Real Vampires Hate Their Thighs (22 page)

Read Real Vampires Hate Their Thighs Online

Authors: Gerry Bartlett

Tags: #Horror & Ghost Stories

“Barry, may I speak to you in the bedroom?” I grabbed his arm and hustled him out of the living room.
The publicist looked down like he was surprised at my strength when I closed the bedroom door. “Gee, Glory, you
have
been working out.”
“A little, but I’m not doing a commercial. Get rid of these people. Did you run this by Ray?”
“No, didn’t have time.” He tried to pull away, but finally gave up. “What’s wrong with this gig? It’s a reputable company. They’ll pay you big bucks. You, not Ray. You could use the money, couldn’t you?”
I couldn’t argue about that. But I also knew that, once back in Austin, I’d be right back to my old size. So the slimming Glory campaign would be a bust. Unless . . .
“You think they’d be interested in just featuring a normal-size woman working out? One who never gets any smaller? Because I know I’m not going to stick with this program after we leave L.A., Barry.” Oops. Or stick with Ray either, come to think about it. Well, there went the big bucks. There was no help for it. I was pulling the plug.
“They want a success story, Glory. Can’t you trim down? For yourself, if not for Ray. It’s the healthy thing to do.” Barry smiled at me and used his free hand to pat me on the shoulder.
“I
am
healthy at my regular size, Barry. Sizes are just arbitrary numbers society has put on labels inside clothes to make most of us feel bad. I’m sorry I ever started this diet-and-exercise thing. My body hurts, I’m nauseated half the time and I can’t sleep. For sure it stops when I say it does.” I fought back my fangs. This was definitely one of my hot-button issues. Barry was just the messenger, but sometimes the messenger deserved to take the heat.
“Now, Glory. I didn’t mean—” He winced and I realized I still held his arm.
I let him go and gave him some space. “Sorry, but screw their so-called success stories. I’m not doing it. And I’m staying in here until those people are gone. Get rid of them.” I glared at him, opened the bedroom door and waited for him to scoot through it, then shut and locked it.
“Well, you told him.”
Valdez had watched all this from the foot of the bed.
“Yes, and now I feel bad. He was only doing his job.” I peeked out of the bedroom door and saw Barry just disappearing into the hall. “Brittany, get Barry back in here, please.”
“Sure, Glory.” Brittany jerked open the door and returned with the alarmed publicist held in what resembled a head-lock. We might have to whammy Barry. He’d obviously never dealt with such tough women before.
“Let him go, Brit.” I led him to the couch. “Barry, I’m sorry. I know you were just trying to help me out.”
“I was, Glory. You want me to get them back in here?” Barry pulled out his cell. “I could still make this happen.”
“No, not that. But let me explain the real reason I couldn’t do it.” I settled beside him, barely stifling a groan.
“What?” Barry put the cell away. “You look serious. Not sick, are you? You’ve been moving funny. Like you’re in pain.”
“I am, but that’s from working out. I think I did too much last night. Those trainers.” I made a face.
Barry shook his head. “I know what you mean. I call mine Attila. She’s a real bitch.”
“There you go.” I laughed. “But here’s the scoop.” I quit smiling. “Ray and I’ll probably go our separate ways after the Grammys. He may not be coming back to Austin at all.”
“No way! I thought—” Barry looked genuinely shocked. “Well, I thought maybe he’d found the real deal this time.” He hugged me. “I’m sorry, Glory. You want me to punch him out?”
“Why are you assuming
he’s
dumping
me
?” I pushed back and sighed. “I’m getting back with an old boyfriend.” I felt tears near the surface. Was this a lie or wishful thinking? I had no idea. Or maybe I was getting way ahead of myself. Saying it out loud was twisting my gut almost as badly as Ian’s potion had. Could I really just walk away from Ray? He’d become so important to me, I couldn’t imagine never seeing him again.
I realized Barry was literally on the edge of his seat waiting for details. Well, I’d started this. I might as well finish it. I could always change my mind later. Or not.
“You remember the pictures of Ray fighting Jeremy Blade?”
“Of course I remember. That was a headline for days in all the tabloids.
Star Snoops
ran the picture in color on the cover. Surely you aren’t choosing him over Ray.” Barry grabbed my hand. “If he’s threatened you . . .”
“No, Jerry would never lay a hand on me or any woman. He loves me. Has for years.” Centuries actually, but who’s counting?
“And violent. I saw what he did to Ray, remember?”
“Well, Ray got his licks in too. Men will be men.” I cleared my throat. “It was nothing more than a pissing contest. They’re both territorial. Not a quality I appreciate in either of them. But I’m telling you this so you can be ready. Maybe you can do some damage control when Ray and I break up.”
“Sure, I can do that. And I see why you don’t want a bunch of commitments as Ray’s fiancée if the wedding’s not going to happen.” Barry stood and paced the carpet. “Well, hell. I had even more irons in the fire for you, Glory. You were a publicist’s dream whether you know it or not. You’re genuine. Relatable. I see a lot of Ray’s fan mail and his approval rating went up among several key demographics since you two hooked up.”
“So glad I could help.” I got up and walked Barry to the door. “But that’s no reason to stay together and you know it.”
“Of course not. I’m just saying.” Barry smiled sadly. “Don’t do anything hasty, Glory. Ray loves you. Oh, he may act like a dog now and then—it’s that rock-star thing. Cut the boy some slack. He was single for a lot of years. It’ll take a while for you to domesticate him.”
“I told you. It’s not Ray. It’s me and the other guy. We have a lot of history that I can’t just ignore. And this isn’t to go public yet. I mean it, Barry. We’ve got the reality show and the Grammys to deal with first.”
“No worries. My lips are sealed.” Barry tapped his nose. “Besides, I’m not sure I’m buying this anyway. My bullshit meter’s buzzing.” Barry looked down when his cell vibrated. “And now so’s my phone. Got to be those Fitzwell people. I know just who to steer them to. DeeDee’s in the hotel. She’ll be perfect.”
“Sure. That’s genius. She’s the epitome of fitness.”
Barry leaned down and kissed my cheek. “Hang in there with Ray, Glory. I’ve known him for years. He’s a stand-up guy. And, honestly, he’s never been as caught up in the rock-star hype as a lot of these yahoos are.” Barry’s phone buzzed again. “Okay, got to take this. Later, lady.”
I watched him head out. He was talking on his cell before the hall door closed behind him.
“I liked what I was hearing from you.”
Valdez bumped against me gently.
“Blade’s the one. About time.”
“Shut up, V.” I felt like hell. So what if I’d made a mature decision. Putting it right out there for Barry so he could handle the inevitable fallout when Ray and I parted ways. Funny how maturity sucked.
Ten

Okay
, they’re coming.” Valdez faced the door, Brittany right beside him.
“Are you sure you want to go on with this, Glory?” Flo carefully put away the shoes she’d been showing me that she’d bought in the boutique downstairs.
“Of course I am. I’ve just got a few days until the red carpet.” I sneezed and shrieked at the same time. Oh, God, that hurt. “I didn’t go through all this to stop now.”
“You sneezed. Vampires don’t sneeze. Why?” Flo stared at me as if I’d sprouted a third eye.
“I don’t know. Your perfume is tickling my nose. And when I sneeze . . .” I grabbed her arm. Another one was coming and, oh, help. I sneezed again.
“Why’re you screaming when you sneeze?” Flo handed me a tissue from a box on the desk next to the wall.
“My stomach is killing me. I told you I did those crunches. That demon’s spawn of a trainer made me do them.” I blew my nose. “I didn’t sleep well and didn’t heal.”
Flo narrowed her eyes. “You block your thoughts. What do you mean you didn’t sleep well? The sun comes up, we die. We just
call
it sleep.”
The knock on the door interrupted an interrogation I knew I’d have caved under. I wasn’t sure I wanted Flo, and therefore Richard, to know I’d seen daylight. Vampires are funny creatures. Either one of them might have a secret craving for the sun and do something stupid about it if they knew. They’d seen Ian’s video and seemed to scoff at it, but when they heard that I’d actually almost walked into daylight . . . Well, I didn’t want to test either one of them. I was pretty sure stepping into the sun would have sent me up in flames.
I peeked through the spy hole and saw Ian, Trina and a pair of Ian’s usual guards there. I threw open the door.
“Come in. I was just telling Flo how I was feeling.”
Ian took my hand and looked into my eyes. “You don’t look well. What is it, Glory?”
“My healing sleep didn’t do the job. I’m sore from my training session last night.” I smiled at Flo. “And now I’m suddenly allergic to my friend’s perfume. I’ve been sneezing, which kills my stomach.”
Trina linked her arm through mine and smiled. “That pain’ll go away once you’re used to regular exercise, Glory. Glad to see you’re already in proper gear. You look great in those shorts.”
I extricated myself and put a good foot between us.
“Thanks. I’ve got a session scheduled with the trainer for after you guys leave.” I winced. “Not that I’m looking forward to it. Sorry, Trina. That may be true for mortals, but vamps live in a different universe. I shouldn’t be hurting at all tonight. This is freaking me out, Ian.” I grabbed his arm. “Fix this.”
“Your reactions to my regimen continue to puzzle me, Glory, but I’ve been working on the problem.” He patted my hand and greeted Flo, who barely nodded. She’d obviously decided he was the enemy.
“Work fast.” I pulled away from him, not willing to go all chummy, especially with Flo giving him the evil eye. “Oh, yeah, this is Brittany, Ian, another of my bodyguards. Seems only fair since you’ve brought two.”
“Of course.” Ian barely spared her a glance. Bodyguards were like furniture to him. “You’re going to have to get used to exercise, Glory. Especially if you can’t find a supplement that agrees with you. I’ve brought a different one for you to try when you wake up tomorrow night. It shouldn’t make you sick and could even help you lose an extra pound or two.”
“I’m all for that.” I could hear Flo muttering something in Italian. “I’m okay, Flo, just sore.”
“You’re acting mortal, Glory my friend, sneezing and moaning about your stomach.” Flo nodded dismissively at Trina. “We are vampire,
mia amica
. We
give
pain; we don’t get it.”
“She’s right. This isn’t how the program is supposed to work.” Ian opened a black leather attaché case and pulled out two bottles. “So I’ve also made adjustments in the formula for your usual bedtime drink. I’m hoping those nightmares will go away. Then you should heal properly.”
“Okay, I’ll try it.” I ignored Valdez’s warning growl. “I guess now I just have to feed from Trina and we’re done here.”
“Not tonight.” Ian put his hand on my shoulder. “I know you’re anxious to speed along the process, so we’re going to make tonight’s treatment do double duty.” He looked down because Valdez was all but sitting on his foot. The two surfers with Ian had moved in too. I felt like I was in a hunky man cave. Brittany kept hanging back, keeping an eye on the action.
“Back off, V. We’re just talking here.” I nudged him with my running shoe. “Seriously, I want to hear this.”
“Yes, I’m sure you do. Because I think you’ll lose at least five more pounds tonight if we do this my way.” Ian grinned when Flo and I gasped.
“That would be incredible.” I sneezed again when Flo came up behind me.
“You might get into that six before the Grammys after all,
mia amica
!” Flo patted my back when I sneezed once more and I grabbed my stomach. “Enough of this. I go wash off my perfume.”
“No, don’t bother, Florence. Glory’s leaving.” Ian held up his hand.
“I don’t think so.”
Valdez growled for good measure.
“The whole point was to stay in tonight, Ian. I have lots to do to get ready for the Grammys.” I put my hand on Valdez’s head to discourage him from starting something.
“Here’s how it works, Glory.” Trina pulled off her coat and I saw she had shorts and a tank underneath. I’d already noticed the running shoes on her feet. “You and I are going to run the twenty miles together. Then you come back here and take my blood. We’ll both be revved so it’ll really do you some good.”
“Trina’s right. We’ve done this before with great results. I know a twenty-mile sprint should be no big deal for you, Glory. A vampire can run all night if she wants to.” Ian nodded toward Flo and smiled. “Though it’s easier in the right shoes.”

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