Rare (14 page)

I swallowed the heavy lump in my throat.
Fagin
. It was all slotting into place. I wondered why I hadn’t thought to ask these questions when I’d had Danni right in front of me. “I guess not.”

“I want to do a DNA test,” Danni said. “But I understand if Ash isn’t interested. Joe told me to leave him alone, and I know he’s right. I’m not going to push him, Pete, I promise. I need to come back to Chicago next week for work, but it’s a big city. You never have to see me again if you don’t want to.”

The thought of never seeing her again felt wrong, so wrong. “I don’t know what Ash wants.” This was unknown territory. I couldn’t promise her anything. “Give him some time.”

“Pete, I’ve been looking for my brother for nine years. I can wait as long as it takes.”

She hung up. I wandered back to the ambulance in a reflective daze. I’d only just pulled myself together from the last conversation I’d had with her. It felt too soon to be so perplexed again, but there was no denying I felt a connection to her that I couldn’t shake off.

Tim raised an eyebrow when I hauled myself back into the ambulance. “Everything okay?”

I tossed my phone onto the dashboard. “Yeah, sorry I’ve been a little spacey this week. I’ve got some stuff going on at home.”

“Girl trouble?”

“Not really. I live with a guy.”

The words were out before I could stop them, and it was all I could do not to clamp my hand over my mouth. I stared at Tim. The kid had turned out to be a solid rookie, but that didn’t mean I could trust him. It wasn’t like we were friends.

He didn’t even flinch. “Well, that can be as bad. My brother’s husband is a real bitch.”

“It’s nothing like that. It’s some family stuff. Listen, no one really knows….”

Tim held up his hand. “Trust me, Pete, I get it. My brother was a cop for nine years. I wouldn’t wish what he went through on anybody.”

T
HAT
NIGHT
,
I headed home from a long shift with three days off ahead of me. After working for the best part of two weeks straight, I needed the break. I dumped my stuff in the apartment, grabbed a quick shower, and jogged over to Maggie’s for dinner.

Ash was already there. Since we’d moved to the northern part of the city, he spent more time with my mom than I did. It was nice. They were both more than a little eccentric, so they had an affinity I didn’t quite understand. They were cooking together when I arrived, barely glancing up until I muscled in between them and grabbed my mom in a bear hug.

“Pietro! You’ll get flour all over you.”

I grinned and spun her one more time before I set her down. “Whatcha cooking?”

“Ravioli. Ash is mixing the ricotta for me.”

I leaned over and put my chin on his shoulder, peering into the bowl. He stiffened as my chest hit his back. I brushed a brief kiss over his cheek before I let him off the hook and stepped away. “Smells good.”

“It won’t be long,” Maggie said. “You look happy, honey. Did you have a good day?”

“Nope, but I don’t have to go back until Sunday, so I don’t give a shit.”

Maggie clicked her tongue at my potty mouth. Ash snickered and handed the bowl of cheese and spinach over for inspection. “Is that okay?”

“Perfect,” she said. “You’re so good with your hands.”

I watched as he turned the faucet and reached for the soap, inclined to agree with her. Draw, paint, cook. Ash’s hands were amazing. I could watch them all day.

He dried off and dropped into the chair beside me, passing over his untouched glass of homemade red wine. I grinned and took a healthy sip. Even before he quit drinking, he could never handle Maggie’s home brew. She thought it was good for the soul, but it made him sick as a dog.

I entangled my legs with his as we caught up with each other. Over the past few days, he’d finally applied to a new art school. He was in the process of explaining the course he’d chosen this time around when Maggie joined us at the table. The conversation stalled for a few minutes as we dug into the meal she’d laid out, but after a while it inevitably returned to the subject we’d talked to death over the past few weeks
—
Danni.

Ash had surprised me when he’d confided in Maggie. It was something he did from time to time when he was fed up with talking to me, but never with anything as huge as this. I was glad he had though, because Maggie’s advice had been the same from the start:

“If it’s true, Ash, then she’s a gift from God. You’re a special boy; you weren’t meant to be alone in this world.”

I couldn’t argue with that, and when she said it again over dinner, it seemed right to mention Danni’s call and broach the idea of a DNA test.

Ash was wary. I attempted to reason with him while we were on neutral territory. My mom’s place always mellowed him out. “Don’t be like that. It’s not like she could have called you, is it?”

He let out a long suffering sigh. “Why did she have to call anyone? I thought you’d all decided to leave it alone.”

Maggie came back to the table and set dessert down. It was cherry pie, Ash’s favorite. She put her arm around him and kissed the top of his head. “Come on, now, honey. You can’t ignore this girl forever. It would be better to know for sure, wouldn’t it?”

He didn’t often appreciate attempts to mother him, but my mom always got her way. He rewarded her with a lopsided grin and offered me a defeated shrug. “Let me think about it.”

I took my cue to shut the fuck up.

We spent the night on Maggie’s couch, Ash on his back and me wedged in around him. The following morning dawned dreary and cold. Ash went to work, and I went home and crawled back into bed to spend the day with my laptop. I was only just resurfacing when he came home and threw a pile of twenty-dollar bills in my face.

“DNA tests are four hundred dollars,” he said by way of explanation.

I bent, retrieving the notes that had missed the bed and fluttered to the floor. “Okay. Does this mean you want to do it?”

“No, but I’ll do it if it shuts you up.”

“Ash, that’s a lot of money. You shouldn’t do it unless you’re sure it’s what you want.”

“I don’t know what I want,” he said tiredly. “I just want it to be over.”

He’d said that before, more than once, but his reticence didn’t make much sense to me. He didn’t cope well with change, but there had to be more to his trepidation than that. Perhaps he couldn’t imagine what the world would be like if he wasn’t alone. I mean, he had me, but as close as we were, it wasn’t the same as sharing blood with someone.

I rolled the bills up and snagged a red rubber band from his nightstand. I wondered where he’d found that much cash, but with him, it was possible he’d had it stuffed in a drawer somewhere. “Do you want me to set it up?”

“You can do that?”

“I can try.”

He ventured farther into the room. “How long will it take?”

“I don’t know. I’ll have to call Danni, and you’ll have to wait for the results. It will probably be a few weeks at least.”

He chewed on his lip and clenched his hands, classic signs that he was feeling the strain. I reached out and stilled his fidgeting. “What’s up?”

Ash twined his fingers with mine. “It’s just… I don’t want to talk about it anymore. You, Maggie, even Ellie. It’s all we ever talk about, and it’s driving me crazy.”

“You told Ellie?”

“Yeah, I know. I’m as stupid as I look.”

“What did she say?”

Ash grumbled. “Some crap about fate. She thinks Danni is my twin, and we were always meant to meet like this.”

Twins. Huh. I couldn’t imagine Joe’s face if
that
had been the situation we were faced with. “Is she coming home soon?”

In spite of himself, he couldn’t quite hide his faint grin. “I asked her when I got a word in. Hopefully by the end of the month.”

I was as relieved as he was pleased. Ellie had set this whole mess in motion. It only seemed right that she be here to see the results.

A
SH
MOANED
.
The sound was low, restrained, and subtle, but I knew better. He was on his knees in the bath, his legs either side of my chest and his dick in my mouth, hovering right on the edge of release. I slid a brave, wet finger into him, holding him steady as he came with a guttural groan.

“Hot
damn
.” He pulled out of my mouth, his face flushed with sex and the heat of the water. “I didn’t come in here for that.”

“I know, but it’s why I pulled you in the water.”

His soft, breathless chuckle rumbled through me. “So being a decrepit old man has its benefits, huh?”

“I’d say so.” It was rare that either of us used the bath. Stewing in the tub was a chick thing—we only did it together if we’d had a good hard fuck—but tonight, I’d come home from work with an ache in my back I couldn’t shift. With Ash still out, I’d decided to see if I could soak it out. It worked for a while, until he’d come home and I’d indulged in another method of distraction.

Later, the TV droned in the background as we lay on the couch. After drying off from the bath, we’d both pulled some sweats on, but they’d long since found their way to the floor. Ash shuddered as I lifted his leg over my shoulder and took him in my mouth for a second time. He cursed, fighting the instinctive urge to push his hips forward. In my mind, I smirked as his dick slid down my throat. Before him, giving head wasn’t my thing, but I
loved
doing it for him. I brought him to the brink and kept him there until he couldn’t take it anymore, until he was begging me to fuck him. I didn’t think I’d ever get tired of hearing him do
that
.

I eased into him, waiting as he stretched before I slid in a bit more. Ash hissed through his clenched teeth and let out a groan that wasn’t all about pleasure.

“
Fuck
, I swear you get bigger.”

I cupped his face with my hand, coaching him through some deep breaths. He often needed a moment to make room for me, in his head as much as his body. I was happy to give it to him. For all the progress we’d made together, fucking him was still a serious exercise in control. Each time, I had to fight the urge to come in ten seconds flat, or cry. Both reactions were seven shades of embarrassing.

Ash rocked his hips, his silent cue that he was ready to move on. I slid my arms under his thighs and lifted his legs over my biceps, establishing a gentle, slow rhythm. To distract him from any lingering discomfort, I kept my lips busy on his sensitive throat, enjoying the way he writhed beneath me and dug his blunt nails into my back.

“
Pete.
”

I pulled back so I could see him. “Yeah? You like that?”

In answer, he arched his strong, lean body from the couch, pushing himself harder onto my cock. I stared, entranced. Watching him get off on something he’d always feared was incredible. I released his legs so he could wrap them around me and reached for his dick. He flexed again as I worked my lube-slicked hand up and down, dropping his head back with a dull thud. The shift of his spine changed everything. I drove deeper into him, brushed his prostate, and everything got hotter.

Ash twisted his fingers in my hair, pulled me down, and kissed me hard. “Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop.”

I moved my fist in a blur over his dick, shifting back to push into him a little harder. The movement caused the leather couch to creak. The sound was harsh and imposing, and it broke through the lust-thick air like a lightning bolt.

Fuck.

His eyes flew open and he seized in my arms. It was fast, a split second, but that was all it took for something awful to flash into his mind. He cringed and squirmed beneath me, and the heat between us evaporated.

I withdrew as fast as I could without hurting him and scooted back on the couch.

Ash groaned and covered his face with his hands. “No.” He shook his head. “No, no,
no
.”

He reached out for me, clumsy and blind. I grasped his fingers, relieved he hadn’t bolted. When he didn’t flinch, I pulled him into my arms.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m so sorry.”

The pain in his voice tore a hole in me. I kissed his sweat-dampened head over and over, feeling him tremble as he curled himself into me. “It’s okay. It doesn’t matter. You’re okay.”

It took a while for him to catch his breath enough to speak coherently. When he finally looked up, he shook his head in frustration. “It hasn’t happened for so long.”

I suppressed a heavy sigh. Sometimes it seemed he’d never be free of the demons that plagued him. Every time he moved forward, they reared up and wrenched him ten steps back. “The past has been on your mind a lot, maybe more than you realized.”

“Yeah, but not
that
.”

He shivered. Gooseflesh covered his pale, bare skin as his eyelids drooped. I maneuvered myself to lie on my back so he could lie under my arm with his head on my chest, then covered him with the throw from the back of the couch. Bottoming always did this to him. Even when it went well, it was a whole-body experience, one that left him exhausted. I could get up after being fucked and go to work, but Ash just couldn’t.

“You know I was really enjoying that, don’t you?”

I looked down, startled to see him still wide-awake. “So was I.” I put my finger to his lips to quiet another apology. “Don’t. We can try it again later, if you want. Don’t let it fester.”

“Later, huh?”

“Yeah, later.” I hummed and ruffled his hair. “Today, tomorrow, next week. It doesn’t matter. We’ve got time.”

He kissed my chest. He couldn’t always respond to affection with words, but he always, always felt it. “Do you think it will always be like this?”

I cracked an eye open. “Like what?”

“I don’t mean
that
.” Ash waved his hand between our naked, entwined bodies. “I mean this, us. I remember when we first did this, and I couldn’t imagine wanting you more then, but….” He broke off, figuring his words out in his own time. “I want you more than I ever have.”