Raw: The Ultimate Mc Collection (10 page)

What I needed to do was continue to stay focused and figure out who the hell I was.  The last thing I needed to be doing was spending time making out on the fucking beach with such a dangerous distraction.  Yes, what I needed was to focus and find some help.  And lots of it.

I would just go to the cops on my own.  What could that hurt?  I wouldn’t mention Ryder or the club at all.  Just see if they could run my fingerprints or something.  Maybe dental records?  There had to be some record of my existence somewhere.

I sure as hell wasn’t getting anywhere hidden away in the God of Chaos MC clubhouse, for fuck’s sake!

I had a momentary thought of going back for my things, but then I realized I had absolutely nothing at all to go back for.  The only thing I cared about back there was Ryder, and that was just an ill-fated disaster waiting to happen, as proven loudly by Cherry’s behavior.

I kept walking.  My boots were heavy and loud, the dirt from the road covering them in dust.  The pine trees swayed in the wind around me, and as I rounded the first curve, and the clubhouse disappeared from view, as well as the tiny light it provided, the forest seemed to grow taller and darker around me.  It was eerily quiet.

“I’ll just hop in the first car that stops and ask for a ride to the nearest police station.  Or, I’ll ask to use the phone, call for help,” I said out loud.  

Fear gripped my heart as I heard a loud howl in the trees to my left.  I picked up the pace of my steps, gathering all my inner strength as my blood pounded through my veins.  

“Surely, someone is looking for me,” I said, my voice shaking with fear this time.  “Hopefully, because they miss me and not because they want to finish killing me.”

My stomach churned, and my hands began shaking.  Each step that carried me away from the clubhouse, from the only guaranteed safe place that I had, just increased the knot of dread that had settled deep inside me.  That big, black box of fear threatened to overwhelm my entire soul and I walked even faster, trying desperately to stuff the fear back down before it could spill over completely.

Tears flowed down my cheeks.  I jutted out my chin, pushing my chest out and putting one foot in front of the other, determined to continue pressing forward.  
I will be fine
, I told myself over and over, as the sounds of the clubhouse faded away behind me.

You’re already survived so much.  Everything will come back. You just need a little time.

If only I could stop crying, stop being such a fearful wimp, find some sense of courage to face whatever the real truth was, then maybe it will all come back, and I can go back to my normal life…whatever that was.

I remembered the short denim skirt and heels that Ryder had found me wearing.  What was normal life?  What kind of woman was I that I would dress like that?  It seemed so foreign, so uncomfortable to me.  It just didn’t fit.

But neither did the bruises on my face.  Or, the fact that someone had tried to kill me - and on this very road somewhere, too.

My steps slowed as I remembered Ryder’s words earlier.  He didn’t tell me exactly where, but it couldn’t have been too far from here. 

I stopped walking, and looked around.  There wasn’t much to see.  Towering trees, a deep, dark, dense forest and a dirt road.  Nothing more. What had happened to me? Why? The questions had been echoing in my head endlessly, and I still had no answers. 

Maybe I was asking the wrong questions.  Maybe I needed to know who it was that had tried to hurt me.  Maybe I needed to know where that person was.  Were they waiting for me?  I had meant to ask Ryder a lot more questions, specifically about the man that he had found me with, and I couldn’t remember why I had stopped questioning him now. 

Instead, we had ended up at the beach.  Instead, we had ended up kissing.

Cherry’s words rang in my head, and once again, I wondered what the hell I was thinking.  That was just it, I wasn’t.  I was feeling.  And I couldn’t afford to do that right now.

I started walking again, and saw something move high up in a tree to my left.  I looked up and saw huge, blinking yellow eyes.  An owl!  My heart raced as I walked over to the tree, staring up at him as he stared right back at me.  His head was turned down toward me, and he tilted his head to the right and then back to the left, as if he were sizing me up.

“Hi, there,” I said, quietly.  I couldn’t believe he was just sitting there so calmly.  “I’m Sam.”

“Wow, you’re beautiful,” I whispered.  He blinked at me again, and then with a big, sweeping flap of his wings, he flew off the branch and landed in the dirt directly in front of my boots. 

Although he startled me, I resisted jumping away, keeping my boots firmly planted on the road.  I watched him, wondering what I should do.  
Would he let me touch him
, I wondered?  I took a few deep breaths, trying to soften my panicked energy, and then bent my knees, squatting in front of him.

He remained still, watching me silently, his huge blinking eyes the only thing moving on his body, outside of the small patch of white fur on his chest that pulsated with each beat of his heart.  He was tiny, but majestic, and something about his complete stillness calmed me. 

Slowly, I reached out my hand towards him, touching the side of his soft wing.  I was amazed that even with my touch, he remained seated calmly in front of me.  His eyes searched mine, and I smiled at him, as I petted him as gently as I possibly could.  His feathers felt like velvet under my fingertips, and I smiled.

“Wow,” I whispered.  “You’re absolutely amazing.  Do you live around here?  Are these your trees?  If only you could talk…” 

“If only he could,” Ryder said behind me, jolting me from the peaceful moment.  I hadn’t heard him approach at all and I jumped up when I heard his voice.  The owl flew away quickly, disappearing into the trees behind me as I faced Ryder.

“Hey,” he said casually.  As if I weren’t running away from him, as if we weren’t standing on a dirt road in the middle of the night, as if his lover hadn’t just assaulted me on his porch, as if, once again, my entire life didn’t depend on this moment.

“Hey,” I replied, just as casually.

“So, where ya headed?” he asked.  If I weren’t so upset, it would almost be funny.  

“Oh, you know,” I replied, shrugging.  “Just thought I’d hitch a ride into town or something.”

“Hitch, huh?”  he asked, cocking an eyebrow.  It was dark, with only the moonlight falling around us.  I couldn’t see his face very well, but I had a sneaking suspicion he was trying not to laugh at me.

“Yeah, or you know…walk, whatever,” I said.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”  I shoved my hands in the pockets of my jeans, kicking at the dirt with my boot.  His boot.  Fuck.  He was all I had.  Why in the hell was I running away?

“I’m sorry about Cherry,” he said quietly.  “I don’t even know what to say about her.”

“Oh, that’s fine. Nothing to say, I guess.  She’s drunk, I think.  And she didn’t say anything, really…”

“No?  That’s not what I heard.”

“Oh.  Well, um…look, Ryder, it doesn’t matter.  I get it okay?   I know I’m a burden.” The words began tumbling out of me before I could stop them, the panic and fear churning inside me again now that my new owl friend had abandoned me.  “A big burden. And I appreciate you getting me away from the guy…whoever he was.  But you’ve done enough.  It’s time for me to go find some help, figure out who I am, and go back to my life.  Whatever that is.”

“You aren’t a burden, Sam,” he said, the deepness of his voice thick with emotion.

“Oh, you’re kind, but really.  I understand.  I don’t want to get in the way of anything you have going on, you know…with Cherry, or whoever…and I don’t belong here.  You’ve done too much.  It’s time I get out of your hair.”

“Get out of my hair?” he asked.  His face was still hidden in the shadows, but the sound of his voice cut right through me.  

“Yeah, you know,” I replied.  “And listen, I won’t tell anyone about you, okay?  I’ll just say I woke up on the side of the road, and that I can’t remember anything.  It’s the truth, pretty much, anyway, right?  You don’t need to worry about the cops or anything.”

“I’m not worried about the cops, Sam, I’m worried about you.”

His words were like a knife to the heart.  This man really was concerned about me.  He had no reason to be, he owed me nothing, in fact, it was me that owed him everything.  I owed him my life.

“Ryder, thank you for everything, really,” I said, taking a step back from him.  “But you don’t have to worry about me anymore, seriously.  I’ll be fine. I’ll catch a ride into town and I’ll be okay.”

I turned to walk away from him.  I made it three steps before the heat of his fingers wrapped around my arm.  I thought he was going to argue with me.  Ask me to stay.  Offer to give me a ride.

Instead, his lips possessed mine again, only this time, the sweetness from earlier was gone, the gentleness had turned to raw passion, and his lips moved against me urgently, hungrily, devouring me.  I moaned against him, the sheer force of his kiss bringing all that emotion that I had worked so hard to stuff down right back to the surface of my heart.

He tore his lips away from me, and I stared up at him.  The moonlight reflected in his eyes, giving me a chance to see what I couldn’t earlier.  Desire and yearning flashed in them like a bright light, before he lowered his head once more, engulfing my mouth, his kiss even deeper this time, searchingly assaulting me with his tender passion until, once again, I melted into the comfort of his arms.  

“Sam,” he whispered as he broke away again, “you belong with me.  Let me keep you safe.  Unless we figure out that you belong with someone else, but until then, I want to keep you close.”

I nodded, his kiss and his words having stunned me into silence.  Is it possible he could care about me like this?  He didn’t even know anything about me.  If there was even anything to know.

“Come back to the clubhouse.  Don’t worry about Cherry.  I’ve already taken care of her, and she won’t be bothering you again. Let’s keep plugging away at our plan. Something will give, I’m sure of it.”

I nodded again, at a complete loss for words.  

He put his arm around me, and turned me around.  Arm in arm, we strolled back to the club, the moonlight lighting our path.  When we heard a soft whistling hoo-hoo-hoooo in the distance, Ryder shook his head and chuckled.

“That damned owl,” he whispered.

“He a friend of yours?” I asked.

“I guess you could say that,” he murmured.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Ryder

I missed the whole scene with Cherry and Sam, but I heard about it from five different people about thirty seconds after it happened.  After bitching out Cherry, and reminding her that she had no claim on me, and never had, and never would, I set off to find Sam.

I knew she wouldn’t have gotten far on foot, and I was right.

What I didn’t expect was that I would round the corner and find her crouched down and petting that damned owl.  What was with that guy? I wondered for a moment why he was always alone. 

He needs a girlfriend
, I thought.   

I knew I should tell her the truth.  I knew in the back of her mind, she was probably thinking that asshole was going to come back for her.  Or, that he was looking for her.  But she hadn’t asked me directly, and like a fucking coward, I hadn’t told her that he was dead.  Because I knew she would hate me if she knew.

That was the thing about being one of the Gods.  People looked at you like they knew what you had done, whether you had done anything or not.  Sure, I had broken laws.  A whole fucking lot of them.  But it was rare that anything turned violent, and when it did, I wasn’t immune to the violence. I wasn’t a fucking monster.

That didn’t stop everyone from thinking that I was.

But not Sam.  She looked at me like I was human. Like I was almost normal.  I didn’t want to be normal, no fucking way.  It was the last thing I ever thought about before she came along.  But now that she was here, and I saw the way she looked at me, without that familiar fear in her eyes, without crossing her arms over her chest defensively, - hell, just the fact that she looked me directly in the eye was more than I was used to - now I wanted it. 

She trusted me.  

Trust.  That was a foreign concept to me.  

And for the life of me, no matter how much I tried to not give a shit, I didn’t want to lose that.