Reaching Rachel (29 page)

He stood up abruptly, shoving his shorts down and rubbing his arousal against her. She leaned back against him, her head resting on his chest. He used that opportunity to wrap his arms around her, touching her breasts, teasing them.

“Dev,” she mumbled, using her hips to grind against him, pure desire fueling her. He reached one hand down in between them and touched her, his fingers expertly finding just the right spots.

“On your knees, on the couch.” It wasn’t sweet and gentle, it was commanding. Her knees weak, she walked a few steps to the soft couch in their suite and did what he said, looking back over her shoulder to see if he was following. Their eyes connected as he walked slowly over to her, his desire for her protruding from his body. She raked her eyes up and down his amazing body, quivering from want. Sexual tension rolled over both of them like fog, so thick you could’ve cut it with a knife.

He reached her, and she held her breath, waiting for him to touch her. For so long, she had been in control, had always had to be in charge of every single little thing. For once, it felt good to let go of that and know that someone else could make the decisions. She turned to touch him, and he stepped back. Frowning, she met his eyes again. “Hands on the back of the couch.” She lifted an eyebrow at him, completely turned on but wondering what in the world he had planned. She wanted to touch him.

After a moment, she turned, putting her hands on the back of the couch like he said. Staring at the wall behind the couch, she waited in heightened anticipation for what he was going to do.

“Move your knees apart a little more,” he said from right behind her, so close that his breath tickled her shoulder. She thought for sure she would spontaneously combust from waiting on him. Doing as he asked, she almost begged, but knew it wouldn’t matter. He was showing her he was in control, and she was going to let him lead.

After another moment, she felt his hands in her hair, smoothing it, combing it through with his fingers. “I love your hair so much. Don’t ever cut it. I love it around my face as you ride me, and laying across my pillow, and everything in between. Right now I’m going to love it tickling my chest as I take you from behind.” Rachel gulped, a small mewl escaping her throat. This was a new Devin, and she loved it. While their lovemaking had always been hot and sexy, this commandeering man was a new facet to him.

She didn’t speak; she wasn’t sure she could. When he touched her hips, she jumped. She had waited for what seemed like forever for him to touch her, and her nerves felt raw, exposed. He used one hand to snake around her and press on her lower stomach, and the other hand to bend her over so she was on her forearms on the back of the couch. Once she was where he wanted her, he used that hand to reach between her legs from behind, touching her. She knew she was ready; beyond ready. The anticipation of what he was doing was almost enough to send her over the edge before they even started.

Devin hissed something unintelligible from behind her, and she smiled, knowing that even though he was controlling this, he wasn’t unaffected. “I can’t wait anymore,” he hissed. “Ready?”

When all she could do was nod, he stepped behind her, angling her hips so she was open to him. Entering her forcefully, he groaned as she easily accepted him. Rachel arched her back as he filled her, the sensation almost too much to take. She was trying to stay against the back of the couch, but she wanted to move. As if he was reading her mind, he pulled her so that she was basically sitting on him, and they both moaned loudly at the pressure.

“Devin,” his name out of her lips sounded like the best orgasm he could ever ask for. He moved her hips faster, moving her up and down. She reached up and behind her head to touch his head, and he used that opportunity to suck her neck. He was breathing hard into her ear, and sweat was forming on both of their bodies at the exertion. He was trying to hold out, he really was. Holding her up with one arm around her waist, he used the other one to touch her beautiful breasts, first one, then the other, teasing them, pinching them. She began wriggling, and he almost couldn’t hold out anymore. He reached down between her legs, feeling himself there. Touching her, he lifted her with the other arm while using his hips to send them both over the edge simultaneously.

She cried out first, the combination of his fingers and him sending her quickly over the edge, her body shuddering and releasing for so long, she didn’t think it would ever stop. When her name came out of his mouth, a guttural, primal sound followed. As they came down together, Devin set her back on the couch and eased out of her, caressing her back. She turned to face him, a small smile on her lips.

“Wow,” she teased. “That was like something you only read about in books, Dev. Where did that guy come from?”

He laughed, pulling her up so she was standing with him. Wrapping his arms around her, she pressed her body against him again, and he knew he wasn’t done. Not by a long shot. “You like it?”

“I love it,” she answered, kissing up his chest while her hands found him still somewhat ready for action. He sucked in a breath. “How about we go clean up, and you can do that again.”

Devin rested his hands on her backside, pulling her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist. Her breasts pressed teasingly against his chest, and he could feel her warmth against his stomach. “That’s a promise, my love. Now let me take you and clean you up.”

Rachel kissed his neck as he walked, never in her life feeling as loved, cherished, and protected as she did right then.

“How’s it going, Rachel?” Dr. Troast smiled as she settled on the chair across from him. She smiled back, feeling the best she had since she started seeing him.

“Things are great,” she said. When he just looked at her, she knew he wanted her to elaborate. Damn shrinks. They just make you babble on and on.

“Well, the last time I saw you was right after we got back from Jacksonville, when all that stuff happened with Zack.” Dr. Troast nodded. “Things with Devin are … amazing. After we got all of that out, and he feels that he vindicated me by confronting Zack and getting some sort of retribution, it feels like nothing can come between us again.”

“That’s great, Rachel. I’m glad to hear you being so positive about things. I just want you to be careful. Not of Devin, but of putting all of your worth into someone else. For so long, you’ve felt like you weren’t worth being loved, taken care of, or even liked. I want you to feel good because of you, not because someone else is giving you self-worth. I’m very glad you are happy again, because you should be, so please don’t get me wrong.”

Rachel nodded. “I know. I get it. I don’t think that’s a problem. I mean, Devin has shown me how much worth I do have. He’s helped me heal past all of this stuff more than anyone. Sorry.” She grinned as Dr. Troast smiled at her.

“Are you still living together?”

“Yes. We don’t plan on changing that. We’ve lost so much time, doc. We want to be together as much as possible.”

“And what about Justin? What’s going on with that?”

Rachel sighed, the familiar bubble of panic coming up at the mention of his name. “His trial is supposed to be in March. The state’s attorney’s office is hoping that he just takes a plea deal, to avoid a trial. I really hope that, too. I’m not sure I can get up and testify in front of him. That might just send me over the edge.”

“Well, if that’s what happens, we’ll deal with it,” Dr. Troast answered.

“They made it as late as possible because they’re hoping that the girl in Alabama wakes up. They want to be able to use that to get him to accept their deal. He already plead not guilty to the charges at his arraignment, and his attorney is trying to use insanity as a plea. They hope that if they can get this other woman, he will see his best chance is to take the plea and avoid trial.”

“Do you know what the deal is?”

“I heard them say something about life without parole but I’m not sure. This is the kind of case that, if it was proven he did this more than once, could be the death penalty. He’ll want to avoid that, we’re sure, so they’re trying to get him to accept the deal.”

“How about the panic attacks? Nightmares? Are they lessening?”

Rachel nodded. “Yes. After the whole thing with Zack, I had a nightmare that night. Since then, I haven’t had any nightmares at all, but I have had some panic attacks.”

“Tell me what you’ve panicked over.”

“Well, I was at the doctor’s office last week, for my yearly examination—you know, for a woman,” Rachel said, embarrassed. He nodded, and she continued. “I was lying there when the doctor came in with a male nurse, and as soon as she went to start examining me, I started panicking. I don’t know exactly what triggered it, if it was the male nurse, or being looked at there, it reminded me …”

“That’s completely normal,” Dr. Troast commented.

“Normal!” Rachel snorted. “It’s normal to have a panic attack while at your gynecologist? I ended up having to go into a shortened version of what happened to me, which of course she had known part of because of my records, but I was totally embarrassed.”

“Did you get through the exam?”

“Eventually, yes. She did get another nurse, and let me relax for a few minutes before she came back in.”

“That’s great, Rachel. Progress is progress.”

“That wasn’t all. I had two panic attacks my first week back to work, both of which were rather severe. One was over a guy that resembled Justin, and the other was a loud noise in the gym that sent me into a tailspin. My friend Jessica was able to help me the first time, but the second time she had to call Devin.”

“This isn’t something that’s going to go away overnight, Rachel. I still think you’re progressing well, all things considered. How do you think the medication is helping?”

“I think it’s definitely made things easier to work through. I would like to try going off of it sometime soon, though. I will never know exactly how well I am if I don’t.”

“I agree,” Dr. Troast made a note on his pad. She often wondered what in the world he wrote, and secretly wanted to steal it to see if he doodled, wrote how crazy she was, or really needed it to keep track of her progress.

“Anything else?”

Rachel thought. “Well, I think I’d like to go see my parents. I haven’t seen them since right after the accident, and I’d like to spend some time with them.”

“That’s great. You need to reconnect with people. You had told me before that you’ve pushed them away over the last several years, too. Did you ever tell them about what happened when you and Devin broke up?”

She shook her head. “No. I never told anyone. They loved him like the son they never had, and I didn’t want them to look at me in disappointment when they realized I was the one that screwed it up.”

“But you didn’t do anything. Maybe if you would’ve told them, they could’ve helped you. You were only 21 years old, Rachel. Did you think they would be that quick to dismiss everything as your fault?”

“I thought I slept with him,” she said quietly, looking down at her lap. “I had no idea he wasn’t telling the truth. I mean, I could’ve told them that he threatened me, but I was terrified. It was just easier …”

“To push everyone away,” Dr. Troast finished. “Yes, I know. This is the part you need to work on the most. Instead of pushing people away, pull them towards you. Your parents, Devin, even his parents, they would’ve helped you, and still will today. Accept it, be thankful for it. You aren’t a screw up, Rachel.”

Tears stung her eyes, and she swallowed hard, refusing to succumb to them. “Nothing I’ve ever wanted to do in my life I’ve done, followed through on.”

“It’s never too late,” he responded. “You’re young, Rachel. Your whole life is ahead of you. Stop thinking of the past and the mistakes you’ve made, and decide what you want for the rest of your life, and make it happen.”

Rachel walked into the house, throwing her keys on the counter. The dinner she had left in the crock pot made her stomach grumble with hunger. Devin should be home soon. The thought made her smile. Home. When she stopped to think about it, she couldn’t believe it. Would she go through all she had been through again if she knew at the end was Devin? She knew that the answer was yes. He was worth every second of pain she had endured over the years.