Authors: J. L. Berg
Grabbing my boots in one hand, I dialed the pizza place down the street and ordered Garrett’s favorite. I raced back downstairs and started the process of chucking the failed meal in the trash just as Garrett came through the door. Head lowered, he was engrossed in a phone call and dodged into the office.
“Do you have any other ideas? I’m totally tapped out,” he said before he shut the door.
Okay…weird.
It wasn’t the first odd moment of the week either. I’d caught him on the computer late at night. As soon as I’d entered the room, he’d quickly shut down the monitor. He’d had a number of mysterious phone calls as well, and he’d seemed on edge, not grumpy or moody. It had been just like he was about to explode.
With the dinner now trashed, I moved to the living room to slip on my shoes. As I was pulling up the last zipper of my left boot, I felt the familiar warmth of Garrett’s hands running down my shoulders and arms.
“Sorry, I had to finish that call,” he said, bending forward to pull me against him.
“No problem. Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“You’ve been very vague lately,” I said, turning to face him.
The corner of his mouth curved into a small grin, but he remained silent. Instead, he just placed a small kiss on my nose.
The doorbell rang before I had a chance to push him for answers. I gave him a look that said this conversation wasn’t over, and he just chuckled. He released his hold on me, so I could answer the door.
My father looked much the same as the last time I’d seen him. He appeared very casual but still well-dressed in dark-washed jeans and a tailored button-down wool jacket. He had my blue eyes and dark hair. Luckily, I hadn’t inherited much from my mother. For a dad, he was actually pretty good-looking.
He gave me a warm smile and moved in to hug me, but then he stopped himself, obviously unsure of boundaries. Unsure myself, I stood awkwardly and bit my lip.
“You ready?” he asked, shoving his hands in his coat pockets.
“Yep!” I said a bit too brightly.
I turned to say good-bye to Garrett and realized he was right there. I should have known. He’d offered to come with me, but I’d told him that I needed to do this myself. He’d squeezed my hand and told me he understood, and he’d said he would be there for me in a second if I needed him.
I kissed him sweetly on the cheek and said I’d be back shortly.
The drive was short, and we ended up at a little cafe down the street that Garrett and I loved to visit.
I was surprised by my dad’s choice, but figured he was trying to impress me by picking something more my style.
“This is a great place,” I commented as the waiter seated us near the back.
“I always loved this place,” he said, picking up the menu and smiling, like he’d just seen an old friend.
“You used to come here?” I scoffed, trying to picture my dad in one of my favorite restaurants.
I looked around at the less than five star atmosphere, taking in the exposed pipes at the ceiling and the rustic wall paper.
It wasn’t a dump, but it definitely wasn’t the Ritz either, which was the only type of dining experience for my mother. This cafe was a mom-and-pop type of location with real food and great service. It was definitely not the type of place I’d expect to find my father.
“Yes, I always came here for lunch. It was my little secret,” he said with a grin.
“What other secrets do you have?” I asked.
“I used to attend all your choir concerts, each and every one.”
I gasped. My mother had never approved of me joining choir at school. She’d paid for vocal lessons, and I’d had vocal recitals every year. That had been an approved and accepted extracurricular activity. Singing in a high school jazz choir had been just some silly little hobby and not worth her time.
She’d never gone to any of my recitals even though it was the one thing I’d been most proud of during my four years of school.
“I never saw you.”
“I was always in the back. I remember every solo. You were fantastic.”
Tears stung my eyes. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“Amelia, I’m a very weak man. I didn’t start out that way. I think that’s what attracted your mother to me in the first place, the power I could wield. I was the top of my class in law school, and I had my pick of jobs. I was going places, and she saw me for what she could gain out of me. The fool in me thought she loved me. By the time I realized her real intentions, it was too late. We had you, and I was deeply in love with her.”
“Even after you found out she didn’t love you?”
“We don’t choose the ones we love,” he said with sadness. “It took me a long time to realize my love for her was poison. It was poisoning everything in my life, including our own daughter. She had become the master of my universe, and the worst part was I had allowed it. I didn’t care about her social ladder or money. I’d always just wanted to make her happy. But it was never enough.”
“So, you finally broke free,” I said.
“Yes, I finally decided to love myself…to love my daughter more than a woman who would never change and who would never love me back. I can’t say it was easy. Despite everything, I still love her. Or I guess, I still love the memory of her, if that makes sense.”
I smiled and nodded. “Yes, that makes sense.”
We ate our meal and chatted a bit about my classes and work at the hospital. I asked him about his new job, and he said he was adjusting well at the new firm.
Later on, as we drove, he became silent until we made our way up to the front door.
“I guess the hardest thing I’m dealing with is how much I failed you. I spent years in this fog, hoping that somehow your mother would love me back. That entire time I was waiting, you were growing up without a father.”
“You were there,” I said softly.
“No, I wasn’t, not as much as I could have been. And I haven’t been here for eight years.”
Taking his hand, as we stood on the porch, I met his gaze. “Dad, in the last few months, there’s one thing I’ve learned about regret. You have to let it go. Otherwise, it will swallow you whole. Grieve your mistakes, but then put them in the past and move on. I’m here now, and so are you.”
As it so happened, I wasn’t the only one holding on to regrets.
His blue eyes watered, and for the first time in over eight years, I opened my arms and felt the loving embrace of a parent. I thought I had healed all my wounds from my past when I grieved our lost child. It turned out that I still hadn’t grieved my own lost childhood.
As I stood in the embrace of my father’s warm arms once again, I finally felt free.
~Garrett~
That little black box had been burning a damn hole in my pocket for an entire week.
Ever since my perfect plan had failed miserably, thanks to my family and their catastrophes, work emergencies, and then Mia’s father showing up, I’d been pacing our newly renovated floors. I’d spent hours on the Internet trying to figure out something, anything that would be original, spontaneous, and represent the depth of the love I had for her. I quickly discovered I couldn’t find anything new and original on the Internet.
Go figure.
Nothing was good enough for my Mia.
I was not copying someone else’s idea, and I was definitely not plastering her name on a Jumbotron. Thanks to Aiden, all restaurants were out of the question, and I really didn’t want to risk having my family over again for another failed party. Not to mention, she would get a little suspicious if they all suddenly showed up for a second week in a row.
I’d been on the phone with Leah almost every day, trying to come up with an idea, and so far, I had nothing. Even my idea to take Mia to New York and propose on the Empire State Building seemed lame and overdone.
Why is this so hard?
I knew it was right. I knew she was right. All I needed was the damn place and a plan.
While I was surfing around the Internet for the hundredth time that day, I heard the front door open followed by Mia’s voice as she greeted me. I quickly shut down the computer and stepped out of the office. I met her in to the living room where I swept her up in my arms as she giggled and smiled. I showered her face and neck with kisses, which only made her laugh harder.
“You’re a dork,” she said cheerfully.
“Yes, but I’m your dork, and I’m hot.”
“And so modest, too.”
I gave her a sly grin and slapped her ass, causing her to yelp. I carried her to the couch and pulled her onto my lap as I made us comfortable.
“How was dinner?” I asked, already having a good idea.
Her eyes were bright and full of energy, and she couldn’t stop grinning.
“It was wonderful, Garrett.”
I smoothed out her hair and tucked it behind her ear, loving how soft and silky it felt between my fingers.
“I’m glad, baby. I’m so glad.”
“He came to my choir concerts in high school,” she said wistfully.
I smiled. “He couldn’t stay away.”
“He said he wants to get to know us both.” She looked up at me with hesitation.
“I’d like that. He’s your father, Mia. We’re looking forward, right? Remember the past, but don’t dwell in it. Isn’t that our motto? We’ve all made mistakes, and that doesn’t exclude him.”
“I think he’s wallowing in regret, just like I was. It’s different, but I recognize the symptoms.”
“Like father, like daughter?” I asked with a shadow of a smile.
“Yes, I guess.”
“Well then, who better to help him than you?” I pointed out.
“You’re right. He said it was hard to leave my mother. He said he still loves her after all these years.”
“I guess I can see that. Love can be many things. Pure or tainted, healing or hurting—it’s a fine line.”
“I hope he can heal, like I did.”
“He will,” I said, placing a chaste kiss on her cheek. “He has you.”
She turned in my arms, and I cherished the feel of her.
This is where I want her for the rest of my life.
“Come on, let’s go to bed,” I said.
“It’s eight o’clock!”
“Well, you can never get too much sleep,” I joked.
She gave me a doubtful look, which made me chuckle. I grabbed her around the waist and flipped her slightly before throwing her over my shoulder.
“Garrett!” she squealed.
“I’m telling you, we need to get to sleep. It’s late. The sun will be up in fourteen hours!”
I made a mad dash for the stairs, and she screamed louder, banging her fists on my ass.
“Keep doing that, and I’ll start spinning!”
“Ugh!” she cried out in amused frustration.
I took the stairs two at a time, which made her bounce up and down on my shoulder.
“Oh my God, I’m going to kill you, Garrett Finnegan!” she threatened as we rounded the corner to our bedroom.
I loved the orange we’d picked out for the walls. Since then, we’d sanded and re-stained all the furniture and bought new linens from some crazy home store in the mall that Mia made me walk around in for hours. It looked great, but right now, all I wanted to see was Mia naked against one of those sun-kissed walls.
Letting her slide off my shoulder, I tried to hold back my laughter as I took in her frazzled hair and beet-red face.
“You are so dead,” she said, blowing an errant brown strand out of her face.
My attempt to contain my laughter failed, and it came roaring out of me. I doubled over, clutching my side, as I fought for breath.
“Jackass,” Mia said with a giggle.
Pulling myself together, I clutched her waist and pulled her closer.
“That was the carefree boy I fell in love with, throwing me over the shoulder in the middle of the hallway in front of the entire school. The man staring at me now with the smoldering, made-for-sex eyes—that’s the man I fell in love with all over again. Like past and present colliding, you are the perfect mix of the two now.”
My eyes widened at her words, and like a lightbulb, everything fell into place.
Past and present colliding…
For the past few weeks, I’d been driving myself mad, trying to think of the perfect way to ask Mia to marry me. I’d been convinced that this time, I had to do it bigger, grander, and in a way that she would be proud of. But hadn’t I already done that?
Sitting by the river after I’d proposed the night before our graduation, neither one of us had felt like we’d been cheated of something greater. It hadn’t mattered that her ring was small or that we weren’t someplace public. We’d had each other.
Wasn’t that all that mattered?
I pulled back from our embrace. “Grab your coat,” I instructed.
“What? I thought we were going to bed?”
“Oh, we’ll do that later. I want to go for a drive.”
She looked at me like I had two heads, but rather than disagreeing, she just smiled warmly and followed me down the stairs.
“Where are we going?” she asked as she slipped on her coat and gloves.
As I palmed the ring box in my pocket, I smiled. “I know just the place.”
Epilogue
~Garrett~
Three and a Half Years Later