Reality TV Bites (24 page)
Authors: Shane Bolks
Poop discussion continues. Eyes glaze over and feel sort of nauseous. Try desperately to pay attention. Do not want to be voted off Poop Island.
Â
8:35
P.M
.
Jump at chance for another vodka-based beverage when asked. Resign self to being bad mother. Cannot even discuss poop for thirty minutes without drinking.
Â
8:48
P.M
.
Am asked my opinion on diapers, specifically, which is better for soft, green presolid food poop as opposed to harder postsolid food poop. All mothers turn to stare, awaiting my answer. Mumble something about biodegradable diapersâsaving the environment and all thatâand am banished from the circle.
Â
9:10
P.M
.
Am forced to join new tribe: the bitter divorced and cynical singles. We make fun of the mothers, and I start to enjoy myself until the criticism turns to engaged couples. Try to hide my ring, but too late.
Â
10:01
P.M
.
My flame has been extinguished and am now without tribe. Only friend is vodka. Half-empty bottle of vodka in hand, stumble into friend's office and decide to e-mail editor new fabulous proposal. Something with a vampire. And a were wolf. Editors love that stuff.
Â
11:46
P.M
.
Fiancé carries me inside house and forces water and aspirin down my throat. Assures me will be good mother when time comes, but am no longer allowed to pick out friends' birthday gifts.
Â
11:50
P.M
.
Get up to brush teeth and slip in something soft and wet. Cat hairball. Again.
Eternal gratitude, love, and thanks to Courtney Burkholder and Christina Hergenrader, for telling it like it is.
Erika Tsang, for making me look like a winner without making me feel like a loser.
Evan Fogelman, for always treating me like a superstar. You're
my
superstar!
SHANE BOLKS
is the author of
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly Men I've Dated
and a former public school teacher in Houston, Texas. She also writes historical romances under the pen name Shana Galen. Shane writes fulltime, which requires daily trips to the mall because shopping is the only activity that really allows her to think (that's her story and she's sticking to it). Check out the latest news, excerpts, and contests at www.shanebolks.com.
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Cover design by Ervin Serrano
Cover photograph of woman by Jupiter Images/Nonstock
Cover illustration of television by Julie Johnson
This book is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, and dialogue are drawn from the author's imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
REALITY TV BITES
. Copyright © 2006 by Shane Bolks. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
ePub edition June 2006 ISBN 9780061751967
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Bolks, Shane.
     Reality TV bites / Shane Bolks.â1st ed.
          p. cm.
ISBN-13: 978-0-06-077311-3 (pbk.: acid-free paper)
ISBN-10: 0-06-077311-1 (pbk.: acid-free paper)
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
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