razorsedge (7 page)

* * *

A note from Ghyan inviting him to join him for first meal was waiting when he returned. Inevitably the conversation centered round Vartra and the Fire Margins.
"Matters have gone beyond the point where we can discuss them on a personal basis, Ghyan. You'll have to wait till Lijou briefs you himself."
"What can you tell me, then?" Ghyan asked in exasperation. "Tell me about the person!"
Again the shiver as wisps of memory seemed to drift briefly through his mind. They were gone before he could pursue them. "He's like us— subject to the same fears and self-doubt." Yesterday he could have said more, now he felt unsure, as if the person he'd met in the past had retreated within the legend. The whole topic disturbed him deeply.
He got to his feet. "I have to go, Ghyan. Thank you for your hospitality, but I've things I must do before the Validation ceremony starts."
He returned to his room, changing back into his ordinary clothes. Looking at the discarded robe, he reached for it, and folding it, placed it in the small bag he'd brought. The gap in his memory troubled him, as had the faint voices the day before. Was his mind becoming unstable? Was it, despite what Carrie said, due to his newly awakened Talent? His blood ran cold at the thought. To be rogue, with an unstable Talent! He
had
to go to Stronghold. He was a danger to himself and everyone, especially her and the cub.

* * *

The afternoon sun had warmed the air, and Carrie found she wasn't as cold as she'd feared. The Validation ceremony, because of its unique nature in their case, was being taken by Father Lijou himself at the Valsgarth Estate. Her attention, though she stood facing the Head Priest, wasn't focused on him or the ceremony he was conducting. It was on her daughter, lying in the priest's arms. Kashini was fretful, disliking being separated from her mother. Though silent, she was moving restlessly.
It couldn't last much longer, Carrie thought. Lijou had already confirmed that their new Clan was a legally designated branch of the Aldatan family, all that remained was the Validation of her daughter's birth.
Flanked by Kusac on one side and Kaid on the other, she was brought back to the present by a nudge in the ribs from each of them.
"Since the time of the Cataclysm, the Validation of every cub has been important, but especially so when she is the firstborn and Heir of her Clan. So it is with Kashini," Lijou was saying.
Carrie took a deep breath and forced her mind into stillness, aware of the concern for her emanating from the two male Sholans at her sides. She could feel their mental presences supporting and encouraging her for the part she must now play in the proceedings.
"It is time for Kashini's mother to come forward and claim her daughter."
She could feel her heartbeat start to quicken as she took her first steps away from her life-mates and the anonymity she'd had during her pregnancy.
Lijou's mouth opened in a gentle, encouraging smile as she slowly walked toward him and held out her arms to receive her cub.
With a purring trill of contentment, Kashini's ears flicked in pleasure and her hands, tiny claws extended, reached out to catch hold of her mother's long hair.
This was the part she was dreading. Holding Kashini close, she turned to face the gathering, trying not to see the sea of faces now in front of her. The inhabitants of both estates had gathered to witness the ceremony. A flash of sunlight on metal drew her eyes briefly upward to where the autovid hovered above Rhaema Vorkoh of Infonet. She looked away, trying not to think of the fact that her image was being broadcast all over Shola— and beyond, to Keiss, where her father and brother would also be watching.
Look at me, cub,
sent Kusac.
Forget everyone else. Remember only us and our family.
Her eyes met his, then flicked briefly to Kaid. From both of them she felt the same support.
"Carrie Aldatan, will you name Kashini's father?" Lijou was asking.
Moistening her lips, she glanced at Lijou before looking back to her mate. "My life-mate, Kusac Aldatan," she said, aware of and annoyed by the tremor in her voice. To one side of the Clan gathering, she could see the visiting Humans standing watching. Suddenly light-headed, she gave a small shudder, then Kusac was standing in front of her, blocking her view.
He touched her cheek with his hand before leaning forward to fold back the blanket that covered their cub.
You're doing fine,
he sent.
It's almost over now.
They're both so different from me,
she thought involuntarily as she watched his dark-furred hands reaching down for their child.
The differences are only skin deep, you know that.
His thoughts were a mental caress. Carefully he took hold of the cub, then turning, he lifted their newborn high above his head so the Clans could see her.
Kusac's voice rang out across the grounds. "Look well, Clansfolk, so that you'll know your Liegena, Heir to the only En'Shalla Clan."
The roar of acceptance from the throats of the several hundred Sholans gathered there was deafening. Kashini added her comments by beginning to whimper and squirm, ears flattened to her skull in distress. After the warmth of her blanket, the cold of the afternoon air on her uncovered pelt was disquieting.
Carrie had felt the mental sigh of relief from all the Sholans present as Kusac had held up their daughter: she was their Liegena no matter what her outward form, but in this time of rapid change, they were relieved that she appeared Sholan like themselves.
Kusac cradled Kashini in his arms before turning back to his mate and holding out a hand for the blanket. As they wound her back in its comforting warmth, Carrie was aware of Lijou calling Kaid forward.
"As the third in this Triad, Kaid Tallinu," Lijou said to him, "you have a responsibility to this cub. Since her parents are Leskas, should anything happen to them, it will fall to you to raise their daughter."
Kaid nodded briefly as Kusac handed Kashini to him. Cautiously, he accepted the small bundle.
"She'll be like a daughter to me," he said, holding her close for a moment before returning her to Carrie. As he did, he leaned toward her, one hand touching her neck as he placed his cheek against hers.
Startled, she moved back slightly before checking herself. For him to touch her neck was to admit publicly to a physical intimacy with her.
"It's part of the ceremony," Kaid murmured. "You need to do the same."
She returned the gesture, then, as he moved to her other side, she felt him retreat even farther behind his mental shields and cursed herself for inadvertently hurting him. Having their relationship announced so openly had taken her by surprise. It was too new for her to feel at ease with it yet.

* * *

After the ceremony, they left the Clans feasting and returned to the main house with a small number of guests and close family members for their own quieter celebrations.
Carrie settled herself in a large comfortable chair, Kusac standing beside her while their friends and guests came over to see the cub and exchange a few words with them. Kaid hovered nearby.
She was concerned about him. He'd been quiet and distant all morning, but since the incident at the ceremony, he'd retreated behind the barriers he'd had when they'd first met. Then she saw Lijou detach himself from Rhyasha and Konis and begin heading toward her. Passing Kaid, he stopped, and after addressing a few words to him, took him by the arm and brought him over, too.
"I've a small gift for the three of you," he said, looking from one to the other, mouth open in a grin. "Kha'Qwa found a reference to them in one of our ancient records and we had them made up to give to you today." Reaching into the pocket of his robe, he drew out a small wooden box which he opened before passing it to Carrie.
With her free hand, she took it from him. Nestling on a bed of black plush cloth lay three identical silver pendants. The motif was of three interlaced spirals, and in the center lay a small, blue-white faceted crystal.
"Lijou, they're lovely," she said. "Are the crystals from Stonghold?"
"From Vartra's Retreat to be exact," said Lijou. "Triad members exchanged them to show their commitment to each other, but we thought you wouldn't take them amiss as a gift from us."
Kusac bent down to see them more closely. "They are beautiful," he said, holding the box for his mate so she could pick one up.
As she held it up, the light from the main windows glinted through it, painting a rainbow across her face. "It even incorporates the spirit of the gateway," she murmured.
"The design is as it was described, even down to the number of facets on the crystals," said Lijou equally quietly.
Carrie held the pendant out to Kusac. "This one is yours," she said. Reaching into the box, she picked up the next one and held it out to Kaid. "And this, yours."
He reached out and, taking it from her, looped the chain around his hand. "My thanks to you and Kha'Qwa," he said, his voice barely audible as he watched Kusac put his own pendant on, then take Carrie's from her and fasten it round her neck.
"I'm glad our gift pleases you," said Lijou. "They can be worn as necklaces or set into the ear. We thought this way you could choose for yourselves."
"Thank you both, Lijou," said Carrie, fingering the tiny crystal. "You must have been very sure of our success."
"I knew the God had marked you all," he said. "And I know you. If it was possible for any mortals to succeed, then I knew it would be you."
"Thank you, Lijou," said Kusac. "You should have brought Kha'Qwa with you. Be sure to tell her how much we appreciate the pendants."
"You have enough people here today," said Lijou. "Kha'Qwa preferred to remain at Stronghold in the hope she could visit you another time under less formal Üxwcircumstances."
"She's welcome any time, Lijou," said Carrie.
Lijou inclined his head. "I'll pass on your invitation, Carrie," he said, as he moved away to rejoin the rest of the guests.
When she looked back at Kaid, Carrie saw he was still holding the pendant clasped within his hand.
Don't feel compelled to wear it, Kaid,
she sent, handing him the box.
Keep it in here.
Silently he accepted it from her, but, surprisingly, he put it in his pocket.
I'll wear it for now.
Opening the catch, he reached up and fastened the pendant round his neck, letting it drop down to lie on the breast of his tunic. That done, with a nod to them both, he turned back to his unconscious surveillance of the room.
What's up with Kaid?
Kusac's sending was concerned.
I think the past's catching up with him.
Then the time for any private communication was gone as she saw Tutor Sorli advance on them.
Glancing at Kusac for permission, he crouched down at Carrie's feet so his face was level with her cub's.
He reached a tentative hand out toward the infant, his expression hopeful. "May I?" he asked.
She nodded, watching him carefully as he reached toward Kashini. The little one grasped the proffered finger with both hands, extending her claws to get a better grasp, and pulled it toward her mouth.
"She's like your bond-mother," he said, mouth opening in a small grin. "And yourself," he added. "You're as fair as she is."
Carrie smiled. "You're the first one outside our family to notice," she said.
"I've been keeping up to date with Physician Kyjishi's work on genetics," he said. "It's different for you, though. Your daughter is the first cub born to a Human mother. Our Sholan genes might be dominant, but Kashini's adaptation to your body has been different from Marak's. His mother is Sholan, after all."
He stopped, looking up at her. "But you don't care about any of that for now, do you?" His grin became deeper. "All you care about is that you have her safe in your arms. And what else should concern a new mother? May she bring blessings to your Clan, Liegena Carrie," he said, extricating his hand and getting to his feet.
"About time!" came a voice Carrie knew well.
Noni came limping over to stand beside Sorli. "About time you left," said Noni tartly. "Look at her! Carrie's almost asleep where she sits! Kusac, send for the nurse for your daughter," she ordered. "And Tallinu," she said, fixing Kaid with a glower, "carry the Liegena upstairs to her room. She needs to rest. She can come down and join us later," she said, forestalling Kusac's unspoken objection.

* * *

Carrie could feel the tension in his body as Kaid carried her upstairs. She knew she was partly to blame. "Tallinu, I'm sorry. I didn't intend to pull away from you during the ceremony. It just took me by surprise."
"It's nothing to worry about, Carrie," he said. "It wasn't important."
"It matters to me. I don't like feeling you so distant. You're treating me almost as if I were a stranger."
"Things are different now," he said quietly, stopping at the door into Carrie's and Kusac's old suite. "We're home. We've done what we set out to do. You have your En'Shalla Clan, and your cub— and I've got to pick up my life again." He took her through the lounge to the bedroom. "I've asked Father Lijou to let me return to Stronghold for a while. He's agreed. It's time I began to study how to use my Talent properly."
"You're leaving?" The news stunned her. It was the last thing she'd anticipated.
"In a few days," he said, laying her gently down on the bed. "You've got Dzaka and T'Chebbi to guard you, you don't need me, too." He stood up, not looking at her. "I need time to make sense of what I've been through, Carrie. Time for meditation."
"You might not return." She could feel the thought there on the edges of his mind, unresolved as yet, but a possibility that he hadn't rejected.
"I don't know what I want to do," he said, turning away from her, tail swaying slightly. "But I'll always be part of you both because of our Triad."
"I thought you'd found peace with yourself when we were in the Margins. You said you had. What's happened, Tallinu? You had none of these doubts two days ago."
"That was then. I belong to the past, Carrie, fifteen hundred years ago, not now." His tail was flicking from side to side as he turned round to face her. "Can't you understand that I'm not the same person I was? I need to find out who I am now."
"I know who you are," she said quietly. "You're who you've always been, Kaid Tallinu, our friend— and more."
His eyes caught and held hers, his tail stilling. "Don't make it difficult for me, Carrie," he said, his voice barely audible. "I have to leave— for a while at least."
She could tell his mind was made up. "I won't try to persuade you to stay, but at least promise you'll talk to me before you make a final decision on whether or not to return. Don't just disappear like the last time."
"When I've had some time alone and know my own mind, then yes, I'll talk to you. I owe you that at least," he said reluctantly, looking away again.
Tiredly, Carrie lay back against the pillows, watching him. Perhaps that was what they all needed: time. They'd been through so much in the last few weeks, Tallinu more than either her or Kusac. He'd become so much a part of their lives that it was difficult to imagine him not being there. But what of him? So much of his life had been spent serving others, yet he deserved the opportunity to build a life of his own, too.
"I have to go now. Kusac needs me downstairs."
She nodded. "Don't let them exhaust you," she said. "You're not long out of your own sickbed."