimmy the Neck and his associates will be contacting you shortly to discuss a truce and an amnesty,
”
announced General Daly.
“
We are now allied with the Mafia in the war on terrorism. You will work out the details and utilize Jimmy
’
s vast contacts to rout out the Fist and Claw.
”

“
Sir, dealing with the Mafia is a mistake,
”
I argued.
“
The Mafia should have never been allowed past Mars. You are only giving them credibility and power by making deals.
”

“
After we wipe out the Fist and Claw, you can wipe out the Mafia, too,
”
explained General Daly, annoyed.
“
I understand you know Jimmy the Neck from your deployment at Caldera Lake. Jimmy owns a casino there that competes with your casinos. Do not let your many conflicts of interest interfere with your duty to protect the citizenry of New Colorado.
”

“
Sir, I resent that implication.
”

“
The Fist and Claw is growing. Today they are contained to the DMZ. Tomorrow their attacks may spread to all of New Colorado, and even Old Earth. We need to marshal all of humanity
’
s resources to win the war on terrorism. Understand?
”

“
Yes, sir.
”

* * * * *

“
I made General Daly an offer he couldn
’
t refuse,
”
bragged Jimmy the Neck, seated in my office
,
flanked by his associates Johnny the Gut, Tony the Knuckle, and Big Al Alfredo.
“
Now that New Gobi City is part of my territory, I want five percent – no, make that ten percent – of your revenue from the Blind Tiger Casino.
”

“
Arrest them all,
”
I ordered.
“
Throw these wise guys in the dungeon forever!
”

“
What about General Daly?
”
asked Jimmy the Neck, struggling with Master Sergeant Green and a squad of legionnaires.
“
We had a deal!
”

“
The deal was that you would assist in the war on terrorism because it is in our mutual interest to stop bombings,
”
I replied.
“
Daly agreed to nothing about you muscling in on my action.
”

“
Fine, Czerinski!
”
shouted Jimmy the Neck.
“
Perhaps I was hasty in assuming the extent of General Daly
’
s goodwill. I don
’
t need your action. I was just joking. Let
’
s work out another deal.
”

“
Shoot them at dawn!
”

“
There
’
s no reason to shoot all of us,
”
pleaded Johnny the Gut.
“
Just shoot Jimmy. He
’
s the one getting uppity. I have always had nothing but deep respect for you, and a desire for good relations with all our brothers in the Legion.
”

“
Too late. You
’
ve been replaced. Shoot them all!
”

“
You are disobeying General Daly
’
s orders,
”
advised Major Lopez, my XO, watching the wise guys dragged away.
“
Is that smart?
”

“
Daly told me to work with the Mafia to fight the Fist and Claw. He did not say which Mafia. I
’
ll make an offer that can
’
t be refused to someone else. No one muscles in on my casino action. It would set a bad precedent.
”

“
Czerinski, you know nothing about fighting terrorism!
”
shouted Jimmy the Neck defiantly as he was dragged away.
“
Did you hear the one about the Polish terrorist they sent out to blow up a car? He burned his lips on a tail pipe! You
’
re a punk, Czerinski!
”

“
Shoot him at dawn!
”

* * * * *

Corporal Elena Ceausescu entered spider territory to shop in the newly established tax-free zone. Elena reveled in her newlywed status to Private Randal Telk. Shopping and domestic bliss suited her to a tee. Carefree, Elena crossed the street to Walmart, VISA card in hand.

“
Halt, human pestilence!
”
ordered a spider traffic cop.
“
Did you not see the sign when you entered the Empire? You will obey all laws!
”

“
What laws?
”
asked Elena.
“
I
’
ve done nothing wrong. Bug off,
b
ug
b
oy!
”

“
You jaywalked!
”

“
I
’
m a legionnaire. The Legion goes where it pleases!
”

“
Not in the Empire,
”
insisted the spider cop, already calling for back-up. More spider cops gathered.
“
You are under arrest, human pestilence.
”