Authors: Natsuo Kirino
“Telling you isn’t going to help any. Stop acting like a prosecutor.”
“But I want to know,” she insisted.
Kirarin swung her crossed legs. I was surprised to see that the downy hair on her legs was blond. The hair on my mom’s legs was dark like a guy’s. It always struck me as animal-like and grossed me out.
“Why’s the hair on your legs like a foreigner’s?”
“I bleach it,” Kirarin said, making fun of me again, with this look on her face like, How in the world have you survived up till now without knowing that? “In the summer girls don’t shave, they bleach it. While you guys are studying your butts off and jerking off, we girls are up to more clever things.”
“Do that with mine, too.”
“I didn’t bring any bleach with me.”
“Go buy some. There’s gotta be a convenience store nearby.”
Kirarin laughed her head off. “Now why would you want to do that? I thought you were on the run.”
The answer was clear enough. I wanted to change into a different person, somebody much tougher. I thought it’d be cool to have blond leg hairs as my weapon, instead of the old salt suit. I got back in bed and lay down. I felt like I could still sleep forever. Kirarin inserted a couple of hundred-yen coins into the room TV. She flicked through a couple of news programs before finally settling on a music show. She turned around and said, “There’s nothing on the news about you. The world’s forgotten all about you.”
I stood up.
“Really?”
“They were all so worked up about it, now there’s nothing.”
“Hey, who’s the smartest of your friends?”
“Terauchi,” she replied immediately. “She’s got to be the brightest. Her face is kind of classically pretty, and she’s a little frumpy, but not too bad. But she’s kind of dark sometimes, and you can’t figure out what she’s thinking. She’s always fooling around saying dumb things, but when it’s exam time she knows what she’s doing and does a great job. She’s kind of a mystery woman. No matter what, though, our group tends to rely on her. She can get on your nerves sometimes, and I can’t stand it, but she can be a lot of fun, so I like her. Terauchi’s dark side is kind of like yours. I’m not sure how, exactly. She might actually be nuts, just like you.”
When I was calling all of the girls on Toshi’s cell phone, Terauchi was the one who abruptly hung up on me. I found her reaction more soldierly than that of Yuzan or Kirarin. She’s a real
cadet.
By cadet, I mean those elite officers who graduate from the military academy. The reason she says all kinds of stupid things is she’s dumbing herself down to the level of girls like Kirarin and Yuzan. But when the pedal hits the metal, you could count on her to know what to do, ’cause she’s a real soldier. All of sudden I thought maybe Terauchi was the only one who could help me out.
“Tell me more about her!”
“Hey, knock it off with that tone of voice, like you’re ordering me around.”
Kirarin stuck out her lips, her old flirty habits.
“Stop flirting,” I said. “And sit up straight.”
Kirarin frowned, clicked her tongue, and said something. I heard some voice mumbling this: “Duty is heavier than a mountain, death lighter than a feather.”
“What was that you just said?” I asked. “You really know a lot more than I do.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
Kirarin shot me a little disgusted look. So what was this—the hallucination hour? I was really happy. Who knows, maybe I
am
a genius after all. Problem is, nobody knows it. It’s all my old lady’s fault, her and her views on raising kids, and the kind of education she and my school forced down my throat. I should have told the world what a genius I am, but I blew it by not leaving any note behind in my room. Before I completely lost it, I should have written something down.
“They say juvenile offenders are most often precocious and extremely bright, people who can’t adjust to the education system. So I think I should leave behind a novel or poem or something, like that murderer Sakakibara did, something to shake people up. Something to let people know how gifted I am.”
“I don’t know,” Kirarin said. “Most of the time don’t they just complain about their home life? How their parents mistreated them, or got divorced, how they weren’t loved enough? But yours was a decent enough family.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about. I want to write a manifesto for my crime.”
“So why don’t you?”
Kirarin didn’t seem to get it, and took another reluctant sip of her Pocari Sweat.
“I can’t,” I growled. “I don’t have the time. They’re chasing me. Plus, I have to get back to Tokyo to kill the old man. Who has the time?”
“So forget about it.”
“I’m not going to forget about it. I want to get something down on paper before I kill my dad.”
“Are you for real?” Kirarin shot me a serious look. “I say give it up. It’ll just get the media all worked up again.”
I ignored her. This was no time for logical arguments.
“I’ll get Terauchi to write it. You said we’re kind of alike, right? She’s smart and efficient. So I’ll have Terauchi ghostwrite it for me. Make her part of my military staff. The head of propaganda.”
“That’s a dumb idea.”
Kirarin dissolved in laughter, but I was deadly serious. I took the cell phone I’d re-requisitioned out of my pocket and handed it to her.
“Call Terauchi,” I ordered her.
“Call her yourself.”
“My battery’s about out.”
“Mine, too,” she grumbled, but handed over her cell phone. “It’s number five on the speed dial.”
“What’s up?” this listless girl’s voice answered right away, like she’d been waiting for the call.
“It’s me. Worm.”
The line was silent for a second, and then she spoke briskly.
“You’re kidding, right? Why the heck are you calling me? Don’t bother me.”
She spoke in this quick, low voice that revealed how smart she was. The kind of girl I have the most trouble dealing with. Totally different from a lowly foot soldier like Kirarin.
“I’ve got something to ask you,” I said.
“It’s so weird you’d use the nickname Worm yourself. It was Toshi who gave you that nickname.”
“Whatever. That’s not the point.”
I was getting irritated, finding myself adjusting to her tempo.
“Is Kirarin really with you? Put her on.”
While I was asleep Kirarin must have been phoning everyone. But I couldn’t let on that I knew that.
“It’s top secret, so I can’t say.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Terauchi said solemnly, “just put her on. That’s her phone you’re using, right? So is she alive? At least tell me that.”
There was no way around it, so I handed the phone to Kirarin. She answered in that cutesy, friendly voice she reserves for phone calls.
“Everything’s fine, Terauchi. I’m so sorry I made you worry about me. I’ve been going through some really weird times, I can tell you that. I called my parents and told them I was staying over at your place, so play along, okay? I’ll leave Worm after a while, so not to worry. He’s not dangerous at all, though kind of weird. Just a sec, I’ll put him back on. He said he wants your advice about something.”
“My advice?!” Terauchi was pissed. “Listen, you’re threatening Kirarin, right? She’s a good kid, so don’t trick her.”
“You’re the ones who’ve been tricked,” I said. “You know something? She’s pretty hot.”
“What do you mean by that?”
Damn. I didn’t give a shit about these girls’ power relationships, their friendship, the kind of people they really were.
“Forget about it. I want you to ghostwrite something for me. How about it?”
“By ghostwrite do you mean a ghost story? Or maybe some horror story?” Terauchi said, trying to make a lame joke out of it.
“Gimme a break. I want you to pretend you’re a boy who’s killed his mother and write a story about it. It doesn’t have to be long, but something that’s better than what that killer Sakakibara wrote. Sprinkle in some Dostoyevsky or Nietzsche or whatever. But do a good job of incorporating those, so nobody can trace the source. Then sort of wrap it up like ‘Evangelion.’ Or maybe—it might be better to make it all avant garde–ish, know what I mean? Philosophy of life, moaning and groaning about the absurdity of it all, like that. I’m counting on you. If a story doesn’t work out, then a poem’s fine. If you make it kind of incomprehensible and look cool then a poem might just do the trick. The kind of poem that they could use as evidence in a psych evaluation, that sort of thing. Something that hides my real intentions and confuses the reader.”
Terauchi’s voice revealed her surprise.
“You want
me
to do this?” she asked. “Why me? You going to pay me? It’s not worth it, even if you did. I mean, if they catch you then they’ll print what I wrote. If people think it’s well done, that doesn’t do me any good. You’ll get all the credit. If they don’t like it and it comes out that I ghostwrote it, then
I’ll
be in trouble.
Serious
trouble. So no matter how you cut it, it’s a lose-lose situation for me.”
“But if it doesn’t come out that you wrote it and people think it stinks, then
I’m
the loser.”
“Then why don’t
you
write it?” Terauchi laughed through her nose.
“You idiot! If I could do that, I wouldn’t have to ask for your help.”
“You really can’t write it, can you? What a joke. You’re one of those kids at K High at the bottom of the barrel, right? You got in okay but burned out in the process. Well, forget it, I’m too busy. I’m taking three summer school classes—English, classical literature, and geography. Summer’s a critical point for me, so why do I have to write your stupid manifesto? I have only five months left before entrance exams. They’re gonna put you in juvie anyway, so what does it matter? Yuzan told me you’re still saying stupid things like having to give up on taking the entrance exams for Tokyo University. You’re just trying to show off. Loony guys like you who kill their mothers are the pits, you know that? You’re still a child, but you’re oblivious to that fact. Killing your mom, running from the law—what’s the fun in that?”
“There’s nothing fun about it.”
“So why’re you telling me to write a novel for you? You should write a memo yourself. That would be much more interesting, from a criminal psychology perspective.”
Terauchi didn’t sound like she was going to stop talking anytime soon. I wanted to tell her about how I transformed when I was riding around on that blazingly hot bike, but I didn’t think it would make any difference. So I decided to go on the offensive.
“If you don’t write it for me, you can kiss your friend good-bye. I just bought a butcher knife a while ago. Killing one person or two—it’s all the same to me. I’ll see what it feels like to stab somebody.”
Killing one person or two—it’s all the same to me.
This clichéd phrase that killers use in movies wouldn’t leave my mind.
Death is lighter than a feather.
“Are you serious?”
Terauchi let out an unexpected shout. Behind me, Kirarin was saying, “He’s lying! He’s just trying to scare you!” I shoved her out of the way. She fell down behind me but was still laughing this weird kind of laugh, like the whole thing was hilarious. Going all hysterical on me. I covered the phone as best I could so Terauchi wouldn’t hear. But Kirarin wouldn’t stop laughing, so I covered her mouth with my hand.
“I might really kill her. My mind’s already messed up. And if you tell the police about any of this, it’s all over for her. Got it?”
“Yeah, I got it. I’ll write it for you, don’t worry.” Terauchi sighed, giving in. “When do you want it by?”
“It’s supposed to be something I wrote while I’m on the run, so try to do it quick. Within three days. If you can, e-mail it to Kirarin’s phone. I’ll copy it down and carry it around with me. That way if they catch me, I can show it to them.”
“So can I write it like a bunch of memos?”
“I told you already. Make it a story or a poem. Something creative.”
“So it’d be cooler to have it not be something introspective?”
Terauchi was one smart girl, and I thought about what she said. Something introspective would negate my whole battle. I gave her a command: “Fight to the bitter end!”
“I got it. I’ll be a regular kamikaze.”
She said this very coolly and abruptly hung up. That click sounded to me like the limitless contempt she had for me. Made me angry. But I’d gotten one task squared away, which made me happy. I looked down at Kirarin, who was still on the floor. Her hysterics over, she was looking away from me sullenly.
“Lights out,” I said. “Tomorrow we’re going to rob a taxi to secure some funds.”
I lay down on the bed but Kirarin stayed where she was, sprawled on the filthy carpet. It pissed me off, and I yelled at her.
“What’s the matter? You planning to sleep there? What’s your problem?”
“Nothing,” she said, an upset girl’s voice filtering up from the floor. But I was too starving to care. I’d had only a muffin in the morning and nothing since. No supply sergeant around. I shoved a pillow against my empty stomach and tried to get to sleep. Just then I heard sobbing coming from below.
“Stop crying. It bothers me.”
“You mean you don’t think of me as a woman?”
Maybe I
should
kill her.
Seriously.
I tried to control my anger as she went on with her rant.
“
I’m
the one who should be angry,” she said. “I mean, what’s the point of me even being here? You’ve ripped my pride to shreds. Nobody’s ever treated me like this before. I knew you were weird, but still I took a great risk in coming here to be with you. Spending one night with a criminal, a guy who killed his mother—my reputation’s shot to hell. I’ll never get married now. No more Cute Kirarin—from now on it’s
Dark
Kirarin. So how come you’re acting so nice to Terauchi and letting her do this intellectual work while all I am is a hostage? After you called me a new recruit and were driving me so hard. It’s not fair.”
“She’s a cadet, that’s why.”
“What do you mean, ‘cadet’?”
“She’s officer material.”
All of a sudden, I sensed Kirarin standing up in the dark. It actually scared me. I wanted to wipe out all the noisy women, all the sluts in the world, but now I had one right in front of me who was a total pain in the ass. I braced myself, thinking she was going to try to mess up the secret agreement I’d gone to all that trouble to make with Terauchi.
“Why the hell am I here, anyway?” Kirarin shouted. Her spit hit my face, but I kept quiet. That’s for you to figure out, I thought. I’m busy with my own battles, and just surviving today is as much as I can handle.
“Answer me. Why am I here?”
“You’re the one who decided to come out here, not me.”
“That’s a lie,” she said, sitting on the bed. “A lie! You’re the one who told me, ‘I’ll take you to another world.’ That’s why I came here. Remember? You told me, ‘Why don’t we get transformed together? I can make you into a new person. And we’ll wipe the smug smile off your ex-boyfriend’s face.’ You’re playing around at being a soldier, but you don’t care about me at all. You’ve abandoned me. You asked Terauchi to write your poem or whatever for you, but why not ask me? I can write a poem if I have to. Just throw some phrases together.