Reaching Rachel (5 page)

Looking down at the sand below, she remembered the time that Kayley was here, when she and Emily stood hopelessly watching their friend’s heart rip out of her chest over her boyfriend, Ben, and the terrible misunderstanding that had caused them so much pain.

Misunderstanding. Such a big word for something so small that could break two people up. For them, it had been an innocent kiss from a friend and some pictures made to seem anything but innocent. That wasn’t the case with her and Devin, however. What he thought had happened she hadn’t denied, because she had to let him blame her for what happened. She knew with 100% certainty that he would’ve killed him. Zack Miller. That was a name she wouldn’t ever forget in her life. He was the reason that everything changed for her, and continued even past the point that she and Devin broke up.

You didn’t break up¸
she reminded herself.
You allowed him to think you were a terrible person, and he left. You let that happen. It’s all your fault that you aren’t with him now
. But she knew that she had done what she had to do, and right now Devin was probably much happier without her, living his life without the trouble she caused.

Her phone dinged again, and she sighed. She watched a young family walking across the beach, and her heart squeezed. Not even looking at the screen, she stepped away from the sliding glass door and headed back into the house, her thoughts scrambled between Justin, Devin, and a cop that changed her life forever.

Devin sat at his desk, staring at the letter in his hand in disbelief. He got the job. He was moving. Again. For five years, he had been working in the Miami area. When he had first transferred here, he had been just a beat cop in a not so great area. Then, he had gotten a promotion to detective three years ago. He had enjoyed it, but he was looking to get into the field more, be more active.

When he saw a posting for a job on the west coast of Florida for a position in the SWAT team, he had jumped at the chance. It had been a long shot for him, even though he came highly recommended by his boss. He couldn’t believe it.

There was nothing in Miami for him, anyway. He had never married, had no kids, and had no family nearby. He had his share of girlfriends and casual relationships, but he just never could settle down. He spent his days (and sometimes nights) working, and his very few days off at the beach playing volleyball or at bar with his work buddies. At the end of every night, however, he went home alone, to his modest 2 bedroom remodeled home in an old part of Miami.

He never had a problem attracting women—it was actually rather obnoxious how easy some of them were. He would never understand how any woman would ever think coming on to him at a bar and sleeping with him would ever make him think they were girlfriend, wife, or mother material.

Who was he kidding, he knew the real reason he couldn’t commit. He had been with plenty of nice, sweet women. It had never been them—as he told them while they rolled their eyes. It was her. No matter how many miles separated them or years went by, it was always her. Those damn green eyes that haunted his dreams. Her long red hair that cascaded down her back and over his face as she leaned over him while they made love. The body—oh, the body. He wondered almost daily what she was doing, where she was, whether she was married or had any kids. Then, he would mentally smack himself for even caring. She had done the unthinkable. He could never forgive her. She threw away the best thing that had ever happened to either one of them, which was why she never even tried to find him. She knew, and she didn’t care. He never meant as much to her as she meant to him. And that was why he would never love someone that way again.

There had been several who wanted to go beyond a regular relationship with him over the years, women that would’ve made great wives and mothers. At the end of the day, he just couldn’t do it. The few times he had had girlfriends it hadn’t lasted long once they wanted more, and then he just decided having no strings attached relationships was for the best.

“Hey there,” Cammi purred in his ear. He dropped the letter on his desk and turned slightly, looking at the young cop that was his most recent distraction. She was hot as hell with a body that just wouldn’t quit, and was a lion in bed. Best of all, she didn’t want him to be her boyfriend, her husband, or her baby daddy, and that suited him just fine. “Whatcha got there?”

“I got the job,” Devin said, turning his chair so he could see her directly. Her large blue eyes danced with adoration as she smiled her mega-watt smile at him. Long straight blonde hair was pulled back into a fierce ponytail, but he knew what that hair was like wrapped around him. Her cop uniform didn’t hide the body that she had—perky breasts, slim waist, and curvy hips and backside that he knew just about every part of.

“Congrats, doll,” she grinned, looking around to see if anyone was watching. When she noticed they were alone in his office, she leaned over and pressed her lips to his. He had to remind himself where he was as his body instantly reacted to her touch. “Want me to come help you pack tonight?”

“Pack,” Devin murmured against her lips. “Absolutely,” he agreed, knowing there wouldn’t be a box in site the whole night.

“So, how long until you move?” Cammi asked, tracing his bare chest with her finger. She had come over with take out and boxes, yet the food was cold and the boxes empty.

Devin tipped her chin up, kissing her full lips. He wished he could feel more for her, because she was something else. She was really going places too, making a name for herself as a great cop. Responding to him immediately, she turned so that her body pressed against his in all the right places, awakening him again. She opened her lips, teasing him with her tongue while she rubbed against him.

“Cammi,” he groaned into her mouth. “You are insatiable, girl.”

“And you …” she broke off, kissing down his chest. “Are. Sexy.” She ran her mouth back up his firm chest, detouring over to his muscular bicep where his tribal tattoo resided. He tensed, like he did anytime a woman gave him attention there. That was
her
place. Only hers.

Moving her away gently, he caressed her body, soft in the best places. He wanted her, again, but he was feeling distracted tonight. “I’ll leave next week. Thankfully I don’t have much to pack.”

“Where are you going to live when you get there?” He liked that Cammi always seemed genuinely interested in him, and with the news that he was moving, she didn’t turn into an emotional disaster.

“I don’t know yet. My new boss is doing some looking around for me within the department, see if anyone has anything temporary where I can stay. I’ve lived in Florida my whole life, but never there.”

“So you won’t know anyone,” Cammi commented. Devin inwardly sighed.
Yup, just like when I came here
, he thought. No strings. Never any commitment.

“Nope,” he smiled as his hand wandered to her backside. “But, I’m a big boy. I didn’t know anyone here either and I’ve been here for a long time. It’s near the beach and it’s a job I want. That’s all that matters.”

Cammi looked at him, her eyes serious. “I wish you the best, Devin. I know that you really wanted this. I won’t lie and say that I won’t miss you, because look at you. We’ve got a good thing going on here. But, I know you don’t want any strings and I’m with you on that, too. I’m not in a place where I want to settle down or anything, but I have to ask. Why is it that you don’t want to commit? The guys, you know, they talk, and since I’m basically one of the guys at work …”

Devin closed his eyes briefly. It was the million dollar question. Did he want to tell her? Really? He had never told another soul about what happened with Rachel, not even his own parents. They had loved her just as much as he had, and he couldn’t ruin their image of her. Not even after all that she did to him. Not even after all this time.

Cammi brushed her hand over his face lightly. “You don’t have to tell me,” she whispered. “Seeing your face just now, that told me all I needed to know. Someone hurt you, badly. You were in love once, right? And she was it for you.”

Devin laughed a short, painful laugh. “This is why you are a great cop. You read people really well. I don’t want to get into the details, because I never have. But yes. I was with a girl once that I thought was my forever. I have never felt for anyone the way I felt for her. But she taught me something, and that was that someone that loves you so fiercely can also destroy you in one fell swoop.”

Cammi kissed him lightly, her breath tickling his nose. “Dev,” she murmured against his lips. “She was stupid if she didn’t realize what she had in you. I hope that someday you let someone in again. Have you ever thought of trying to find her? Set things right?”

Every damn day¸
Devin thought. He had thought about it so many times, since he had access to just about anything he wanted to know as a cop. His fingers had hovered over typing her name in the many databases he had access to so many times over the years, but he had never allowed himself to do it. For all he knew, she was still living in Jacksonville, was married with 2.5 kids, a picket fence, and the job she always dreamed of. Maybe she was even married to
him.
The thought of it made his stomach turn. If he ever, and he meant
ever
, ran into that guy, he wouldn’t be responsible for what happened. It was a miracle he had transferred out of there before actually putting his fist through his face.

Devin rolled on top of her, careful not to put his whole body weight on hers, and did what he always did when he didn’t want to talk about something. He let his body take over, and he pushed the memories and the pain back inside their little box where they belonged.

He hoisted the last box into the U-Haul truck, grunting with the exertion. He was ready to go. Miami would no longer be his home, and the cops that had become like his family would be hours away from him.

“Good luck, bro,” his friend Ellis clapped him on the back. “We’ll miss you and your antics around here. And hey …” He leaned in, looking around to see if anyone could hear him. “That Cammi … is she, uh???”

Devin laughed, shoving his friend away from him. “We aren’t anything, man. Go for it. She’s a great girl.”

Ellis winked. “I bet she is,” he teased. “Seriously, though, enjoy your new life. Don’t miss us too much. And come back and visit us when you get tired of Retiredville over there on the west coast. What kind of crimes you gonna be solving, golf cart thefts and lost dentures?”

“Seriously,” Devin laughed. “It may not be Miami, but I’m not going to Podunkville. There should still be plenty of hot ladies on the beach in bikinis where I’m going. As far as what crimes I’ll be solving, we’ll just have to see about that. I’ll keep you updated.”

“I’m proud of you. This is a great job and I can’t wait to hear all about it. Especially while I’m still handing out speeding tickets and busting for window tint. Maybe I need to come there with you, big man.”

Devin laughed, climbing into the cab of the truck, his car on a trailer behind him and his pride and joy—his motorcycle—tucked safely inside the U-Haul. He was ready. Ready to start over again, be part of a new challenge, and try again to see if he could keep the demons at bay. “See you around, Ellis,” he called out the window, taking one last look at his small house before driving off into the sunset.