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Trent and I made it to Edmonton in just over two and a half hours because I was driving like a maniac. Lee-Anne and her mom were in the hospital waiting room when we arrived. Trent hugged Mrs. Roberts first and then kissed Lee-Anne on the forehead. Lee-Anne glanced at me and smiled. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying.

“What did the doctor say?” Trent asked.

“They’re still doing tests,” Doreen said and sat down wringing her hands together. “We can see her once they bring her back from having the MRI done.”

Trent paced around. Lee-Anne sat down beside her mom. Then Nate came in the room holding three coffees in his giant hands. He gave one each to Lee-Anne and her mom and offered the third one to Trent. Trent declined, but shook Nate’s free hand. They talked about what happened in the ring and how Nate had been the first to reach her. If he hadn’t had medical training and told everyone what to do, someone might have mistakenly tried to move her and made the injury worse. Lee-Anne glanced at me and it felt as if she was checking my reaction to Nate being there. Or, maybe she was just wondering why I was having trouble breathing. I leaned my back up against the wall and blinked a couple times. When that didn’t stop the room from spinning, I left and sat on a bench in the hall. I leaned my elbows on my knees and hung my head trying to force oxygen into my lungs. The door opened, footsteps crossed the hall, and Lee-Anne stopped in front of me.

“You okay?” she asked.

I shook my head without looking up at her.

She sat down beside me.

“Did you see it happen?” I asked and glanced at her.

She nodded and started crying. “I felt so helpless, seeing it happen and not being able to do anything about it.” She looked over. “You know.”

I nodded. “Yeah. Unfortunately, I do know.” I sighed and leaned back to stare up at the ceiling. I swallowed down the lump that was swelling in my throat. My eyes burned and I felt tears trying to push forward.

She touched my arm sympathetically before she hugged her knees into her chest.

“Is she dating him?” I asked even though it was obvious.

“Mr. Wonderful? Not officially. They were hanging out together at the bar last night though.”

“He’s kind of old for her, don’t you think?”

She shrugged. “Shae skipped being a teenager and fast-forwarded straight from little girl to young woman. She’s already looking for a guy who is serious, stable, and works hard doing admirable things. Nate’s that guy.”

“Yeah. He’s perfect for her,” I said, although it didn’t feel good to admit it.

She checked my expression and seemed to be reading into it, but since I didn’t even know what I was feeling, she gave up. We sat without talking for what felt like hours before a doctor walked down the hall and went into the waiting room. We both stood and followed him. He shook hands with Trent and updated them on Shae-Lynn’s condition. Flashbacks to when the doctor came in to tell Cole and me that our dad was dead kept distracting me from what was being said. All I heard at first was the word
paralysis
. Doreen covered her mouth with her hands as she started sobbing. Then I heard the word
temporary
and Trent squeezed his arm around her. The doctor stood and said, “You can see her now.”

The three of them, along with Nate, got up to follow the doctor. I didn’t move. Lee-Anne turned to look over her shoulder. “Are you coming, Billy Ray?”

“No. You go ahead. I should probably get going.”

She walked over and wrapped her fingers around my hand. Her expression was incredibly serious when she said, “Billy, she’ll want to see you.”

I stared at her for a while, considering it, before I looked down at my trembling hands. “I don’t think I can handle seeing her all messed up.”

She squeezed my hand tighter maybe trying to steady them. “The doctor said she’s going to be okay once the swelling goes down. She’s going to be all right.”

“I can’t. Sorry.”

She frowned and it seemed as if she was debating something before she released the grip on my hand. “Okay. I’ll tell her you were here. Thanks for driving Dad.”

I nodded, then left.

Tawnie’s house was twenty minutes outside of Edmonton. I headed straight there from the hospital to drop off the horse trailer. It was dusk, so it was hard to see the addresses on the mailboxes. I eventually found hers, pulled up the long dirt driveway, and parked in front of the farmhouse. She stepped out the screen door and onto the front porch as I got out of the truck. “Have you eaten?” she asked.

“No. I’ll get something on the road.” I unhitched the trailer.

“I made roasted chicken. It’s almost done if you want to come in.”

“No thanks. I need to get going,” I said and opened the driver’s door.

“You’re not going to drive all the way to Saskatoon tonight, are you?”

I pushed my hat back and leaned on the door. “I might stop somewhere along the way if I get tired.”

“You can stay here if you want. My grandparents are away on a Caribbean cruise.”

I shook my head. “I have to work tomorrow.”

She leaned on the porch railing and smiled. “Sorry about throwing the lamp at you this morning. Stay for dinner. I won’t hurt you. I promise.” She turned and went back into the house.

I stood staring at her through the window as she moved around in the kitchen. Shae-Lynn’s voice replayed in my ear about how I used girls and that if I didn’t learn how to have a relationship that lasted longer than two nights I was going to end up alone and miserable. My stomach growled. Having dinner didn’t mean anything, except that maybe I had it in me to be a stand-up guy. I closed the truck door and walked over to the porch. The screen door squeaked when I opened it. It was a heritage farmhouse and most of the furniture looked as if it was original to the house. I took my hat off and hung it on the back of the dining chair.

After we finished eating I helped her with the dishes. She handed me a plate to dry and asked, “Did Stella settle in okay in Calgary?”

“Yeah. They’ll take good care of her.”

“Is Shae going to train on her this week?”

I looked over at her. “Didn’t you hear?”

“What?”

“Shae-Lynn was hurt real bad. Harley slipped and landed on her.”

“Oh my God.” She dropped the plate she was washing into the soapy water. “I didn’t know. Rochelle called a couple times, but I thought she wanted to ask what happened between you and me, so I didn’t call her back. Is Shae going to be okay?”

I shrugged.

She watched as I rubbed the spot on my chest that felt as if it was being repeatedly kicked. “Sorry I freaked out when you told me about asking Shae to ride Stella.”

I exhaled and placed a glass in the cupboard. “It’s understandable that you were upset. I should have given you some warning. It was a dick move.”

“She’s your horse. You can do whatever you want with her.” She rinsed a pot and placed it upside down in the rack. “I overacted because I was embarrassed by what I did in the bar, and I was jealous about Shae. I shouldn’t have thrown the lamp at you. It was a crazy bitch move.”

I laughed at her honesty. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, you’re not the craziest bitch I’ve ever met. A girl tried to stab me once.”

“Why? What did you do to her?”

I smiled and stacked another plate in the cupboard. “I slept with her sister, but in my defence, they were twins. I never knew which one was which.”

She chuckled, but her smile faded a second later and her tone became serious. “I don’t want to be so reactive. I never used to be, but the guy I used to date was really abusive and it messed me up. I act insecure around guys now.”

“Abusive how?”

“In every possible way.”

“How long were you together?”

“We dated for almost five years and I lived with him for about six months. It was a disaster. He talked me into paying all the bills because he said he was saving his money to buy a house for us to live in when we got married. I was naïve enough to believe him. I was also stupid enough to let him convince me to drop out of my college classes so we could travel.” She laughed. “We never went anywhere. The money disappeared and I couldn’t get a good job because I didn’t have my degree. He was controlling and it got to the point where he would slap me around if I hung out with my friends or bought an outfit he didn’t approve of.”

“Why did you stay with him?”

“He was a sweet talker, and obviously I’m a sucker.”

“How did you eventually leave?”

“One night he got rough because I was like twenty minutes late getting home from work. He pushed me down the stairs and I broke my arm, so my grandpa dragged me out of there. Mitch stalked me after I left and I still have a restraining order against him.”

My phone buzzed in my pocket, but I ignored it.

“The whole thing really affected my self-esteem. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize.”

“I don’t want to be insecure and needy.” She ran her hands through her hair and exhaled. “I just haven’t got my confidence back yet.”

My phone buzzed again and it occurred to me it might be Lee-Anne calling about Shae-Lynn. “Sorry,” I mumbled and took it out of my pocket.

“Don’t worry about it. Answer it.”

It was a text from Cole.
Where are you? Did you take my camper? Call me.
I stuffed my phone back in my pocket and leaned against the counter as she emptied the sink. My phone buzzed again and she looked at me. I pulled it out to turn it off and noticed that it was a text from Blake.
Call me, shit head.

“You have that look on your face again.”

“Which look?”

“The one where you get that serious line between your eyebrows. You get it when you’re worrying.”

“I have a lot on my mind.”

“Yeah, I can tell. You’ve been clutching at your chest as if you’re about to have a heart attack, and your jaw muscles keep tensing as if you’re chewing tobacco. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“No. Thanks.”

She opened the freezer. “Ice cream makes everything seem better. Do you want some?”

I arranged the cutlery in the drawer next to the oven. “Sure.”

She scooped two bowls of ice cream and then we went outside to eat it on the porch. She sat on a rocking chair and I sat in the porch swing. I finished mine and balanced the bowl on the railing so I could sit back and relax in the swing.

“It’s nice here,” I said as I stared out at the pasture beyond the barn. The grass appeared silvery in the dusky sky.

“Yeah, it’s peaceful. I missed the quiet when I was living in the city.”

“We used to have a place like this, but my mom had to sell it after my dad died. I used to go for walks at dusk just to listen to the world slowing down.” I closed my eyes and inhaled the fresh air. “Shae-Lynn’s not going to be able ride Stella, so you can if you want to.”

She rocked for a while before she answered. “Let me think about it. I’ll let you know.” The sky got darker and the air cooled off. “Billy,” she said so softly I almost didn’t hear her.

“Yeah.”

“This feels nice, doesn’t it?”

I didn’t answer, but it did remind me of a time when I didn’t have so many problems.

“Don’t you ever think about settling down with one girl?”

I shrugged, because although I hadn’t ever really thought about it, I knew I probably should make a plan for my future, like Nate had done.

“If you did settle down, it could feel like this all the time.”

“I can’t leave Saskatoon right now with everything going on with my mom and brother.”

“You don’t have to. We could date long distance for a while and if it gets serious, I’ll move there. It’s not like I’m tied to Edmonton.” She studied my expression, maybe hoping for something that wasn’t there. “You can stay tonight if you want.”

Shit. I shouldn’t have stayed for dinner. I stood and said, “I have to work tomorrow.”

“Call in sick. I’ll worry if you’re driving at night.”

“I already miss way too many work days with all the events. I can’t afford to get fired.”

She sighed as she stood. “Your hat’s in the dining room. Hold on a second. I’ll get it.” She disappeared inside.

Through the screen door, I heard what sounded like her gasping. Then she said, “You can’t be here.”

“Yeah? Who’s going to stop me?” a man’s voice replied.

I opened the screen door, walked down the hall, and stood in the archway to the dining room to see who Tawnie was talking to. There was an athletic looking guy sitting at the head of the table.

“Who’s your dinner guest, Tawnie?”

“None of your business, Mitch. You need to leave before I call the cops.”

“Go ahead. I’ll be done with what I’m about to do before the cops get here.”

Tawnie stepped closer to me and it seemed as if she was checking which exit was nearest.

“She asked you to leave,” I said.

“Shut up.”

I stepped into the dining room and stood in front of Tawnie. “Go call the police.” She turned and her feet pounded against the floorboards as she ran up the stairs. I stared at Mitch. The chair scraped across the floor behind him as he stood.

“You think you’re a tough guy?” he asked.

“I’m not looking for a fight. You just need to leave. You’re trespassing. And from what she’s told me I’m going to assume you’re also violating a restraining order.”

“You picked the wrong girl.”

“She doesn’t want anything to do with you. You need to accept that and move on.”

He laughed and walked along the side of the dining table towards me. He was as tall as me and a little broader. His breathing was shallow and getting faster. “This is between her and me. You need to mind your business, cowboy.”

“Making sure she’s safe is my business.”

He rubbed his hand over his mouth. “I hope you enjoyed fucking her because it’s the last thing you’re ever going to do.” He winced as if the thought of her being with someone else stabbed him.

I smiled to provoke him and widened my stance. “I did enjoy it. Thoroughly.”

He launched himself through the air and tackled me to the ground. His fist made contact with my jaw, but I wrestled him onto his back and rammed my knee against his chest. I punched him with a left hook.

He was out.

I stood and kicked his motionless body. Tawnie appeared in the archway with the phone pressed to her ear and stared at Mitch. I put on my hat and sat on a dining room chair to wait for either the police to arrive, or for the asshole to come to. Tawnie rushed into the kitchen and returned with a bag of frozen peas. “Here,” she whispered away from the phone. “Put this on your face. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” I pressed the bag against my hand. It was already throbbing from punching him so hard.

“How long until an officer is going to be here?” she asked the person on the phone. “Mitchell LaPorte…Tawnie Lang…Yes, but there’s a restraining order.” She frowned as she paced back and forth listening to the person on the other end of the phone. “He entered my house without permission. He attacked my friend.” Mitch groaned and moved a little, which made her hop back. Her breathing sounded as if she was being choked. “Can you please tell them to hurry?”

He groaned again and tried to move, so I stood over him. “Stay put, or I’ll knock you out again.”

He rubbed his jaw and shook his head. “Damn. What did you hit me with?”

“My bare fist, and there’s plenty more where that came from if you ever go near her again. Got it?”

He shook his head again and rolled to lie on his back.

The police arrived ten minutes later and arrested him. One cop escorted him to the cruiser and the other one interviewed us. By the time everything was done, it was after midnight. Tawnie walked over and hugged me. “You can go. I don’t want you to get fired on my account.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t be here all by yourself.”

“It’s fine. I already called one of my girlfriends to come by and sleep over. She’ll be here any minute.” She stood on her tiptoes and kissed me. “I’m glad you were here. Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.” I took my hat off to run my hand through my hair.

She reached up and ran her finger over the crease between my eyebrows. “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.” Headlights from a compact car turned up the driveway. “There she is now. Go.”

I kissed her cheek before I went out to my truck. I plugged my phone in to recharge it. There were ten text messages from Cole asking where I was. Three from Tyson telling me that Blake was trying to get a hold of me. There was also one voice message from Shae-Lynn saying that she couldn’t sleep in the hospital and she was wondering if I would call her. I listened to her message again because the sound of her voice made the stressful feeling in my chest disappear.

I drove back to the hospital.

Shae-Lynn was lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling, when I popped my head into her room. There was a metal brace holding her head in place and she looked uncomfortable.

“Hey,” I whispered and closed the door behind me so none of the nurses would realize I snuck in.

Her head didn’t move, but her eyes rolled to the side to look at me. She smiled. “Hey. I thought you already went back to Saskatoon.”

“No. I had some stuff to do.”

“I wouldn’t have called if I thought you were actually going to come by. Lee-Anne said you were having a hard time being here because it was bringing up memories of your dad.”

“I’m okay now that I can see you’re going to be okay.”

“This is your idea of okay?” she joked.

“Well, at least you’re conscious. And I’m glad you’re able to look at me again. Have you gotten over what you witnessed at the bar last night?”

“God, was that only last night? Feels like forever ago.”

It did feel like forever ago, but I hadn’t forgotten it. “Do you think you can start seeing me as that other guy again?”

She sighed and her eyes closed in a long blink. “Well, I had this teacher once who said life was like one of those desk calendars that has an inspirational quote on each page.” She looked at me. “You know those ones you rip off at the end of every day?”

I nodded because my mom had one from the eighties near the phone for taking messages.

“He told us to start each day fresh and positive, like a new page on the calendar — learn from your experiences and mistakes, but leave any guilt, regret, worry, disappointment, hurt or anger in the past.”

“Does that mean you forgive me?”

“It means I would like to leave my feelings about that particular incident in the past. Tomorrow’s a new day. Hopefully you learned something from it.”

“Don’t let drunk girls go down on you in a public place where people whose opinion you care about might see?”

She smiled at my attempt at humour. “I guess that counts as learning from your mistakes. You care about my opinion?”

“Yeah. I do. What did you learn?”

“That you’re an idiot.”

I relaxed, glad we were back to the comfortable place we had been before I screwed up. “But you still called me when you couldn’t sleep.”

Her cheeks turned a little pink and she looked up at the ceiling. “You’re the only person I know who would be awake this late.”

“Where’s your family?”

“The motorhome is out in the parking lot. I told them I wanted to get some sleep, but then after they left, I was wide awake. You don’t have to stay.”

“I don’t mind. I can stay until you fall asleep if you want.” I dragged over a vinyl-covered armchair and sat down. “Where’s Nate?”

The corner of her mouth turned up into what may have been a grin. “He had to go back to Calgary. He’s opening up his own veterinary clinic.”

“Yeah, I heard. That’s awesome.” I tried to say it without sounding bitter, but it didn’t quite work.

“He’s a really nice person.”

“I know. I didn’t say he wasn’t.”

“Then, why are you making that expression like you want to beat him up or something?”

“I’m not. I’m happy for him. I’m happy for you.”

She didn’t seem convinced before she asked, “Were you just with Tawnie?”

I didn’t want to admit it because she was going to think I was using Tawnie again. I avoided making eye contact for as long as I could before I met her gaze. She was going to find out anyway, so I said, “Yeah. I had to return her trailer.”

“You only went to return the trailer?”

“Well, someone I know mentioned that maybe it was time for me to try having a relationship that lasted for more than two nights, so I hung out for a while. We had dinner.”

“Hmm. Do you always take that someone’s advice?”

“That someone knows me pretty well and I’m pretty sure she’s right.”

She inhaled and stared up at the ceiling for a while before exhaling. “You and Tawnie in a committed relationship. Good for you.” Her eyes closed as if it was too much effort to keep them open.

“How are you feeling?”

“Paralyzed.”

“That’s not funny. It’s not normal to joke when you’re laid up in the hospital not able to feel your arms and legs.”

She opened her eyes again. “The pain medicine makes me seem calm. I’m actually freaking out inside my head, but by the time the terror reaches the surface, I feel numb.”

“I wouldn’t mind some of that medicine.” It sort of sounded like I was joking, but I wasn’t really.

“You’ll have to start riding again so you can get injured.”

“Never mind then.” I chuckled.

Her tone shifted into something more serious, and she sounded scared when she asked, “Have you ever had an injury like this?”

“No, I try not to let the animal land on me.” I kept it light to prevent her from thinking too much about it and worrying.

“Ha ha. I’ll keep that in mind next time.”

I pointed to the tube leading from the bed to a machine. “I do have some experience with a catheter, though — as a result of a horn to the groin.”

“Fortunately, I can’t feel it.”

“Can you move your fingers?” I slid my hand under hers.

She squeezed very subtly. Even though her fingers barely moved, the warmth of her touch inched all the way up my arm. The sensation grew in intensity as she squeezed tighter. When the heat spread to my chest, my heart jumped as if I’d backed up onto an electric fence. When I flinched, her eyes met mine for a second before she moved her hand away.

“Did you feel that?” I asked.

Her voice was soft and her lips barely moved. “Yes.”

I didn’t know if she was referring to the physical touch or the shock, but the corner of her mouth turned up in a smile, which made me smile too. “How did you call me if you can’t move?”

She pointed at her phone sitting on the bed next to her right hip. “My phone has a voice activated feature. I had never used it before, but it’s pretty awesome.”

“I tried to use mine when I first got my phone, but it just came up with a bunch of gibberish.”

“That’s because it doesn’t understand hick accent.”

I laughed. “Yeah, that must be it.”

Her eyes rolled to the side to look at me. “Why do you look like you were in a fight?”

“It’s a long story.”

“You might as well tell me. I’ve got nothing better to do.”

“I’d rather talk about good things.”

She was quiet for a while as if she was searching for something pleasant. “I can’t think of any good things right now. Can you?”

I moved the chair towards the end of the bed so she wouldn’t have to strain her eyes so much to look at me. I sighed. “I can’t think of anything good right now either. We can play a game.”

“I can’t move.”

“You don’t have to. When I was a kid, my mom used to play this game with Cole and me on long car rides. She would sing a couple lines from a song and we would have to guess the song and artist. I can’t sing, but I’ll say the line.”

“Bruce Springsteen.”

I laughed. “You can’t guess before I even say the line.”

“Okay. Go.”

I recited the lines and smiled as she tried to think of the song.

“Sing it.”

“I really can’t sing.”

“Everybody can sing; it’s just not always in tune.”

“There’s more wrong with my singing than just being out of tune.”

“Luckily for you, I know that it’s Lee Brice.
Hard to Love
.”

“Good. Your turn.”

She sang three lines with a voice that was mesmerizing.

I watched her face for a while before I recovered from the way the sound of her voice made my skin tingle. “I can’t remember the name of the song, but it’s by Dallas Smith.”

“You only get a half point for that one.”

“All right.” I took my hat off and hung it on my knee before I said the line of lyrics.

She squished up her face. “Um, I know this one. My dad likes it. I would definitely know it if you gave me the tune. Can you whistle?”

“Not in tune.”

“Give me a second. It’s an old one. Is it Kenny Chesney?”

“No.”

“Tim McGraw?”

“No.”

“Brad Paisley?”

“No.”

“Alan Jackson?”

“No.”

“Toby Keith?”

“No.”

“Ooh, I remember. It’s Garth Brooks.
Friends In Low Places
.”

“You get minus ten points for that one.”

She laughed, then licked her lips. “Is there still a cup of water on the counter behind me?”

“Yeah.” I stood and held it so she could take a sip from the straw. “Do you need anything else?”

“Neural sensation.”

“Hilarious.” I sat back down and sighed because no matter how much we joked, it didn’t change the fact that she was seriously injured.

She must have known what I was thinking because she said, “Don’t make that stressed face of yours.”

I smiled to erase the tension. “You’re the second person to say that to me today. Apparently I can’t help it.”

She exhaled and closed her eyes in a long blink. “I’m scared, Billy.”

Hearing her say it crushed me, but I couldn’t let it show. I leaned in and said, “Well, lucky for you, I don’t get scared. I’ll be brave for you.”

She opened her hand so the palm was facing up. “Do you mind holding my hand again?”

I rested my elbows on the edge of the bed and wrapped my hand around hers. The warm sensation traveled up my arm to my chest again. I smiled when it gave me another little jolt.

“You do get scared.” Her voice was quiet and sleepy sounding.

“Prove it.”

“You throw up before every round.”

I chuckled. “That’s just food poisoning. I need to learn to stay away from arena hotdogs.”