Razor Sharp (20 page)

Jack couldn’t resist asking Snowden what the plan was.

“We march them one by one to the Dumpster, where they can join those cruds from the Secret Service.”

“What if they yell or scream or shout at the top of their lungs? People are going to hear them.”

“Wong! Front and center. Do that thing you do with your finger. Then my men will dump them in the Dumpster. Can you do that?”

“What’s in it for me?” Harry teased, knowing Jack was loving every minute of the countdown.

“A bullet if you don’t. And don’t for one minute think you can snatch a bullet out of thin air.”

“Well, the truth is, Snowden, I can do that, but it takes energy, so I’ll just do what you can’t do, and I’m telling Charles what you said the next time I see him.”

“Smart-ass.”

“Street’s clear except for the Secret Service cars. There’s no sign of the truck that’s supposed to haul the Dumpster away,” Jack said.

Snowden listened to the voice in his Bluetooth headset and then barked an order. “He’s one street over. The rest of you move those cars up on people’s lawns. Move! Move! Do I have to do everything?”

“God forbid,” Jack muttered.

“Dammit to hell, Emery, I’m the extraction team. This other shit is not my forte. Do your part, and everyone will be happy. Come on, Espinosa, how the hell many pictures do you need?”

“I’m done. You are free to go.”

“Time?” Nikki shouted.

“Fifteen minutes. We’re still good,” Yoko responded.

“Is everything packed?” Annie asked.

“We’re good to go, Mom,” Yoko said.

Annie grinned from ear to ear. The Vigilantes headed for the door.

“I have an idea,” Myra said.

When Myra had an idea everyone stopped to listen. Myra talked. Then the Vigilantes started to laugh. Ted and Harry turned white, then red, then they clung to each other in panic.

Yoko made loud kissing sounds directed at Harry. Nikki blew Jack a kiss, then raced after Yoko and the others.

“Tell me they aren’t going to do what they said they’re going to do?”

“I wish I could, Harry, but I can’t. How we have to look at this is that there are photo ops, and then there are photo ops. This is
the
photo op of the year! We need to clear out of here right now. We can see it and hear about it tonight at my place. C’mon, we need to call Lizzie and Maggie. We did good, Harry, and I saw something I never thought I’d ever live to see.”

Harry fell right into that. “What’s that?”

“Your underwear!” Jack took off at a dead run and was behind the wheel before Harry could get to him. Both men laughed all the way to the
Post,
where Maggie was waiting for them.

Ted and Espinosa were waiting outside the gates of the West Wing when the residents of Kalorama exited the White House grounds. Espinosa snapped busily as the guests preened and held up their White House souvenirs, their gazes sweeping the area for their ride back to their homes.

“Change of plans, ladies and gentlemen. It seems the Dumpster at the Woodley house got stuck in the middle of the road somehow and your drivers are unable to move their vehicles. Not to worry,” Ted said cheerfully. “We have a ride for you with some very interesting people who want to meet you. All aboard,” he cackled, as the men and women trooped onto the bus.

Kathryn hit the gas pedal the moment the last passenger was seated and buckled in.

The Vigilantes stood up and bowed. “We’re taking you home, ladies and gentlemen, and we’re also apologizing for the inconvenience.”

“Are you really…?”

“Oh, this is soooo exciting. So much better than that syrupy lunch we had to endure. And these tacky mementos, what can I say? I wouldn’t want to go there again. Well, maybe at Christmastime. Is that Russian man still in the neighborhood? I can’t believe the Vigilantes are chauffeuring us to our homes.” Then the blue-haired lady turned around to converse with her excited neighbors, who were all babbling at the same time about how boring the White House was and how devilishly exciting the ride home was.

“Can you tell us what happened on our little street?” a shy older man with thick glasses asked. “I suspected something was up. That house is just a haven for bad things to go on. I’m not saying you did a bad thing. You probably did something that made something else right, isn’t that so?”

“You could say that,” Annie said.

“If you need any new recruits, can we volunteer?” a sprightly seventysomething queried. “We’re as old as you two,” she said, pointing to Myra and Annie.

That shut Annie up, who then whispered in Myra’s ear, “Did you hear that? We absolutely have to get those tattoos now.”

“You’re right. We don’t look like them, do we, Annie?” Myra asked fretfully.

“Not yet we don’t,” Annie said grimly. “I’m thinking that tattoos will take care of…whatever.”

Nikki stood up. “You ladies and gentlemen aren’t going to rat us out, are you? Tomorrow you can talk all you want, but first we have to get safely away.”

“What can we do to help you, dear?” a man in his sixties asked. “My daughter Millie is never going to believe this.”

“Just let us get you safely home and promise to keep this secret until tomorrow morning is the best you can do for us. Now, who wants a picture with the famous Vigilantes?”

Espinosa clicked and clicked until he thought he would go out of his mind. He promised to send pictures to everyone. Ted copied down names and addresses as the passengers chatted and gurgled about the “dry-as-dust White House and the food that should have been a buffet where one could pick and choose instead of that thick sauce stuff and baby carrots that were no bigger than your little finger.” Yada, yada, yada. “And the president wasn’t even wearing a tiara or any jewelry that amounted to anything. She just looked plain. Plain is not good.” Yada, yada, yada.

Kathryn yelled, “Hold on,” as she took the curve at a very wide angle that would lead her to Evergreen Terrace. She parked the bus in the Woodley driveway and waited for all the neighbors to climb out.

Another round of pictures was called for. Espinosa gritted his teeth but complied.

“Do you have any idea how late you are?” Snowden bellowed. “You screwed up my plan.”

“Where’s our ride out of here?” Kathryn bellowed in return.

“You’re looking at it, lady. Get in the Dumpster. The sleeve talkers are still sleeping it off in their cars. They’re going to wake up in ten minutes, if Wong is right. Now, get the hell in and let’s go.”

“What about the Federation bus?” asked Espinosa.

“I’m driving it out. Come on, ladies, you can chitchat later. You and you, you’re coming with me,” Snowden said, pointing to Annie and Myra.

“Why?” they both squeaked in unison.

“Because I said so, that’s why. Move your fannies back in the bus.”

Snowden waited for Yoko, who was the last one into the Dumpster, then he waved his hand at the driver of the truck, who would haul the Dumpster to a safe place.

The residents of Evergreen Terrace clapped their hands, stomped their feet, and offered up a rousing send-off as the huge truck and Dumpster lumbered down the street and around the corner.

Myra and Annie waved frantically, blowing kisses, which were returned with gusto by the seniors.

“Where are we going, Mr. Snowden?” Annie asked.

“To a tattoo parlor I know in Chevy Chase. I took the liberty of bringing you a catalog of designs. And don’t ask how I knew. If I told you, then I’d have to kill you. So just sit back and enjoy the ride, ladies.”

“Oh, Myra, that makes it official.
We’re doing it!”

“Think of it as, we’re making a statement!” Myra said, getting into it. “I’m excited, Annie.”

Annie laughed and almost fell out of her seat. “Me too, Myra. Me too.”

I
t was a beautiful day on Big Pine Mountain. The sun was golden and warm, the heady scent of the pines wafting through the open windows. The beauty of the day matched the Sisters’ good mood as they assembled in the war room to go over the mission details. The fact that they were safe and back on the mountain proved they had been successful. They were waiting now for Nikki to print out copies of the online morning papers, especially the
Post.

Even though Maggie had called and told them what to expect, there was nothing like seeing it in black and white. Nikki pressed the
PRINT
button, and seven copies spewed out of the printer. She stapled them and handed them out to her Sisters.

Smiles. Laughter. Raised eyebrows. More laughter, then a round of high fives.

“Washington will never be the same,” Isabelle said.

“An invitation was issued to Bert to visit the White House,” Kathryn said.

“The seniors in Kalorama are like rock stars. They’re all going on the morning talk shows. There’s talk of a book offer.” Nikki laughed.

“Listen to this,” Alexis said. “One of the seniors said they were disappointed in the Secret Service, who left them high and dry, and they were just grateful that the Vigilantes came to their aid at the White House and got them safely home. Lovely, ladies, just lovely. She went on to say someone needed to pay attention to the Russian who was so deadly. ‘At first I thought he was Oriental, but I soon realized he was Mother Russia’s favorite son, and he was right here in Kalorama. Everyone knows Churchill said Russians were Orientals with their shirts tucked in.’ She said the ride home was more exciting than the lunch at the White House.”

“I didn’t know Churchill said that,” Annie said.

“I bet Charles would have known it,” Myra said.

“Jack and Harry are boxing up the Secret Service agents’ weapons and badges, and they will be delivered to the White House today by special messenger. In other words, one of Harry the Russian’s people,” Yoko snickered.

“And we now have the package that was sent to Lizzie’s office that was delivered to Maggie, who gave it to Ted to give to us,” Nikki said. “Copies of all the madam’s records. The letter inside said she didn’t know how to get the materials to us, but she remembered that Lizzie was our attorney when we were arrested. Just goes to show you what a small world it really is. Anyway, we have it all. And now the world knows we have it all, thanks to Maggie. I imagine the White House is doing a little shivering and shuddering. And according to Lizzie, the madam is a world away with her girls, and everyone is safe.”

“That’s a good thing,” Annie said. “It will keep them on their toes where the Vigilantes are concerned.”

“Everyone is yelping for new task forces to be set up to catch us. We’re making Alphabet City the laughingstock of the planet,” Kathryn said. “Those pictures of the Secret Service agents sleeping it off inside the Dumpster flashed around the world faster than you could imagine. YouTube has already had over 3 million hits. There are a lot of agents who are going back to the Farm for additional training. The FBI has announced a major shakeup,” she added with a giggle in her voice.

“And no one can figure out why the Vigilantes went back to Evergreen Terrace. We’re being touted as bold and brazen, with no regard for the law,” Alexis said. “The flip side of that is the seniors on Paula’s street are painting us as wonderful, beautiful, and they say we should have an 800 number for people to call us for help. Polls on the street say we’re the number one topic of conversation worldwide. Damn, I feel so important.”

The women did another round of high fives.

“We have to decide when we’re going to send the president the note we had the vice president write for us. Getting it will make her day and make her more in debt to us,” Annie said. “I have her personal cell phone number and her personal e-mail, thanks to Lizzie. I think around lunchtime would be good. That way she and her administration will have had a few hours to digest the morning’s headlines. And the absence of key members of the House and the Senate has been noted by the media. The vice president’s resignation and sudden disappearance are front and center this morning, but the FBI, the CIA, and the Secret Service are on it.”

Another round of high fives.

“Any other loose ends?” Myra asked.

Annie and the girls looked at one another.

Isabelle spoke up. “All but two families affected left the area to avoid the fallout, thanks to Avery Snowden and his offer of a free ninety-day vacation. The Alabama congressman’s wife said hell, no, she wasn’t leaving. She wants to see what else that devil she was married to had done. The wife of the senator from Delaware said she was staying and hoping for a book offer. She and the senator have no children, so she isn’t worried about the fallout, and her friends and neighbors are making her a celebrity.”

“Harry got a new suit! An Armani. Jack said he looks like a mogul,” Yoko chirped.

“Lizzie is on her way to Tahiti on the first leg of her honeymoon as we speak,” Myra said. “Cosmo is going to take her around the world later in the year, when they can clear their schedules. Lizzie is now seriously looking at accepting Martine Connor’s offer to be White House counsel on her return.”

“And the financial cost of this mission?” Annie asked.

“We’re in the black,” Nikki reported. “To pay for all those ninety-day vacations I helped myself to some of Hunter Pryce’s money. Snowden’s people have been paid. I sent the rest of Pryce’s money offshore. Oh, I did keep a little for us to pay for all those gold and silver chains Annie is ordering for us and…another $500 that neither Annie nor Myra will tell me what they need it for,” she said, a fleeting smile coming and going so quickly that anyone who blinked would have missed it.

Annie and Myra shared a glance, smug expressions on their faces.

“If there are no more loose ends, no more business to conduct, I suggest we adjourn,” Myra said.

The girls scattered to the outdoors to work on the compound. It was time to plant some flowers, clear away the debris, and share a few secrets.

“My God, I thought they would never leave. Hurry, Myra, before I explode.”

Myra was right on Annie’s heels as they headed to the kitchen, where Annie went to the ice maker and quickly made two ice packs. She handed one to Myra and sat down on the other one.

Myra slid to the floor, the ice pack on her fanny. “Dear God, this feels better than an orgasm,” she sighed.

“Oh, Myra, don’t get carried away. Next week this will just be a sore memory. Do you think we should invest in
ink?”

“I don’t see why not. Maybe we could invest Hunter Pryce’s money in ink and keep our own funds intact. You know, in case
ink
doesn’t take off.”

“Myra, Myra, you really rock!”