Razing Kayne (23 page)

Kayne ducked his head and made eye contact. “I know what you mean, Jessica. I felt
like a single parent for most of my first marriage. I did all of the cooking and cleaning
and most of the laundry. But it was worth it, you know, because of the kids.”

She laid her hand over his heart. “I know you were a great dad to them. I see proof
of it every day with our kids.”

Kayne didn't want her praise, because he hadn't been a great father. He'd failed his
children when they'd needed him most. “Move it
Malen’kaya.
” He gently set her aside.

A look of confusion, and perhaps disappointment crossed her face. “What does that
mean?”

It means I can’t talk about them, Jess
!
“It means I'm going to show you I know how to do laundry correctly. I even read labels.”

“No, the words.”

“Oh, it's
little-one
in Russian.” He gave her his best unrepentant smile.

“Of course it is,” she sighed.

Kayne started picking up and tossing jeans into one of the two washers. He carefully
patted pockets for reptiles before sticking his hands inside. “So what’s up with the
laptop?” Kayne motioned toward it with his chin. It was turned to where he couldn't
see the screen, but the way she'd looked at it told him she didn't want him to see
whatever was on it.

“I was checking lists and making new ones. Writing down a note about this strange
guy I met today. Uh, yesterday now, I guess.” She met his gaze steadily. Okay, so
she was telling the truth.

“Would you like some music?” She crossed to the computer, not waiting for a reply.

That got his
attention,
because she quickly closed out all the programs she had open and started the music
player. But there was something else that was more pressing. “What made him strange?”

“Ash and I went to the water park, and they have one of those big wave pools with
lifeguards and sand. I was sitting on the beach watching Ash boogie board.”

Yeah, he'd noticed the tan lines. It had been a pretty skimpy bikini she'd had on,
and he hated that he'd missed it.

“I laid down, figuring I'd get Ash to put sun block on my back next time he came out
of the wave pool.” She shrugged. “But this buff, mercenary-looking guy with a heavy
Eastern European accent walked up and started talking to me. He offered to put lotion
on my back.” Jess laughed, like the thought was ridiculous that he’d offer. “I told
him ‘no thanks.’”

Did she truly not realize how heartbreakingly lovely she was? Kayne closed the washer
door. “Did the guy take the hint?

Jess hopped up on the counter and leaned back against the wall while she folded a
pile of towels.
“Of course not.
He sat down and tried to strike up a conversation, asked about my kids. When he pulled
off his shirt, he was covered in scars and tattoos. And we’re talking knife and bullet-type
holes, and prison tats.”

“You like tattoos?”

“Not really my thing. Though I do like the one you have.”

Kayne grinned over his shoulder. “Noticed that, did you?”  He turned back and started
tossing whites into the other washer.

Jess shrugged. “You were sleeping facedown. I covered you up before I left the bedroom.”

Now why the hell did that make his heart clinch
?
God, he was pathetic. “My brothers and I got those tats the year David—the oldest—and
I went off to college. He’s only a couple months older than me. Our mom would have
killed us for letting the younger two get them. They were 16 and 14 at the time. So,
we figured if it was on our ass she’d never know.”  They’d chosen the
compass because their father had one. He’d told them it reminded him that no matter
where he was he could always go home. But Kayne couldn’t go home. Hell he hadn’t even
called his family more than once or twice over the past two years. They’d always had
to call him, and he’d avoided the calls when he could because, with six other kids
someone was always pregnant, or had just had a baby, and it was just too painful to
know that their lives carried on when his had stopped.

Until Jess.

Jess laughed, oblivious to his bittersweet memories. “I can’t wait to meet your mother.”
She sobered quickly and looked away.

Kayne stopped what he was doing and crossed to her. “I can’t wait for you to meet
her either. She’s going to adore you, Jess.” And he meant it. His mom would love Jessica.

Jess leaned forward and kissed him gently. “Thank you.”

Kayne was afraid to ask what she was thanking him for. He wasn’t sure he was ready
to know. There was a look in her eyes that his gut told him not to examine too closely.

Kayne cleared the lump from his throat. “So how’d you get rid of the guy?”

She fumbled with something, then lifted her hand and wiggled her fingers, showing
off her old wedding band, the one Jarred had given her, before switching it back to
her right hand. “I held up my hand and said my very large, very handsome, irrationally
jealous husband carries a badge and a firearm, and he wouldn’t like your hands all
over me. He left after that.”

Damn it!
Just because they’d had a shotgun wedding was no excuse for him to not get her a ring.
How thoughtless could he be?

Kayne gave her a wicked grin. “So, you think I'm handsome, huh?”

Jess’s mouth popped open in surprise. “
That's
what you got out of that story?” she asked with no small amount of indignation.

“No, I also got that some asshole was hitting on my wife,” Kayne growled. Jess was
surprised by Kayne’s reaction. “You've got to know I, of all people, would never be
unfaithful,” she said quietly.

She flinched when Kayne closed the second washer door with a little more force than
necessary.

“Baby, I never thought that for even a moment. Just seeing those skimpy little tan
lines earlier, and knowing he got to see all that luscious skin, tried to get his
hands all over it—”

Jess leaned forward, staring at him in utter disbelief. “You're jealous?”  Holy crap!

He took a step back like she’d punched him.
“Hell no!
I don't do jealous.”

“Wow.” She felt the uncontrollable smile spread across her face. “I think I like that.”

“Yeah, well don't get used to it,” he grumbled.

Right, because this was only temporary.

Kayne realized he’d somehow offended Jess, which was the last thing he’d wanted to
do
.
He wanted to spend time with her, just the two of them, even if it wasn't in bed.
There was so much about Jess he didn't know, and he realized he wanted to know it.
He wanted to be her friend, for her to trust him, lean on him. Damnit, he wanted to
make this work.

Kayne leaned against the counter and picked up a towel. “So the guy—why were you making
notes about him?” he asked casually.

“I was trying to think of a way to work him into a bedtime story for Ash. Obviously
not as the scary tattoo guy, but maybe a commander of some great army?” Jess shrugged.

“I don’t understand. Are you talking about the bedtime stories you tell the kids each
night? Aren’t those just ones you’ve read so many times you
have
them memorized?”

“No, they're ones I made up for the kids or with the kids’ help. There are lots, but
the kids have favorites. You've heard me tell them. Isabelle’s the Littlest Firefly,
Ash's The Mouse Knights Tail, Gracie's...well you get the picture. All of them have
one.”

“I had no idea.” How amazing that she'd actually created such a legacy for her children.
“So you have them all written down?”

Jess laughed and shook her head. “Nope, we’ve just memorized them.”

Holy Mother's Day!
He had an idea. Kayne had been thinking all week of a way to ensure Jess had a very
special day, and he was pretty sure he'd just found it. Now all he had to do was make
it happen.

***

Jess sat the last pile of folded clothes in a basket and sighed.

“Finally.”
Kayne leaned in until his lips were just a whisper from Jessica’s. “What else do
you need to get done before I can take you back to bed?” 

“Nothing,” she mumbled against his lips.

He pulled back slightly, cocked one eyebrow. “What about the party?”

Jess fiddled with the hem of her tank-top
.
“I’ll throw out some chips and dips and drinks.”

He obviously didn't believe her and proved it when he leaned in close and drawled
out, “Look me in the eye...and tell me you aren't going to be in that kitchen as soon
as you've gotten rid of me, preparing for tomorrow.”

“Which eye?” Jess covered first one then the other, trying to distract him.

“Jessica...” he warned, even as the corner of his mouth twitched.

Jess crossed her heart. “I swear I have nothing to get ready for tomorrow.”  Semantics,
because it was already Sunday, and tomorrow would be Monday.

“Jessica...” he whispered again, and leaned in to kiss her. He wasn't buying her story.
He knew she was up to something, damn him.

“Ewwww.
Gross.”

Kayne jerked upright at the sound of Ash's voice and slammed the back of his head
into the overhead cabinet in the process.

Jess gasped, feeling the heat of embarrassment rush to her face. She'd just been caught
making out with a guy, by her son.
Hello! He’s your husband! And you've done a hell of a lot more than kiss him!

“Ash, why aren't you in bed?” Jess tried to shove Kayne's hand out of the way so she
could make sure his scalp wasn't bleeding.

“Ouch!” Kayne hissed when she poked at a lump forming on the back of his head.

“There's a monster outside my window.” Ash squeezed his teddy bear tight.

“What do you mean, a monster?” Kayne stilled Jess's hands. His body went rigid, on
full alert.

Ash crossed his heart. “Honest. It was walking across the balcony. It was huge.”

“Show me.” Kayne held his hand out to Ash, thoughts of the goose egg all but forgotten.
Reason told him it was nothing, that he was sure Ash had seen a night shadow and gotten
confused. However, the past still haunted him, and he would not dismiss a potential
threat to his family.

They made their way toward Ash's room, Jess at his side. Once there, Kayne searched
the room and the balcony. There were no signs of anyone or anything, however, the
wind was blowing in heavy gusts. So Kayne turned out the lights and lay down beside
Ash, and they watched out the window for several long moments until the tree did exactly
what Kayne expected. It blew in front of a distant light, casting a shadow across
Ash's window.

“There. See it's just the wind.” Kayne hugged him a little tighter, remembering a
very similar conversation with Niki. He quickly pushed the memory away before it had
a chance to fully form. He wasn’t ready to pull them out and deal with them. Not yet.
Maybe not ever.

Ash burrowed into Kayne’s side. “Can I sleep with you?”

“How about Mama or I stay here with you until you fall asleep?”

“You.”
Ash yawned.

TWENTY-FOUR

Jess rushed into the kitchen at eight the following morning. She had just under an
hour to get Kayne and five kids, including Tiffany, dressed, fed, and out the door
to church. She couldn't understand why no one had bothered to wake her up hours ago.

Jess stopped short, taking in the sight before her. Five freshly showered children
sat around the table eating, while Kayne stood at the stove, making pancakes to replace
the ones rabidly being consumed.

“Morning, baby.
Bacon or sausage?”
Kayne handed her a cup of coffee.

Jess absently accepted the steamy cup. “Why didn't you wake me?”

“Because we were doing fine on our own, and I thought you might like a little extra
sleep.” Kayne gave her a wicked smile.

“I needed to get everyone's clothes ready for church.”  She didn't want to start a
fight, today of all days, but this had really thrown off her schedule. She knew he
didn't feel like he belonged in church any more than she did and was afraid he'd try
and get out of going, which would just cause a whole slew of problems.

“Already done.
Everything is pressed and wrinkle-free. All the kids have to do is wash their faces
and throw on clothes.”

“Really?”
  She was surprised that he'd gotten their clothes ready too.

“Yep.
Maddy loaned Tiffany a dress and even pulled out your blue
one,
said it was your favorite.”

The blue dress was her favorite, but it was silk and had to be treated very gently.

“Relax, I told you I know how to read labels. It survived quite nicely,” he said,
reading her mind.

“Thanks, but...I wasn't going to church today.” Jess didn’t dare meet his gaze. This
was the part she hadn't quite figured out.

“We can stay home, if you want.” Kayne started flipping pancakes to the other side.

Jess bit her bottom lip. “Actually, I was hoping you'd be willing to take the kids.”

He looked up. “Do you have something to do?”

Jess looked away, knowing she wouldn't be able to lie convincingly to him. As a cop,
he'd read right through it. “I just need some space.” She’d blurted the words before
she thought how they would sound.

There was unmistakable disappointment in Kayne’s voice. “I'll be happy to take them.”

Jess felt awful, but there was no way to correct his assumption without blowing the
surprise
.
“I'm sorry,” she whispered, before she could stop herself. It was a kneejerk reaction
to apologize in an attempt to stave off Jarred’s anger. Though he’d rarely hit her,
he could make her feel like a pond slug.

Jess tried not to flinch when Kayne touched her, but knew she’d failed when he whispered,
“Hey,
it's
okay.” He gently stroked his hand down her arm from shoulder to fingertips and tightly
squeezed.
“Really.
It's okay.”

She could do nothing but nod as she fought desperately to keep the tears at bay
.
Why did he have to be so damned sweet? Why couldn't he be a jackass about it, so at
least she'd have a reason to be glad when he left?

Jess hated subterfuge, but in this case it was necessary. Tomorrow was Kayne's birthday,
and she’d planned a surprise party for later this afternoon. After all the work everyone
had put into it, she didn’t want to spoil it now. She’d spent several days sneaking
around to get everything arranged for a party in the disguise of game six of the Stanley
Cup playoffs.

“Here, sit down and eat,” Kayne said, handing her a plate of food that she was sure
would go to waste. She didn't think she could swallow a thing.

After breakfast, Jess helped Kayne get the kids dressed and into the Tahoe. The moment
the garage door closed behind them, she got to work. She wanted him to have no doubt
that the true reason she'd not been at his side today had nothing to do with not wanting
to be with him.

Fifteen minutes later, his surprise arrived.

Jess had been nervous about meeting Ben and Luann Dobrescu. So worried in fact that
she’d nearly let it slip last night. But her concern that they would treat her as
Jarred's parents had flew out the window the moment she opened the door.

“Oh my heaven!
Ben, look at her, she’s absolutely perfect!” Luann Dobrescu stepped forward and engulfed
her in a long motherly hug
.
“Oh, how I’ve been praying for you to come into my son’s life, and now here you are!”

“Honey, let the poor girl breathe.” Ben chuckled, his voice deep and strong.

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” Luann pulled back. “I’m leaking all over you.” She quickly swiped
at the tears beneath her eyes.

The huge man who had been standing behind her stepped forward. “I guess by now you’ve
figured out we’re your new parents.” He held out his hand. “I’m Ben, but my kids call
me ‘Pop,’ and they call Luann ‘Mama.’ We hope that you’ll do the same when you’re
ready.”

Jess batted away her own tears. “Please come in, I’m so glad you’re here,” she managed
to say despite the huge lump in her throat.

Luann and Ben were warm, open people, and she fell immediately in love with them.
No wonder Kayne had turned out so wonderfully
.
He’d had incredible examples.

Ben put himself to work decorating, and Luann fluttered between helping in the kitchen
and decorating alongside him.
All the while telling Jess amusing anecdotes about life raising Kayne.
She spoke of him with such love and affection. She might not have had him for the
first twelve years, but Jess would dare anyone to try and tell Luann he wasn't one
of her children.

Luann was easy to talk to, and, by the time people started arriving, Jessica was pretty
sure she'd confessed her whole life story. The woman should have worked for the CIA—Jess
had no doubt she could have broken the hardest criminals before they ever knew they
were giving away secrets.

“I will say one last thing to you, and I want you to listen carefully. I know my son,
and I know what he needs in a wife, and I'm convinced that even if he'd searched the
world over, he couldn't have found anyone better than you. I'm so happy to have you
as a daughter.”

Jess hugged her back and nearly cried for the third time that day.

If only it were that simple.

***

Kayne hadn't realized how much knowing Jess wanted space would bother him, especially
after last night. He knew she had loved Jarred despite his betrayal and so it stood
to reason that she'd be struggling with letting him go. That was something Kayne just
needed to accept. Jarred was part of Jess's past. Whether or not Kayne thought he
deserved such devotion was irrelevant.

Del and Polly didn't ask where Jess was, they just seemed to know. He wasn't sure
if that made him feel better or worse. And then there was Cody. Apparently, since
they'd braved the wilderness together and both came out alive, they were now friends
of sorts.

Cody stopped at the end of the pew. “Mind if I sit with you guys?”

How could Kayne say no when Tiffany was already sitting with them? Whether the belligerent
hose-monkey chose to acknowledge her or not, Tiffany claimed him as her father.

Kayne stood and motioned for the children to move down. “No, have a seat.”  He looked
back at Cody. “Are your parents or the rest of your crew joining us?” Kayne wondered
how much room he should make. Since Cody was in uniform he assumed he was on duty.

“I doubt it.” He sat at the end of the pew and looked around Kayne
.
“Where's Gracie?”

Kayne automatically looked back over his shoulder.
“With Joe.”
He watched as Joe Sutton shamelessly used Gracie as an excuse to talk to the new
pre-school teacher. Joe had explained she'd replaced the lady that had been teaching
since the beginning of time. The new teacher was a pretty little thing, Kayne had
to admit, and seemed genuinely friendly to Joe, who Gracie was just as shamelessly
loving on. She giggled over something Joe said and gave him a big ole sloppy, smacking
kiss right on the lips. Kayne couldn't help but smile, even as he realized Jess would
probably kill him if she knew what Joe was up to.

“Where's Jess?” Cody leaned over and whispered a few minutes later as they announced
the opening Hymns.

“She had somewhere to be.” That got an altogether too smug smile out of Cody. And
that smug smile was Cody's tell. Kayne realized exactly what his game was—he’d decided
that if he befriended Kayne, he'd be able to be close to Jess. He could bide his time,
and if he was lucky, help things along to their detrimental end.

Joe had been right. Cody was going to be a problem.

***

Kayne snaked around the handful of cars in the back driveway and was happy to finally
pull into the garage. It had taken more than thirty minutes to get five kids—Tiffany
included—rounded up and out to the Tahoe.

Del met them at the garage door. “Your Mama wants you all inside right now,” Del told
the kids
.
“Kayne, you might want to give her a few minutes, she's a bit hot under the collar
over the whole phone incident.” Once the kids scampered off, Del added, “Apparently
she intercepted several phone calls from other women.”

“Shit!” It was probably his sisters calling to wish him a Happy Birthday. “I need
to go talk to her.”

Del held up a stopping hand. “I wouldn't do that, if I were you. She's getting everything
ready for the party.”

Kayne’s brows furrowed in confusion.
“Doesn't she need my help?” He looked up as the walk-in freezer door slammed shut.

“Nope, I have everything she needs.” Cody smiled smugly. He disappeared back into
the house with several bags of ice.

Kayne didn't miss the duality of his statement.

“Go get changed, give me a few minutes, and we'll clear the kitchen out so you can
talk to her without an audience.”
Del all but shoved Kayne down the back stairs so he could bypass the kitchen altogether.
“I'd be quick about it.
Never a good idea to keep an angry woman waiting.”

Great, just
fucking
great.
He couldn't imagine what was going through Jess’s mind. She probably didn't even
realize it was his birthday, and knowing his sisters, they'd probably started in with
the third degree without bothering to introduce themselves. Would she give him a chance
to explain, or would she just assume he was as faithless as Jarred had been?

Obviously, she was struggling if she’d needed space today, but surely she wouldn't
give up on them that easily, would she?

That thought hurt far worse than Kayne had expected. Damn it all, he didn't just want
Gracie, he wanted them all.
It
all—Jess, the kids, this whole crazy life.
Though only a couple weeks had passed, Kayne couldn't imagine going back to his lonely
existence. He couldn't imagine pulling Gracie out of this happy life or having to
see her only part time. Somehow, he had to make this work. He knew that. Had known
it since the moment he said,
I do
.

Kayne took the stairs two at a time and quickly changed into a T-shirt, jeans, and
his tennis shoes, leaving his church clothes where he'd tossed them on the bed. All
the while, his heart raced and his gut rolled in fear of the fight that lay ahead.
He made his way to the kitchen and paused before the entry, trying to quell his nerves
and calm his racing heart.

He took a couple deep breaths and slowly let them out before he stepped around the
corner and through the doorway.

“SUPRISE!” a sea of people shouted.

Kayne took a staggering step backward and stood there in shock, looking around the
room at all the smiling faces wearing party hats. A huge banner reading “Happy Birthday!”
hung from the ceiling, surrounded by streamers and balloons. This was the absolute
last thing he'd suspected. He couldn't remember the last time he’d celebrated his
birthday. It had probably been his twenty-first, if he had to guess. As a child, he'd
had little opportunity to do so because of Nina's choices. Of course that had all
changed with Ben and Luann.

But he wasn't really focusing on the past—he was too busy studying his wife’s bashful
face. The woman who'd missed church and let him foolishly believe she didn't want
to be with him instead of ruin his surprise. The woman he'd been so afraid was going
to call it quits before ever giving it a chance. He was such an idiot.

Kayne stood there, his eyes flashing from person to person then back to Jess, again
and again. Finally, he managed to thaw out enough to move. He crossed the distance,
headed directly for his wife as he fought the moisture that tried to form in the corners
of his eyes. He had to touch her, hold her in his arms. He'd scared the hell out of
himself with thoughts of her leaving him, and now he needed to know she was there.
Seeing her with his eyes wasn't good enough.