Rapids (18 page)

The rain still fell heavily. They hoisted the kayaks onto their shoulders. How far do we walk? Back to the minibus, Phil said. I’m not getting in the water again. The others were silent. Each boat weighed twelve kilos plus whatever kit they had. Emergency candy supply, Adam announced cheerfully. He still had a dozen packs of wine gums. Clive carried two boats, one on each shoulder. Brian used paddles for crutches. He seems undaunted. How far? Mark repeated. There’s a sort of chute here, Clive explained. He had run it twice. Too fast and steep to get back in on. Especially in the state we’re in now. About quarter of a mile. Maybe half.

Suddenly they were exhausted, what with the waiting around, the cold, the dragging the boats one by one up the slope. Everyone had a blister, a rash, scratches. Only Vince was still in a strange state of elation. Why had he behaved like that? He hadn’t even told himself he was crazy about her. So why had he shouted it? And why had she kissed him, then hurried off? But he wasn’t really thinking of Michela. He wasn’t sure at all that she mattered to him. His main thought is: When I wake up tomorrow, will I really have changed? Is it over, the paralysis of these awful months? The canoe bit into his shoulder. He didn’t notice. He wanted to speak to Louise, though he couldn’t tell her of course. Phil almost died, he chided himself. It didn’t seem important. Okay, here, Clive eventually decided. He put down the boats. We’ll try here.

Clive and Adam slithered down the slope to scout. They have found an understanding, Michela noticed. She sat apart from the others, her body numb, her mind fixed. I am not going back to the campsite, she decided, not to the chalet. Clutching her knees, she rocked back and forth in the damp pine needles. It was like the moment on the train between Brescia and Milan when she had told herself that she would never see her mother again. That’s it. I will never speak to you again. This clarity is a relief. She didn’t question the moment with Vince beneath that thunder of water. She didn’t see the wooded slope in the rain. Her head is leaden. But she knows: I’m not going back.

Do—able, Clive announced, but only if everyone’s feeling positive. While the instructors were away, Phil had been going over and over the accident with the others. When I started to go under the tree, I thought I was dead. There was like, this roar of noise. I was grabbing at the branches, shitting myself. I must have swallowed a bathtub full. From time to time, as he spoke, the boy had fits of shivers. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, he shook his head fiercely from side to side.

They were sitting on their upturned boats on the path in their uncomfortable waterproof clothes. Now Clive appeared from the woods with his solemn smile, weighing them up. Time for a morale massage, kids, he said. You’ve got to tell yourselves that essentially nothing has happened and that you’re going to go on paddling just the same way you did this morning. Like gods. When no one replied, he said slowly: In the end, it’s all here folks, he touched his forehead just above the nose. It’s just a question of believing you can do it. It’s in your head. Phil, he went on briskly, you take my paddle and I’ll use the splits. It was a BCU rule that a trip leader carried a collapsible paddle. But Phil said no. He was shaking his head wildly. No way he was going back on the water. No fucking way. I’ve got a flask of tea, Adam told him. Warm you up. Come on. Then Mark said: Don’t chicken out, Phil. Suddenly Max was on his feet. Shut up! he shrieked. You fucking stupid wimp! How can you talk about chickening out? Phil nearly fucking died. He was choking. It’s a miracle that bloke was there. And you, you … Max seemed about to explode with frustration. You’re useless! You’re shitting in your pants the whole time.

Two years older, Mark muttered, I didn’t mean anything. I … Just stay out of it, Adam told his son quietly. He said nothing to Max. If you really can’t, Clive told Phil quietly, then I suppose you can climb up to the road and just wait for as long as it takes for us to come and pick you up. We’ll get someone else to volunteer to stay with you. But it can’t be me or Adam. There have to be two instructors with the group. Then Amelia said, actually, if she wasn’t mistaken, the road must be on the other side of the gorge. And she was right.

The pressure of the group now was to get the boy back on the water. There was some discussion. The leaders couldn’t decide how much of an emergency this was. The day hung in the balance. What’s the water like, Phil eventually asked. Adam said coolly: More or less the way you’ve always wanted it, Phil. Worst comes to worst, Clive said, you can ferry over to the other side and climb to the road there. But everybody remembered that the road had been dizzyingly high, right at the top of the gorge. As they set up a rope and sling to lower the boats down, Michela got to her feet and walked over to Vince. At once he was tense with expectation. She put her mouth to his ear: He wants to save the whole world and now someone in his own little kayak group is going to die. Vince was shocked. The girl’s face was pale with anger and scorn. Her dark eyes were gleaming. As he was trying to think what to reply, she turned away.

We should abort, Adam announced. Half an hour later they had got the boats lined up in a thicket of young saplings precariously rooted over a drop of perhaps four feet into a roar of muddy water. The river has come up two or three inches, Adam insisted, in the time it’s taken us to bring the boats down. I’ve got my mobile in the dry—bag, he said. We can call Keith and sort something out.

Michela said, Really, it’s fine. There’s nothing specially difficult from here on. Vince stared at the swollen water. A couple of small planks came tumbling down, part of a broken pallet perhaps. We should abort, Adam said firmly. Your dad’s scared you won’t be able to make it, Max taunted Mark. Max! Clive said. Shut it! Okay? Enough! Now listen, come round— they were huddled on the mud among the thin trees— listen, if we played it strictly by the rule book, I think Adam would be right. We can rig up a pulley across the river, do a rope—assisted ferry—glide, climb about a thousand feet and spend till midnight and gone getting the boats out.

He paused. The others were watching. Amelia was trying to press the water out of her hair. But I’m for running it, kids. The higher water will make it faster. A lot of the usual obstacles will have gone under, so it’s going to be less technical, just a bit wilder if you have to swim. He spoke calmly, but very intensely, turning his bright eyes from one to the other. All the afternoon’s poor light seemed to be drawn into his face. Obviously, one or two of us are at the limits of our ability here, but that’s when an experience helps you grow, doesn’t it? Now who’s for it?

Me, Michela said in a flat voice.

Me, Amelia echoed.

There was a powerful charisma emanating from the bearded man. I don’t want to put any pressure on anyone, he added. It was a lie.

Well, I’m not for walking, Brian grinned.

That made three, four with Clive. Adam cut in: The rule is, we don’t do anything beyond the ability of the weakest member of the group. Especially if there’s real risk of serious injury. And that’s undeniable. The weakest member of the group was clearly Mark, but Adam didn’t say this.

Okay, I’ll get back in, Phil said, I’ll try it. He grinned, but it still wasn’t his old voice. If you think I’m up for it, like.

Vince wavered. The water was frightening. It was only Clive’s will that was pulling them round. I’ll give it a go, he eventually said.

But Adam seemed extremely agitated. Had he promised something to his wife? I’ll stay behind with you, he suddenly announced to Mark. The boy hesitated. The launch looked daunting to a degree. There was no eddy here to hide in. They must push the boats through the bushes, climb in right on the edge, then plunge four or five feet straight into the brown flood with a rock to get pinned on only ten yards downstream.

You can’t stay if we go, Clive said calmly: the rules demand two instructors.

So you can’t go if we stay, Adam said.

The antagonism had surfaced again. But Clive seemed more relaxed and authoritative now than when the problem was politics. His face radiated that manly reassurance that had made Michela fall in love with him. I’m the river leader, he said quietly.

It doesn’t make sense to go, Adam said, if we think there’s a real danger.

There’s always a real danger, Michela said quietly. Just being alive.

Vince felt the anxiety of not understanding what was going on. The girl had been silent all day. What was at stake? Why did she insist now? Then, pushing his fringe from his eyes, raising his thin nose in a sort of defiance, Mark said, I wanna do it. He hesitated. Let’s hammer on down, he said. Let’s do it.

On one condition, Clive cut in quickly. We forget all arguments, okay? Max? Mark? Amelia? All individual niggles. Forgotten. Is that clear?

Alles klar,
Max said. He turned and offered a hand to Mark. The boy took it. His narrow eyes were full of anxiety.

Community experience, Amelia said solemnly. She lifted two fingers in a V—sign.

We look out for each other all the time, Clive insisted. With no distinctions, no likes, no dislikes. We’re a team.

Right, Vince said. This was the delirium of the real thing, he thought, the highly levered gamble. Adam said nothing. One by one then, Clive ordered. His voice had the assurance of military command. Myself, Max, Brian, Phil, Amelia, Michela, Mark, Vince, Adam. Same procedure as this morning. I scout with Max. Otherwise, we’re three boat—lengths apart. And nobody ever out of sight. Okay? Sorted, Phil said. We’re going to paddle like gods; at the bottom you’ll feel like you’ve never felt before. You’ll have adrenaline coming out of every pore of your body. And tonight we’ll go out and get blind drunk, promise. The beers are on me. All of them. What a hero! Max applauded. May Wally protect us, Amelia announced. Adam said calmly: Okay kids, if we’re going, let’s go.

Somehow Vince’s boat got tipped the wrong way as it shot down the bank. At once he was over. The paddle was dragged violently down. His knuckles banged on something hard. They banged again and scraped. Keep calm. He has the experience now. There’s time. As the boat reached the speed of the current, the pressure on the paddle eased off. Vince crouched forward into position, swung his arm over his head. Coming up, he found Adam right beside him. All right? Just fine, Vince said. He even smiled.

Ten minutes later, Vince was only a couple of boat—lengths behind Mark when the boy tipped over in a swirl of water piling against a rock wall on the outside of a bend. It seemed the kid made no attempt at all to roll up, because his head was already bobbing in the water as Vince passed. Max had been placed on the bank at the first safe pool and tossed his throw—bag. Amelia and Brian were chasing the runaway boat, while Vince followed the swimmer into the bank. Okay? Max asked. Bash on the knee, Mark grumbled. Then he started to grin: Just one more thing to tell Mum. He’s lost his fear, Vince saw. He felt moved.

Half an hour later they had to portage again around a rapid that Clive felt was too much. There are risks and risks, he said. Adam carried Brian this time. From a well—trampled path they were able to see three six—foot drops in quick succession, twisting from left to right and back. Ex—treme, Phil breathed. His confidence is coming back. There was a general feeling that they had cracked it now. Fucking fantastic, Mark kept repeating as he carried his boat. Bet I could do that too, he crowed looking into the boiling water. Fucking fantastic, Dad! Language, Adam said mildly. And don’t start celebrating till you’re home and dry.

Amelia went down in the next rapid, it was her first swim of the holiday, but again Max was on the bank to pull her out. Am I a safe pair of hands or what? he demanded. As she scrambled ashore a long dark box floated by, banging on the rocks as it passed. Brian shot out into the stream to inspect the thing. Some kind of cupboard, he reported, shaking his head. You wonder how this stuff gets in the river. Clive told them to watch out. A knock from a log coming over a rapid can be fatal. This is the last stretch now, kids, he shouted. Remember, we go under the road bridge and it’s two hundred yards on your right. I’ll be there ahead of you. There’s that orange plastic strip on a tree too. On your right, just before the spur. You can’t miss it.

As soon as they launched again, Vince appreciated that the danger was over. The river was wider. The gorge had broadened and flattened before its next plunge into Sand in Taufers. He felt exhilarated, but also slightly disappointed. The tension that had seized the mind entirely was dissolving. Clive no longer went ahead to scout with Max. The line of boats grew more ragged as people chose their own routes through easy rapids. And the rain had eased too. The cloud was lifting, the late afternoon brightening. With the sudden change of temperature, a mist began to steam off the water.

Yee—ha! Phil ran straight up against a smooth flat rock, forcing his boat vertical. Adam shook his head, exchanged knowing glances with Vince. Clive has won, Vince thought. Michela was wrong, thank God. The Italian girl had dropped back a little and was paddling slowly down on her own. They glided under the road bridge. The water was barely turbulent here. I must thank the man, Vince told himself. Clive got it right. He is a man you can follow. Even Adam was radiant. Here was the orange ribbon fluttering from the spruce tree. The rock shielding the eddy was just beyond. Easy! Ahoy, canoeists! Max was already out. He had scrambled up to the vantage point where they had been yesterday. He waved his paddle. Paddlers, ahoy! Vince was just turning to pull out of the current when he saw that Michela was not stopping. She paddled straight by.

His responsibilities over, Clive was kneeling on the bank helping Brian to get out of his boat. The swelling on the boy’s ankle had reached the point where he could barely stand. The others were in the eddy or already beaching. A watery sun was brightening the patches of mist. Bringing up the rear, Adam was turning into the slack water right beside the big rock. With almost cartoon merriment he was whistling the hamster song. It was the biggest smile he had smiled all week. He banged his paddle on the water so that it spun up in the air over his head, caught it and held it there, using only his hips to control the turn and deceleration as the kayak crossed the eddy—line. Someone applauded. Epic! he laughed.